Feeling sad

[Raven1981]

Feeling sad today and I don't understand it cause I was super happy yesterday on Saturday at PHX Pride.   But I think it has to deal with a thought in my head on wishing to have my mom treat me like her daughter instead of some freak.  I just feel like my mom does not understand me and does not see me as her daughter but as something different and a freak cause of who I am.

[Charlize]

Amy i'm not surprised you are feeling letdown.  I remember that feeling after being accepted somewhere and then coming back to the reality that some may have a great deal of difficulty accepting my reality.  I know i can't change them but i can grow in acceptance of myself and their feelings.  In time i've found an acceptance on the terms that others display.  I've learned that while sad it may be the best i can expect.  Letting go of the need to be accepted as i wish has helped me find peace with myself in what is an ongoing development.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jani]

Just now, Charlize said:

I know i can't change them but i can grow in acceptance of myself and their feelings.

A wonderful sentiment Charlize!  We must love ourselves first.  

[ToniTone]

I agree with Charlize too. I s'pose we need to accept that alot of people are naive to these things. But we must love and accept ourselves regardless. 

 

All I know is this is the year of me. The year I stop living for others and start living for myself. I start hrt tomorrow, so excited! I would've done this years ago if I wasn't so concerned about conforming to the expectations of others. 

 

Haven't came out to my mother. I'm pretty punk rock so she already knows I'm a freak lol. I think she'll be bummed out, to what extent I know not, but ultimately she'll still love me no matter what! Who knows, maybe we'll be like girl friends, doll up and go to rock concerts together lol! Our relationship is already far from a "convenientonal familial" mother-child dynamic anyway. 

 

I'm sorry none of this is relevant, guess I'm just preoccupied... Surely she still loves you, even if her perspective is skewed and naive. If you do have that, you got something eh. I dunno. 

 

Keep your chin up, you'll be alright! ❤️

[Raven1981]

Thank you everyone.  I am trying to cheer myself up.  I got all dressed up and did my makeup extra special.

[Kirsten]

Yes. So much!!! You need to accept yourself fully and completely first and foremost. Once you can get to that point, others will matter less. You are awesome no matter what ANY other person thinks says or acts towards you. 

[killjoyaiden]

@Amy LeBlanc You look gorgeous!! In my experiences with depression, I've found that pushing yourself taking care of yourself is the BEST way to get a little higher out of the funk. You go, girl!

[Lexi C]

1. Hey Amy I know who you feel. I told my I want to be a woman and she "no you don't". I told I was bi-sexual and CD and she so accept of that, but not of my transition ( which I have not told her yet) ".."because it not what god wants." She pancreatitis cancer and she was only giving 6months that also 2yrs ago. I feel that fraud when I see and that we should be sharing my experience for what every time she has left. But I am afraid I will make worse.Plus I am still have major doubts myself. Maybe she right. I am going visit her on Tuesday for week and I planning on tell but I don't want her or me to feel what you and your mom are feeling..SO YEAH I FEEL YOU...super depress and drinking more sorry I wish I was more helpful..Be Proud and Stay strong..
2.  

[Raven1981]

Thank you all.  I am feeling a little better.  My friend who is taking me to prom came over and we went out to lunch together and then we went and walked around the mall and while walking around the mall I had the general public coming up to me saying how much they like my dress and how cute I look.  The public thought I was a normal woman and had no idea that I was Trans.  So that made me feel better that I guess I am getting to the point on passing and finally being myself.  

[Raven1981]

Just now, Alex C said:

1. Hey Amy I know who you feel. I told my I want to be a woman and she "no you don't". I told I was bi-sexual and CD and she so accept of that, but not of my transition ( which I have not told her yet) ".."because it not what god wants." She pancreatitis cancer and she was only giving 6months that also 2yrs ago. I feel that fraud when I see and that we should be sharing my experience for what every time she has left. But I am afraid I will make worse.Plus I am still have major doubts myself. Maybe she right. I am going visit her on Tuesday for week and I planning on tell but I don't want her or me to feel what you and your mom are feeling..SO YEAH I FEEL YOU...super depress and drinking more sorry I wish I was more helpful..Be Proud and Stay strong..
2.  

Hello Alex.  I hope everything is alright and goes good for you.  My mom goes back and forth alot where she loves and wants me to be happy but does not understand.  Then my mom is like your a freak and then my mom is like I support you.  So she flips flops.

 

I am way happier to finally be able to come out and be who I have always been and was just hiding.  My stress has gone down and my stuttering has gone down and now also since I have started voice training, my stutter has 100% disappeared. 

[Lexi C]

Amy your so much strong then me..I just don't want to kill her( aka have a heart attack) because I am being selfish.  Voice training you can do that!!!..wow..fyi...your hair is AMAZING

[VickySGV]

2 hours ago, Amy LeBlanc said:

The public thought I was a normal woman

 

You are, why should they think otherwise!!  I am having to "debrief" myself from a celebration I took part in earlier today.  It was the celebration of a new service center for LGBT youth and seniors and one part of me wants to cry with happy tears that it is there and you can feel the goodness of the people creating it and operating it for the community, but on the other side you want to cry in anger that it is needed because cis / het people treat us so badly and cannot see our True Selves, which are pretty damn nice and awesome. 

[Lexi C]

thanks Vicky...but I find myself so scared that my mom and everyone else is right..I am not woman...just scared . Thank you for making feel normal for a day

[Charlize]

Alex,

    i'm not sure it will help at all but i'm pretty sure the majority of trans* folks have felt the fear you describe.  I know i did.  I also have found that by confronting that fear i've found some peace with myself.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Raven1981]

Going back to reading my book again.  I am trying to keep my brain busy cause I am starting to get those thoughts on self cutting to get rid of my birth defect.  I tried to prevent the thoughts from coming with taping it away, since I am sick and tired of tucking and figure let's tape it for now and see how I do.  It's still in my thoughts cause it's just in the way.  So I am back to reading my book.  I love this book.  It has helped me out so much.

[Raven1981]

Here goes another week of growing out my face.  Electrolysis is on Friday with Laser down in my area

[Kirsten]

It’ll all be worth it Amy. Don’t let the little things get you down. It’s funny all my gfs wish they could do electrolysis on some part of themselves. So think of it as a perk. Even if you happened to be cis, you’d still want it! ???‍♀️

[Raven1981]

Just now, Kirsten said:

It’ll all be worth it Amy. Don’t let the little things get you down. It’s funny all my gfs wish they could do electrolysis on some part of themselves. So think of it as a perk. Even if you happened to be cis, you’d still want it! ???‍♀️

Thank you.  Electrolysis is worth it.  I can already see bald patches when I let it grow out.  Then I am glad that I tackled my upper lip last time and went hard core on that.  Even though the upper lip made me cry and say some 4 letter words.  But my upper lip is all done.

 

I am starting on laser in the area for GCS.  Want to make sure to get that area prep for surgery and wont have any ingrown hairs