Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Weird Thought


Raven1981

Recommended Posts

So I have been having thoughts on how I no longer have a family cause my mom flip flops back and forth and my dad is non-existent.  I am super happy to finally be myself and luving as me, but I am sad and lonely cause I am a big family person and my family does not accept me.  I want to be happy and live as me and continue to be, but I also want my family back.  Why cant I have myself be accepted and happy for who I am and have my family back?  

 

All I want is to live as myself and be happy with having my family rather than being that other person who I never knew and risk suicide.

Link to comment

We can’t choose what other people feel or believe. We only have control over ourselves. I feel your pain when it comes to family as you know. When my mom told me not to come around because she couldn’t look at me anymore I was devastated. But my happiness supersedes hers. So I left. I haven’t seen or talked to my family since November and I don’t see it changing ever. My kids are the ones that truly lost out though. They lose their uncles and grandparents because of me. 

But we have a great family now. It’s not your typical mom dad gram grandpa type of family, but it’s accepting loving caring and we stick together and love each other fully. And that’s way better than dealing with someone who hates me for being me. Everything happens for a reason.

As we all know, transition comes with loss. Some is  worse than others. But one thing seems definite. That we all lose people. 

Link to comment

Thanks @Kirsten.  I am happy, confident, comfortable, to be me and to be finally showing myself off.  I don't have to hide anymore.  But yes how have lost family and friends.  I am just a big family person and also someone who lives alone that is never married, no kids, and now no family.  But in the end, the loss is on my family for missing out getting to know the real me and not someone pretending.  I know now why suside is high amongst Trans.  But as I look at it, I am happy to be alive and as myself then be someone I am not and thinking about suside.

Link to comment

Remember this.... we all have 2 families. The one we are born into and the one that we create. And the one that we create is the one that really matters. Create your family. And love them. 

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

So been still having thoughts and close calls of just going into the kitchen and taking a knife and cutting my birth defect off.  I hate this thing so much.  It gets in the way.  And then when I am tucking which I usually do all the time, it manages to come loose cause it is so small now.  But to me it's like why do I have this thing on me that does not belong.  I just want it gone

 I had one close call where I was setting up a camera to watch while I cut it off.  How can I get rid of this thing sooner?

Link to comment
  • Admin
1 hour ago, Amy LeBlanc said:

  I just want it gone I had one close call where I was setting up a camera to watch while I cut it off. How can I get rid of this thing sooner?

 

Are you registered in Chat here?  If not. do register with chat and use the crisis call for one of the mods there when you feel like self harming.  You won't get rid of the feeling, but you will have someone to talk to faster than we can usually answer posts here or even PM's. 

 

Also try to think of the very good and real part it will play in vaginoplasty which is where you are headed.  Getting what you really want will be harder if you do self harm, and may even prevent you from getting GCS any time soon.  If you cut, unless you bleed out from it, they will re-attach it and not use it the best way.

Link to comment

Thank you @VickySGV.  I am registered.  I know the chat uses discord now, but I am registered.  I am trying to be patient and let the hormones work their magic on my body.  But one thing that I can say which does bring a smile on my face is the fact that I am on Dr. Marci Bowers wait list and I know her wait list is long and glad she takes my insurance.  At least she has my therapist letter, my deposit and the application form that I had to fill out.  Also I have found out that my therapist made a call to Dr. Marci Bowers as well and that my therapist knows her and talks to her alot cause when her patients cannot go to Dr. Meltizer or Ley, they go to Dr. Bowers so my therapist is on a first name basis and even calls as well.

Link to comment
  • Admin

I don't know if it is still up, but Marci has a time lapse video of the actual surgery on line.  She showed it at a conference we were both at (after my GCS) and it was easy to separate the serious from the curious with the "get out of here fast" folks seeing it.  If you can find it, it might give you some confidence though.

Link to comment
Just now, VickySGV said:

I don't know if it is still up, but Marci has a time lapse video of the actual surgery on line.  She showed it at a conference we were both at (after my GCS) and it was easy to separate the serious from the curious with the "get out of here fast" folks seeing it.  If you can find it, it might give you some confidence though.

Thank you Vicky.  I know I have been watching GCS videos on YouTube and I like how they do make the neo-vigina and I saw both how they make the zero depth and the one with the canal.  It has made me want the one with the canal, even though I know it means having to do the gross dialiting and doshing daily.  I know when I talked to Dr. Ley about GCS and she is expensive in general but even though I have had a half Orci. that where they did the incision from my cancer that I do have enough skin still

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 110 Guests (See full list)

    • Mmindy
    • Ashley0616
    • Mallory Mayson
    • MomTGDaughter
    • Susie
    • Adrianna Danielle
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,941
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Miss Cormac
    Newest Member
    Miss Cormac
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Ashley0616
      I used to follow baseball and the team I would cheer for is Boston Red Sox. My favorite player was Papi. He was an awesome guy and even held a child during the National Anthem. I haven't watched baseball for a long time. It just died off to me. 
    • Ashley0616
      That stinks that nothing transferred, and no bookmarks were saved! 
    • Ashley0616
      I'm doing patches for now but I think soon I'll go to shots because it's hard to alternate when you are doing two xx patches at once. Unless she gives me Estradiol and progesterone
    • Sally Stone
      Go Cleveland Guardians!  I love baseball and I loved playing it when I was younger.  
    • Sally Stone
      My view is we are "dependent" on government, because as a society, we are too lazy to stay actively involved. So, we let politicians do our bidding for us.  I think we'd be in a better place government wise if we policed the actions of our politicians.  We elected them; they work for us.  Sadly, we are allowing them to run amok.  We are where we are because we have chosen to let politicians make all decisions without us.  Remember "by the people, for the people?" That was the intent of our democracy.  Today, however, it is "by the politicians, for the politicians," the people be damned. 
    • Mmindy
      "Play Ball! Batter Up!" is the closing line of the National Anthem as far as I'm concerned. It's the call of the Home Plate Umpire and signals the start of the game. I grew up in the TV and Radio broadcast of the St. Louis Cardinals. Harry Caray, Jack Buck, Tim McCarver, and Mike Shannon, were the voices on my transistor radio. KMOX 1120 AM pushing 50,000 watts of Class A clear-channel non-directional signal. It could be picked up all across MO, IL, IN to the East. KS, OK, CO to the West. IA, MN to the North, and KY, TN, AR to the South. There has always been a rivalry against the Chicago Cubs, in the National League. As for the American League, I have to pull for the Kansas City Royals. I've also been a Little League Umpire, and fan of everything the Little League stands for. Going to Williamsport, PA and seeing the Little League World Series is in my top 10 things to do on my bucket list.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Good evening everyone,   I don't think my mother ever cooked a meal that I didn't like. We also had a kitchen where mom fixed the food, dad filled your plate, and you eat it. It wasn't until our baby brother was born that we could have Pop-Tarts for snacks. Before that all snacks had to meet mom's approval, and in her opinion wouldn't prevent you from eating supper.   Well my day started off on a good note, but has become frustrating because my IT person didn't transfer my saved videos I use for teaching. Then I found out that they didn't save any of my book marks for websites I use frequently.   Best wishes, stay motivated,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      The number is relative to method of deliver, the time of the dose, and when the blood is drawn. However, I do want to keep away from DVT and other potential issues. I assume I may be getting backed down from my current dose, but my doc told me to stick with the higher dose, so? I also wonder if this has anything to do the my breast growth and mental changes that have been happening over the past few years, like I have some estrogen sensitivity so a little goes a long way or something? I don't have enough data to postulate, but who knows!   With weekly, subcutaneous, shots you expect to see big swings of serum level estradiol from shot to peak to trough. My doctor is interested in mid-week testing (for E and T levels only), which would be post-peak blood serum levels but they will be higher than trough. Most, if not all, resources I've seen online is to measure at trough (which I might do just to do it next time) along with a SHBG, LH, and other metrics.   This is from transfemscience.org for Estradiol valerate in oil, which is very spiky compared to some other estradiol combinations. It's also for intramuscular, which will have a slower uptake and is usually dosed in higher volume due to the slower absorption rate from muscles. They don't have subcutaneous numbers, which I would expect to see similar spikes but higher levels at similar doses due to the relatively higher absorption rate direct from fat.   Are you doing pills, shots, or patches? And when you do get your levels checked are you getting that done when your levels are lowest or some other time?
    • Willow
      Both of my parents were from the “North Shore” of Boston.  My mother Lynn and my father Swampscot.  They had an early 1900s Scots-Irish New England diet.  My sister and I were born in the 40s in Ohio well away from New England seafood and in an area where food was more German and Polish.  My first experience with liver and onions was during basic training.  They ate salt cod but never forced us to eat it same with oysters.  My dad ate oysters but my mother wouldn’t.  Anyone who ever ate an oyster can figure that one out.  I grew up eating lamb.  My wife won’t touch it. I love brazed ox tail, again no way. And the list goes on.  
    • KathyLauren
      My mother was German, so yes, I think it was a cultural thing.  If I'd known you when we were cleaning out my mother's place, I could have sent you her "threat jar". 
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Been taking it real easy.Another good neighbor of mine and his 15 year old son came over and cut down a couple dead trees on my property.Knew not to do it taking it easy.I had them put the wood near my fire pit in the back yard.Did it and happy where they put it.They knew I had stents put in and needed to take it easy
    • Ashley0616
      Wow that is a high number for Estradiol good grief! Testosterone levels are better than mine. I don't remember my Estradiol level but testosterone was 80. To me that is really high but it was in the two hundreds the check in before last one. 
    • Ivy
      I don't understand why this would make a difference being a "dad" I mean, as far as how they would grow.
    • Ashley0616
      I don't see why not. I have worn forms since I came out. 
    • MaeBe
      I have never worn breastforms, but I assume as long as they don't aggravate your nipples you could.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...