I’m not sure how to start

[Kim1]

Hello everyone!

My name is Kim and I’m new to this community! 

I’m glad that I’m here and able to connect with people that feel the same way!

excuse my English grammar mistakes if you do find them lol haha! English is my second language!

I have been feeling very depressed and hopeless lately and I’ve never felt like that before it’s just was really hard!

I’m crying every day like really warm tears!!!

I’m here on this forum with hope to find some help and advice!

I’m married to a male assigned at birth who identify as gay! And at the time we were dating and got married everything was fine and I was thinking that I’m a feminine gay guy! ( a male assigned at birth)!

but there’s that voice u hear in your head 

that there is something isn’t right but I kept ignoring that voice! And kept telling myself that I’m just a gay guy who like to take care of my look and act a little girly!

but long story short! I’ve been questioning everything all over again! 

Who I’m I ? Was I born im the wrong body!

I start getting flashbacks of the past when I was little kid wearing my mom’s makeup and her stuff and always playing with Barbie! 

Writing this making me very emotional right now!!!!

I’m just trying to find my true self!

I strongly believe that my true self is a girl!

I still identify as a guy though! 

because I’m afraid and scared of a lot of things, I don’t  know how my husband going to react, people at work, my parents and siblings, my friends! Basically everyone in my circle!

like I said before I’m not sure when and how I’m gonna do it!

I need help and I’m very scared!

 

thank you all!

 

[tracy_j]

Hi Kim,

 

You have made a start. A positive move to understand who you are, by coming here. Some moves may not seem much, but taken together they can make a big difference to your wellbeing. You will find lots of information here written from experiences of many people. Please don't hesitate to read, ask questions and join in as you feel.

 

Tracy

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Kim,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

It's scary when we begin to accept that we are trans. We begin worrying about all the implications. This is very normal. The thing we have to do is take things one day at a time. Slow down, take a deep breath. Take time to come to an understanding of ourselves. There's no need to even put a label on yourself yet. We are here for you. Go ahead and do some reading of posts here and reply as you wish. 

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf ??

[Charlize]

Welcome Kim.  I'm glad you found us and can share your feelings.  My journey and sexual feelings were different.  I was presenting as a heterosexual male and am still with my wife of 48 years(in June).  Finding a path to self acceptance and expression has taken time.  I was helped greatly by a gender therapist as well as reading and posting here.  Fear of the reactions of others perhaps affects all of us.  I know those fears affected me greatly.  Each time i took a small step it got a little bit easier and i also became more certain of my path.

Just try to enjoy the journey!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Kim1]

Thank you all for your kind words!

[Jani]

Hello Kim and welcome!  Identifying as a guy while enjoying "feminine" activities is fine.  Its OK to be YOU.  What do you envision as a goal?  There are lots of steps along the gender scale for you to find your place.   As you are already in a same sex marriage I'm not sure I would be too concerned about others reactions as they will more than likely go with the flow and accept you as you are.  As we often do I recommend that you check out a therapist to speak with.   I found it most helpful and you might as well.   Please join in the conversation.

 

Cheers, Jani

[Kim1]

Thank you jani! 

I sure will!