Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Toni's Tale


ToniTone

Recommended Posts

It's my other friends small business, it's just us three, there's no hr. 

 

I'm just gonna keep punching him in the ribs until they break. I used to do muay thai, I ain't playing. That'll teach him... 

Link to comment
  • Replies 303
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • ToniTone

    153

  • Kirsten

    24

  • Ellora

    17

  • Jackie C.

    11

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

1 hour ago, ToniTone said:

It's my other friends small business, it's just us three, there's no hr. 

 

I'm just gonna keep punching him in the ribs until they break. I used to do muay thai, I ain't playing. That'll teach him... 

Lmao! Kick his a$$!!! ?

im telling ya, that crotch grab will end it all if the broken rib don’t work. Lol

Link to comment
2 hours ago, ToniTone said:

It's my other friends small business, it's just us three, there's no hr. 

 

I'm just gonna keep punching him in the ribs until they break. I used to do muay thai, I ain't playing. That'll teach him... 

he could be interested in you? Kinda like that grade school punch in the arm, has progressed to purple nurples. Kinda like kids playing squirrel,  ??

Link to comment

Lol! You girls are a riot sometimes lol! 

Nothing makes or breaks a friendship like aggressively gripping each other's sensitive parts... ??

 

Modern problems require modern solutions

Link to comment

Here's the long frilled skirt I got for Pride (and beyond). I I love it, it's so cute and comfortable! I missed wearing dresses and skirts... 

 

I also cut my hair and bangs, to get rid of some ratty mess and promote healthy growth. I was going for an inverted bob, but I got tired and timid and just straight cut it in the back. I'ma go to a salon later and have them feather it up in the back for me. 

IMG_20190623_121206.thumb.jpg.1b54dfc165d6457f13868f7740b17418.jpg

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

You look great girl.  Enjoy!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I'm jealous, Toni.  I love those colors and that skirt. ?

Link to comment

Thanks girls! ❤️

It was my first time going to Pride and it was pretty awesome! I missed the parade bc my hip joint hurt and it got rainy. But the festival in the park was cool! 

 

I so wanted to go back to the booth and get more of these skirts in more muted colors. But it's cool, there will be more skirts o.~

 

~Toni

Link to comment

I dressed out publicly this week a couple times! It's the first time I went out dressed fem in probably over a decade. It was amazing! I got a lot of compliments and validation at my outpatient treatment, including from some guys who go to the church sober meeting we go to who surprised me with their positive, supportive response. 

 

It felt so right. It took some courage to go out on the bus and commit to the day in a skirt and slinky top. But once I was on the bus at point of no return, from then on out, it just felt so right and natural, so good to express and be me. Interestingly, it feels even more wrong now then ever to dress in 'guy mode'. I feel almost naked and dull wearing men's jeans. 

 

I also hung out with another trans woman from treatment. She's been on hrt just a little longer than me. I coined us 'transition sisters'. I hope our friendship grows, and we can see and help each other as we transition. She's so lovely... 

 

❤️

~Toni

Link to comment

Wow. That's fantastic Toni, well done you! That step in faith was sooo... well rewarded! I really hope that the friendship with your transition sister blooms for you. A friend like that is precious. (I have a couple of close cis woman friends who are just wonderful...)

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Hey y'all! Haven't been too active here the past few weeks, I've been in a mostly uneventful but busy routine the past few weeks. So I haven't had much to say or time to say it. But I think I mustered up enough noteworthy things to mention. So here goes... 

 

So, life at my new sober house has been OK. On the one hand I've made some good new friends and became more incorporated into the lights community. I finally feel like I'm where I belong and part of something, not just subsisting in isolation on the fringe of society... On the other hand, I'm so busy and stressed with all the treatment and meetings required of staying in a sober house. I'm tired of treatment living. I want to be independent again. But for now it is what it is. I don't know what the future holds... But enough of that. 

 

I've been off hormones for a week bc my doctor won't approve my refill until she sees me, which is in a couple hours today. I also do my first labs today. While I didn't instantly morph back into a man being off hrt for a week (lol), it did disrupt my morning ritual of taking it with my coffee. Being OCD this did mess with my anxiety a bit. 

 

This past week aside, I've been transitioning now for 3 1/2 months. It's still going well. My breast are not noticeably bigger, but the tissue is firmer. My nipples are harder and getting pretty sore now. My waist fat is melting away (low carbs, intermittent fasting and a lot of walking) and smoothing out and blending with my hips. I still get dysphoric at times about my appearance. But I've been looking at photos of me before this past spring and I feel so much more pretty and feminine then I did back then. I'm quite content with where I see my transition going. 

 

I also have my first laser hair removal session Friday, so excited! 

 

I've been hanging out quite a bit with my transition sister. After my doctor appointment today, we're going for a walk in the park. She's so lovely... ?

 

Stay awesome y'all! 

~Toni

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Thanks for update Toni.  Its good to hear you're doing well.  Be patient and get into a new routine that will see you through to a clean life!  All is well.  As to you breasts, this will take time so don't worry.  After close to four years I recently had a little growth spurt so it can happen.   Best of luck with the laser treatment.  Have fun with your friend!

Cheers, Jani

Link to comment

Thanks Jani!

 

I had my first laser hair removal session this morning. It was cool! I kept going "Pew! Pew!" lol... I don't know if my insurance will cover it yet. But I might just afford the $120 a session anyway. They covered face, neck and chest. The rest goes pretty easily with Nair. 

 

Yesterday, my trans sister and I went with some friends to play volleyball and swim at the beach. Then her and I went out to eat at a ramen shop. It was a great day! 

 

I've been feeling so euphoric the past few days! I Nair'd all my body hair away the other night. Then I looked in the mirror for a while. I'm starting to see a little curve in all the right places. I'm learning to love my body and myself again. I'm in a good place and content with my life right now. I'm just floating on a cloud! ??

 

~Toni

Link to comment

Oh yeah almost forgot, I got my het refilled. My labs came back, haven't checked my numbers yet. But my dr says I'm good to continue and bumped up my spiro. 

 

I've been procuring more makeup and fem clothing, skirts and such. And dressing out more.

 

A few times people stared at my trans sister and I yesterday. It kinda sucks when you're feeling so great and people gotta stare and bring you down a notch. But we didn't let it get to us. I know I'm not fully passing yet. But when I dress out, I do it for me. It makes me comfortable and happy. I don't care what they feel about it, it's not their body to be of concern. 

 

Hope your day finds y'all well, lovely's! ?

 

~Toni

Link to comment

My trans sister and some friends of ours had a barbecue, we had a great day! She gave me a full makeover, she's so great. Probably the prettiest my face has ever been. 

 

I'm still feeling such euphoria! I hope I never come down from this cloud... ?

 

~Toni

20190721_183720.thumb.jpg.b3e78fe29ed2bc888766bd88b7ec401f.jpg

Link to comment

I've been thinking about my name, Toni. My "deadname" is Tony. ~So~ drastically different, huh... And witty. Sometimes I feel like maybe it comes off as insincere, like just a witty joke. But I love it! I loved my deadname before I realized myself. I didn't want to change it. So I feminized it into Toni, and I absolutely love it!

 

Another nod to the wit about it, I don't have to explain to people that I changed my name because audibly it's the same. The downside of that is when people hear it, they just think of Tony (which seems more common than Toni), which in turn assumes my gender as male. 

 

But I honestly can't think of a name I'd rather have. Except maybe Sarah. But for personal reasons I can't bring myself to assume that name.

 

I love my name, Toni! I doubt I'll change it. But the issues I mentioned about it kinda trouble me. Any thoughts? Am I valid in assuming my name? 

 

~Toni?

Link to comment
Just now, ToniTone said:

I've been thinking about my name, Toni. My "deadname" is Tony. ~So~ drastically different, huh... And witty. Sometimes I feel like maybe it comes off as insincere, like just a witty joke. But I love it! I loved my deadname before I realized myself. I didn't want to change it. So I feminized it into Toni, and I absolutely love it!

 

Another nod to the wit about it, I don't have to explain to people that I changed my name because audibly it's the same. The downside of that is when people hear it, they just think of Tony (which seems more common than Toni), which in turn assumes my gender as male. 

 

But I honestly can't think of a name I'd rather have. Except maybe Sarah. But for personal reasons I can't bring myself to assume that name.

 

I love my name, Toni! I doubt I'll change it. But the issues I mentioned about it kinda trouble me. Any thoughts? Am I valid in assuming my name? 

 

~Toni?

 

I did something really similar, I chose Jacqueline, which is the feminine form of my deadname. I often went by the nickname "Jay", now it's just "Jaye", makes it easier on everyone. Wouldn't you know it though, I still get deadnamed

Link to comment

I love that name, thanks for sharing! 

 

So, very early on in my coming out I was going by they/them pronouns. I considered myself transfeminine/androgynous. I didn't consider how far I'd be able to transition or felt confident in it. But shortly after I started transitioning almost 4 months ago, I completely came out as a transgender woman and began using she/her pronouns. 

 

The label isn't something I really dwell on much. I feel like there is some acceptance that I won't be able to fully transition in all ways into a female. Yet I am ambitious and yearning to go as far as I can. I feel in my psyche I am female. So, I feel trans woman is appropriate.

 

I wanted to get used to female pronouns early on. It was awkward at first to be honest. I didn't dress out early on, and was often misgendered. I often accidentally misgendered myself too, referring to myself as guy or dude in casual conversation.

 

But me and everyone I still talk to has gotten quite accustomed to it. It feels natural now. I still get that flutter of feeling validated when people gender me properly too. But it's also like normal now. 

 

I dress out most of the time now. I like wearing light eye and lip makeup, girl t-shirts, flip flops, capris and long skirts. Comfortable, soft things. I only wear my work boots and jeans when I have to go to work. And I feel miserable until I get home, shower and into something soft and clean. 

 

I've been getting so many compliments on my attire and appearance. It feels so validating and great! Well, thank you for reading this long ramble. ?

 

~Toni

Link to comment

That’s great Toni!  I was very similar at the start. I didn’t know how far I would go with transition and wasn’t ready for she/her. But eventually I realized as you did that I was destined for that route. 

Its great that your friends all support you as well. You are a lifetime away from where you started already! 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   7 Members, 0 Anonymous, 124 Guests (See full list)

    • MaryEllen
    • missyjo
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • SamC
    • Jet McCartney
    • Abigail Genevieve
    • Carolyn Marie
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,024
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JamesyGreen
    Newest Member
    JamesyGreen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Dillon
      Dillon
    2. Kaylee888
      Kaylee888
    3. lily100
      lily100
      (39 years old)
    4. Luce
      Luce
      (44 years old)
    5. Luke.S
      Luke.S
  • Posts

    • Abigail Genevieve
      Them's fighting words, but I intend to discuss this respectfully, calmly and so forth, in accordance with the forum rules.   Considering the one issue below in isolation:   There is a political calculus that trans folk may be better off under Trump than under Biden.  The argument goes that Biden has created such a backlash by moving so far to the left that red states, in particular, are reacting with a swarm of laws that negatively impact trans folk.  Some of his actions strike many people as clumsily forcing unwanted regulation on people, and some of his appointments, such as the luggage stealing bigender individual, have not helped advance trans folk but rather the reverse.  In a second term Biden would make things worse for trans folk because of the backlash and resentment his policies would create.    Trump likely would have negative impacts to trans folk, as he did in his first term with respect to the military, so it is a set of tradeoffs as to which is worse.   Thoughts?
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Can you dress androgynously? 
    • Ashley0616
    • Abigail Genevieve
      There are trans folk who pass better than some cis people.  People usually aren't on the lookout for those who are cross dressed.  As long as there are no multiple screaming signals and you don't draw attention to yourself you can probably pass better than you think. For example, if you walk into a bank in heels, however, and you DON'T know how to walk in heels, you will attract the attention of a security guard, especially if you are acting nervous. If you wear flats and just go to the bank and do your business like anyone else, it is likely no one will notice, except that there was a customer who was taller than most women are, but then there are tall women, and tall, broad shouldered woman.  I made the mistake years ago of thinking I had outed such, and knew she was a he.  Later I learned she had five kids, and her husband was bigger than she was.  Ooops.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I don't know much about CNAs.  They report to an RN, right?  Can you somehow bring this up to the RN in a way that does not get your CNA mad at you? I'm not saying you should, but maybe that is a good course of action.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      This is the thing.  A month ago tomorrow is when I stopped wearing m clothing.  Today I feel great.  I do not have dysphoria when I am dressed as and I move as a woman.  I was just thinking about that because I was wondering if I would or will get hit with a wave of "you don't have dysphoria so you might as well dress like a guy. Less hassle with your wife."  Not that she is aware, to my knowledge, that these androgynous clothes are women's.  No desire to "flip", no feeling of need to, just happy identifying as female.  Speaking, in my deep guy voice, with female voice patterns, doing the feminine gestures that come naturally and without exaggeration and at peace.
    • Birdie
      Yes, my brother was born lactating due to absorbing hormones from my mum.    Of course she isn't a nurse, she is a CNA. She should however still have general medical knowledge.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I agree.  But sometimes unethical conduct must still be legal, because the cure would be worse than the disease.  One problem we have today with the internet is the trolls can gang up on someone and destroy them - we see the with school bullying as well.   He was in the Southern Baptist Convention, and maybe he should have moved his church over to say the American Baptists, who might have been able to help him. A Southern Baptist pastor is king in his church, peerless, which means he could not have gone for help in his church.  And he could not have gone for help from any other pastor in the SBC because they likely affirm the SBC statements on these matters.  I think he was stuck.    I read this when it came out in the news.  Very sad situation.  
    • Carolyn Marie
      One organization that I know of that is dedicated to assisting LGBT seniors is SAGE.  They advocate for, and have services for, all LGBT folks, not just trans folk.  You can find their website Here.  I am not sure what, if anything, they have in terms of financial assistance.  I'll let you know if I find anything else.   Carolyn Marie
    • Davie
    • VickySGV
      This was an angle that I was very suspicious of as well, and may be the hook on which the settlement was hung.      Not at all strange especially if they had former patients who moved there that still owed money on their bills or they were buying hospital supplies from a Texas corporation. They may have business licenses in other states as well.  Small loss, but saxeT shot itself in the foot there since the license was a source of income to the state. 
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Nah it's fine, I'm past the point of really blaming them most of the time. I've gotten used to it, and they could be a whole lot worse.   I'm glad you have a good place, though <3
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I wonder about the professional knowledge level here.  Men have milk ducts.  She, as a nurse, should know this.  This is interesting  https://www.livescience.com/45732-can-men-lactate.html  Yes, men can lactate and have lactated, trans or cis.  The idea that Birdie does not have milk ducts or tissue is just plain wrong.  Her statement indicates that she has not looked at the medical record, which she should be familiar with to treat the patient. 
    • Ivy
      Trans women can lactate under the right conditions. But that's not even the case in your situation.  It's so stupid how they simply refuse to accept your reality.
    • missyjo
      I used to include going ti worship but no longer    awkward good fir you. enjoy. :)   raine  sorry. my family is pretty lousy at support too. my part time job helps alot. hope it gets better fir you n all
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...