Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Toni's Tale


ToniTone

Recommended Posts

It's my other friends small business, it's just us three, there's no hr. 

 

I'm just gonna keep punching him in the ribs until they break. I used to do muay thai, I ain't playing. That'll teach him... 

Link to comment
  • Replies 303
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • ToniTone

    153

  • Kirsten

    24

  • Ellora

    17

  • Jackie C.

    11

Top Posters In This Topic

Posted Images

1 hour ago, ToniTone said:

It's my other friends small business, it's just us three, there's no hr. 

 

I'm just gonna keep punching him in the ribs until they break. I used to do muay thai, I ain't playing. That'll teach him... 

Lmao! Kick his a$$!!! ?

im telling ya, that crotch grab will end it all if the broken rib don’t work. Lol

Link to comment
2 hours ago, ToniTone said:

It's my other friends small business, it's just us three, there's no hr. 

 

I'm just gonna keep punching him in the ribs until they break. I used to do muay thai, I ain't playing. That'll teach him... 

he could be interested in you? Kinda like that grade school punch in the arm, has progressed to purple nurples. Kinda like kids playing squirrel,  ??

Link to comment

Lol! You girls are a riot sometimes lol! 

Nothing makes or breaks a friendship like aggressively gripping each other's sensitive parts... ??

 

Modern problems require modern solutions

Link to comment

Here's the long frilled skirt I got for Pride (and beyond). I I love it, it's so cute and comfortable! I missed wearing dresses and skirts... 

 

I also cut my hair and bangs, to get rid of some ratty mess and promote healthy growth. I was going for an inverted bob, but I got tired and timid and just straight cut it in the back. I'ma go to a salon later and have them feather it up in the back for me. 

IMG_20190623_121206.thumb.jpg.1b54dfc165d6457f13868f7740b17418.jpg

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

You look great girl.  Enjoy!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I'm jealous, Toni.  I love those colors and that skirt. ?

Link to comment

Thanks girls! ❤️

It was my first time going to Pride and it was pretty awesome! I missed the parade bc my hip joint hurt and it got rainy. But the festival in the park was cool! 

 

I so wanted to go back to the booth and get more of these skirts in more muted colors. But it's cool, there will be more skirts o.~

 

~Toni

Link to comment

I dressed out publicly this week a couple times! It's the first time I went out dressed fem in probably over a decade. It was amazing! I got a lot of compliments and validation at my outpatient treatment, including from some guys who go to the church sober meeting we go to who surprised me with their positive, supportive response. 

 

It felt so right. It took some courage to go out on the bus and commit to the day in a skirt and slinky top. But once I was on the bus at point of no return, from then on out, it just felt so right and natural, so good to express and be me. Interestingly, it feels even more wrong now then ever to dress in 'guy mode'. I feel almost naked and dull wearing men's jeans. 

 

I also hung out with another trans woman from treatment. She's been on hrt just a little longer than me. I coined us 'transition sisters'. I hope our friendship grows, and we can see and help each other as we transition. She's so lovely... 

 

❤️

~Toni

Link to comment

Wow. That's fantastic Toni, well done you! That step in faith was sooo... well rewarded! I really hope that the friendship with your transition sister blooms for you. A friend like that is precious. (I have a couple of close cis woman friends who are just wonderful...)

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Hey y'all! Haven't been too active here the past few weeks, I've been in a mostly uneventful but busy routine the past few weeks. So I haven't had much to say or time to say it. But I think I mustered up enough noteworthy things to mention. So here goes... 

 

So, life at my new sober house has been OK. On the one hand I've made some good new friends and became more incorporated into the lights community. I finally feel like I'm where I belong and part of something, not just subsisting in isolation on the fringe of society... On the other hand, I'm so busy and stressed with all the treatment and meetings required of staying in a sober house. I'm tired of treatment living. I want to be independent again. But for now it is what it is. I don't know what the future holds... But enough of that. 

 

I've been off hormones for a week bc my doctor won't approve my refill until she sees me, which is in a couple hours today. I also do my first labs today. While I didn't instantly morph back into a man being off hrt for a week (lol), it did disrupt my morning ritual of taking it with my coffee. Being OCD this did mess with my anxiety a bit. 

 

This past week aside, I've been transitioning now for 3 1/2 months. It's still going well. My breast are not noticeably bigger, but the tissue is firmer. My nipples are harder and getting pretty sore now. My waist fat is melting away (low carbs, intermittent fasting and a lot of walking) and smoothing out and blending with my hips. I still get dysphoric at times about my appearance. But I've been looking at photos of me before this past spring and I feel so much more pretty and feminine then I did back then. I'm quite content with where I see my transition going. 

 

I also have my first laser hair removal session Friday, so excited! 

 

I've been hanging out quite a bit with my transition sister. After my doctor appointment today, we're going for a walk in the park. She's so lovely... ?

 

Stay awesome y'all! 

~Toni

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Thanks for update Toni.  Its good to hear you're doing well.  Be patient and get into a new routine that will see you through to a clean life!  All is well.  As to you breasts, this will take time so don't worry.  After close to four years I recently had a little growth spurt so it can happen.   Best of luck with the laser treatment.  Have fun with your friend!

Cheers, Jani

Link to comment

Thanks Jani!

 

I had my first laser hair removal session this morning. It was cool! I kept going "Pew! Pew!" lol... I don't know if my insurance will cover it yet. But I might just afford the $120 a session anyway. They covered face, neck and chest. The rest goes pretty easily with Nair. 

 

Yesterday, my trans sister and I went with some friends to play volleyball and swim at the beach. Then her and I went out to eat at a ramen shop. It was a great day! 

 

I've been feeling so euphoric the past few days! I Nair'd all my body hair away the other night. Then I looked in the mirror for a while. I'm starting to see a little curve in all the right places. I'm learning to love my body and myself again. I'm in a good place and content with my life right now. I'm just floating on a cloud! ??

 

~Toni

Link to comment

Oh yeah almost forgot, I got my het refilled. My labs came back, haven't checked my numbers yet. But my dr says I'm good to continue and bumped up my spiro. 

 

I've been procuring more makeup and fem clothing, skirts and such. And dressing out more.

 

A few times people stared at my trans sister and I yesterday. It kinda sucks when you're feeling so great and people gotta stare and bring you down a notch. But we didn't let it get to us. I know I'm not fully passing yet. But when I dress out, I do it for me. It makes me comfortable and happy. I don't care what they feel about it, it's not their body to be of concern. 

 

Hope your day finds y'all well, lovely's! ?

 

~Toni

Link to comment

My trans sister and some friends of ours had a barbecue, we had a great day! She gave me a full makeover, she's so great. Probably the prettiest my face has ever been. 

 

I'm still feeling such euphoria! I hope I never come down from this cloud... ?

 

~Toni

20190721_183720.thumb.jpg.b3e78fe29ed2bc888766bd88b7ec401f.jpg

Link to comment

I've been thinking about my name, Toni. My "deadname" is Tony. ~So~ drastically different, huh... And witty. Sometimes I feel like maybe it comes off as insincere, like just a witty joke. But I love it! I loved my deadname before I realized myself. I didn't want to change it. So I feminized it into Toni, and I absolutely love it!

 

Another nod to the wit about it, I don't have to explain to people that I changed my name because audibly it's the same. The downside of that is when people hear it, they just think of Tony (which seems more common than Toni), which in turn assumes my gender as male. 

 

But I honestly can't think of a name I'd rather have. Except maybe Sarah. But for personal reasons I can't bring myself to assume that name.

 

I love my name, Toni! I doubt I'll change it. But the issues I mentioned about it kinda trouble me. Any thoughts? Am I valid in assuming my name? 

 

~Toni?

Link to comment
Just now, ToniTone said:

I've been thinking about my name, Toni. My "deadname" is Tony. ~So~ drastically different, huh... And witty. Sometimes I feel like maybe it comes off as insincere, like just a witty joke. But I love it! I loved my deadname before I realized myself. I didn't want to change it. So I feminized it into Toni, and I absolutely love it!

 

Another nod to the wit about it, I don't have to explain to people that I changed my name because audibly it's the same. The downside of that is when people hear it, they just think of Tony (which seems more common than Toni), which in turn assumes my gender as male. 

 

But I honestly can't think of a name I'd rather have. Except maybe Sarah. But for personal reasons I can't bring myself to assume that name.

 

I love my name, Toni! I doubt I'll change it. But the issues I mentioned about it kinda trouble me. Any thoughts? Am I valid in assuming my name? 

 

~Toni?

 

I did something really similar, I chose Jacqueline, which is the feminine form of my deadname. I often went by the nickname "Jay", now it's just "Jaye", makes it easier on everyone. Wouldn't you know it though, I still get deadnamed

Link to comment

I love that name, thanks for sharing! 

 

So, very early on in my coming out I was going by they/them pronouns. I considered myself transfeminine/androgynous. I didn't consider how far I'd be able to transition or felt confident in it. But shortly after I started transitioning almost 4 months ago, I completely came out as a transgender woman and began using she/her pronouns. 

 

The label isn't something I really dwell on much. I feel like there is some acceptance that I won't be able to fully transition in all ways into a female. Yet I am ambitious and yearning to go as far as I can. I feel in my psyche I am female. So, I feel trans woman is appropriate.

 

I wanted to get used to female pronouns early on. It was awkward at first to be honest. I didn't dress out early on, and was often misgendered. I often accidentally misgendered myself too, referring to myself as guy or dude in casual conversation.

 

But me and everyone I still talk to has gotten quite accustomed to it. It feels natural now. I still get that flutter of feeling validated when people gender me properly too. But it's also like normal now. 

 

I dress out most of the time now. I like wearing light eye and lip makeup, girl t-shirts, flip flops, capris and long skirts. Comfortable, soft things. I only wear my work boots and jeans when I have to go to work. And I feel miserable until I get home, shower and into something soft and clean. 

 

I've been getting so many compliments on my attire and appearance. It feels so validating and great! Well, thank you for reading this long ramble. ?

 

~Toni

Link to comment

That’s great Toni!  I was very similar at the start. I didn’t know how far I would go with transition and wasn’t ready for she/her. But eventually I realized as you did that I was destined for that route. 

Its great that your friends all support you as well. You are a lifetime away from where you started already! 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 105 Guests (See full list)

    • VickySGV
    • KymmieL
    • mattie22
    • MaybeRob
    • Adrianna Danielle
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,024
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JamesyGreen
    Newest Member
    JamesyGreen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Alscully
      Alscully
      (35 years old)
    2. floruisse
      floruisse
      (40 years old)
    3. Jasmine25
      Jasmine25
      (22 years old)
    4. Trev0rK
      Trev0rK
      (26 years old)
  • Posts

    • KymmieL
      Well first day is over and now getting ready for bed soon. Work was OK.   Don't know why but I am feeling down. I am heading to bed. Good Night.   Kymmie
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I our time at my place.Both admit our sex life is good,got intimate for the 2nd time and he is good at it
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Thanks.  I will look those up in the document, hopefully tomorrow.   I always look at the source on stuff like this, not what someone, particularly those adversarial, have to say. 
    • MaeBe
      LGBTQ rights Project 2025 takes extreme positions against LGBTQ rights, seeking to eliminate federal protections for queer people and pursue research into conversion therapies in order to encourage gender and sexuality conformity. The policy book also lays out plans to criminalize being transgender and prohibit federal programs from supporting queer people through various policies. The project partnered with anti-LGBTQ groups the Family Policy Alliance, the Center for Family and Human Rights, and the Family Research Council. Project 2025 calls for the next secretary of Health and Human Services to “immediately put an end to the department’s foray into woke transgender activism,” which includes removing terms related to gender and sexual identity from “every federal rule, agency regulation, contract, grant, regulation, and piece of legislation that exists.” The Trump administration proposed a similar idea in 2018 that would have resulted in trans people losing protections under anti-discrimination laws. [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; The New Republic, 2/8/24] Similarly, the policy book calls for HHS to stop all research related to gender identity unless the purpose is conformity to one's sex assigned at birth. The New Republic explains: “That is, research on gender-nonconforming children and teenagers should be funded by the government, but only for the purpose of studying what will make them conform, such as denying them gender-affirming care and instead trying to change their identities through ‘counseling,’ which is a form of conversion therapy.” [The New Republic, 2/8/24] The policy book’s foreword by Kevin Roberts describes “the omnipresent propagation of transgender ideology and sexualization of children” as “pornography” that “should be outlawed,” adding, “The people who produce and distribute it should be imprisoned.” Roberts also says that “educators and public librarians who purvey it should be classed as registered sex offenders. And telecommunications and technology firms that facilitate its spread should be shuttered.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Roberts’ foreword states that “allowing parents or physicians to ‘reassign’ the sex of a minor is child abuse and must end.” Echoing ongoing right-wing attacks on trans athletes, Roberts also claims, “Bureaucrats at the Department of Justice force school districts to undermine girls’ sports and parents’ rights to satisfy transgender extremists.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; TIME magazine, 5/16/22] Dame Magazine reports that Project 2025 plans to use the Department of Justice to crack down on states that “do not charge LGBTQ people and their allies with crimes under the pretense that they are breaking federal and state laws against exposing minors to pornography.” [Dame Magazine, 8/14/23] Project 2025 also calls for the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services to repeat “its 2016 decision that CMS could not issue a National Coverage Determination (NCD) regarding ‘gender reassignment surgery’ for Medicare beneficiaries.” The policy book’s HHS chapter continues: “In doing so, CMS should acknowledge the growing body of evidence that such interventions are dangerous and acknowledge that there is insufficient scientific evidence to support such coverage in state plans.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Going further, Project 2025 also demands that the next GOP administration “reverse policies that allow transgender individuals to serve in the military.” The policy book’s chapter on the Defense Department claims: “Gender dysphoria is incompatible with the demands of military service, and the use of public monies for transgender surgeries … for servicemembers should be ended.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023]   …summaries of what’s within the rest of the document re: LGBTQ+ concerns. A person can believe their gender is fixed but incongruent with their physiology, but the authors and Trump (by his own words) just see the incongruity of an “expressed gender” that conflicts with what was/is in a person’s pants.
    • Mmindy
      Good catch… I took care of it.
    • Sally Stone
      I'm tired of the two-party system.  It has degraded to a system where there are only two diametrically opposed views, neither of which supports me.  I have conservative views regarding big government and government spending but I have very liberal views when it comes to protecting the rights of individuals.  And just elections of the past, I am stuck with two choices, neither of which I support. With only two parties, each with agendas that are off the left and right scales, I am not adequately represented.    Finally, I'm okay with party affiliated politicians running for office using their party views, but once elected to office, they are obligated to support the entire electorate not just the electorate members that voted for them.  Plain and simple, our government system is broken and dysfunctional.  I'll step down from my soapbox now.     
    • Sally Stone
      Thanks Mae.  She was an amazing friend and I grew to love her like a sister.
    • Sally Stone
      I did Ashley.  Non-rev travel was one of the major factors for taking the job.  At the time, US Airways had the best non-rev policy in the industry.  It cost $10 to fly coach and $25 to fly first class.  We flew first class whenever there were seats available.  
    • Abigail Genevieve
      You should have a moderator fix what you meant to write as "birth certificate".  Ooops.   I've gone over that verse and am wholly and completely dissatisfied with the SBC exegesis of it, so much so that it was one of the things that helped me break out of a mindset of guit.  Sometime I may strut by stuff as a Hebraist and show what it really means.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I found this   — 450 — Mandate for Leadership: The Conservative Promise Goal #1: Protecting Life, Conscience, and Bodily Integrity. The Secretary should pursue a robust agenda to protect the fundamental right to life, protect con- science rights, and uphold bodily integrity rooted in biological realities, not ideology. From the moment of conception, every human being possesses inherent dignity and worth, and our humanity does not depend on our age, stage of development, race, or abilities. The Secretary must ensure that all HHS programs and activities are rooted in a deep respect for innocent human life from day one until natural death: Abortion and euthanasia are not health care. A robust respect for the sacred rights of conscience, both at HHS and among gov- ernments and institutions funded by it, increases choices for patients and program beneficiaries and furthers pluralism and tolerance. The Secretary must protect Americans’ civil rights by ensuring that HHS programs and activities follow the letter and spirit of religious freedom and conscience-protection laws. Radical actors inside and outside government are promoting harmful identity politics that replaces biological sex with subjective notions of “gender identity” and bases a person’s worth on his or her race, sex, or other identities. This destructive dogma, under the guise of “equity,” threatens American’s fundamental liberties as well as the health and well-being of children and adults alike. The next Secretary must ensure that HHS programs protect children’s minds and bodies and that HHS programs respect parents’ basic right to direct the upbringing, education, and care of their children.   https://static.project2025.org/2025_MandateForLeadership_CHAPTER-14.pdf   First, that is not much, if that is all that is of concern.  Secondly, I have seen all sorts of anti-Trump slander, including the Steele dossier and the lawfare he is now undergoing, to be cynical of any criticism against him, and indirectly this document.    He deserves some of what he is getting, but not all.  Thirdly, I bolded one statement of concern.   I don't think gender identity is subjective.  "Radical actors" is name calling, and there is a lot of that going around.  Maybe I am not seeing everything of concern or reading this right, but i would discuss with the author of this document concerning this.
    • Willow
      Good evening   well I finally finished reading my textbook.  Yeah.  But I still have a lot more to go for the class.     My endocrinologist always asks me about lactation.  And yes I have had some very small amounts of leakage but not on any regular basis.  I figure I blocked the discharge Duce when I pierced my nipples with scare tissue.  But who knows.  I also get asked about mammograms.  I e had my first or baseline and this fall I will need to schedule my second.   As someone in the midst of studying the Old Testament, I can say that I haven’t found any mention of pending damnation for being transgender or intersex.  The closest it comes is a verse that says men should not wear women’s clothing.  Now I don’t know each and everyone’s particulars, but I know I meet the medical definition of female gender, and even in Ohio, a State that until recently refused to allow birth certificates to be changed, I meet the criteria.  Therefore I can only conclude I am not a man wearing women’s clothing.  But there is a somewhat different scholarly explanation of that law that it should not be taken as literally as the haters want.  Mostly men should not pretend to be women to ex ape from their enemies. Or tried to hide from God.     willow
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Well, the left wing has been doing that.    I read a few things while trying to find out what the problem is and liked what I read.  But I am a conservative.    Is there something specific in there that is of concern?  Does it promise somewhere to erase trans folk? That would be problematic.
    • Ivy
      It's a plan to basically completely take over the government by the right wing.
    • Ivy
      I'm actually in Asheville tonight.  Some of the people in the support group invited me for dinner after the meeting.  We're going to get together again tomorrow again. It's been nice, 4 trans women and 1 trans man, together ar a restaurant.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I found https://www.project2025.org/policy/   I will have to read it.  I have not.  What is of concern?   The link provided earlier goes back to this forum.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...