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ToniTone

Dirty Laundry

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ToniTone

Sorry, I couldn't help but name this thread "Dirty Laundry"... 

My new temp to hire job at an industrial laundry is pretty rad! It's like listening to industrial music all day, minus the music. But everything is soft and smells like clean linen! ❤️

 

I really do enjoy it! But I'm having a couple issues with it, deciding if it's a job I can continue long term or not, and finding a permanent job in general. 

 

It's really not too demanding. But there was a couple things I found I no longer have the strength to do, like open the (huge industrial sized) washer door. I don't attribute this to hrt, as I've only been on it for a week. Rather a sedentary winter season might explain my weakness. I don't plan on doing any upper body strength training exercise as part of my transition, to contribute to the feminine shapeliness I'm trying to achieve. 

 

I'm also at odds with my choice of occupation industry. I'm trying to avoid heavy manual labor; for my health, my sobriety. And in anticipation of my transition.

But I can't stand most customer service, sales and clerical jobs either. I'm very shy and socially akward. Jobs where your primary duty involves constant direct communication with people scare me. 

Anyone else suffer this dilemma? 

 

Another issue is with a slight gender bias I noticed at this place. I work in the washing department with all guys. The drying side and the dirty side is mostly women, and the folding/ironing/packing department is almost exclusively women. I don't mind working with the guys, I still present as male and am not out (save for to friends). I kinda like the wash side actually (bc of the job, not the company there). 

 

I feel like maybe the dirty side might be a better fit for me. But will people talk? What about if/when in, like, a year's time (?) I start to present as female? What if my breast grow too big to wrap safely? Or I just don't want to?

 

Hmm, I dunno... 

 

Girly, washed and clean

~Toni

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tracy_j

Just to share my experiences.

 

I was extremely shy as a child and still am pretty much in social situations.That said, in my last job I spent many years working out in the community in healthcare, visiting strangers in their own homes. It is something which most people get used to. I think the difference for many is more like the time it takes to relax in the work. Most people are nervous at first in strange situations. I still have issues with groups of people but it is possible to shut out the emotional side to some extent. One of the main things which helped me through in the early stages was the importance to the one person (the patient) of what I was doing, so I just did it, shutting out fears. 

 

Although I like tinkering with things I have steadily moved away from mechanical things. I seldom crawl under the car (although can still if I have to).

 

I think, in recent years, the need to communicate with other women has transformed me though. I find it easier to sit at a table with female strangers and start a conversation than it ever was with men. In general I find women are far more accepting and I love to chat lol.

 

Tracy

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ToniTone

I have sort of broken out of my shell and forced myself into the spotlight in recent times. But in more artistic/expressive venues. 

 

The warehouse is fairly loud, and nobody really talks. We just chip away working at our stations. Nobody really socializes or gets to know each other. That's what I like warehouse jobs, even though functionally your a component of the machine, you can just focus on your task and be in your own little world. 

 

I am considering something lighter still. Cooking maybe. I always liked restaurant work. Or telemarketing (as long as it's wage rather than sooely commission). Maybe I could refine my feminine voice there! 

 

This job is not too rough. But I still feel like I'm portraying a working man, and it's making me feel a little dysphoric again. Like I'm stifling my transition or denying myself. Just subsisting as a working man as I have done my whole life, one of the very things that discouraged me from opening up about my gender. I dunno... 

 

I got the washer door open today! It was epic!! 

 

Yeah. I always bonded with women more than men. It was always akward when I "identified" as a man. Like, I worried they would think my social attempts were forwardness. I still present as male for now so this is still real to me. But I desire more socialization with fems more than ever now! My life is painfully akward. Perhaps I make it more akward than it needs to be, I dunno... 

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tracy_j
3 hours ago, ToniTone said:

It was always akward when I "identified" as a man. Like, I worried they would think my social attempts were forwardness. 

 

I remember this well! One of the major difficulties (at least in thought) I had too, and it was also the cause of some interesting incidents when I was younger as socially I was a bit of a misfit. These days it is so much easier although, as I am often outwardly 'androgyne' or indeterminate non-binary, I still wonder how I am seen but worry far less about it. I have found being more confident helps a lot. Some women are a bit wary but most are friendly, probably because I am not being sexually agressive in word or body language.

 

Tracy

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ToniTone

Heh, I've always been a nice guy. Now I'm just nice! 

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ToniTone

Well I quit the temp job at the industrial laundry. My back and my joints ache. I keep getting injured. And there's skin peeling off two of my toes, I can barely walk right now. I might have to get them checked, or at least stay off them so they can heal..? I got like the flu, probably from handling biohazard garments. And the floor manager was such a jerk.

 

It wasn't happening today. I'm kinda content about this decision. I dreaded the idea of working there. But it's like damned if I do and damned if I don't. Well, now what? I'll find something else. Hopefully... 

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Charlize

Hopefully you will find a new and better job Toni.  I was always upset when i lost a job but somehow seemed to find a new and better job.

Good luck in your search.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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ToniTone

Thank you Charlize! ❤️

 

I had a pretty relaxing day. Went to the doctors. They said my toes look ok, just chafed. So that's good.

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