Am I just transcum?

[BananaPowered95]

Yo 23 afab here! 

Over the past years there has been a lot bugging my mind. 

I was a tomboy growing up, like many - then puberty kicked in. I never identified with the female expectations growing up, and hated them. Makeup felt surreal for me, I hated the notion of being feminine (the way women are conditioned to function socially) and being treated as a woman just felt wrong (when people refer to me as the fenale sex I hear myself in my head 'dont call me that!')

 

Back then I thought I just was non conforming. But it didn't go away. 

My first sexual fantasies were about me being the male and in my head when I think sexy I don't imagine myself as a sexy lady but as a dude. My mental image of myself isn't of a woman.

When I was mistaken for a boy in my short hair phase I was so happy ("yes! Thank you!! ")! 

I repressed and thought my body hating wqs just puberty but it feels wrong, like my boobs shouldn't belong there.

 

Can someone tell what is wrong with me?? Am I just going insane??

Edited April 25, 2019 by Charlize

[Charlize]

You are certainly not insane.  Welcome to Trans Pulse.  We often feel unique but after time we hear our stories told by others on the Forums.

You are not alone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, hon.  I can understand your frustration and confusion.  Nearly all of us were confused at the beginning of our journeys.  It takes a while, and sometimes a few talks with the gender therapist, to make sense out of how we feel.  So, like Mary said, you are not alone. 

 

The term "non-conforming" fits all transgender people, no matter where they are on the gender spectrum.  Conforming, to me, means you are perfectly satisfied and comfortable with whichever gender you were designated at birth.  Anything else then becomes non-conforming.  That doesn't define you, but it does separate you from the world of cis-gender people.  So, welcome to t he Community!

 

Please do look around the forums and ask questions and post your thoughts.  I look forward to hearing more about you, and from you.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[EliAtkins]

Hi and welcome!

 

You are definitely not insane!  I'm also afab so a lot of what you're describing is something I know quite well.  You're definitely not alone!

[BananaPowered95]

Thanks for the nice answers y'all

I feel like I'm faking it sometimes because im not truly "manly" in the sense of the word. 

I used to think I just "fantasied being a man" but it never left my head. I don't really like football, I am a calm person and I like "feminine" things like anime and calm music. 

Yet I feel disconnected from being female. It feels more like an obligation. 

I identify as just a calm man rather than a masculine woman.

 

Sorry for the rant, my head is weird right now and thank you for coming to my Ted talk xD 

 

I appreciate your support yall ❤️

 

 

[EliAtkins]

Don't be afraid to ask questions here and don't feel like you have to measure yourself by anyone else's standards.  I think all of us have felt fake at one point or another.  I very much did when I first joined here, but after a bit I realized that it wasn't because of what I was questioning about myself.  Instead, I realized that I've always felt like I've been leading a fake life, if that makes any sense.

 

Also, you don't have to define yourself by what your interests are.  I know plenty of guys that are interested in anime.  I consider myself to be very masculine, but that's just one aspect of who I am.  I'm also 100% a nerd, I lift weights and I also have an obsession with unicorns and rom-coms.

[Timber Wolf]

Hi,

It's common to think we may just be confused of fooling ourselves at first. We wonder how this could actually be happening to us. At least I did. As stated above, you're not alone in that. You've got lots of company here. And you're certainly not trans scum. Please don't think of yourself that way anymore.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf ??

[BananaPowered95]

I've been checking the forums lately - it's interesting how many of us have different experiences ! And how others feel like this, I always thought I was an alien!

I identified with a lot of stories here and it's nice knowing I'm not alone in this

I have some thinking to do yet but being like this forever feels like hell

Thanks y'all for the kind answers! Kudos!

?

[Jani]

Yes we all have our unique stories yet we are very similar.  No aliens here!   You can be the person you wish to be.  Life isn't always easy, even for cis people, so jump in and be you, be happy. 

 

Jani

[BananaPowered95]

Wise words!

I feel like im finding who I truly am finally!

Ill start trying to use more masculine clothing maybe and see how it feels probably... Letting my masculine side free!

 

It's strange to look back and see my denial of my feelings