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Hello, I’m a 20 yr old pre law/psych student and for the past few weeks I keep coming to the same conclusion. What’s the point of all of this when I feel so hated and unwelcome to society. What’s the point of all of this when the Suicide rates are the same pre op vs post... this don’t feel good saying let alone hearing. It’s just thoughts like these that make me question what I’m doing. Help 

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Welcome to the Forums.  I am not sure where you got the information that pre-op and post op suicide rates are the same because the post op numbers many cite are 30+ years out of date, and based on some issues that have changed greatly over the years in favor of better post op mental health.  Less than 1% of post op folks regret their surgery and it is no longer a stress item. At the same time I will agree that surgery does not cure all the ills we take into it and continued survival still takes some work but it is getting better all the time.  Surgery may not even be your individual need to lead a happy and productive life as your identified gender behaviors as many are finding out today.  At the minute it is indeed a manure throwing show as far as politics and that climate of nastiness we have just now, but there are pockets of decent people who may be puzzled by us but who are willing to ask us to dinner and have warm personal chats with us. There is hope and one way to find it is by being part of a community of Trans people who do understand what we go through and help one another as we can.  You say you are only 20 which is half a century younger than I am.  Life had not always been perfect for me to be sure, and yes I did attempt to take my own life about 15 years ago, but I am still very much alive today, and know that even very steep odds can be overcome.  As a BTW, I have a law degree myself and a Psych minor in my undergraduate course work.  I have a feeling that some of your Psych books may be out of date and we have update info in the Forums here, that may not be what your teacher is feeding you, but newer and better and hopeful.

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2 hours ago, Nsb1997 said:

Hello, I’m a 20 yr old pre law/psych student and for the past few weeks I keep coming to the same conclusion. What’s the point of all of this when I feel so hated and unwelcome to society. What’s the point of all of this when the Suicide rates are the same pre op vs post... this don’t feel good saying let alone hearing. It’s just thoughts like these that make me question what I’m doing. Help 


Welkome to  the forums  


The point  is  this :  You CANT  let this  feelings  winn over  you and  like  Vicky so accurately point  out  the suicidal rate  is way higher  for  us Pre ops then  post ops  . Yes  there is   a  small   %   that regrets their  transition  and sadly yes  some choose to take  suicide. And i agree  101  %  with Vicky that  operation and all that  is NOT the  magic  cure to be  happy in life  nor does  it solve  all youre problems  you had  before. You will be the  exact   same  person with all the   problems  you might have  had  before the  transition. this is  why  the  screening process  is sadly  so  long  in many countries.  & again i agree with Vicky that  you DONT  have to  take the  final step   of HRT   or even Hormones  to transition  more and  more   especially young  MTF  choose to  stop  without the Hormones  and  surgery   and  just   transition  anyway . the key to inner  happiness  is  NOT youre body its acceptance   of who you are  and  the capability and strength to stand  up for  that  (Ie   if needed  transition  without  or with  Surgery  & Hormones  ) 


It took me  MANY years to finally find  my  inner  piece  to be able  to transition  compleatly without both Hormones  or surgery  despite im  diagnosed  with  genuine TS  due to i also have MULTIPLE Neuro Psychological & Learning disabilities  so sadly i was refused  to continue  with Hormones   and surgery. But i did and havent  regretted  ONE   %   of it.


And like Vicky i have been suicidal since  i was  little   BUT im still here   today 


Belive when i say  that being trans  this days  are  WAY  better then it was earlier  despite theres  sadly still is   difficulties  indeed.  


Based  on youre age  id say youre currently in one  of the  worst TS attacks that sadly hits  from time to time  usely  around  20 its  one  of the strongest    attack  from  say 15  were the first  arrive so this would be nr 2  and yes  its stronger then nr 1  but it will fade out  as well   and  as time goes  on you will be stronger  mentally  i promise  you .  So DONT give up  youre whole life is ahead  of  you.                                              

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Welcome to Trans Pulse NSB.

I spent a lifetime hiding from myself and the world.  I was afraid i wouldn't be accepted by others.  That wasn't hard for me as i couldn't't accept myself.  How could others when i couldn't?   Overtime i had to deal with addiction.  I died at one point and was brought back to life.  People told me i was killing myself but at the time that was OK with me.  The 12 steep program that has helped me live in sobriety has over time also helped to find self acceptance.  I've had some surgery but due to health issues i'm limited.  My doctors initially refused to help but today i have a good team that helps.  I went full time 7 years ago and am living a wonderful life.  I perhaps pass most of the time simply because i am no longer concerned about the opinions of others.  Oddly accepting myself as i am has helped others do the same.  Life isn't perfect but i can be honest now.

Being at this site has helped as did time with a gender therapist.

We can help each other as few others can.  Please keep reaching out.

 You are not alone.





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Timber Wolf

Hi Nsb1997,

You'e taken the 1st step to the help you seek by coming here. When I first accepted that I am transgender, I felt alone and hopeless. I was having suicidal thoughts. Then I found these forums, this community of trans people who care and understand. It made a world of difference. I am no longer alone or hopeless! Keep reaching out, keep talking. You may want to try our chat rooms for conversation. We don't have to live in isolation anymore.


Lots of love and a big hug,

Timber Wolf 🐺🐾

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In addition to what everyone else said, which they are all right (!) 


remember that the world IS changing! Once, sexuality was seen the same way that gender identity is currently. Eventually, being trans* won't be as much of a big deal. 


Also think of the civil rights movement. It's all on the same line. 


It won't be this way forever. In the mean time, confide in people who don't care if you're different. The truth is, EVERYONE is different.


Stay safe and stay alive,


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The point is to live authentically.  If you can look yourself in the mirror and say you're not living a lie by hiding who you really are, you've got something on about 95% of the people who will choose not to like you, and most of the people in this world in general.  There is a confidence in being real and living honestly which will draw friends to you and make your enemies envious.  The point is did you try?  Did you try to be the best you you can be?  If you did, then you've done something all those who want to simplify transgender issues into some neat little set of rules won't ever accomplish.  Those people are scared.  They are scared of you, because they have all their own lies and secrets to live with, and they know it.


Sure, you can throw your hands up, and say, "What's the point?"  You will regret that at some point.  You can also keep fighting.  You can fight for yourself.   You can fight for others like you.  You can fight to show all of the frightened people what can be done if a few people who are struggling through this life, the best they can, choose to live honestly and authentically.


On top of all this, if you are studying for a law degree,  you have something a lot of people don't have.  You have a good mind.  What a shame to waste that!  What a shame to not use that mind to fight for a reasonable and rational world where gender issues and the struggle that goes with them isn't something to be ashamed of.  You have a gift.  What are you going to use that gift for?  Surely you're not going to seek a permanent solution for your temporary problems.  You're too smart for that or you'd have never made it to law school


Here's a little dose of reality for you.  There isn't anyone in this world that doesn't have to fight.  Yeah, some hide it better than others, and some seem to have it easy, but there isn't anyone that comes out of this without a few scars and having to struggle and fight.  Don't be fooled.  Everyone suffers in this world.  It is those who can take their suffering and do something to lessen the suffering of others that make a difference.


Sorry, if I sound a little tough right now, but I get the feeling from your post you need some tough love about now.  I am here for you, like many of the others. I care.  I care about you and all of my brothers and sisters struggling with trans issues.  I hope you choose to use your gifts to help people, to help us, and to do something with your life that will make a difference.  I for one believe in the authentic you.



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Just now, michelle_kitten said:

The point is to live authentically.


There isn't anyone in this world that doesn't have to fight.  Yeah, some hide it better than others, and some seem to have it easy, but there isn't anyone that comes out of this without a few scars and having to struggle and fight.  Don't be fooled.  Everyone suffers in this world.


Yes!! I like that quote : "it's not how we fall. It's how we get back up again." To me it summarize life. I will speak just for me but I think it apply to the topic :

What’s the point of all of this when I feel so hated and unwelcome to society. : I think that having self confidence is really important. It's one of the key. I am trans, I live in a human society not too different from the united states and I feel welcome, I feel loved. These days I never encounter hate. Yes, there's a vocal minority who could make trans feel unwelcome here in my city but the truth is that 90% of those the cause is either just gross ignorance or males that direspect trans woman because we don'T fit their sense of esthetic.


What’s the point of all of this when the Suicide rates are the same pre op vs post... : suicide rates are horrible. I won't deny that. Human beings often fall victim to "confirmation bias". You get some old statistic and all the suicides are used to confirm this original idea. I'm not sure that this affirmation is true now in 2019. It would take some very serious census and statistical brakedown to convince me of this.


Help  : You have to find a good therapist to help you and find a local community to lean on. We are there for that and sometimes it helps. one key thing in depression in "internal dialog". You have to look out for that. You are great, you deserve to be loved. You are beautifull. Trans IS beautifull, never forget that. Post taking care of your health will improve things. The end of the road is not op, not for everyone at least. The pre op, post op statistic don't mean a lot in my mind.  You are welcome, as a trans you are definitelly be welcome here. You would be welcome in my local community. You would be welcome by my employer if you would work in programmation ;) (we are 2 openly trans woman where I work) and very welcome in my family too. All of those places are part of society. I will send you all the positive energy I can muster and I wish the best for you. You are part of the transpulse family now :D

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