Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Nsb1997

WHATS THE POINT...

Recommended Posts

Nsb1997

Hello, I’m a 20 yr old pre law/psych student and for the past few weeks I keep coming to the same conclusion. What’s the point of all of this when I feel so hated and unwelcome to society. What’s the point of all of this when the Suicide rates are the same pre op vs post... this don’t feel good saying let alone hearing. It’s just thoughts like these that make me question what I’m doing. Help 

Share this post


Link to post
VickySGV

Welcome to the Forums.  I am not sure where you got the information that pre-op and post op suicide rates are the same because the post op numbers many cite are 30+ years out of date, and based on some issues that have changed greatly over the years in favor of better post op mental health.  Less than 1% of post op folks regret their surgery and it is no longer a stress item. At the same time I will agree that surgery does not cure all the ills we take into it and continued survival still takes some work but it is getting better all the time.  Surgery may not even be your individual need to lead a happy and productive life as your identified gender behaviors as many are finding out today.  At the minute it is indeed a manure throwing show as far as politics and that climate of nastiness we have just now, but there are pockets of decent people who may be puzzled by us but who are willing to ask us to dinner and have warm personal chats with us. There is hope and one way to find it is by being part of a community of Trans people who do understand what we go through and help one another as we can.  You say you are only 20 which is half a century younger than I am.  Life had not always been perfect for me to be sure, and yes I did attempt to take my own life about 15 years ago, but I am still very much alive today, and know that even very steep odds can be overcome.  As a BTW, I have a law degree myself and a Psych minor in my undergraduate course work.  I have a feeling that some of your Psych books may be out of date and we have update info in the Forums here, that may not be what your teacher is feeding you, but newer and better and hopeful.

Share this post


Link to post
Sarahnr1
2 hours ago, Nsb1997 said:

Hello, I’m a 20 yr old pre law/psych student and for the past few weeks I keep coming to the same conclusion. What’s the point of all of this when I feel so hated and unwelcome to society. What’s the point of all of this when the Suicide rates are the same pre op vs post... this don’t feel good saying let alone hearing. It’s just thoughts like these that make me question what I’m doing. Help 

 

Welkome to  the forums  

 

The point  is  this :  You CANT  let this  feelings  winn over  you and  like  Vicky so accurately point  out  the suicidal rate  is way higher  for  us Pre ops then  post ops  . Yes  there is   a  small   %   that regrets their  transition  and sadly yes  some choose to take  suicide. And i agree  101  %  with Vicky that  operation and all that  is NOT the  magic  cure to be  happy in life  nor does  it solve  all youre problems  you had  before. You will be the  exact   same  person with all the   problems  you might have  had  before the  transition. this is  why  the  screening process  is sadly  so  long  in many countries.  & again i agree with Vicky that  you DONT  have to  take the  final step   of HRT   or even Hormones  to transition  more and  more   especially young  MTF  choose to  stop  without the Hormones  and  surgery   and  just   transition  anyway . the key to inner  happiness  is  NOT youre body its acceptance   of who you are  and  the capability and strength to stand  up for  that  (Ie   if needed  transition  without  or with  Surgery  & Hormones  ) 

 

It took me  MANY years to finally find  my  inner  piece  to be able  to transition  compleatly without both Hormones  or surgery  despite im  diagnosed  with  genuine TS  due to i also have MULTIPLE Neuro Psychological & Learning disabilities  so sadly i was refused  to continue  with Hormones   and surgery. But i did and havent  regretted  ONE   %   of it.

 

And like Vicky i have been suicidal since  i was  little   BUT im still here   today 

 

Belive when i say  that being trans  this days  are  WAY  better then it was earlier  despite theres  sadly still is   difficulties  indeed.  

 

Based  on youre age  id say youre currently in one  of the  worst TS attacks that sadly hits  from time to time  usely  around  20 its  one  of the strongest    attack  from  say 15  were the first  arrive so this would be nr 2  and yes  its stronger then nr 1  but it will fade out  as well   and  as time goes  on you will be stronger  mentally  i promise  you .  So DONT give up  youre whole life is ahead  of  you.                                              

Share this post


Link to post
Charlize

Welcome to Trans Pulse NSB.

I spent a lifetime hiding from myself and the world.  I was afraid i wouldn't be accepted by others.  That wasn't hard for me as i couldn't't accept myself.  How could others when i couldn't?   Overtime i had to deal with addiction.  I died at one point and was brought back to life.  People told me i was killing myself but at the time that was OK with me.  The 12 steep program that has helped me live in sobriety has over time also helped to find self acceptance.  I've had some surgery but due to health issues i'm limited.  My doctors initially refused to help but today i have a good team that helps.  I went full time 7 years ago and am living a wonderful life.  I perhaps pass most of the time simply because i am no longer concerned about the opinions of others.  Oddly accepting myself as i am has helped others do the same.  Life isn't perfect but i can be honest now.

Being at this site has helped as did time with a gender therapist.

We can help each other as few others can.  Please keep reaching out.

 You are not alone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Share this post


Link to post
Timber Wolf

Hi Nsb1997,

You'e taken the 1st step to the help you seek by coming here. When I first accepted that I am transgender, I felt alone and hopeless. I was having suicidal thoughts. Then I found these forums, this community of trans people who care and understand. It made a world of difference. I am no longer alone or hopeless! Keep reaching out, keep talking. You may want to try our chat rooms for conversation. We don't have to live in isolation anymore.

 

Lots of love and a big hug,

Timber Wolf 🐺🐾

Share this post


Link to post
killjoyaiden

In addition to what everyone else said, which they are all right (!) 

 

remember that the world IS changing! Once, sexuality was seen the same way that gender identity is currently. Eventually, being trans* won't be as much of a big deal. 

 

Also think of the civil rights movement. It's all on the same line. 

 

It won't be this way forever. In the mean time, confide in people who don't care if you're different. The truth is, EVERYONE is different.

 

Stay safe and stay alive,

Aiden

Share this post


Link to post
michelle_kitten

The point is to live authentically.  If you can look yourself in the mirror and say you're not living a lie by hiding who you really are, you've got something on about 95% of the people who will choose not to like you, and most of the people in this world in general.  There is a confidence in being real and living honestly which will draw friends to you and make your enemies envious.  The point is did you try?  Did you try to be the best you you can be?  If you did, then you've done something all those who want to simplify transgender issues into some neat little set of rules won't ever accomplish.  Those people are scared.  They are scared of you, because they have all their own lies and secrets to live with, and they know it.

 

Sure, you can throw your hands up, and say, "What's the point?"  You will regret that at some point.  You can also keep fighting.  You can fight for yourself.   You can fight for others like you.  You can fight to show all of the frightened people what can be done if a few people who are struggling through this life, the best they can, choose to live honestly and authentically.

 

On top of all this, if you are studying for a law degree,  you have something a lot of people don't have.  You have a good mind.  What a shame to waste that!  What a shame to not use that mind to fight for a reasonable and rational world where gender issues and the struggle that goes with them isn't something to be ashamed of.  You have a gift.  What are you going to use that gift for?  Surely you're not going to seek a permanent solution for your temporary problems.  You're too smart for that or you'd have never made it to law school

 

Here's a little dose of reality for you.  There isn't anyone in this world that doesn't have to fight.  Yeah, some hide it better than others, and some seem to have it easy, but there isn't anyone that comes out of this without a few scars and having to struggle and fight.  Don't be fooled.  Everyone suffers in this world.  It is those who can take their suffering and do something to lessen the suffering of others that make a difference.

 

Sorry, if I sound a little tough right now, but I get the feeling from your post you need some tough love about now.  I am here for you, like many of the others. I care.  I care about you and all of my brothers and sisters struggling with trans issues.  I hope you choose to use your gifts to help people, to help us, and to do something with your life that will make a difference.  I for one believe in the authentic you.

 

Hugs!

Share this post


Link to post
MaryMary
Just now, michelle_kitten said:

The point is to live authentically.

 

There isn't anyone in this world that doesn't have to fight.  Yeah, some hide it better than others, and some seem to have it easy, but there isn't anyone that comes out of this without a few scars and having to struggle and fight.  Don't be fooled.  Everyone suffers in this world.

 

Yes!! I like that quote : "it's not how we fall. It's how we get back up again." To me it summarize life. I will speak just for me but I think it apply to the topic :

What’s the point of all of this when I feel so hated and unwelcome to society. : I think that having self confidence is really important. It's one of the key. I am trans, I live in a human society not too different from the united states and I feel welcome, I feel loved. These days I never encounter hate. Yes, there's a vocal minority who could make trans feel unwelcome here in my city but the truth is that 90% of those the cause is either just gross ignorance or males that direspect trans woman because we don'T fit their sense of esthetic.

 

What’s the point of all of this when the Suicide rates are the same pre op vs post... : suicide rates are horrible. I won't deny that. Human beings often fall victim to "confirmation bias". You get some old statistic and all the suicides are used to confirm this original idea. I'm not sure that this affirmation is true now in 2019. It would take some very serious census and statistical brakedown to convince me of this.

 

Help  : You have to find a good therapist to help you and find a local community to lean on. We are there for that and sometimes it helps. one key thing in depression in "internal dialog". You have to look out for that. You are great, you deserve to be loved. You are beautifull. Trans IS beautifull, never forget that. Post taking care of your health will improve things. The end of the road is not op, not for everyone at least. The pre op, post op statistic don't mean a lot in my mind.  You are welcome, as a trans you are definitelly be welcome here. You would be welcome in my local community. You would be welcome by my employer if you would work in programmation ;) (we are 2 openly trans woman where I work) and very welcome in my family too. All of those places are part of society. I will send you all the positive energy I can muster and I wish the best for you. You are part of the transpulse family now :D

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   9 Members, 0 Anonymous, 9 Guests (See full list)

    • Willa
    • Josie Beth
    • VickySGV
    • Amy LeBlanc
    • Kole Rickard
    • Janeshannon
    • Ellora
    • Topher
    • Dev
  • Who Was Online

    104 Users were Online in the Last 48 Hours
    • Willa
    • Josie Beth
    • VickySGV
    • Amy LeBlanc
    • Kole Rickard
    • Janeshannon
    • Ellora
    • Topher
    • Dev
    • MaryEllen
    • Carolyn Marie
    • DevilDog
    • Ronin82
    • thatguy04
    • NotSamuel
    • Nichole Spencer
    • michelle_kitten
    • Pidge
    • BowlofPetunias
    • ToniTone
    • Cindy Truheart
    • DeeDee
    • killjoyaiden
    • CaraMC
    • MaryMary
    • Dakota16
    • Susan
    • Amber Marie
    • Cyndee
    • Kirsten
    • Charlize
    • JJ
    • Petra Jane
    • sara albert
    • Michelle F
    • jo_g
    • gracey01
    • Tessa
    • Willow
    • LotsOQs026
    • Wise
    • Motormouth95
    • Astrid
    • KeiraC
    • MomofSprinter
    • Maid In Bedlam
    • Laura Beth
    • SugarMagnolia
    • ScooterKatie
    • Joel Allen
    • Jocelyn
    • Zoey
    • Mybuttlost
    • lauraincolumbia
    • gaypricot
    • Mackenzie Holiday
    • EvanC
    • Donna Pollard
    • Icanbesane
    • Mediator
    • LittleRed
    • Jani
    • Gigi
    • SallyGreen
    • Laura3454
    • trans1964
    • KymmieL
    • Rebecca Lynn
    • Timber Wolf
    • figuringitout
    • MemyselfandI
    • tracy_j
    • Elyssia
    • CJ99
    • SharkGirl98
    • Alex C
    • AsTheCrow
    • Mickey
    • Rachael
    • SaraAW
    • Susan R
    • Evelyn1992
    • Juliet
    • Amberlea
    • dormouse
    • TK
    • heyim_finn
    • Jennaroxie
    • Lexi
    • Dino
    • princecharmless
    • Snow Princess Sophie
    • KingPorter
    • Terry
    • CharlieG83
    • Stillhaunted
    • Lorry
    • tsbianca
    • Ross
    • Bananarama
    • Arjen
    • Tiffanyjane85
    • Flamingo5150
    • Anyatimenow
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      68,092
    • Total Posts
      616,137
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      5,219
    • Most Online
      8,356

    thatguy04
    Newest Member
    thatguy04
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Alex Blitzen
      Alex Blitzen
    2. Beverley50
      Beverley50
      (53 years old)
    3. Em
      Em
    4. Jlandry1970
      Jlandry1970
    5. Michelle48
      Michelle48
      (50 years old)
  • Posts

    • Kole Rickard
      Hello! I am Kole. My birth name was Kaitlyn. I didn't exactly choose the first letter to be the same for my name.  The name Kole or Cole was a name I really enjoyed. I don't exactly know how I came up with it or how I settled with it. It just kind of happened. Since I enjoyed the name, I needed to figure out how it suited me, so I did just that. I also tried a few other names but I didn't exactly like how any of them sounded with me. Cole was a name that a ton of my friends made up for me when I was.. around 7-8. I liked the name and I kinda stuck with it. The name didn't stick with me though. It was soon forgotten by friends but I still loved it. I would always sign papers, signatures, and things similar to that. It confused my parents and they disliked it so I stopped for a while. I am now 15 and I started to do it once more when I was 13. I messed with the lettering and found that the K is Kole is more like me. It is not used often and it has some contact with my birth name. It reminds me that I am still the same boy from the past. I have been openly transgender for 2 years now, but more comfortable for 1.    Now on to you, as soon as I read Samuel, I though of Samantha. Though, I think that is too easy. Though I don't know you too well, I don't have a vibe of how you are. If your friend suggests more earthy or down to earth names I would say out of the 3, Holly. I would think a good name as well would be Juniper, Brook, or Fay.
    • MaryEllen
      I will second what Vicky said. Over the counter, herbal hormones are bad news. To have any effect what so ever, you would have to take them in massive amounts.  The amounts you would have to take would be very toxic to your system. Leading to deep vein thrombosis, stroke, heart attack, liver damage among other things. I strongly advise you not to do it.   MaryEllen
    • Kole Rickard
      Nichole, I know this is very difficult to live with, and even more difficult that it is having an impact on your marriage. I really think therapy is a good thing for you right now. If it is necessary, I would say even couples counseling should be looked into if things with her gets worse. All I can say is don't give up and try to stay motivated. Take her comments lightly and don't let they get to you. I wish you good luck! 
    • NotSamuel
      Hey I’m pretty new on this forum but I thought I’d start it off with a pretty open-ended question.  My birth name is Samuel, and for the last two years I’ve been identifying as transgender. I’m finally starting to come out and explore my identity a bit more, which is why I’m looking for a name. Ive been experimenting with names a bit, Samantha being an obvious choice, and Chloe, which I used for a while online. However I need a name now that represents me more as a person. I don’t want to go by a name like Samantha jus because it’s the female of my birth name. I’ve asked my parents and they didn’t have a female name lined up just in case so I’m left to decide for my own. One of my friends suggested an “earthy” type name, or something feminine but still a little tough. So far I’ve narrowed that down to a shortlist: - Holly - Hazel - Erin   basically if you’ve got any suggestions, literally anything, I’d be really glad to take them. Or even if you have good advice or anecdotes about how you chose your own name, any comments whatsoever would be greatly appreciated. So yeah, thank you in advance if you do decide to make any suggestions:)
    • Nichole Spencer
      As I sit here at my desk dressed as Nichole. I like the way it feels to be dressed as my feminine self. I love my long hair I have grown out. It's kind of scraggly right now as I have had weight loss surgery and one of the side effect is loosing hair. That's will turn around eventually. I have always had very thick curly hair. I love how it looks when I run my straightener through it. I like being able to style it. even though I'm not very good at it yet but I will learn. I have a limited wardrobe but do find the time to dress to express this side of my self. My wife and I work opposite shifts so I just have to be careful to reclaim all the evidence. She is aware of my feminine self but she is absolutely not supportive in any way. I say that but she allows me to wear Pantyhose, tights and leggings (even out in public). Grow my hair long. Wear guy appropriate jewelry (Earrings, Bracelets. I even have some piercings (which I love) that would go either way. I also keep my legs and armpits shaved. I had my chest shaved for the longest time but she has asked my to stop doing that. I'd shave it right now if I could do so without upsetting things.  I believe It's certainly an attempt to compromise with me. I was honest with her when we met. I told her about my Nichole side. But I wasn't dressing at the time and had no desire to do so. That's what I told her and at the time it was the truth. Somewhere along the way the desire came back. I have no idea what changed to bring this back. She did say the other night that if she knew this would come into our lives as much as it has. She's not sure she would have still married me. But she also said we have 18 yr's together and that's a lot of investment. So I'm guessing at this point she's not contemplating divorce. But I do believe she's hoping desperately that I can leave this part of myself in the past. Honestly I'm not so sure that this is even an option at this point. I have been doing or fantasizing about this stuff like so many others since I was 4-5 years old. So it's pretty much sewn into my life fabric so to speak. I am just hoping we can come to some sort of compromise. What that is at this point, I don't know. On my tv in front of me I have pics and gif's running on a slideshow. The pics/gifs vary through the whole spectrum. Crossdresser's/Transsexuals as well real women, "dressed to kill" as I say and in various sexual situations. Both straight and transsexual. I can enjoy images and videos covering the whole spectrum of sexuality...except. I can't get into gay sex. I means that as 2 guys, However If one is dressed and acting feminine. I'm good.  I am seeing a therapist to help me sort this all out. From that therapy I have concluded that it started due to my mother. She wasn't the most emotionally available person in the world. I had a sister that come into the world when I was 4. My older sister told me the love moved from me to my baby sister. My father was a soldier and it was during the Korean and Vietnam conflict's so he wasn't around much. So I was going through my early formative years with no male role model and surrounded by females. As I said, I'm seeing a therapist. It has been very helpful but I'm hoping to use this forum as a means of self exploration and as a source for other people input's and experiences that might help me sort myself out. I am NOT looking for sexual encounters or anything of that nature. So please don't even try. However, If you feel you have experiences/insight that I might find helpful, please feel free to post comments.   Thanks for listening. Nichole Spencer  
    • VickySGV
      This thread --- https://www.transgenderpulse.com/forums/topic/77407-conflicting-information-from-my-son/?tab=comments#comment-693841   I do agree with what the other Admin and Moderator said about seeing that he gets to a therapist who knows gender issues along with the ADHD and anger issues.  As much as we love our children there does come a time when we cannot have them rule us as well.  
    • VickySGV
      Welcome to the forums and I hope you can find what you need here.  The bad news is that on these Forums we cannot discuss "Hormones" from shops like you have.  The spellings of the one word, and the phrase "Anti-testosterone" tell me these are NOT medically prescribed products.  THEY ARE DANGEROUS TO YOUR HEALTH and could prevent you from ever being able to complete your transition and live a healthy and joyful life.    The scenario is that those types of "hormones" (which could be fine if you were a rooted plant) will do nothing if taken in "safe doses" and so you say dirty words and move on to toxic doses that could easily lead to liver damage, which facilitates Deep Vein Thrombosis blood clots, which can break loose and travel into your lungs or your brain without having done a thing to give you hormone benefits of body change.  Even prescribed doses of actual Human Hormones have the same potential, but with the human stuff you will be under competent medical care and will be tested to see that they are not toxic.  Your OTC "vitamins" are not controlled and you may become ashamed to talk to your PCP in time to prevent tragedy.  The tragedy actually happened to the original founder of this web site.  Please take them back for a refund,. or throw them out and consider the price to be tuition to a school of experience.
    • michelle_kitten
      Heeey!
    • Pidge
      Thanks to both of you for the advice! I’m terrible at checking in online but it means a lot to hear those words. I’m trying to take them into consideration and just slow down a little. I tend to live anxiously and at a fast pace, but you’re right, it’s a lot better when you slow down and breath. This past week alone has had a lot of changes and realizations in it and sometimes that overwhelms me. But at the end of the day, when I’m alone in my home, I need to work on slowing down and just existing. It’s exciting to think about what life might have in store for me one day, but it’s also exhausting. Thanks again for the great advice, it’s really nice to hear from people that have felt similar feelings.
    • BowlofPetunias
      See the thread below for how he has been discussing it.  He only told me about the transgender issues about two weeks or so ago.  I have encouraged him to go to the GSA at school and I hope he will go to the state pride festival with me next month.
    • VickySGV
      Thank you for a better picture here.  You do in fact have your hands full there and it is going to be difficult.  You do have a responsibility and sadly you have only a short time -- two years is but an eye blink as I found.  With those facts about his behavior I doubt there is too much that would convince him to change his ideas.  I am not a medical professional, I am a retired tax collector who does have three adult children.  It would hurt, I know if he got into some trouble with the law, but it may be the way to get some serious third party help.  Perhaps talking to your local Police Department Human Trafficking team would be the best help for now.   Unless he is discussing his Gender issues though, his needs are outside of what we really have a clue on here.
    • CaraMC
      Hiya all,   I have been married for just under 10 years and we do not have kids, she has a high flying job and goes everywhere on business and with friends all the time.   I told my wife a couple of days ago I am MTF and transitioning, she said she would support it but would not support hormones or surgery was worried this would kill me very quickly.   What do you guys think? I am very determined to take medication and have surgery. I have been living with this since I was 5 and now I am 30!   Have a good one ladies   Cara
    • CaraMC
      Hiya all,   I am just new to the forums, I have been in the wrong body for just under 25 years now and at 30, I was either going to take the plunge or just live out my days miserably.   I decided to take the plunge, the NHS waiting list is between 2 - 5 years, as such, I found a shop in Manchester called Transformation, which has been there for around 30 years and they sell hormones. I have bought these (HRT, Oestrogen & Anti Testosterone Pills), I checked the credibility and they seem fine.   I wanted to have your guys thoughts, self medicating until I get to the medical help needed? This means I would pro-actively do liver and blood tests to ensure nothing went wrong?   What do you ladies think?   Best wishes,   Cara
    • killjoyaiden
      Ugh that makes me so mad. I don't understand how people can be so cruel and inconsiderate. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. That's just... ugh, it's terrible. So terrible.   We love you, Amy.
    • Ellora
      Yes, very active. That's why I love this area!  This therapist was recommended. Im looking forward to this meeting, i feel like im just got to let it all out lol, Ill probably run over time lol. 
  • Upcoming Events

×