Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Sign in to follow this  
Alex94

First time out

Recommended Posts

Alex94

Hi everybody!

 

First of all, thanks to everyone in this wonderful community! 

I just wanted to share some thoughts about my first time out with a dress,, breastform, hip pads, a wig, earrings and professional makeup (see profile pic). 

The first steps were scary but everyone simply assumed I was a girl! It felt heavenly to walk around in heels! I always avoided eye contact with people walking by but I heard some guys whistle and scream positive comments in the distance! My female ego felt just amazing! I could really live with that!

I realized that I was overthinking everything, I could really do the big step and live like this. everyday. Why not, really? I cannot find anymore reasons stopping me from doing that!

Am I being too optimistic?

Share this post


Link to post
MaryMary

it depends so much on you, what is your personnality, in what culture you live in etc etc. I'm a brash person usually and I did everything basically at the same time, before HRT and everything. I was not 'passing' at all. Also, I had gone trough all my teenage years being basically half out (nobody in my small city knew anything about trans, the word litterally didn't existed back then where I lived). Everything someone could throw at me, every mistakes, every kind  of abuse I had gone trough. I did it in one giant step, it went suuuuuper well, I got only positives from my transition and never looked back. It's like karma from my teenage years, lol If you are happy and confident with doing it in one giant step then great, do it like that. Usually people do it in small steps because it's a lot of changes in a little time and their family have a hard time accepting the transition (etc). One thing's for sure, you better do it one small step at a time and optimise your happyness and mental health then doing it in one giant step and the consequences being too much to handle. I did it in one giant step and I had the feeling that there was nothing you could throw at me that I didn't already heard. I had fears, I was confused but also fearless if it makes any sense. Anyway, I wish you the very best of luck.

 

oh, one thing to beware is the importance of "passing". If you pass there's a lot of problems trans people have that you won't have so much. For example, if I go out now nobody will look at me strange and I will be left alone to do what I want. The first time I went to the mall when I was not "passing" at all EVERYBODY was looking at me and it even happened that people were aggresive with me. If you pass and man find you attractive it will make everything easier, sad, but true. This might influence what you feel you can do also.

Share this post


Link to post
VickySGV

You are basing "full time" on a single experience, and your dreams are fine.  I have been full time for 10 years, and what you describe is only about 1/365 of what does happen in any year I have had.  (I am being light hearted.)  Each day is different but each day needs to be authentic.  Not every day will have perfect dress and great make-up.  Are you ready to face that?  You were conscious of your life being different and it was thrilling.  Are you ready to face the day you have a toothache or a bad head cold and the day is terrible?    People gave you compliments, but can you deal with an older woman who thinks you look like a prostitute and says so loudly?   I can keep the list going on for a long time, but I think you get direction here.  I do remember my first time out very well, but going out to a local small restaurant is no where near the thrill and smile that it was.  Are you ready for ordinary life on a daily basis as yourself?  The ordinary is a bigger hurdle than the special because there are more days like that. 

Share this post


Link to post
tracy_j

I will use a typical occurance:

 

An example I have at the moment is perhaps from the legal side. I have to pick up a parcel at the weekend delivered to a store in my male (legally identified) gender (I bought on my credit card - male name gender). I dress and identify as female so using male credentials at the pickup is the sort of thing that would be potentially stressful. I can live with that but it is those little occurances which you must think about before they happen. Taking things slowly growing into things naturally can be easier to cope with and plan for.

 

Tracy

Share this post


Link to post
Kirsten

Let me just say you look great in that photo! Absolutely awesome! But that’s not going to be your normal. Things go bad before they go well a lot of the time. Like others have said don’t decide your future on one awesome experience. Move slowly and steadily forward. Now that you’ve been out as the best looking woman you can, try going out as the normal. The experience may be vastly different. But it sounds like you’re experience has helped you see an awesome piece of yourself. Hold onto that but don’t let that be the only thing that defines you or decides your future. 

 

image.thumb.jpg.f1a5f13d38915b8f4a8cc2ef461541b4.jpg

this is me today. This is me most days. That’s what you need to be okay with. Because real life still waits for you. And is ready to show you her teeth. 

Congrats on a first day out!! Every time gets easier. Enjoy hun! ❤️

Share this post


Link to post
Charlize

I do remember my early trips out.  It was exciting to say the least.  I tried to relax but was most likely always worried about how others perceived me.  I must admit i enjoyed the excitement.  Just the idea of pushing the boundaries was exciting.  When i went full time i was at a point that i just wanted to live as myself without any of the fearer the excitement.  Passing was of course important but over time that also has faded into the background.  Perhaps the only time i'm disturbed in that regards is when i'm called out for some reason in public.  It is a bit jarring.  Fortunately few people look too closely and between that and the huge variety of cis females i can live a simple life as myself without having to get "ready" physically and emotionally to go out.  At the same time like any woman i do enjoy the chance to "get all done up like a dogs dinner" to step out for a special occasion.

I'm glad you had a great trip out Alex and hope you have many more.  This life is a marvelous journey!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Share this post


Link to post
Katelyn

I recently went out for the first time (on my own at least) as well actually, I met up with a new friend I made a Facebook based transgender Support group. We've been chatting for a while and we agreed to meet somewhere public since neither of us could be sure about the other. I decided to try and step out, but since I only have a motorcycle I had to dress pretty plain, with the added bulky biker gear over for safety. But once I took the jacket, gloves and helmet off I let my hair down and since I had done my makeup nicely it didn't look too bad, other than the friggen flat helmet hair, luckily the makeup didn't smudge too bad. I don't think I passed all that well but considering I didn't go for the most glamorous and feminine look, I felt it went well. I received a boat load of looks though, like I was certain people were trying to read me cause the could tell while my friend kept saying they are likely staring because I'm pretty, the flattery though. While I'd love to pass and all the time, I'll be happy just to feel comfy in my own skin every day. Looking good doing so would just be a bonus.

 

Anyhow, I think what the other ladies here are saying makes sense, if you didn't have anyone else's approval for being you and things got tough, when you knew you wouldn't pass or if you weren't the most attractive girl, would you still feel like it's worth going full time? I feel like that's a yes for me, since it's about me and not what people think of or see me as. Yes with exception to work for the moment. 

 

Hugs 

Katelyn 

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   11 Members, 0 Anonymous, 167 Guests (See full list)

    • LacrimalDuality
    • Timber Wolf
    • Katylee
    • ShawnaLeigh
    • Aidan5
    • MaryMary
    • Jocelyn
    • Krisvm
    • Miss Linnea
    • Charlize
    • Ronin82
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      69,787
    • Total Posts
      630,768
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      6,137
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Staceythesissy
    Newest Member
    Staceythesissy
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. RobinCarly
      RobinCarly
    2. sherlockian2342
      sherlockian2342
      (44 years old)
  • Posts

    • ShawnaLeigh
      LMAO    I can see the confusion there actually. I must say I feel like it by now.  Geesh I've done this a lot of times in the last few months.  
    • MaryMary
      good luck, I will send you positive energy   My french mind read your title the wrong way. I thought at first that you were professional at coming out lolll like : "yet another coming out, I'm a pro by now"    
    • Charlize
      Welcome Priya.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Timber Wolf
      Hi Janae, The only thing I will add to what's already been said is that I have been wearing panties no matter how I present for years now, in a conservative backwater to boot, and have not had one problem.     Lots of love,  Timber Wolf 🐾
    • Charlize
      I shave the old bowling ball and with out a wig i could easily fit into the look of a chemo patient.  It's just easier for me.     Hugs,   Charlize
    • ShawnaLeigh
      Ive worked in food manufacturing as a Robotics and Machine Technician for over 25 years so I am very familiar with the hair net fun.  LOL
    • Timber Wolf
      Hi Priya, Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!   Lots of love and a big welcome hug,  Timber Wolf 🐾
    • Charlize
      I went from a shaved head to a nicely stiles shoulder length wig right off the bat.  After all i had made the decision to live as myself and that was the thing both i and others had to accept rather than my hair length.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • MiraM
      I let my managers at work know that I would be moving forward with my transition the day before I first presented as female at work (long story, but they knew I was in the process, and would be doing it eventually).  I went from a mostly bald buzz-cut to hair just past my shoulder blades over night.  Since I was out to most people at work, it was a non issue.  Since then, I have gone to a much shorter style at work since I am in a very hot environment and want to stay as cool as possible.  I do occasionally wear the longer at work as well, but mainly wear it away from work.  The shorter style is also easier to get under a hair net (there's a sexy image for you LOL). 
    • MiraM
      I have been on HRT for two years and have had no change in my hair.  I still have the same amount of baldness as I did.   I keep what remaining hair I have cut to about 1/16" to 1/8".  I detest wearing a wig cap under my wigs.  To me they are very uncomfortable, and since I work in a very hot and humid environment, the less I have on my head the better.  Keeping the hair as short as possible eliminates the need for a cap.   Although a cap can help a wig fit more securely, a quality, properly fitted unit should stay in place with no problem and still be comfortable to wear.  My primary wig was fitted to my head by the prosthetic department of the VA hospital, and is light weight, very breathable, and stays in place with no cap or adhesive.  As Kate said, fit is everything, and the construction is important as well.  
    • ShawnaLeigh
      I was notified yesterday by my director that we will be arranging meetings with each hospital to inform them of my transition.  This is a tad nerve racking so I am in a holding my breathe phase today. Furthermore he is forwarding a letter from himself and one from me to all our technicians and staff in my company.  This encompasses all of New England and New York.  Yes four states worth of folks, its a lot of people, so this is the Biggy!  Something we had planned to do after a huge company meeting we had last week in which I was not ready or wanting to do this in person.   This is happening today.  YIKES! You can say I am a bit sensitive about this right now.  LOL
    • ShawnaLeigh
      Had a full day yesterday and did not even post here to tell.  Duh... Voice training initial eval went super but ended up being two hours long!   I had some stress and tensing issues with my neck voice box, and shoulders.  Even in my jaw so it was effecting my speech.  I was shown a few exercises and stretching for this and after a short message to assist getting loose I had my eval.  My base line is 157 which she said was in the gender neutral range.  There is hope for me. My ultrasound went ok.  She made me jump one time with a sharp pain but other then that it went well.  No idea when I will get or see results. This morning was crap.  I remembered last night I had forgotten some important papers in one hospital that I needed in another today.  I had to get up at 3am to go retrieve them before heading over to NH.  2.5 hour commute.  Sigh... I hope everyone has a wonderful day!
    • ShawnaLeigh
      I think as Sara does on all points too.  I will not accuse your wife of trying to control through fear as any fear is legitimate but it is not likely any more for you then for her.   I agree with this too.  From experience as my wife has similar feeling of "what will the neighbors think".  I have been wearing men's bikini style for years in all situations and not once has anyone mentioned a "panty line" on me.   I've been in women's undergarments now for about 3 months and still no one has said a thing.   If she is trying to worry you or control you through fear she needs a better example in my opinion.  Have a talk with her and reassure her its not an issue for you.  Be understanding too.  She may really be afraid of this for you.  
    • ShawnaLeigh
      Welcome to our family Priya! This is a truly wonderful place and I love it here.  It has saved my life. I look forward to reading more from you.
    • KathyLauren
      I think your wife might still be in "what will the neighbours think" mode.  Men's underwear shows a more obvious panty line than women's, so that is a non-issue.    Men tend to avoid looking at each other in washrooms, so so one is going to peep under the stall door.  Can you imagine someone doing that and getting caught by someone else entering the washroom?  You can imagine the exclamation, I am sure: "What are you, some kind of _______?"  No man is going to risk that.   I wore women's underwear to work for years while presenting as a guy, and no one noticed.
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...