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First time out


Alex94

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Hi everybody!

 

First of all, thanks to everyone in this wonderful community! 

I just wanted to share some thoughts about my first time out with a dress,, breastform, hip pads, a wig, earrings and professional makeup (see profile pic). 

The first steps were scary but everyone simply assumed I was a girl! It felt heavenly to walk around in heels! I always avoided eye contact with people walking by but I heard some guys whistle and scream positive comments in the distance! My female ego felt just amazing! I could really live with that!

I realized that I was overthinking everything, I could really do the big step and live like this. everyday. Why not, really? I cannot find anymore reasons stopping me from doing that!

Am I being too optimistic?

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it depends so much on you, what is your personnality, in what culture you live in etc etc. I'm a brash person usually and I did everything basically at the same time, before HRT and everything. I was not 'passing' at all. Also, I had gone trough all my teenage years being basically half out (nobody in my small city knew anything about trans, the word litterally didn't existed back then where I lived). Everything someone could throw at me, every mistakes, every kind  of abuse I had gone trough. I did it in one giant step, it went suuuuuper well, I got only positives from my transition and never looked back. It's like karma from my teenage years, lol If you are happy and confident with doing it in one giant step then great, do it like that. Usually people do it in small steps because it's a lot of changes in a little time and their family have a hard time accepting the transition (etc). One thing's for sure, you better do it one small step at a time and optimise your happyness and mental health then doing it in one giant step and the consequences being too much to handle. I did it in one giant step and I had the feeling that there was nothing you could throw at me that I didn't already heard. I had fears, I was confused but also fearless if it makes any sense. Anyway, I wish you the very best of luck.

 

oh, one thing to beware is the importance of "passing". If you pass there's a lot of problems trans people have that you won't have so much. For example, if I go out now nobody will look at me strange and I will be left alone to do what I want. The first time I went to the mall when I was not "passing" at all EVERYBODY was looking at me and it even happened that people were aggresive with me. If you pass and man find you attractive it will make everything easier, sad, but true. This might influence what you feel you can do also.

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  • Admin

You are basing "full time" on a single experience, and your dreams are fine.  I have been full time for 10 years, and what you describe is only about 1/365 of what does happen in any year I have had.  (I am being light hearted.)  Each day is different but each day needs to be authentic.  Not every day will have perfect dress and great make-up.  Are you ready to face that?  You were conscious of your life being different and it was thrilling.  Are you ready to face the day you have a toothache or a bad head cold and the day is terrible?    People gave you compliments, but can you deal with an older woman who thinks you look like a prostitute and says so loudly?   I can keep the list going on for a long time, but I think you get direction here.  I do remember my first time out very well, but going out to a local small restaurant is no where near the thrill and smile that it was.  Are you ready for ordinary life on a daily basis as yourself?  The ordinary is a bigger hurdle than the special because there are more days like that. 

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  • Forum Moderator

I will use a typical occurance:

 

An example I have at the moment is perhaps from the legal side. I have to pick up a parcel at the weekend delivered to a store in my male (legally identified) gender (I bought on my credit card - male name gender). I dress and identify as female so using male credentials at the pickup is the sort of thing that would be potentially stressful. I can live with that but it is those little occurances which you must think about before they happen. Taking things slowly growing into things naturally can be easier to cope with and plan for.

 

Tracy

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Let me just say you look great in that photo! Absolutely awesome! But that’s not going to be your normal. Things go bad before they go well a lot of the time. Like others have said don’t decide your future on one awesome experience. Move slowly and steadily forward. Now that you’ve been out as the best looking woman you can, try going out as the normal. The experience may be vastly different. But it sounds like you’re experience has helped you see an awesome piece of yourself. Hold onto that but don’t let that be the only thing that defines you or decides your future. 

 

image.thumb.jpg.f1a5f13d38915b8f4a8cc2ef461541b4.jpg

this is me today. This is me most days. That’s what you need to be okay with. Because real life still waits for you. And is ready to show you her teeth. 

Congrats on a first day out!! Every time gets easier. Enjoy hun! ❤️

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  • Forum Moderator

I do remember my early trips out.  It was exciting to say the least.  I tried to relax but was most likely always worried about how others perceived me.  I must admit i enjoyed the excitement.  Just the idea of pushing the boundaries was exciting.  When i went full time i was at a point that i just wanted to live as myself without any of the fearer the excitement.  Passing was of course important but over time that also has faded into the background.  Perhaps the only time i'm disturbed in that regards is when i'm called out for some reason in public.  It is a bit jarring.  Fortunately few people look too closely and between that and the huge variety of cis females i can live a simple life as myself without having to get "ready" physically and emotionally to go out.  At the same time like any woman i do enjoy the chance to "get all done up like a dogs dinner" to step out for a special occasion.

I'm glad you had a great trip out Alex and hope you have many more.  This life is a marvelous journey!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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  • 1 month later...

I recently went out for the first time (on my own at least) as well actually, I met up with a new friend I made a Facebook based transgender Support group. We've been chatting for a while and we agreed to meet somewhere public since neither of us could be sure about the other. I decided to try and step out, but since I only have a motorcycle I had to dress pretty plain, with the added bulky biker gear over for safety. But once I took the jacket, gloves and helmet off I let my hair down and since I had done my makeup nicely it didn't look too bad, other than the friggen flat helmet hair, luckily the makeup didn't smudge too bad. I don't think I passed all that well but considering I didn't go for the most glamorous and feminine look, I felt it went well. I received a boat load of looks though, like I was certain people were trying to read me cause the could tell while my friend kept saying they are likely staring because I'm pretty, the flattery though. While I'd love to pass and all the time, I'll be happy just to feel comfy in my own skin every day. Looking good doing so would just be a bonus.

 

Anyhow, I think what the other ladies here are saying makes sense, if you didn't have anyone else's approval for being you and things got tough, when you knew you wouldn't pass or if you weren't the most attractive girl, would you still feel like it's worth going full time? I feel like that's a yes for me, since it's about me and not what people think of or see me as. Yes with exception to work for the moment. 

 

Hugs 

Katelyn 

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