Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!


Trapped in my Home

Recommended Posts


I've been trying to be patient with myself, to push myself a little more everyday, but after being harassed and fired without reason at work last year I have been stuck in this weird place.  I have crippling panic attacks when I try to leave, and when I get too stressed seizures follow, so it's like a nightmarish feedback loop.  My partner is supportive but she can only do so much.  Right now I am just trying to prepare myself for an intake appointment in a week to start therapy again. 


It doesn't make very much sense, when I was less passable I was going to work everyday, walking home, confident.  Now, even though I am in much better shape, my hair is long enough to do fun stuff with and I'm halfway though my hair removal appointments I just can't seem to get myself back out there.  The breathing room I have to recover is running out, but I know if I can just get in to this appointment, I'll have the support I need to go forward.  


I can usually distract myself until the day before the appointment, but then it's the wild west of anxiety.  It is usually over small things, like a scuff on a shoe or the top I had been planning to wear was missing.  One time it was because of a toe nail, that one cost me a 64 dollar missed appointment fee, fun :(. 


Any advice is welcome.

Share this post

Link to post

Hi Zoey,

I can understand the anxiety.  But in your case its crushing.  Its ruining your life.

I hate to give such generic advice, but you need to see a professional.  You might need some medication to deal with the anxiety.   Have you talked to your doctor?

Share this post

Link to post

A very well used motto that comes up in Recovery programs is "We claim Progress, NOT Perfection" which is often a problem with any Transitioner.  I even have a family member with some pretty heavy Behavioral Health issues that is having to do some serious work along those lines and I do see the struggle going on there, so I know it can be real.  From a wise mind angle though, most people never see imperfections, it takes too much effort for their minds to see that stuff and so they do not see that.  The too perfect though is going to stand out and make them scared and suspicious of things.  For you though, imperfection is what stands out.  Seeing the beauty in imperfection is the antidote to the fear that you feel.  An example from a choral group I am with where we have a dress code for being in public, is that all of use wear one small Trans Pride pin on our "concert black" clothing anywhere, and our goal is that no two of 40 people wear those small "imperfections" in exactly the same exact place.


As a practical suggestion though, can you arrange to possibly have a video or telephone chat with your therapist in case you are in a sensory overload situation?  This could save both of you from the down time.  If you are that crippled though by anxiety, is there a chance that you could do some type of in-patient program for one or two weeks where you have actual safety that you can feel and have a clearer mind.  PTSD from something like an unexpected job loss if you have other PTSD issues from the past may be worth the special time an inpatient program would have.  There is no shame in doing that, and lot of help will make you the person you really can be. 

Share this post

Link to post

Thank you for your thoughtful replies.


22 hours ago, VickySGV said:

For you though, imperfection is what stands out.  Seeing the beauty in imperfection is the antidote to the fear that you feel.


You are very intuitive :).  There is a lot of truth in that statement, and maybe a change of perspective is exactly what I need.  I've actually been thinking about all the imperfect things about me that I already like, like my teardrop birthmark or the single oddly placed freckle on my nose.


22 hours ago, VickySGV said:

PTSD from something like an unexpected job loss if you have other PTSD issues from the past may be worth the special time an inpatient program would have. 


There is that, but all of the impatient programs for people at my income level are revolving doors that come with extreme debt, and I have fought for the last five years to work through it with therapy instead and get to the point where I can be as independent as I was before the initial trauma.  I was actually only off therapy for a year because of an insurance issue.  I have an appointment in a week to get that therapy started back up. 


Getting there is all I have to do.....



Share this post

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 107 Guests (See full list)

    • Josie Beth
    • DeeDee
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
    • Total Posts
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
    • Most Online

    Newest Member
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. MarcieMarie12
      (46 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ellora
    • Ellora
      Whatever Shampoo people use, Try not to over shampoo. Shampoo can and will strip the nutrients and oils from your hair if it is overused. Use Conditioner if you do not have dirty hair, and leave in some conditioner to help the hair stay moisturized and healthy. If you feel your hair needs a wash, then just use conditioner. 
    • Charlize
      Wake me if there is a good half time show at the "super" bowl.  I was a soccer player and never was all that interested in football.   How about the US women's soccer team.....awesome!
    • Ellora
      Hi! Welcome! Best of Luck in your Journey!
    • Ellora
      It does have its own Forum:  " https://www.transgenderpulse.com/forums/forum/57-coming-out/ "
    • Ellora
    • Ellora
      I agree, cause ive seen two teams I enjoy watching tank. The Washington Redskins, and the Carolina Panthers. I also used to watch my former home team, Chargers, tank every year.
    • Jani
      She is one person who stands up to the current president and it appears he is aware of it, hence how he talks about her.  She would be a tough candidate I believe. 
    • Jani
      I recently had a bone scan as well and all is well.  My doctor put me on Vitamin D a year ago.  I'm trying to be pro-active with my heath so I'm not going down without a fight!
    • TammyAnne
      That is awesome Kymmie!
    • KymmieL
      That is why I am painting my nails, wearing what I want. If people don't like it tough tooki. Last week I had worn red nail polish. a few looks but no comments other than from a lady liking the color.   Yesterday was my second visit with my speech therapist. Got into some preparation exercises. I was able to get to a level I liked. 😁   Kymmie
    • Maid In Bedlam
      When i first moved to Bonnie Scotland. I took me ages to get use to being called "Pal" Where i came from it was a very male oreintated acknowledgement. But here all genders it can be associated with the term.  I was right upset for a while being called "pal" as i was thinking i was being outed everywhere. A very strange phemominan for me as it just doesnt happen. Well not for at least six years and then i was just finding my feet so to speak until i quizzed my partner about it who is native. I didnt feel so bad then.   Also "Hen" is used  between woman but men use it a lot when addressing a Female but not knowing there name. Isnt it funny how little regional things can be so diffrent?   A bit like how you would call someone darling down south if your a man talking to a woman in passing by  "Thanks darling" They say "Thanks Pal" or "Thanks Hen"   They do not really use sweetie. At least i have never heard it. Maybe im  just not sweet enough? 😉         Wow that is old school.  I have not seen one of those in years. I use to have the attachment if you had points but even they went out of use a few years ago.   Just a plastic one now for me im afraid.
    • lauraincolumbia
      So she sounds like I should give her my support for what its worth...
    • Maid In Bedlam
      My opnion is. They should man up and play Rugby Union.  It's like this you speak of but without all the cotton and bubble rap.   Proper mans game 😉
    • Astrid
      She's the senior senator from my state, and I've heard her speak. She's a breath of fresh, sincere, air.  Her primary passions are economic justice (she spearheaded getting the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau established, which has been greatly curtailed under the Trump administration, sadly).  However, she was also a firm supporter of our statewide ballot initiative for transgender rights last year, which was successful.   I have no doubts about her support for trans rights on the federal level.  The question will be, how receptive will the U.S, Senate be to any Democratic president on any issue if it retains a Republican majority.   Fingers crossed,   Astrid
  • Upcoming Events

  • Create New...