Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Howdy


Guest julie_f

Recommended Posts

Hello,

I'm Julie and currently I live in Houston, TX (in the Montrose area to be a little more specific). I accidentally found this forum while surfing the 'net' looking for topics about people like us. I suppose that I am lucky in one respect and unlucky in another, as I am unemployed right now; I can dress all day long and not think twice about it, since I feel normal while wearing feminine apparel. I am unlucky since my financial status has severely curtailed my shopping excursions. I must admit that I'm unsure of my status, I think that I am a transsexual since my earliest childhood memories are of being confused about what clothes were appropriate for me. I eschewed most if not all boy clothing in favor of cute skirts, shirts and dresses. I almost always played house with the other girls and was oftentimes forced to put down the Ken and Barbie dolls that I usually played with in favor of playing street football (something I really detested) or sandlot baseball. Since beginning to realize what I am, I have sought to do as much research on the topic as possible and have taken a few online tests to see how I fared. All the tests results were the same, 'transsexual' and the like. I normally do not put a whole lot of stock in online testing since it is possible if not probable that one will answer the questions with a question in mind, such as ' how would a female answer this?'. Since I do not believe too awfully much in psychology, having been to a number of these so called 'professionals' I have ascertained that they pretty much decide to put you into a category and then mold your therapy to whatever category they believe that you belong to. I have found that even though I was being as honest and forthright as possible, they would put me into a category and then tailor any questions around that category. So, instead of wasting time and money on someone who thinks that they can talk you into feeling better, I decided to research this on my own and then return to counseling. Hopefully this will work out better. At any rate, I am what I am (to quote a famous author), and I am happy.

Julie

Link to post

Hi Julie:

Welcome to the forums.

We use very strict criteria here, if you're happy, you're probably doing something right.

As far as categories go, we enforce that, too. And if any of the hundred or so don't suit you, you'll have to invent your own.

And why does every third person on these forums come from Texas? Do they put something in the water?

Sorry, being a little bit silly here.

I think that there's a lot to be gained from these forums, I have.

Finding questions to ask yourself and trying coherently to explain your situation are good means of discovery.

Meeting people completely different from you puts a lot of things in perspective.

Welcome again,

Z.

Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 65 Guests (See full list)

    • Dana Michelle
    • VickySGV
    • Red_Lauren.
    • DonkeySocks
    • Detek
    • Mickey
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      72,446
    • Total Posts
      662,418
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      7,674
    • Most Online
      8,356

    RadicalEmma
    Newest Member
    RadicalEmma
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. CamIsAlive
      CamIsAlive
      (23 years old)
    2. Harper
      Harper
      (14 years old)
    3. JEANETTE
      JEANETTE
    4. Samsara
      Samsara
  • Posts

    • Astrid
      So which instrument(s) do you play? 🎶🙂   Notedly,   Astrid
    • Teri Anne
      I tend to emotionally eat sometimes if I'm feeling down or really bored Since covid and the staying home thing my weight has gotten out of control. There are times I feel guilty for getting so heavy that I just think what the heck and eat anyway.
    • ElizabethStar
      Hi @RadicalEmma. Nice to meet you.
    • Yvonne
      @CallMeKeira @Charlize @KayC @Timber Wolf @Carolyn Marie  Hello and thank you everyone.
    • CallMeKeira
      This is far from comprehensive, so I may append it later. In my heart and mind, my name is Keira. I was born in the summer 27 years ago to decidedly working class, religious, and moderately conservative parents. They married and divorced multiple times, and my siblings and I had a pretty tumultuous upbringing. Between the chaos and extended family drama was a scrawny little runt with tawny brown hair, a minor learning disability, and boundless energy.   But, as I got older, I started feeling different. I got bullied a great deal for a number of things, even by family members. Called a number of slurs and derogatory things, I clung to the company of my mom as often as I could. I grew up listening to LeeAnn Rhimes and the like, and going shopping with her. As puberty really set in, though, I was thrust unceremoniously into the "boy's" role and the world of men. Needless to say, my soft nature lead to a lot more bullying. It was in this time I really started diving into literature, games, and other worlds. I built a refuge in my mind and resolved to hold out for the future, by giving them all what they expected while I hid in a little room in my head.   In that room I stayed locked, only occasionally peaking out. I grew closer with my dad to learn how to "be a man", tried hanging out with my brother's friends, and searched for a male role that I could at least painlessly inhabit (I settled on computer geek). I thought it was painless, anyhow. Turned out to be more like demise by a thousand cuts.   As I stumbled out of high school and through college off and on for several years, the pressure began to build. Some poor choices that in hindsight were me desperately trying to live up to expectations resulted in my first and second attempts at the big "S". Consulting mental health professionals to address my unrelenting depression and anxiety got me so far, until a 20 credit hour course load and a 20 hour a week work schedule led me to voluntarily seek hospitalization. After that, I spent the next year and a half grappling with a misdiagnosis that I only recently got revised. The medication they had me on still works for my general issues, though. I have been embracing the inner me over the past year, and dipping my toes in the water, so to speak. I look forward to have a serious discussion with my therapist soon, as she doesn't specialize in gender issues, though she's otherwise fantastic. This is an abridged version of my life, but I'm here, breaking through.
    • Jandi
      I get this. Seems like most women wear britches these days.  But I just don't want to.  Maybe because I had to most of my life.
    • Mmindy
      @Lee HThis exactly what I was trying to explain to my wife when I first came out to here. I also tried to explain a sliding scale between Male and Female but she refused it and believes it's a Heads or Tails coin. One or the other. Indiana is an Informed Consent State. I'm of the mindset that Gender Therapy isn't a waste of time or money, even if it only confirms what I always have known.   Hugs for everyone,   Mindy🐛🌈🦋
    • Jani
      Hello Emma.  Well, your story wasn't that Radical, at least for us here.  Coming out can be liberating and I hope your story is accepted by those you love.  In many ways our prior male self was there to protect us until this moment.  At times he might have fallen asleep on watch but for the most part I'm sure he did a good job.  Move forward happily.   Cheers, Jani
    • Jani
      I read your post earlier but have come back to talk about these lines.  I don't think the counselor is there to really confirm something we most likely know but to set the stage to help us understand how to deal with it productively.  I knew I was afflicted with something (dysphoria) for years but not how to respond to it.  This is what my therapist helped me with.  I don't think you will be wasting your time, or theirs.  Use the appointments to gain as much benefit as you can.  
    • KathyLauren
      Yes, indeedy!  It didn't take me long on HRT before mine were making the same request.   Fun story... I was part-time, dressing female at home and male out in public.  I was wearing sports bras when out in public to keep the girls from showing, as well as for sensitivity control.  The concert band I was playing in had a big performance coming up, and the uniform was white shirt over black pants.  Well, white shirts are often revealing, so I had to go out and purchase a white T-shirt for the express purpose of concealing my bra!   I made up for it the next month.  By that time, I was out full-time, and newly out to the band.  For the final concert of the season, I was determined not to wear anything that could be construed as male.  I was the only woman in the band in a skirt, but it conformed to the white-over-black uniform!
    • Jandi
      Sometimes they want a bit of protection.
    • CallMeKeira
      I will wipe my eyes now because that hit me hard, and extend a warm welcome to you, Emma. Welcome to this marvelous place!
    • Willow
      Well I was mowing and remowing a portion of my lawn to mulch up pine needles. Ok your are thinking what does that have to do with breasts?  Well, my shirt was rubbing my nipples, particularly the one I hit Saturday.  I had to stop and ask my wife if she had a sports bra I could wear.  That helped me finish.  Boy, I’ve got a lot to learn about these.  I wanted them so now they are telling me all about what I asked for.     Wow!   Willow
    • VickySGV
      Welcome Emma, your story dovetails nicely into the other stories told here and makes you a very real part of what we have here.  Every one of us on the site can empathize with the steps you have gone through so far and will be as helpful as we can to share our journeys of the steps you will be taking.
    • RadicalEmma
      (This isn't what I set out to write, but this is what emerged, so here's a friendly hello to start things off before I delve way too far into my entire self-history. Hello! Thank you for having this space and allowing me to have a place within it.)   So... I've lived nearly four decades on the planet with depression, anxiety, and this innate, nigh-unknowable feeling that something was off. I used to joke about having a highly developed feminine side as a teenager. I didn't realize at the time I may have been trying to push through my own barriers with that jest.   My late 20s and onward, I'd daydream about being "a woman born," not understanding that trans women were women and thus relegating any hope for self-femininity to a future/past life. My depression and anxiety sharpened, developing  panic disorder to add to the fun. Medications were sought for relief and resisted in the same breath, but ultimately surrendered to as an unwanted necessity.    When I turned 30, my birth father decided to take a photo of my mother and I and combine them in photoshop into an amalgam of the two of us. This photo irked me, mocking me with hair I had been losing since 18 and a self I'd denied since my inception. I laughed, good-naturedly at the time, but the murmurs of the tectonic shift coming within were present, had I been willing to pay attention.    Two years ago, I tried to broach the subject with my mother, but quickly dropped that idea when it became apparent that neither of us were in a good place for those sorts of revelations. I retreated and repressed the feelings again.    A month ago, I took a selfie. I played with the available filters and (by chance? Probably not) gender-swapped myself. I was so startled by the girl staring out of the void that I wept... because I had never ever previously liked a photo of or containing myself until that moment and it wasn't even a truly genuine picture, only an algorithm wiping away facial hair, smoothing skin, and adding the almost amber tresses I craved with such ease. Unlike other selfies, that one is still on my phone, my most genuine illusory self ever.    The walls I'd put up had cracked and let so much light in finally that my eyes were beginning to readjust to the possibility that I could still embrace the prisoner of my self, perhaps my truest self... and nourish her from the girl I'd locked up based on the unspoken advice of shame and society... into a powerful woman in her own right.    Last week, I began pulling down these Berlin walls within, fragment by fragment. My therapist. A group of lovely women who had walked the path before me, but who were otherwise unknown to me on Zoom. Some select and trusted friends. My mother. One coworker. Myself. I came out again and again, and I'll continue to come out.    My male self has not always been kind to me, but he has not done with any sort of malice in mind, only ignorance and fear, so I can forgive him and let him set these burdens down soon. He has done what he could in a poor situation with what was at hand, admittedly not much. Still, he acted admirably and hobbled toward his own undoing with as much grace and aplomb as I could hope for, laying down now that I have asked him to... to make way for her truth, her birth, as it were.   When she is strong enough to start walking into this transition, I hope to have the tools ready to allow her to learn to be what I could not on my own... herself... and that she is strong enough to be or become whomever she chooses on the long journey that remains.  
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...