Hi I am a mess

[Sahara]

Hello my pronouns are They,Them,Theirs. i have had self harm issues before. My interests are music production and just music in general. I play the flute, piccolo, and piano. Also recently I have just started falling apart under stress(smashing my head into things as hard as I can.) at random times in the day and just constantly having emotional breakdowns. I am also out as bisexual. I have never dated anyone but I have held hands with a boy in class before who knows I like him. Hope I have enough courage to talk to him today. I also have recently divorced parents but it is going really well as as far as divorces go.  Also my gender is a hot mess I have identified as a Demiboy but quickly switched to non-binary. I started having some dysphoria. I am only out as non-binary in my schools qsa. Last night I was having an emotional breakdown and I figured I would go look in the mirror so I could see how exceptionally ugly i am (I have had body image problems for as long as I can remember) and when I looked at myself in the mirror I saw a girl (I am biological boy) and that really made me happy and threw me for a loop mentally. So yeah

[ToniTone]

Hi welcome to Transgender Pulse! You'll find a lot helpful friendly people here. 

 

We're all human, we all go through those moments of breakdowns, struggle and self doubt. I know I do anyway. Keep your chin up! I don't know where you're at or your situation, but maybe you can find a therapist and a support group you can join. It's good to have people you can talk to irl too. 

 

~Toni

[Astrid]

Hi, Topher, and welcome from a non-binary AMAB musician who also plays flute, piccolo, and piano (but a mere 50+ years older, lol).

I'd echo Toni's recommendation....working with a gender therapist and support group can be really helpful.

 

If your parents are aware of your gender and stress issues, that could also play a role in assisting with finding a therapy and support.

 

Hugs,

 

Astrid

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Topher,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Please don't hit your head anymore.? Do you have a counselor at your school you could talk to? Perhaps you could talk to your parents about seeing a counselor. You don't have to tell them details, just that you're having a tough time right now. Hurting yourself does not fix any problems, it only temporarily redirects the pain.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf ?

[Sahara]

Hi timber wolf. I have a counselor but I only see them every Monday.  I have not said anything about my gender to my parents and I do not want to. I wonder if the school counselors are also gender counselors. I would join a transgender support group but I would then have to tell my parents. Since the me seeing myself as a girl is really new I will probably talk about that in my schools QSA and a new LGBT youth group I am going to this weekend. 

Hey astrid flute and piccolo are the best.

i don’t want to tell my parents because the whole questioning thing they would not understand. 

[Lexi C]

Hey What's Topher..Yeah I get the head hitting but it will not jar your mind back into a macho mentally. It's amazing that you can see yr self in mirror as a girl,,,I am a lot older and I see a mirror I see a man..IT SUCK!! Meeting are the best way to go since you don't need PT with. Not sure how Lib yr school is but if you can find TG counselor,,,,then HELL YEA...Good Luck..BE PROUD AND STAY STRONG..no will else but you can