Hi! I'm new, but not so new

[Mackenzie Holiday]

I've been pretty absent from local and online trans communities for most of my transition so far. I've been transitioning to female for a few years now, but mostly just medical stuff. I've been doing very little in the way of social transition while I've been patiently (but not so patiently) getting electrolysis, working on my voice in private, and letting the hormones do their thing. But I'm scheduled for FFS in two months and that will probably do away with whatever's left of my "male invisibility cloak" which is already in tatters, so I've decided to bite the bullet and finally transition socially. My plan had always been to do as much of the physical transition in secret that I could so that when I did finally come out, others would have an easier time understanding who I am, but now this is a huge change for me all at once, and while it's exciting, it's also very nerve racking. More nerve racking than going under the knife, to be honest.

 

So that's my story so far. I'm looking forward to getting to know all of you!

[VickySGV]

Welcome to the Forums. Yes, coming fully out is nerve wracking but some of it is going to be the step up you thought was there and is an optical illusion.  I was waiting to be attacked by a bear, and a butterfly drifted on by. The most surprising that we never imagine is the folks who have been on edge around us because of unconscious clues we have sent their way, and the relief they feel and tell us about.

[Astrid]

Just now, VickySGV said:

The most surprising that we never imagine is the folks who have been on edge around us because of unconscious clues we have sent their way, and the relief they feel and tell us about.

 

Ummhmmm.  Although I'll admit that I dropped subtle, "conscious clues" as well (in terms of my manner, dress, and appearance), and perceptive friends have picked up on them...and been very gentle and kind in both asking me privately and then supporting me.  So far, it's not been as scary as I had feared, and that helps me forward with the next steps of my journey.

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Mackenzie,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf ?

[Mackenzie Holiday]

1 hour ago, VickySGV said:

I was waiting to be attacked by a bear, and a butterfly drifted on by. The most surprising that we never imagine is the folks who have been on edge around us because of unconscious clues we have sent their way, and the relief they feel and tell us about.

 

This is definitely what I'm guessing will happen for me at my workplace. Three separate co-workers have already privately come out to me as allies, completely unprompted, so I don't think I'm fooling anyone at this point. They're probably going to feel relieved to know that they were right about me all along. But it still feels scary to actually make the switch, lol. I guess I won't be able to convince myself that it won't be scary until I just do it and see for myself that everything will turn out fine.