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Jackson Max

Which one??

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Jackson Max

How can I tell if I’m Wiccan or pagan, they’re so similar and I agree with both

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You probably will  not be able to tell until you join a group who practices those principals, and then they tell you which one they identify as.  The beliefs and practices come from the religions in the British Isles which were both Norse and Celtic in origin and established before the Roman invasion which called any non Roman belief system "pagan".   The Shamanic religions of Native Americans are also close in general spirit and operation, and I know you have some of those groups in your state which you could check out.  Which one you are does depend on which group you choose to belong to.  Get out looking for people, since their beliefs are best learned and practiced by a group.

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    • michelle_kitten
      Hi Kathryn,   Congrats on being honest with yourself.  That is a huge first step.   So, it sounds like you have gender dysphoria, having wanted to be more feminine since early childhood.  That is totally a thing so many of us share with you.  If that is the case, few people if any, beat gender dysphoria.  I think some just learn to live with it in discomfort.   Here is how i see your situation based on the information you shared:  You are uncomfortable presenting as male.  This is pretty much a life-long condition.  To continue to present as male will be uncomfortable or painful for you.  Your wife doesn't want you to transition and just wants the whole notion to go away.   I don't know how much research or learning you've done about gender dysphoria, but for most of us it isn't something we can just 'quash.'  A lot of us have spent decades trying to make it go away, and failed.  In my own case, i tried many times to pray it away, and many other things, including trying to heal childhood trauma, looking at the Jungian notion of Anima Possession, and other explanations for the way i felt.  In the end, i am just gender dysphoric.  There is no explanation i am totally satisfied with, but it is something i can't deny.  Maybe evaluating the extent to which you have dysphoria or not, is a great first step (again i don't know where you are in the process, so forgive me if i am way behind you).   In dealing with your wife as a partner, in my mind, it is her responsibility to help you deal with your dysphoria.  Others may disagree.  Like what does she suggest you do to relieve your dysphoria and feel comfortable in your own skin?  If your dysphoria is genuine, 'quashing' it is not an option, because you'll never be able to do that.  That is a lifetime of suffering, and a choice you'll have to make as to whether that is a sacrifice you can bear for the sake of your wife.  If it isn't then she needs to be your partner in finding ways to manage that.  It is your responsibility to determine how much you can compromise with her on this challenge, and be okay.   She may totally feel it is unfair that she married a man, and this disorder has come along to take that away from her.  At the same time, it is not fair for her to say, "just turn it off."  You two have to work together, because this is the way things are.  (again, i am kinda going off what you have said, so i am totally hoping i am not way off).   I am totally thinking, if she understands your discomfort, her compassion will drive her views.   I guess what i am totally trying to say here is to take it a step at a time.  Deal with what you know now, learn what you can, and don't get sucked into hypothetical situations.  Right now, you know what you want going forward.  I would totally take that to her and ask her to help you constructively, to learn with you and just see where it takes you two.   <<hugs>>
    • Jackie C.
      @Tessa, a therapist might be able to help you move forward with your life and accepting your true self, I know mine has. Your insurance might even cover visits and tele-presence therapy is totally a thing so you don't have to leave the house. I know my therapist's business is entirely on-line and through phone calls. It might help you to look into your options.   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      OK, late to the party but in my defense, I was asleep when the thread started.    Good lunch Shawna. I say that because I couldn't keep a damn thing down when I was recovering. My your digestive system not be an ass about it.   Big hugs sweetie. You'll be fine!   Hugs!
    • Susan R
      Good Morning all. Having a Carmel Pecan cup of Java today. It’s been awhile since I’ve had this flavor. It’s pretty good. It’s an absolutely beautiful day here in the Pacific Northwest. I’m going to spend a day with a old friend of mine in my old stomping grounds on Port Susan here in Snohomish County. It’s a beautiful area. Should be a good time.   Susan R🌷
    • Jackie C.
      I gave up on a lot of dreams sweetie. Fortunately, transitioning and becoming my authentic self has helped me wake up and start reaching for them again. Maybe someday, but you can't give up hope.   Hugs!
    • Jackie C.
      Wrong? Uncomfortable in your own skin. Like you're carrying a weight around your neck and you're not quite sure why.   Then there's the envy part: "I would have made a fantastic girl." "I'd murder a village of toddlers for her chest." "My <deity of choice> I wish I had her hips." "It's not fair I can't have her... um, butt."   And of course the crushing depression. Everything is hopeless. I can't be who I'm supposed to be. I'm suffocating in here. Just let it end.   Presenting female felt more like the sky opening up and letting me breathe my first breath of fresh air. Even with the anxiety. The first couple of times are always fun. You think, "Are people laughing at me?" "Is that woman calling the police?" "I'm not fooling anyone..."   In six word stories format. "Dysphoria sucks. You should find help."   I know, that's all kind of depressing. I'm mostly better now and my therapist is helping me move towards being a people. It's OK. Honest.   Hugs!
    • King Arthur
      Oh yeah, I also call myself a he, boy, son, etc. It feels so nice and it kind of comes naturally now. I dislike it when others call me something feminine, like girl or daughter
    • King Arthur
      Okay, so I know everyone feels/experiences dysphoria differently, but I would like some first-hand accounts of what it feels like to others, so I can make sense of my own feelings. For me, I talk down on myself, saying stuff like, “You’re not as masculine as you think you are” or “No matter what, people will always see you as feminine in some way”. I also feel disappointment in some way whenever I look in the mirror, it’s kind of just a vague sense of unhappiness, but I really dislike how feminine I look, and if it’s not that, then it’s how I look like a 13 year old boy(I’m 17).
    • Mmindy
      Erikka,   It's amazing to me how much in common we all have here. I did a similar thing to my across the street neighbors, by firing up my Harley inside the garage acting like an amphitheater to their bedrooms. I don't mind a Friday or Saturday party in the hood, but weeknights need to have a respectable quiet hour.   Have a great day,   Mindy🐛🌈🦋
    • Erikka
      Good morning all. I used to drink two or three 20oz triple red eyes daily until my doctor asked me if I was attempting suicide by caffeine. Now I drink 8oz in the morning and occasionally a 16oz red eye when out and about with DD1. Behind the house I shared with my ex was a rental house that was always rented out to college students. One night their party was sooooooo frickin’ loud that even the dog was not happy. Their party died about 3 am and when I got up at 5 am to go to work I did wheel my 100 watt Marshall stack out to the back deck, cranked it to the max and serenade the neighbors with the intro to “Iron Man”. Wheeled back into my studio and end to work.
    • Mmindy
      Good morning everyone,   Yesterdays therapy session was very good, and filled with tips on how to bring my wife up to speed on my push to open the closet door. She and I sat at the dinner table last evening talking about my pinned up emotions, the tough man who consoles everyone else with positive motivation, hides and doesn't take my own advice. She said that the world she knows, sees me as this happy go luck guy ready to cheer anyone up with a smile and quick witted quote. Never suspecting I was really spending my alone time sad, afraid, and hidden. I told her I was about to show her the depth of my true emotions, and as side of me that I hope will not run her off. I kept reinforcing that my long term goal is for us to continue to grow old together. That made her laugh because we're both in our mid 60's and make noises when we stand up from the arm chairs. I'm still a few weeks from coming out to her... It won't be long and then we'll see if it's a smooth slow ride into transition or an explosive I'm out of here reaction.   >Hugs< and love for everyone,   Mindy🐛🌈🦋
    • KayC
      Hi Kathryn, and welcome! You've found a great place to start.  This Forum and the Members have been the source of great encouragement and information.   I am going through similar issues with my wife, but everybody's situation is different.  Mine is a bit of a roller coaster. My intent is to get therapy for myself first, and then be open and patient with my wife.  If my marriage is worth saving, then its worth that investment in time and patience.   Hoping for the best outcome for you and your family❣️  
    • Kaltia_Atlas
      I only ever take my forms off to bathe, or work. I sleep with mine and depending on the bra, they are fairly comfortable and stay in place all night. Even with my tossing and turning! Lol. I hope to start HRT soonish and start growing my own, but for now, I am satisfied with my forms. I want to get another pair so I dont wear out the good pair I have.
    • Kaltia_Atlas
      Thats where the UTx would be required. If the organ that produces hormones is available, the active gene uses it to prodice its intended hormone. Wether it be testes or ovaries, the gene is what decides which hormone to produce. 
    • NB Adult
      Wonder how it went for you Shawna? I was awake when mine was done, I recall crunching up on my elbows and saying "Bye Fellas!" The little nurse holding onto the little fella to keep it out of the way of the laser knife chuckled. The surgeon asked me why I had said that and I said it had been the hard drive for some very naughty past behavior. Total elapsed time was 43 minutes start to finish.    Get several bags of frozen peas, keep it cool and get well. You'll be doing kip-ups in no time!
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