Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Too big to transition


DawnD

Recommended Posts

Growing up pre internet I struggled with my feelings of wanting to be female. I tried to just "be male". Got married, etc. But it was never right. Now I am single, 40, and taking a good hard look at transitioning. Unfortunately puberty was not gentle. I am 6'4" tall 350 lbs. Built like a linebacker. I wear size 15 shoes and am completely bald. I don't think even with all the medical intervention in the world I will ever be passable. High heel are definitely out (when I can find them in my size) of the question as I hit my head on door frames, which is a shame cause I love shoes. Am I wrong, is there hope for me to be passable? Any picture before and after examples from people who have experienced similar questions would be appreciated.

 

Dawn

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Dawn to Trans Pulse forums, and thanks for your intro post. Women come in all shapes and sizes btw, at 350 lbs you might consider dropping that number a bit @ 6' 4", probably would help ya. The whole concept of passing IMHO is over rated, I know transwomen that are gorgeous at 6' 8", and they are women, no question. "Passing" implies you've created an illusion and relies on other's perceptions, why not simply be comfortable with yourself ? There are countless discussions on this concept if you really want to involve yourself in such. This journey is really a personal one, and finding your comfort zone. 

 

Have a look around our forums and join in the conversations dear...

 

I hope you have a wonderful day....

 

Cyndee -

Link to comment

Hi! And Welcome! I have large feet too, and I wish I had smaller feet, cause I love pretty shoes, and I would love to comfortable heels or any lady shoes for that matter. So I found my happiness through sandals and flip flops. I had a dad belly, so I changed my diet a little, bit, and over time and a flu or two , was able to get my weight down. It took time, just like anything that’s worth it, but now my weight is more manageable.

Now I can wear the tops I wanted to wear, and soon I can buy some bras I’ve had an eye on. I’m 53, and my face shows my age, so in the meantime I’ve been enjoying makeup, and Snapchat filters! Omg, if you have a smartphone, I recommend that you try the Snapchat app, AND try its Gender filter! It blew my mind! It gave me hope, and something to look forward to in the future of possibilities. Now that I’m taking HRT Lady Meds, I know my face will soften, and weight distribution will give me more feminine features. Since I am older, I know there are limitations , but that doesn’t mean I cannot enjoy the crap out of being me, being a woman at 53! Finally! 

@Cyndee gave you some wonderful advice, (as will the rest of the TransPulse family will too), find your comfort zone, it is your journey, so find You, and be the woman you are, for you, not others. 

This is a Journey, and like life, it has its ups and downs, and now you have the opportunity to be on your own Journey, so Enjoy it! Baby steps and all. 

If you don’t have a gender therapist, and you are able to go to one, I recommend it. A therapist can help you, us, me, talk about how you feel, maybe they can help you with your dysphoria. It has helped me, and many others in here and out there. 

I hope you will find peace, and enjoy who You are! ?

Link to comment

Thank you lady's, I am so envious of you both in your transition. On one hand I look down at my body with its maleness and it disgusts me. I feel like I am trapped in my body. I ache to be free of it and the appendage hanging between my legs. It is probably one of the things that doomed my marriage. Sex was always so unnatuaral feeling. On the other hand I am terrified.......I am not sure if it's the social norms, or risk to job and friends. But a large part of me want to stay it the shadows just crisscrossing in private. I don't know what to do. I have gotten this far telling myself I will never pass and would live out my days alone. It's probably why I am fat from emotional eating. Thanks for the encouragement, I'll have to try Snapchat.

 

Love,

 

Dawn

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hello Dawn.  You are certainly not too large to transition.  Size doesn't matter, only how you feel.  You can live out your life being you and this is what is important.  You don't have to be out publicly, but you can be honest with yourself and enjoy your life.  You can underdress, get your ears pierced, and/or start to wear jewelry.  Do what makes you feel comfortable. 

 

As to wearing heals, they are overrated.  I am 5' 12" and rarely wear heels but when I do they are only a 1.5" kitten heels.  Once I transitioned I found I didn't need heals to feel feminine.  Look around, not many women wear heels as everyday wear.       

 

Cheers, Jani

Link to comment
  • Admin
Just now, DawnD said:

It's probably why I am fat from emotional eating.

 

If you really think that is an issue, it gives you a starting point for some new life.  My youngest child turns 40 in two months BTW and I was 31 when she was born so you can guess how old I am.  A therapist and a good recovery program can help with the emotional over-eating problems, and can get you going on the gender issues which are most likely all intertwined.  Please drop the idea of "Passing" it hurts much more than it helps.  I don't pass, I am many pounds over my "ideal" weight for my 6' height as well. I just live as MYSELF and have for 10 years with only a few minor problems from those in the Trans community who make "Passing" an overblown and unreachable standard for themselves and others.  The only other source of annoyance is those "male" idiots who hold women in general to their sex starved unrealistic standards.  I go out as I am, meet and talk and generally fit in with people on the whole.  I have found a "chosen family" in the Trans community and it is wonderful. 

Link to comment

@DawnD I understand about emotional eating for sure, and a big thing that helped me was to increase healthier foods into my day. I bought a lot of fruit and vegetables, and drink water with everything i ate. I peed a lot at first, and felt bloated, but after a while it gets better cause the body can process water better that snacks.  I dont deny myself snacks, or deserts, I just use a different approach. I didnt go cold turkey, this has been a long process. I went in knowing, it took mew a while to gain, it will take me a while to lose weight. 

Go at your own pace, inside the house and outside the house. Talking about this is very good, it will help. There are many people here that have a great amount of experience and we want to share our love with you. 

 

??

Link to comment
2 hours ago, Jani said:

 I am 5' 12" 

Lol. I used to be almost 5’ 13”. Now I’m only 5’ 11-1/2” ?

 

There is no such thing as too big. One of my besties is a 6-3” trans woman. She passes as well as I do too. Not that that even matters. Transition is about finding yourself. Being proud of who you are. Loving yourself even with your flaws and problem areas. Learning how to accept who you are. 

 

There may not be a million women as tall as you in one place. But there’s plenty of tall girls for sure. And hey maybe you’ll shrink a little like I did. 

 

Weight is an issue for everyone. But it can be reversed. I was 250 and now I’m mid 170s. Time. Patience. Commitment. Consistency. That’s what you need for that. 

 

Also I was darn near bald myself. Finestaride, hormones, biotin, daily vitamins, rogaine, and healthy living have given me a really good jump on fixing that. And there’s more options out there like laser caps and hair transplants. I am confident I’ll get it back. But if not there’s always caps and wigs which can be even better than natural hair. 

 

Im sure I can give you an option for most any fear. But ultimately you need to decide for yourself what is right for you. Don’t let fear run your life. It’s had its turn. Now it’s yours!! 

 

I wish you the best of luck on whatever you decide. Welcome to our little corner of the world. 

Kirsten 

Link to comment

Welcome Dawn. 

 

How you think the world sees you has a lot to do with how you see yourself.  For me, at one time, I was fixated on what I perceived my exterior needed to look like.  But once it became more clear to me as to who I am, the less I worried about physical appearance.  When I come out of the shower, I do a quick tuck, and what I see staring back at me is a beautiful women.  

This is a great forum, and there are a lot of women here that I admire for their confidence, and that have given me strength.

Feel good about yourself and project that outward confidence of a strong woman; the world can’t help but look at you the same way as you do yourself.  

 

Janae

Link to comment

Hello Dawn, and welcome!

The others ladies advice I couldn't hope to improve on. For me it's not so much about passing, but giving the world a very clear indication of how you want to be perceived. I'm 52, 6'1 and wear size 11 shoes. As you can see I'm no beauty either lol.

The thing is people make up their mind about your gender in a split second and that is what sticks. so you have a split second to convince them! When in public I get treated as a woman, (I have developed an acceptable woman's voice) even though I'm sure no one who gives me a second look will think I am! Get them on that first glance!  I have only been out in public as woman for a couple of months, but I'm just loving it. Prior to that I was gender fluid, I had a full beard, and even dressed to the nines as a woman, it was always sir...It's that first glance....

Most of all, just enjoy your true self, baby steps, take your time....

Link to comment

Thank you all for the wisdom, love, and support .... this is a great place.. I am not sure what the future holds, whether I come out or stay in the shadows. At least for now I can dress at home freely now, and I have been able to move to wearing panties nearly 24/7, except those rare times where the risk of being caught is too high. It's funny this is an interesting stage I read how women can't wait to take their bras off when hey get home, and here I can't wait to put one on at the end of the day. Of course if I transition and have to wear one my relationship might change once the novelty wears off. Thanks again, I feel a lot better

I do wish there was a proceadure that reduced the size of your feet. I can get by with my current size but at women's size 15, shoes are hard to find. And I love shoes...... of types. I am a sucker for them and would probable have a huge collection if i were in the normal size range. Oh well... Thanks again.

 

Love

 

Dawn

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 129 Guests (See full list)

    • Sally Stone
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      768k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,015
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Bowie Ellis
      Bowie Ellis
      (19 years old)
    2. Damien Mcknight
      Damien Mcknight
      (18 years old)
    3. JJ
      JJ
      (77 years old)
    4. KathyLauren
      KathyLauren
      (70 years old)
    5. memyselfandwe
      memyselfandwe
      (44 years old)
  • Posts

    • Carolyn Marie
      https://apnews.com/article/title-ix-sexual-assault-transgender-sports-d0fc0ab7515de02b8e4403d0481dc1e7   The revised regulations don't touch on trans athletes; which I totally understand, as that's become a third rail issue and this is an election year.  But the other changes seem pretty sensible, and will obviously result in immediate right wing lawsuits.   Carolyn Marie
    • missyjo
      darling you have wonderful taste..I especially love the red dress n sneaker outfit   enjoy   missy
    • Carolyn Marie
      Very well said, @Abigail Genevieve, and very true.  Thank you.   Carolyn Marie
    • Susan R
      Trans Group Zoom Meeting Tomorrow!!   Trans Group Zoom Meeting Times: April 20, 2024 6:00 PM Pacific Time April 20, 2024 8:00 PM Central Time April 21, 2024 11:00 AM Australia/Melbourne   Message me for the meeting link if you’d like to attend.   *Hugs* Susan R🌷
    • Susan R
      They may win a few battles but not the war! as @Davie pointed out there is little truth if it full of lies, inconsistencies, and ignores evidence to the contrary. I saw this article earlier and have to agree here. Truth will win. This isn’t the first time this tactic has been tried. Always stick with the truth!
    • Susan R
      Welcome @violet r! Glad you joined our forum and got through the hardest part…that first post. As many have mentioned, we are more than accepting here as we affirm your gender identity and hold no judgement, whatsoever. There’s so much here on this forum, I think you’ll find very helpful. If you have trouble finding an answer just reach out, try the search but starting a new thread is usually best to get some quick answers. Many are here for various transgender related issues but many, if not all, are here to help one another if we can. It’s great to have you onboard.   Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷
    • Willow
      good evening   good day at work today.  I did do some things a little out of normal but everything was completed successfully.  As I said earlier, the Asst Mgr was my second today.  I don’t think she was too happy about that.  Several customers asked her where Richard was her answer was the manager cut his hours.  Well that is only part of the story,  his hours were cut just like mine were and several others but in his case he made demands about his hours that couldn’t be met.  But instead of making some non complaining remark about it she made sure to lay it all on the manager, thus throwing the manager under the bus.  Similarly when asked why she hadn’t been at work early mornings, she said she was being punished by the manager.  Well that’s partly true, she wouldn’t do what the manager told her to do so she took her off opening.  But secondarily she didn’t have a car to drive temporarily.  You can’t open the store without a car because who ever opens has tasks that require them to leave the store, so it was  at least partly her own fault.  But she chose to throw the manager under the bus for that.  I think she is asking to be fired for insubordination.  And if the manager gets these conversations off the security tape tomorrow she just might get her wish.   im pretty close to being ready to take the asst position but there isn’t anyone ready to take over my job, at least not at our store.  I suppose the other shift lead could if she is able to work earlier shifts and if the other closers were just a bit more reliable.   Ive been wanting some homefried chicken.  We found a BBQ place not far away that had such a chicken but I is made fresh when ordered so it has a 30 minute wait.  It was worth the wait and the other things we tried were also good.  Another restaurant on the list.  At least half of what we ordered came home for another meal.   i get to sleep in tomorrow, I go to work at 1:30!   Willow
    • Abigail Genevieve
      It was nine thirty.  Saturday morning had rolled around more quickly than Taylor could believe.  She groaned, whined, thought of a million excuses why she should just stay in bed and knock the alarm across the room.  But it would still be going on, and so would the promise to Bob: when the gi came in, she would be in. There it was in its nice package, out where she could not miss it.  Why didn't she hide it?  She shook her head.   Up she got.  Sometimes you just do.  Her hair was a wreck. She patted it down and went to the bathroom.  Nine forty five. Shower later. No make up. She hated kara-tay especially at an ungodly early hour on a Saturday morning. Bagel. Instant coffee.  She was five minutes away when she realized she had forgotten the gi.  Back she went.   Into the dojo.  She had about five minutes to get the gi on.  She attempted to slip in unnoticed and go to the little restroom. Someone barked something out in Japanese or something, and there was a dead silence.  She turned to see what was going on. Both classes were getting into their lines, but everyone, including Bob, was bowing slightly. To her. Bob nodded, and she returned the bow.  Life started again. She was touched.   Bowing three times. Oath. Kata.  She was facing off with Judy as her partner.  Judy looked worried.   "Sometimes you just gotta pick yourself up and try again," Taylor told her. She nodded. "Let's do this."   Lunge punch and lower block.  They traded off like nothing had happened the last weekend.  Lunge punch and middle block. Lunge punch and upper block.  It was kind of like dancing. Taylor enjoyed it.  She wanted to learn more.  Brown-belt Maggie adjusted position of limbs and hips for both Taylor and Judy, telling them when she was about to do something: elbow up a bit".    "How'd you do?" Bob asked her later.  They had both gone home and showered. Now they were in a booth at a fast food place.   "I was kind of disappointed class ended. I was ready for more."   "That's my trooper."   "I'm not allowing you in my apartment until we are married," she said suddenly.   "You think I am a problem?"   "No.  I think you are safe. You passed the test  I am the problem here."   "Okay."   "What did the doctor tell you?"   "It's complicated.  More tests coming.  Like getting into college.  I got a letter back.  It seems there is this big fat M on my transcript and my current picture is not an M type picture.  I have to write a letter and send them notarized proofs and stuff. Just delays. This is a pain. Nothing cut and dried."   "I will say.  I'm glad I'm not transgender."   "Hah. You are pulled into my world.  You are involved in this stuff as much as I am, and, as you put it, of your own free will."   "You are worth it."   "I hope so."   "I know so."      
    • Abigail Genevieve
      On the way back to her desk she was interrupted by six short, urgent conversations that had to be attended to. Then she slipped into the women's room and locked the stall door.  She took a deep breath, then another, and allowed herself to shake for five minutes,  Then deep breathing, ten in and ten out, stretch up, touch the floor, neck rolls and she was fine. She used the toilet and a woman knocked and said, "Taylor, are you okay?"   "Ready to conquer the world!"  on her way out she found her makeup was fine.  Three stalls, two sinks.  If she ever designed a women's room with three stalls, there would be four sinks, with plenty of space to plunk your stuff down between them.   She met a deferential Karen.  "Here is the branding I came up with," she said.  And she went back to working as hard as Brenda and Mary, who looked up worriedly and then went back to the proposal.   Shortly before 5:00 she received an email with the title Consolidation and Compensation.  In it she learned that the position of office manager was eliminated, and the current office manager was to become the chief executive officer. The former CEO, along with the CFO, the chief legal officer, and sundry staff, had been terminated, per the Board of Directors.  Effective immediately everyone would receive a base salary of $20,000 with a commission to be set by the individual's supervisor.  Each supervisor would be given a certain percentage to distribute.  Most functions they had been handled would be outsourced as needed.   "The question of what profit was made last year is frequent enough to be answered.  The company lost over 500,000 in fiscal 2023.  At this point further cuts are not anticipated.  We will be strategically adding positions that will enhance our profits. Hard work is expected of everyone."   Her two web guys had been complaining because their games had been remotely uninstalled.  After the memo came out they were absolutely silent.  That gave her an idea, and after an exchange of emails they were reassigned to maintenance out at the plant, effective tomorrow morning.  There were lots of weeds that needed pulling, if nothing else. That email went out after they left early, for the day.  The maintenance foreman was a no-nonsense type who did not tolerate slacking, and they would learn a thing or two.  This also freed up two spaces for her to put new people.
    • MaeBe
      So…I didn’t know your Facebook avatar was public. So, on my birthday, a couple people used a group avatar message to wish me a happy birthday…and now my Facebook friends can see a short video of my female avatar dancing with an old friend’s and another with my uncle’s avatars. So am I “Facebook out” now? 😬
    • Davie
      No, they are not. Truth wins in the end and this report is full of lies that poison the whole thing: see this: "Dr. Cass Backpedals From Review: HRT, Blockers Should Be Made Available it's said. Dr. Cass's latest statements are likely to cast more doubt on the validity of the study, which has come under fire for disregarding substantial evidence on trans care." https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/dr-cass-backpedals-from-review-hrt?publication_id=994764&post_id=143743897&isFreemail=true&r=rebf4&triedRedirect=true I hope Dr. Cass wins The Mengele Award for it.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I went to a support group for spouses dating or married to a transgender person on Tuesday night for the first time.It was amazing meeting other couples like us.One was a genetic woman whom has been dating a transgender male for the first time and she is supporting his transition.Us,they were amazed by us agreeing on something we said,love and acceptance have brought us together
    • Abigail Genevieve
      By which I mean there is a cultural stereotype of what a man is, and one of what a woman is.  Even worse, of what a transgender person is.   You be you.   I read of a boy who thought he was a girl because he did not adhere to some (rather toxic) conceptions of what it means to be a man, so he decided he was a girl.  He was told he didn't have to conform to stereotype and got happy. "You mean I don't have to transition?" He didn't want to, and was relieved.   Once upon a time if you were transgender they told you either you transition or die.   Incorporate the best of what it means to be a man and the best of what it means to be a woman as much as you possibly can, and let the rest go.  Be fully human. Be alive. Don't conform to some cultural crud.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      On the way back to her desk she was interrupted by six short, urgent conversations that had to be attended to. Then she slipped into the women's room and locked the stall door.  She took a deep breath, then another, and allowed herself to shake for five minutes,  Then deep breathing, ten in and ten out, stretch up, touch the floor, neck rolls and she was fine. She used the toilet and a woman knocked and said, "Taylor, are you okay?"   "Ready to conquer the world!"  on her way out she found her makeup was fine.  Three stalls, two sinks.  If she ever designed a women's room with three stalls, there would be four sinks, with plenty of space to plunk your stuff down between them.   She met a deferential Karen.  "Here is the branding I came up with," she said.  And she went back to working as hard as Brenda and Mary, who looked up worriedly and then went back to the proposal.   Shortly before 5:00 she received an email with the title Consolidation and Compensation.  In it she learned that the position of office manager was eliminated, and the current office manager was to become the chief executive officer. The former CEO, along with the CFO, the chief legal officer, and sundry staff, had been terminated, per the Board of Directors.  Effective immediately everyone would receive a base salary of $20,000 with a commission to be set by the individual's supervisor.  Each supervisor would be given a certain percentage to distribute.  Most functions they had been handled would be outsourced as needed.   "The question of what profit was made last year is frequent enough to be answered.  The company lost over 500,000 in fiscal 2023.  At this point further cuts are not anticipated.  We will be strategically adding positions that will enhance our profits. Hard work is expected of everyone."   Her two web guys had been complaining because their games had been remotely uninstalled.  After the memo came out they were absolutely silent.  That gave her an idea, and after an exchange of emails they were reassigned to maintenance out at the plant, effective tomorrow morning.  There were lots of weeds that needed pulling, if nothing else. That email went out after they left early, for the day.  The maintenance foreman was a no-nonsense type who did not tolerate slacking, and they would learn a thing or two.  This also freed up two spaces for her to put new people.
    • Davie
      Except for this thung thwister: Theophilus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter, in sifting a sieve full of unsifted thistles, thrust three-thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb. Now if, Theophilus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter, in sifting a sieve full of of unsifted thistles, thrust three-thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb, how many thistles can'st thou thrust through the thick of thy thumb . . . in sifting a sieve-full of unsifted thistles? Success to the successful thistle sifter!
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...