Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

OlyVersion1

I wish my family would disown me

Recommended Posts

OlyVersion1

This probably sounds selfish, but sometimes I wish my family would just disown me. They don’t understand the transgender community and haven’t even tried to understand. Even though they still talk to me and aren’t hate filled people, I just don’t feel a connection with them and feel so isolated. Our relationships weren’t completely destroyed after I came out, but our relationships still don’t seem the same. 

After I came out, my mom said she would love me and support me no matter what, but a couple of day later, I got up just to hear her yelling at me (for a few different reasons) and explaining to me how I’m not transgender and can never be a boy because of things that she wouldn’t understand the reasoning to. In that moment, I was standing there crying and having a panic attack, and it was worse knowing that she has gone experienced multiple panic attacks before that moment. That is a feeling I will never be able to forget. A few months later, I tried coming out again and explaining my feelings; I got the same words in a calm message version. I was just being influenced by my friends and the rest of society and will never be a real boy. She said we might need to start going to church.

My dad wasn’t that bad. I never got any of the yelling that my mom gave me, I still got the “I’ll love you no matter what,” but I also got told that I’ll always be his princess and I’m not a boy to him. My dad doesn’t seem to want to even build a good relationship with me. A few years ago, he got into an accident from drunk driving. He said he was going to change his priorities, but I didn’t seem to be a priority. I rarely see him; He seems so focused on dating and work. I understand that those are important things, but it hurts when I feel much lower on his list. He’s has a lot to do at work, and I understand that, but I don’t understand other things. He’s willing to text other people both inside and outside of work, but most of the texts I receive have to do with upcoming events or holidays or a school announcement and rarely just a text to have a conversation since we don’t get to spend mucvh time together. He’s willing to invite other people to his house after work, but he’s too tired after work to see me. I don’t see why I care about being at his house; it’s usually him sleeping while I go into the other room and play piano. Last year, including holidays and birthdays, I saw him about 9 or 10 time. There were some times my mom had to beg him to take me to/pick me up from school, but a ride in the car isn’t really spending time together. So far this year, I’ve spent time with him 5 times this year. 

My nana had the worsts reaction when I came out. She told me that I needed to start reading the Bible and going to church. She told me that my mom should have made the choice of home schooling me and that I shouldn’t have the friends that I do. She flat out told me that my friends are dumbing me down. That God made me so smart and I’ve decided to let others turn me into an idiot. I hear her talking about how stupid my community as well as others are terrible. I’ve even heard heard her talking about it with my mom multiple time. One time they were talking about the trans community and how they have a mental illness and need to just accepts themselves. I can’t remember the exact words of my nana’s rant, but my mom was speaking about how she thought she was a boy as a kid because of her big hands. That’s when I realized that neither of them understood. My nana was also saying something about medical professionals and “transgenderism” one time, and has just had rants about thins she seen on the news more times than I can’t count. She did it once just last week.  

The rest of my family hasn’t heard anything about this, but that just makes this feeling worse. It’s either the strong relationships or the weak ones that boosts this thought. I have a happy and strong relationship ship with my grandfather and step-grandmother, and I don’t want to hurt them. They wouldn’t understand if I came out to them, and my other choice is to throw away a great relationship when I’m 18. My weaker relationship is with my grandmother. I can easily tell that I was never the favorite grandchild. She spends more time with my cousins than she does with me. She is also very conservative. If I were to come out, I’d be surprised if I wasn’t disowned.

I know that I’d never stop myself from transitioning, even if I have to sacrifice these relationships. Sometimes I wish these relationships could sacrifice themselves. I wish my mom could get tired of a child who’s apparently being influenced by society and didn’t turn out how she wanted, I wish my dad could forget about his child and just go for his job and the relationship he’s been searching for for years, I wish my nana could be happy with her cishet family, I wish my grandfather and step-grandmother wouldn’t have to deal with losing me when I’m 18, and I wish my grandmother didn’t have to deal with the one who isn’t the favorite who basically goes against her beliefs. I feels it would be so much easier for everyone. I wouldn’t have to deal with the fear, and they wouldn’t have to deal with the me that they didn’t want. 

Again, this probably sounds selfish, but I feel like it would work better for everyone. As much as I love them, I don’t want to stick to relationships that can hurt me in the end; As much as they say they love me, I don’t want to hurt them or make them mad. They say they’d love me no matter what, but most of them have shown me otherwise in some way.

Share this post


Link to post
Kamarka

Dear Oly,

That sounds like such a painful situation. My heart is hurting for you.

I, too, come from a conservative family. I'm not out to them here at 18 and never plan to be. They say a lot of the same things about trans people and the LGBT community in general that hurts to hear. That being said, I've thought about how much or how little I'll have to sever myself from them in order to live my life. For me, and maybe it's because I'm weak, I don't want to be cut off from them. Leading a double life might be my only choice, and it looks like that's what's fallen apart for you. 

You were brave in telling your family. They say they love you, and I think maybe they truly believe they do and are pushing 'tough love' instead of considering your feelings and that you don't feel loved. But if it's hurting, then you're so right to want to not stick to them. That's pulling you out of so many potentially emotionally abusive situations. 

You're not being 'influenced by society' and I'm glad you know that. Transgender people have always been here. We're in every culture across the world, whether we're accepted, or, in the world today, just coming into our own. Heck, I was homeschooled when I was a kid, am still traditional Catholic and still happen to be transgender! 

As we grow up, we'll find people who will support us. We'll find our own families and friends. We'll make new relationships and it will be up to our families growing up to burn those bridges down if they want nothing to do with us. 

You'll find your people. And, yes, you'll be someone's favorite guy. 😊

Just hang on, man, because it does get better. Others like us are living proof of that. 

Share this post


Link to post
VickySGV

To me it does not sound selfish at all, but I am an older Trans Woman who has been out for many years.  You have known about yourself for a number of years possibly, judging from your profile page, 6 or 7 or more but your family has never really dreamed that you could be what you say. 

 

The Bible does not have the answers they think it does.  I know because I am deeply involved in my church and have studied the Bible at College + levels, and know it for a book that is far different than most people see it.  It actually says for them to love you even if you are Trans or even Lesbian or Gay.  You will not convince them of that however. so I do not recommend trying to refute their version of things. 

 

My suggestion is that since you are here, use us to discuss your feelings and please do  not try to harm yourself.  In your state, you have school counselors who you can talk to in most districts.  Talk to them about how your school work is going and some of the other problems that I know this is creating.  It is only 5 years from now that you will be able to be on your own, and then you can leave them behind and maybe some day come home where they will be amazed at the wonderful person you have become.  5 years is 1,866 days that will actually fly by if you take them one day at a time.  Keep your spirits and your grades up, and talk to us I hope we will be here then.  I just reached my 8th anniversary here as a member and time has gone so fast.  If you have not joined Chat do so.  Our goal is to keep you safe.  I you do feel in danger though, go to your school counselor, a police department or Emergency hospital.

Share this post


Link to post
Motormouth95

My family is mostly conservative, and when I came out, I had similar reactions. That was nearly 6 years ago. Since then, I've had a kind of "don't ask, don't tell" policy with the issue, which means that unless someone specifically asked about something, I don't volunteer any information. Also, I learned how to let things roll off my back and go in one ear and out the other. For my well-being and sanity, I had to. If something cut too deeply, then I would vent to a trusted friend or mentor, but never to my family. 

You do have an outlet here, a place where there is no judgement. Always remember that. It may not be the same as having a physical person, but it does help.

Sometimes, a break of sorts is needed to process events in a relationship. Space can help heal the divide the other person perceives to be there. 

I wish you the best. 

Share this post


Link to post
Kirsten

Oly,  families can suck. For sure. We tent to hold them to a different standard than other people since they are “blood” but the truth is they are only people. Just like everyone else. They have their beliefs. They have their phobias. They have their opinions too. And they even have their flaws. It’s hard to not expect what we do from family. Especially since it’s their teachings that make us feel how we do. But at the end of the day, people are just people. And you have to be able to accept them for who they are just as you want from them to you. It’s sad and difficult when these ideals don’t line up. But it happens. 

 

If they are still talking to you, you aren’t out of options. Educate them. Be patient. Try to get them to seek some therapy help as well if they will. But remember that you can’t control what happens. Whatever happens, you’ll figure it out. Be true to yourself and always strive for greatness and you’ll never fail. 

 

I haven't seen my family in almost a year now. I called and forgave my mother on mother’s day for the awful life they gave me because I have learned that even though they were awful and so wrong, it was all done because they loved me. (Well some of it at least. Some was just because they are bad parents/people in general) It was just wrong. It may not mend our broken bonds, but I’m free to move on now. And I have. And sometimes that’s where the road leads. 

 

I truly hope things get better for you. ❤️❤️

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 143 Guests (See full list)

    • Willa
    • Puppy and cat
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      68,400
    • Total Posts
      618,911
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      5,374
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Avery Ann
    Newest Member
    Avery Ann
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Raider901234
      Raider901234
      (44 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ellora
      Happy Birthday! 💜
    • Ellora
      HAppy belated birthday! 💜
    • BerndB
      Thank you, I just think, that it does get to me, to have been going forward and backward the last two years. And then having a consultant, which is not very sensitive and not very forthcoming with information. Anyway, it is good to speak about it and getting it off my chest.
    • VickySGV
      Good going girl!!   For some of them it is following the herd of ants and not intentional meanness to you for others, their concepts of "reality" need to grow up, but for now you have done what was really left to do.
    • Ellora
      Go with your bad self! Woohoo! 🤗 Thats great that you had the strength and courage to rid the negative people from your life. No time for that nonsense. Very Happy for you! 💜
    • VickySGV
      Thank you for the additional info there, it does help to know what is going on.  My Endocrinologist explained one thing to me that may help a tiny bit.  It is not the levels in your blood that determine effectiveness.  Our bodies have receptor cells for the hormones that they need to pass through in order to work.  In my case, I did have constantly low doses and still they did a satisfactory, but not phenomenal job of bringing me to where I most likely  would have been if they had started at age 11 instead of age 60.  It did take me nearly 4 years to max out in most ways and longer in a couple of others.
    • BerndB
      Hi, looks like I've got a bit more explaining to do. In Scotland you see a specific clinic for transgender problems, but your local GP has to then write out the prescription orders, once the clinic got in contact with them. I had problems with the local GP and also there was a problem with the general supply of the prescription on and of for about  a year. The supply is now steady and I found eventually a surgery, which is prepared to write out the prescription, but still see the consultant from the transgender clinic. He did prescribe the various dosages. This is not something I have decided to do on my own. Sorry, if I came across wrongly there.
    • Raven1981
      Just want to share that today I had to do the hardest thing and that I had to get rid of 2 old friends off my social media and block there phone numbers.   These were friends that I grew up with since I was little and when I came out, they said that they were alright with me and that they support me.  But then I found out that they were posting hateful Trans things on social media, one of my friends told me that I will never be a real woman.  Both of my old friends I am finding out were actually hating and discrimating against the LGBTQ community.  So I deleted them from all my social media, blocked their numbers and told myself, that I don't need to be around this type of hate.  I am happy and confident to finally be me and I don't need these type of people in my life who are hurtful.   So I am feeing myself from negative people.
    • Jani
      Hi BerndB.  I think your doctor may have been a bit harsh there with that admonishment.   It seems obvious to me your levels are not consistent with you're dosages but I am not a doctor.  I assume being in the UK you are under care of the NHS.  Is there a better way to ensure a steady supply?  Is it a local issue or country wide problem?   I don't know anything about T methods of delivery so you should discuss this with your doctor or another medical professional.   Jani 
    • VickySGV
      Welcome to the Forums, I hope we can give you some direction here.   How are you getting your levels checked if the doctor is not ordering the tests and evaluating them as they are done?  If the doctor is evaluating the results and sees no problem, then there is not much to be done.  Trying the "various dosages" (which we cannot discuss on these forums) without the doctor's approving the change or monitoring it over a long period of time is very hazardous and will create some strange effects that are not going to be fun.  The fact that you have an unreliable source of the drug may indicate that another more certainly supplied medication is what is needed here so you do not get peaks and valleys.  You are looking at 3 to six years for full physical maturity of the HRT effects comes on and in that period things go fast and slow just as is.  By all means get a second doctor to review and consult with your doctor but do not become that consulting doctor by wishing. 
    • Charlize
      I have severe coronary artery disease and could never consider anything other than topical E.  Shots or pills would be risky at best.  It took a long time before Dr.  McGinn in consultation with my cardiologist worked out a plan for me.  They would never allow the other methods of using E as they are much more likely to have serious side effects including clotting which would be fatal for me.  Saying that injections are safest is totally incorrect!   I am not an MD and neither are other member here so please remember to speak to your doctor who knows your medical issues.  There are many false thoughts out there which is why we don't allow members to speak of dosages here.  What may work for one may cause terrible damage or death to another.  This site was started by a woman who suffered terrible damage but fortunately survived. If the pro and cons of various delivery devises continues to be discussed here this thread may be removed.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Charlize
      Welcome Tammy Anne.  I think you will find you are not alone.  Anyone who tells you they don't live with at least occasional doubts is probably less than honest.   The trick for me was to find self acceptance.     Hugs,   Charlize
    • BerndB
      Hi, I'm new here. I had been on and off testogel for the last 2 years due to having supply problems and very unhelpful GPs. When I am on testogel, my testosterone levels are way to high, in the 50s, often my estrogen levels as well. I kept on trying various dosages, but either they are too high or, when low enough, like in the lower 20s, then I seem to go pretestosterone. Like my voice, which hasn't settled yet, is going up, my hair changes again, I gain a typically female proportioned body, loose my physical strength to pretestosterone levels and become severely depressed. Also, I have not experienced any change with my clitoris. When I talk to my doctor, he doesn't believe that I go pretestosterone and thinks that I am like a testosterone junkie, also thinks, that it is just pot luck, whether anything happens at all with your clitoris. But he offered, that maybe I should go on 3 weekly or 3 monthly injections. Apart from the fact, that the 3 monthly injections seem to be much more painful, he did not explain the differences between the 2 types of injections. The whole thing is slightly getting me down, also now twice being compared to a testosterone junkie makes me start doubting myself. I really don't know how to deal with this guy. Anyway, would be great if anybody knows a bit more about those different types of injections.
    • Ellora
      Very true, and this is why I love this place, TP allows us to express our concerns and getting real life info and suggestions.    I feel you, Family is everything. I have chosen not to tell my kids yet, cause I dont feel the timing is right. I may never tell them, for I am happy the way I am doing things right now, and they are also happy. 😃 
    • Kirsten
      Thank you everyone. I really do appreciate everything. I am not stopping my meds, just the rest. No more of the constant online therapy I’m dishing out (currently I spend 2-3 hours writing to people here on fb and ig!!) no more updates and blogging. (That’s another hour+)  no more surgery talk. No more hair removal. No more makeup. No more of any of that. Just this half boy half girl life I’m living.    I think my wife feels this will be better. And I am obliged to try. Our relationship is just as important to me as transition. And honestly being online talking to so many girls about all this stuff causes added stress to life plus it creates these unachievable goals. I have a family and a wife. I can’t do what works for all the single girls out there nor can I do what all of the kids or retirees do either. For better or worse. That was my vow. This is somewhere between hard and or worse. So it’s time to try another route.    Thankyou for everything and ill try to pop in here and there. But I’m going dark for the most part with online life. Message me on fb or here. I’ll check my mail. And really good luck to everyone. I hope y’all find what you’re looking for. This journey is just about impossible. You’ll need all the luck you can find. ❤️❤️   As far as this goes,, I don’t think there’s a best way. They all work differently for everyone. I have talked to soooooo many girls over the last year. And everyone has different meds. Some people take 12 pills a day of this that and the other. Some have an injection and nothing else. Some have a patch and pills. And everyone has different doses that work with their body. My body couldn’t do what it was supposed to with the pills. Swallowed of sublingually. (Which is barely a difference cause most of it just drips down your throat with your spit anyways) So they are trying injections. They seem to be the most sure way of getting enough e into your body. I’ll prolly need less t blockers now too.    Its all a balancing act for everyone. None are better or worse. They just are. Just like all of us. We are all similar but different. Find yourself. Find your path. And find your bliss. But when you find it, do whatever you need to keep it. My family is my bliss. I’ll never stop trying to save it. Ever. Until the day I can’t have a say.  ❤️Y’all. 💋💋
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...