Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Over Femenizing???


mochi90

Recommended Posts

So for the past year I've been "out" as genderqueer. Meaning that I'm not allowed to talk about my dysphoria with my family, but I routinely bitch about it via social media and go by a male name.

 

My family managed to convince me to go back to living as female, though, so 90% of the time I present as femme or gender neutral. I even started growing my hair out and bought a skirt (which I will never wear in public). 

 

I read online that it is common for eggs (closeted trans or questioning folk) to act overly feminine or masculine in order to reassure themselves that they are actually cis or that being trans is just a phase. I think that's what I've been doing. Anyone else do or go through a similar phase? 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I lived as a male for 63 years because of pressure from family and friends.  Over time i became quite "butch".  In fact i was a tough dude.  Working heavy construction, as a design builder and farmer certainly were heavily male activities.  At this point i no longer regret that past.  I'm an old woman now but still working the farm and enjoying the effort involved as i am able.  I don't think of my past work as an attempt to reassure myself that i'm male .  Instead it was a requirement of a society that didn't accept a non binary reality.  Oddly it may be easier in this society to be female with strong male attributes than it is to be a "sissy" male.  That word SISSY says so much!   

Our paths are interesting.  Sharing here, reading about others and gender therapy has helped me find and accept my reality.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Perhaps the main thing I noticed was that when I was finally able (or confident enough) to go out female I had a tendency to overdo it. Nowadays I am mostly less concerned. I have never rejected my feminine side and, probably because I am somewhat a rebel, have never felt I should. In a similar way I am not against my male upbringing either although am not sure it was for the best.

 

Tracy

Link to comment

I guess a shaved head with a goatee  and law enforcement can be considered "over doing it" now that I think of it.

 

Now that Ive taken T out of the loop, I can look back and see my manly man ways a bit more clearly, and How i would use my deep voice and manly man expressions. 

 

My friend has been surprised how much ive changed now that im out to her, and even more so after my Orchie.  Ive even heard a couple of "Welcome to being a woman" (That actually makes me very happy when i hear that, every time.)

A bit ago I expected to hear comments and questions about my shaved legs. Never, ever, lol. Not until my friend told her sister (her sister is totally ok with everything), did she say "Well that explains the shaved legs." LoL, we both laughed cause I know how she must have said it, she can be very funny, I love them both like they are sisters, always have, well, except for my friend, I dated her for 6yrs, but we have stayed great friends. anyhooo. I guess we do what we have to do at times. Especially if we are wingin' it. 

Im sure things would have been different for me if I was was born later in a more excepting time, but here we are now. Here I am now. 

We are all still learning, especially since things are changing almost daily, Ups and Downs.

I hope that you can be yourself, I cant wait until we can all be ourselves. Enjoy every day when possible. I hope you can find your inner peace during the difficult times.

Im feeling great with my changes, and Ive still have to go along ways in some areas. 

Link to comment

My abusive stepdad had a huge and overwhelming influence over my life growing up. He was a military officer and craved making 'Stepford Wives' a reality. You can imagine how that went over with the quiet queer kid (me) that came packaged with my mother. Spoiler Alert: it was hell.

For years during my adult life, even after counseling, I struggled not to default to his expectations of me. It was like a bizarre self-defense mechanism from an ingrained instinct to avoid punishment. For anything I did that was particularly "public", I fell back on traditional cis-gender roles as to not rock the boat. That's why my wedding pictures feature me in drag (a big fluffy wedding dress) with my hair grown out.

Looking at those pictures, it's hard to see myself.

When I renew my vows, I'm wearing a fricken suit, like I should've the first time.

 

So to answer your question, I have dressed in drag to convince others I was cis. There was no possibility of lying to myself.

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

I went through a phase of trying to date men as a very feminine woman. It never worked out well, since I'm actually a mostly straight guy! I went super-overboard with the feminine presentation at social events trying to prove to people that I was female (before I was able to accept my own transgender self), but I could never really pull it off. It always felt too uncomfortable for me to be able to pull off the act for very long. I quit trying when I realized and accepted that I am really a guy trapped in a girl-body. My mom has tried so hard to make me a girly-girl, but I just CAN'T do it! So, I no longer try. I'm me, although I can't use my preferred name or pronouns with my family. They don't accept LGBTQ anything...

 

All that to say, yes, I certainly did go through the over-compensation phase. It helped me figure out my truth, so I'm not going to say I regret it. It was an important learning experience.

Link to comment

hey Mochi90. like Charliza and Ellora... I too over compensated my macho attire to remain macho, but I don't think that what yr asking but I am recently doing my best to be more fem...I guess its really up too you to decided when and where to draw the line with yr situation..good luck be proud stay strong

Link to comment

For many years, I certainly adopted a very masculine appearance.  I was a traditional skinhead (not to be confused with the racist types that seem to be prevalent in some countries), with very short hair and large "mutton chop" sideburns.

 

Over time, I gradually became more and more uncomfortable about myself, and I always felt "wrong" somehow.  In the end, I just wanted to hide myself away, and I grew a long beard and wore scruffy old clothes.  At that time, I hadn't managed to work out what the problem was, even though, with hindsight, it seems obvious.  The signs have always been there, but we are not taught to recognise them.

 

Unfortunately, the female skinhead look doesn't suit me.

 

Robin.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 122 Guests (See full list)

    • Mmindy
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,939
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Chaidoesart
    Newest Member
    Chaidoesart
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. **Angela Charlotte **
      **Angela Charlotte **
    2. Carlie
      Carlie
      (63 years old)
    3. Cbxshawn
      Cbxshawn
      (49 years old)
    4. HannahO
      HannahO
      (31 years old)
    5. JustKatie
      JustKatie
      (40 years old)
  • Posts

    • Charlize
      It certainly could be classed as dark humor.  Unfortunately the sentiments alone must hurt young trans folks.  Decency and reality doesn't seem to be in the GOP's vocabulary.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Mmindy
      Good morning all,    It’s a frosty morning here the lawn looks silvery, and the uncovered spring flowers have icy edges on their leaves. The only flower bed I covered was my tulips. As nice as it is here during the day, our clear wind free nights allow the temperatures to drop into the mid twenties. Here in our growing zone it’s recommended that you not plant delicate plants until Mother’s Day. Central Indiana can have snow as late as the third week of May. The birds are active at the feeders, I’ve had my cup of yoghurt and morning meds. So I’ll sit here, drink coffee and watch the as the sunrise chases the frost from the yard.    @awkward-yet-sweet I could eat black eyed peas as a side for every meal. Boil them plain or with fatback. Served as a leftover, just add in a little Rotel Original Diced Tomatoes & Green Chilies.  Make the best of your day,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋    
    • Mirrabooka
      I hope y'all look at this one. A catchy tune released at the end of Covid lockdown. Scarlett is so cute!!!     
    • Heather Shay
    • Mirrabooka
    • Mirrabooka
      Had a weird dream last night.
    • Mirrabooka
      Morning, y'all. Evening here; we had the regulation three mugs full today. Now it's time to drink something else.     No big plans here either, eldest daughter and granddaughter will be arriving on Saturday, and we will have our granddaughter to ourselves for a week after that. We still have plans though. Tuesday we'll go to the swim center, Wednesday we'll take a road trip to visit my mom, Thursday we'll get some mulch delivered to top up the gardens.   I still make other small plans on a daily basis though. The things I do plan nowadays, which is a bit new for me, is that after pinching a nerve and ending up in a bit of pain and getting some treatment from the physio, I am more motivated than ever to exercise more regularly. Tuesday for example, I went for a short (15 minute) early morning walk, went to the pool for some hydrotherapy, and mowed the lawns. Yesterday I did my exercise reps and spent some time on the exercise bike. Today, I went for a 45-minute walk, tomorrow I will do my reps again and go for a long bike ride. As long as I do at least one thing every day, right? The pleasing thing is that I'm losing weight! I blew out to above 95kg early in the year and I'm just under 91kg now. Yay me!
    • Heather Shay
      What one piece of advice would you give to beginning transitioners or considering transition?
    • Heather Shay
      Positive side of the mixed bag.
    • Heather Shay
      Boredom is an emotional state that comes when a person has nothing to do, and is not interested in anything. To stop boredom, most people do something to occupy or amuse themselves. The first known use of the word boredom is in the novel Bleak House by Charles Dickens, written in 1852, but the saying to be a bore had been used to mean "to be tiresome or dull" since 1768. When referring to the mind, boredom is a bad state in which the person feels a deep lack of interest in what is going on around them, and where it is hard to focus.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Mirrabooka
      ^ Your story gives inspiration to others.
    • April Marie
      Growing stronger and confident every day.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...