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Over Femenizing???

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So for the past year I've been "out" as genderqueer. Meaning that I'm not allowed to talk about my dysphoria with my family, but I routinely bitch about it via social media and go by a male name.


My family managed to convince me to go back to living as female, though, so 90% of the time I present as femme or gender neutral. I even started growing my hair out and bought a skirt (which I will never wear in public). 


I read online that it is common for eggs (closeted trans or questioning folk) to act overly feminine or masculine in order to reassure themselves that they are actually cis or that being trans is just a phase. I think that's what I've been doing. Anyone else do or go through a similar phase? 

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I lived as a male for 63 years because of pressure from family and friends.  Over time i became quite "butch".  In fact i was a tough dude.  Working heavy construction, as a design builder and farmer certainly were heavily male activities.  At this point i no longer regret that past.  I'm an old woman now but still working the farm and enjoying the effort involved as i am able.  I don't think of my past work as an attempt to reassure myself that i'm male .  Instead it was a requirement of a society that didn't accept a non binary reality.  Oddly it may be easier in this society to be female with strong male attributes than it is to be a "sissy" male.  That word SISSY says so much!   

Our paths are interesting.  Sharing here, reading about others and gender therapy has helped me find and accept my reality.





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Perhaps the main thing I noticed was that when I was finally able (or confident enough) to go out female I had a tendency to overdo it. Nowadays I am mostly less concerned. I have never rejected my feminine side and, probably because I am somewhat a rebel, have never felt I should. In a similar way I am not against my male upbringing either although am not sure it was for the best.



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I guess a shaved head with a goatee  and law enforcement can be considered "over doing it" now that I think of it.


Now that Ive taken T out of the loop, I can look back and see my manly man ways a bit more clearly, and How i would use my deep voice and manly man expressions. 


My friend has been surprised how much ive changed now that im out to her, and even more so after my Orchie.  Ive even heard a couple of "Welcome to being a woman" (That actually makes me very happy when i hear that, every time.)

A bit ago I expected to hear comments and questions about my shaved legs. Never, ever, lol. Not until my friend told her sister (her sister is totally ok with everything), did she say "Well that explains the shaved legs." LoL, we both laughed cause I know how she must have said it, she can be very funny, I love them both like they are sisters, always have, well, except for my friend, I dated her for 6yrs, but we have stayed great friends. anyhooo. I guess we do what we have to do at times. Especially if we are wingin' it. 

Im sure things would have been different for me if I was was born later in a more excepting time, but here we are now. Here I am now. 

We are all still learning, especially since things are changing almost daily, Ups and Downs.

I hope that you can be yourself, I cant wait until we can all be ourselves. Enjoy every day when possible. I hope you can find your inner peace during the difficult times.

Im feeling great with my changes, and Ive still have to go along ways in some areas. 

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My abusive stepdad had a huge and overwhelming influence over my life growing up. He was a military officer and craved making 'Stepford Wives' a reality. You can imagine how that went over with the quiet queer kid (me) that came packaged with my mother. Spoiler Alert: it was hell.

For years during my adult life, even after counseling, I struggled not to default to his expectations of me. It was like a bizarre self-defense mechanism from an ingrained instinct to avoid punishment. For anything I did that was particularly "public", I fell back on traditional cis-gender roles as to not rock the boat. That's why my wedding pictures feature me in drag (a big fluffy wedding dress) with my hair grown out.

Looking at those pictures, it's hard to see myself.

When I renew my vows, I'm wearing a fricken suit, like I should've the first time.


So to answer your question, I have dressed in drag to convince others I was cis. There was no possibility of lying to myself.

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      The Answer depends on the individual. For some people. their bodies might respond quickly, others not for years. I am 53 and have been on HRT for a little over 4 months and counting. I had an Orchiectomy a little over a month ago, and I am T free. I feel that My hips are starting to show, but not to anyone else. I can see slow breast growth happening , but only one comment about "have i been working out?" But thats Me, you and everyone else will probably have a different response. Speak with a Gender Therapist and your Doctor (that is fluent with the LGBTQ community), so they can help you with your journey. Continue researching until You are comfortable with your decisions. If you decide to start HRT, and do not like the way you look and or feel, then talk to your doctor, or stop all together.  Since you have a "year or two," you have plenty of time to do your research and talk to the GD therapist and your Doctor.  Best of luck in  your Journey!
    • Nebulous
      Facial hair is no longer my “beard”- pun intended as I’ve had laser hair removal. I guess my main question from here is the question of when the curves:fat redistribution and breasts became harder to hide. I do eventually want to live full time. I just won’t be ready to make that leap for another year or two though.
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      Thank you all so much for the warm welcome!   I'm really looking forward to dive in! Just need to sort out my thoughts into words first. I find myself wanting to write something only to end up in a haze of abstract thoughts unsure of how to translate it into language.  I struggle a lot to articulate myself, so it's nice to be in a safe space like this to try and express myself and get input from other transgender peers.   Thank you! ❤️
    • Charlize
      It is most likely possible to be on HRT for a long time without being noticed.  Remember we have many FTM members here who pass by binding etc.   Remember baldness and a bit of beard screams male.  I would think a greater issue might be whether, after starting HRT, the desire to live as yourself wouldn't grow.   I know that when i was on HRT i had no desire to be seen as male but i suppose it is possible to be in the middle ground.  Don't forget that HRT also can affect sexual abilities, fertility and preferences for some.     Hugs,   Charlize
    • Timber Wolf
      Good morning everyone,🦄   Happy Birthday DaHudie Biz!🎂 Hope you have a great day!   Lots of love, Timber Wolf 🐾
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      Hi Carol, Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!   Lots of love, Timber Wolf 🐾
    • tracy_j
      Hi Carol,   Welcome!   Tracy
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      Hi Dain,   Welcome!   Tracy
    • Alex C
      well I been on HRT and like Vicki I am stuck or set on B cup..I am small size o ( not bragging) and when I am not comfortable presenting as F..I wear Large shirts ..Vicki is also on the money with hair growth. I am bald , some hair is growing back but I relegated to wearing a wig until I die..good luck, be safe and stay proud  
    • Bananarama
      NS,   You could try looking at the following:   https://www.behindthename.com/top/lists/united-states/1980   Enter your birth year in the drop-down field, and then look through the top 1000 names that were most frequently used at the time (you can also sort the list alphabetically). If you have siblings, you could also use that as clues to what your parents might have used.   For example, my birth year was 1960, and my sister's name is Melissa. Taking that and clues of other family members led me to select 'Melanie' as a logical given name (ranked #125 on the list from the above site, and 'M-E-L' the clue from my sister). I then selected my mother's middle name 'Jean' for mine, thus I became Melanie Jean, which IMHO has a nice ring about it (it also happened to leave my initials intact, as my friends usually call me 'MJ').   Best wishes on whichever you decide. 🙂
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      Hello Dain.   Welcome.  I read Devon's post and it was interesting.  I think you will find an accepting community here.  Please join in.   Jani
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      I have been married for 44 years so I can attest to thinking at times that you're on the same wavelength when in fact you're are not.  Life and people are strange in that regard.   I think it may be time to have some serious dialogue about how he (and you) felt things have been going.     Also, in my opinion women are more prone to accept this change in a partner than men are.  Women can be close friends with each other without seeming sexual, while men never want to get too close so to not project the image of homosexuality.      
    • VickySGV
      By themselves you have a window of 3 to 6 months for the onset of action to 3 to 6 years to completion of the change per the WPATH Standards of Care.  It will also depend on the type of dressing you do at work.  Shirts and neck ties will be a problem a bit sooner, but T shirts and sweat shirts a lot longer.  A bigger issue is going to be our own nervousness and maybe a tad touchy PMS type day that will give you away.  Yes we do get mood swings pretty early in the game.  If you get in a hurry for longer hair , there goes another issue too.  Its not as bad as it was, but where I worked it could be anything from OK to physically dangerous is it was not kept right.  When I retired I had been on HRT for two years and it had not been a problem.  I have what I call family "B" cups since that is what my mother and sisters had, and loose shirts got along fine in two sizes larger than male me wore.  
    • Nebulous
      I know this is one of those mileage  varies questions- However, I cant help but ask- How long on HRT( assume( Sprio and Estrogen) before dressing in the old male attire and presenting male becomes a challenge? How long was it in your experience? I’m trying to get a good sense of when coworkers or other acquaintances might start noticing something being up.   Thanks in advance for the insight,   Dina
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      I’m really loving New Hampshire 😊
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