Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Why Are So Few People Willing to Date a Transgender Person?


Raven1981

Recommended Posts

It can be disheartening, but as someone who just started a new relationship I can say that there are wonderful people out there who are open and loving. A friend told me recently that she wasn't surprised I'd found someone because people are attracted to those who are radiating joy. I think there's some truth to that. Of course, there are tons of narrow minded people out there, but there are many who can see us for who they are and when we love ourselves it makes it easier for others to love us.

Just my two cents that there is hope!

 

Link to comment

For myself, I have always been passed over.  Even before transitioning, I have never ever ever been on a date, been, married, or kissed anyone.  I have always been single.  I really hate when people say " oh you just have not found the right person"  or " there is plenty of fish in the sea"  I am sorry, but to me that is all just a bunch of nonsense and a nice way of telling the individual that you are ugly and -dimwitted- and will never find someone.  I am sorry for being so blunt.  But I have tried dating apps, nothing.  I have tried going up to people and try to talk to them and say hello and get shot down.  I try to ask people out and get shot down.  I am just being myself and honest and truthful and friendly and I just always get passed over.

 

Maybe I should just give up and just die alone and be lonely all my life then.

Link to comment

For what its worth My Two Pence is:

The media plays a big part of how people are portrayed. They can make or break how a whole community is seen by others.

But many do not do us any favours. Ive seen them. the types that want to be the centre of attention and believe the world owes them. Some of the  views so strange and deviate and are incompatarble to the normal way of life.  Many now think they the trans community are a complete bunch of nutters and should be avoided like a plague. . Hense for many the dating of a trans person is avoided.

Im going to sound biased here but I would never date another Trans person unless I could see they was pretty stable.

I cant say I have ever dated after meeting my partner. I did meet a couple of guys before my partner But they wanted something i did not if you get what i mean.  I did meet  my partner  during transition. My partner knew what they was letting themselves in for.  So it isnt the fact that people do not date Trans people. Its more a case of people do not want nutters. Also many see the main reason for dating is to eventually pro create and have a family. Which is of course impossible for a trans woman. So they will be overlooked as far as the looking for a life partner. neither of us wanted this and if we ever did we would adopt.  I notice they didnt have the term Transsexual in that list. A diffrent breed entirly and it is not included.

 

I have never used a dating app. But I did meet my partner online. We are very happy together and I would imagine i will be spending the rest of my days with my partner. We live just as a normal couple. The word trans does not even come into it. I must have been quite a catch lol. As my partner grabbed me with both hands and held on for dear life. lol. I cant see it myself

 

Can I just say also. If you are going to use a dating app. Please use common sense and make sure your safe and in control at all times whatever your preference.

 

Dating apps do not subsitute actually getting out there and selling yourself as a nice rounded human being. But Ive never had problem with my limited expreiance. But also it would depend or where you go. If you go to a cis club then you are predominantly going to find cis people looking for cis people.  This is what its about most of the time.  Im not a dating expert and i do not pretend to be but does it not make sense to go to a club or such like that caters for the trans community?

 

As mary said. Its not just trans people. Its many people that do not fit into what people percieve as the right height Weight of ethnic origin or disabled to name a few. trans people just get mentioned more because its an easy one. for all the reasons above.

 

I do not think you should give up and reside yourself to being without a partner amy. Love for you could be just around the corner. But  being honest. what is so bad about being alone. You do not answer to anyone. You do not have to work around anyone. most importantly you do not have to share Selfish I know. but i am a realist. Whats so bad with being on your own?  It actually isnt so bad and there are far better things to worry about.

 

Do not be a Victim Amy. You are better than that.

.

 

Link to comment
Just now, MaryMary said:

and another thing is the photos... if I want people to have a good idea of what I look like I have to select the uglyiest photos... who does that? lol I make a dating profile and make it as unattractive as I can just so nobody have any surprise in real life.... lolll it's pathetic all of that ...

 

I kinda do this too. I don't do online dating, but for photos on social media just if interest arises or whatever <.<

I wouldn't say I go to length to look as ugly as possible, but as realistic, casual and 'normal' as I look irl. No overly glamming it up, no filters. I find I'm attracted to that realness. I find myself mentally 'swiping left' to over-polished, plastic photos of people. 

 

I don't think I'm too unattractive in appearance, I dunno I have a hard time gauging that. But I am very shy and socially akward. I think people have little interest in that lack of self confidence. I think it subconciously leaves a stronger impression than appearance really.

 

People just kinda glaze over me. I'm rather content being single anyway, so my disinterest might play a part in that too... 

 

~Toni

Link to comment

Yeah - dating can wait. For me that is one big fat pile of Nope. Even when I thought of myself as Cis dating was a nightmare because I was always friend-zoned, people hung out with me to get to my friends lol. If I ever feel ready to dive back in I may try, but I am not looking for hook ups - connections just tend to happen naturally - dating online there have been so many "catfish" stories I trust the internet profile and photos about as much as I trust that Nigerian prince who keeps emailing me to tell me I've won money... ?

Link to comment
Just now, DeeDee said:

Yeah - dating can wait. For me that is one big fat pile of Nope. Even when I thought of myself as Cis dating was a nightmare because I was always friend-zoned, people hung out with me to get to my friends lol. If I ever feel ready to dive back in I may try, but I am not looking for hook ups - connections just tend to happen naturally - dating online there have been so many "catfish" stories I trust the internet profile and photos about as much as I trust that Nigerian prince who keeps emailing me to tell me I've won money... ?<span>

I am with you DeeDee.  Even before transitioning, I was always put into the friend zone.  Then I just hated these famous lines I was told.

 

1. Your too much of a friend to be a relationship person.

 

2. You have just not found the right person yet.

 

3. There is plenty of fish in the sea.

 

4, You dont have to date, cause your not the dating type of person.

 

All these lines I just hate with a passion.  They are all just the nice way of saying get away your ugly and I dont like you.

 

That's why I am just giving up and will just die lonely and alone

Link to comment
Just now, Amy LeBlanc said:

All these lines I just hate with a passion.  They are all just the nice way of saying get away your ugly and I dont like you.

 

That's why I am just giving up and will just die lonely and alone

By all means stop looking, but do not put words into other people's mouths. I've heard all 4 of those lines too, along with the classic, "it would feel weird being more than friends with you" and a few others.  Just enjoy being yourself, if you do not think you are worth the time why should anyone else? (a lesson I have recently learnt/still learning).

 

I'd bet you have plenty of good qualities, heck get some cats if you have really given up on people - but if you are strong enough to transition then you are strong enough to find more to look forward in your life than just skipping to the end of the book.

 

Link to comment

In my experience you find good people when you are happy confident and okay being alone. When you are like that it’s like you share the best of yourself. You give off an awesome vibe and people like that. That’s when I’ve always met my long relationships. 

 

Being trans is unfortunately something with negative connotations. So are lots of things. But people find partners that love them for who they are. There are no limiting factors. And you never know who that person could be.

So all anyone can do is live. Be yourself and be your best. And not worry about it. I’d hate to be sad about it forever just waiting. I’d just go live life. And be me. 

Link to comment

I think that a lot of the problem is caused by the modern idea that everyone has to meet online.  People treat finding a partner in the same way that they look for a new car or a refrigerator.  Dating sites contain lists of specifications, and if someone has a feature that people don't understand, most will just move on to the next on the list.

 

Two people that would appear vastly different on paper often get on really well if they meet in person.

 

Robin.

Link to comment

Just to add to my previous post on this. I gave it some more brain time.

 

You do relise we have been shot in the foot when it comes to dating

 

Let me explain. People use the collective term LGBT. Which is perhaps confusing to your average person looking for love.

 

L = A Sexuality

G = A Sexuality

B = A Sexuality

T + Not a sexualality More a way of life.

 

 

You get what i mean.

 

The T is roped in with Sexualitys. Therefore does your average Jo or Joe even understand the concept?  Or do they just assume a Trans person would be looking for another Trans person? Just playing devils advocate here.  But as I said earlier. The media has played a large part in the explanation and how LGBT is under one umbrella. Its even promoted as such  for reasons im not even going to start talking about as i would be here typing all day. I could write a book on my rantings on that subject.

Link to comment
3 hours ago, Maid In Bedlam said:

The T is roped in with Sexualitys. Therefore does your average Jo or Joe even understand the concept?  

No. No they don’t. And that’s the biggest issue. They only know what they’ve been taught or heard. And that’s usually pretty negative stuff. At least for people in my age range. Maybe the younger kids have had some actual education about the trans community. But as a 40 year old trans woman I can tell you that most people around me think of the trans community as creepy or weird. Or scary. Or worse. 

 

My wife and i have had these conversations a lot. About dating and whatnot. And I see it this way...... say you have 100000 people. Well let’s say 1/2 are men and 1/2 are women. And for the sake of this exercise I’ll use a trans woman who only wants to date men. She’s down to 50k right away. Out of that 50k maybe 15% would even consider anyone in the lbgtq community. So now you’re at 7500. Out of those 7500 maybe 20% are open to a relationship with a trans woman. So that’s 1500. And out of them, assuming you are at least top half of attractive (this includes cis girls btw) (which isn’t the case usually unfortunately) maybe 10% find you attractive. So that’s 150. And then you need to reciprocate that feeling. So now it’s maybe 75 at best. Assuming you’re very open; how many of the 75 people out of 100k are you actually gonna connect with? 1-2 maybe? So out of 100k people as a trans woman you may have 1-2 possible okay relationships that still have to last the rest of time as any other relationship would. That’s not the best odds. And unfortunately the less you look like an attractive person in whatever gender you identify as, the less chance this has to being true. 

 

I guess what im trying to say is that people are shallow. Nothing’s gonna change that. Beauty is for the most part only skin deep. And that’s what people see first second and 23rd for that matter. If you’re a 10, date 10s. If you’re a 2 date 2s. But finding someone that’s a 10 or a 2 that’s okay with trans/non-binary whatever you happen to be is just a much much smaller piece of the pie. 

 

There is also another piece of the pie though. Our piece. Other trans people. Maybe that’s another avenue. Idk. Personally I’d date a trans woman. Or man. I’d date a trans man before a cis man I think too. 

Just my 0.02 ??‍♀️

Link to comment

I agree wholeheartedly Mary. Confidence is key to getting someone. Nobody wants a Debbie downer. Nobody wants a new relationship with someone that is down on themselves. Or that needs support with major issues from day 1. You do have to truly be happy and confident in who you are and what you have to offer. 

 

I should also mention that I found my wife when I was out and open about my crossdressing. She knew I was cd before she met me. And I told her day 1 there was a good chance I’d transition some day.  So it wasn’t like we have ever had a solely cis straight relationship. So they are out there. 

 

Confidence honesty and joy. If you can’t give the other person those 3 things from day 1 to day 10000000 then it ain’t gonna work. It just isn’t. 

Link to comment
44 minutes ago, Kirsten said:

I agree wholeheartedly Mary. Confidence is key to getting someone. Nobody wants a Debbie downer. Nobody wants a new relationship with someone that is down on themselves. Or that needs support with major issues from day 1. You do have to truly be happy and confident in who you are and what you have to offer. 

 

I should also mention that I found my wife when I was out and open about my crossdressing. She knew I was cd before she met me. And I told her day 1 there was a good chance I’d transition some day.  So it wasn’t like we have ever had a solely cis straight relationship. So they are out there. 

 

Confidence honesty and joy. If you can’t give the other person those 3 things from day 1 to day 10000000 then it ain’t gonna work. It just isn’t. 

This. 

 

You have to be comfortable with yourself and comfortable with living on your own before you can be comfortable in a committed relationship. 

 

Pansexuality has been trending for a while in the LGBT community. At least, among us younger members. For those of you who haven't heard it, pansexuality is the attraction to all genders, including transgenders. So there are definitely people out there. They are just part of a younger generation. 

 

Also there are people who see being trans as a fetish. Which is....Or can be problematic, IMO, because then you are basically being used as a play thing, I feel like. Unless you're into that, of course. 

Link to comment

I’m going to chime in about dating. It’s difficult no matter what just because of how many people approach dating. Everyone is on their phones, clicking likes, taking selfies, swiping right and left, so nobody really takes the time to socialize to begin with. They’re all concerned about how they appear on Facebook, whether or not they are on the right side of the latest gossip. How many followers are they getting on Twitter or Snapchat? It’s all about pushing the right buttons. So many people are going to reject others for knee jerk reasons. 

 

But lets look at social situations in the work place. Why do we like or dislike working with certain people on the job? Is it because they are attractive? Or is it because they are or aren’t selfish? Mean? Friendly? Humorous? So many of the strange criteria we demand from other people really don’t matter if we can get along with them. I’m definitely not suggesting dating people from work but similar rules apply as to why people accept or reject others. So if someone likes eating lunch with you at work then chances are it’s going to be for much the same reasons someone would have fun dating you. 

 

Dating sites and apps all put the cart before the horse because they focus on the sexual criteria immediately and skip over the getting to know you stage, and most people fall in lock step because we are all conditioned to hurry, there’s no time and those that drive the dating market play on our fears to dig their hands into our pockets. So in short we have a dating pool full of people prioritizing the wrong things and swept up in a subconscious mania. 

 

About fetishes: I personally have a few but they have nothing to do with personal characteristics of a potential partner, they have to do with other things like voyeurism, or developing trust. By and large the kink community is very accepting of all types of people. But even there you will find those who see others as a fetish. But again often times that’s just a small aspect of a personal relationship and it’s a bad idea to place that first in line. 

 

So I’m definitely in agreement that the most important place to start is with ourselves. What do we project? Do I realistically have time for a partner at this stage in my life? If I do am I bringing my best possible self into the equation? Or do I need to work on me? Am I prioritizing the right things? Or am I simply checking things off on a list of criteria? I stopped trying to check things on a list a while ago because it doesn’t work. Instead I want to find out who I can enjoy my time with and if that leads to more then that’s great, but it’s not really the focus. Sure there’s deal breakers but that can be discovered before physical intimacy begins. I’m not putting pressure on myself anymore to be coupled with someone. Life is too short to be in a miserable relationship. I deserve better and that’s only going to come when I’m ready.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

As someone happily married. I will only give my perspective on dating. I have had one date other than with my wife. It bombed, more to the point I bombed it. Took her to freaking burger king then to the beach to talk. Yeah, just talk. I din't have a clue about dating. It was easy with my wife as I have known her since 1st grade, live 2 door away from her. I don't really think we ever had a true DATE.

 

My perspective on dating. I think looks has a lot to do with it. Not many people either male nor female want to be seen with an unattractive person. Media nowadays has a lot to do with acceptance. And acceptance is a precursor to popularity. Hence, Dating. I have noticed in media, the gay and lesbian is almost on the fore front. Gay especially, It went from the flaming queers in media to almost normalcy. You see more and more gay people in everything now. commercials, sit coms, to movies. Lesbian are starting to get portrayed more and more. 

 

However the transgender person, rarely if ever get their share. Colorado has the first openly gay governor. but also has a transgender state senator. Yet even with a major transgender bill being signed into law. nothing was said of the support of the trans senator.

 

For some people dating is seen and be seen. most guys would be proud to have a supermodel on their arm verse even a lowly nice looking  school teacher. Then there is the transgender person who may rate below the 600lb bearded lady on the be seen scale. Even if the transgender person is gorgeous it is the stigma of being seen.  Back to the media influence.

 

Last is the person who wants to date a transgender person for other than romance. they are the creeps. need I say more.

 

Kymmie

Link to comment
On 6/19/2019 at 1:57 PM, Josie Beth said:

I’m going to chime in about dating. It’s difficult no matter what just because of how many people approach dating. Everyone is on their phones, clicking likes, taking selfies, swiping right and left, so nobody really takes the time to socialize to begin with. They’re all concerned about how they appear on Facebook, whether or not they are on the right side of the latest gossip. How many followers are they getting on Twitter or Snapchat? It’s all about pushing the right buttons. So many people are going to reject others for knee jerk reasons. 

 

But lets look at social situations in the work place. Why do we like or dislike working with certain people on the job? Is it because they are attractive? Or is it because they are or aren’t selfish? Mean? Friendly? Humorous? So many of the strange criteria we demand from other people really don’t matter if we can get along with them. I’m definitely not suggesting dating people from work but similar rules apply as to why people accept or reject others. So if someone likes eating lunch with you at work then chances are it’s going to be for much the same reasons someone would have fun dating you. 

 

Dating sites and apps all put the cart before the horse because they focus on the sexual criteria immediately and skip over the getting to know you stage, and most people fall in lock step because we are all conditioned to hurry, there’s no time and those that drive the dating market play on our fears to dig their hands into our pockets. So in short we have a dating pool full of people prioritizing the wrong things and swept up in a subconscious mania. 

 

About fetishes: I personally have a few but they have nothing to do with personal characteristics of a potential partner, they have to do with other things like voyeurism, or developing trust. By and large the kink community is very accepting of all types of people. But even there you will find those who see others as a fetish. But again often times that’s just a small aspect of a personal relationship and it’s a bad idea to place that first in line. 

 

So I’m definitely in agreement that the most important place to start is with ourselves. What do we project? Do I realistically have time for a partner at this stage in my life? If I do am I bringing my best possible self into the equation? Or do I need to work on me? Am I prioritizing the right things? Or am I simply checking things off on a list of criteria? I stopped trying to check things on a list a while ago because it doesn’t work. Instead I want to find out who I can enjoy my time with and if that leads to more then that’s great, but it’s not really the focus. Sure there’s deal breakers but that can be discovered before physical intimacy begins. I’m not putting pressure on myself anymore to be coupled with someone. Life is too short to be in a miserable relationship. I deserve better and that’s only going to come when I’m ready.

I have nothing against fetishes. But when I first discovered I was trans, my first experience as a trans man was with someone who treated being transgender as a sexual fetish and it made me feel like absolute garbage. I'm perfectly fine with most other kinks. 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 139 Guests (See full list)

    • Mmindy
    • MaeBe
    • Charlize
    • Piper
    • Adrianna Danielle
    • VickySGV
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,941
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Miss Cormac
    Newest Member
    Miss Cormac
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. **Angela Charlotte **
      **Angela Charlotte **
    2. Carlie
      Carlie
      (63 years old)
    3. Cbxshawn
      Cbxshawn
      (49 years old)
    4. HannahO
      HannahO
      (31 years old)
    5. JustKatie
      JustKatie
      (40 years old)
  • Posts

    • Mmindy
      Good evening everyone,   I don't think my mother ever cooked a meal that I didn't like. We also had a kitchen where mom fixed the food, dad filled your plate, and you eat it. It wasn't until our baby brother was born that we could have Pop-Tarts for snacks. Before that all snacks had to meet mom's approval, and in her opinion wouldn't prevent you from eating supper.   Well my day started off on a good note, but has become frustrating because my IT person didn't transfer my saved videos I use for teaching. Then I found out that they didn't save any of my book marks for websites I use frequently.   Best wishes, stay motivated,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      The number is relative to method of deliver, the time of the dose, and when the blood is drawn. However, I do want to keep away from DVT and other potential issues. I assume I may be getting backed down from my current dose, but my doc told me to stick with the higher dose, so? I also wonder if this has anything to do the my breast growth and mental changes that have been happening over the past few years, like I have some estrogen sensitivity so a little goes a long way or something? I don't have enough data to postulate, but who knows!   With weekly, subcutaneous, shots you expect to see big swings of serum level estradiol from shot to peak to trough. My doctor is interested in mid-week testing (for E and T levels only), which would be post-peak blood serum levels but they will be higher than trough. Most, if not all, resources I've seen online is to measure at trough (which I might do just to do it next time) along with a SHBG, LH, and other metrics.   This is from transfemscience.org for Estradiol valerate in oil, which is very spiky compared to some other estradiol combinations. It's also for intramuscular, which will have a slower uptake and is usually dosed in higher volume due to the slower absorption rate from muscles. They don't have subcutaneous numbers, which I would expect to see similar spikes but higher levels at similar doses due to the relatively higher absorption rate direct from fat.   Are you doing pills, shots, or patches? And when you do get your levels checked are you getting that done when your levels are lowest or some other time?
    • Willow
      Both of my parents were from the “North Shore” of Boston.  My mother Lynn and my father Swampscot.  They had an early 1900s Scots-Irish New England diet.  My sister and I were born in the 40s in Ohio well away from New England seafood and in an area where food was more German and Polish.  My first experience with liver and onions was during basic training.  They ate salt cod but never forced us to eat it same with oysters.  My dad ate oysters but my mother wouldn’t.  Anyone who ever ate an oyster can figure that one out.  I grew up eating lamb.  My wife won’t touch it. I love brazed ox tail, again no way. And the list goes on.  
    • KathyLauren
      My mother was German, so yes, I think it was a cultural thing.  If I'd known you when we were cleaning out my mother's place, I could have sent you her "threat jar". 
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Been taking it real easy.Another good neighbor of mine and his 15 year old son came over and cut down a couple dead trees on my property.Knew not to do it taking it easy.I had them put the wood near my fire pit in the back yard.Did it and happy where they put it.They knew I had stents put in and needed to take it easy
    • Ashley0616
      Wow that is a high number for Estradiol good grief! Testosterone levels are better than mine. I don't remember my Estradiol level but testosterone was 80. To me that is really high but it was in the two hundreds the check in before last one. 
    • Ivy
      I don't understand why this would make a difference being a "dad" I mean, as far as how they would grow.
    • Ashley0616
      I don't see why not. I have worn forms since I came out. 
    • MaeBe
      I have never worn breastforms, but I assume as long as they don't aggravate your nipples you could.
    • MaeBe
      Every week I've been excited to take my shot, so it's never been an issue. Yesterday, however, I woke up and started my usual "slow roll" and then suddenly realized I had breakfast plans that I had to rush out the door for. After, it was straight into work calls, and then I got the notification from the doctor about things being too high and all the while my mind had completely slipped that I needed take my shot.   Given that I am not asking for medical advice, but sharing my journey, I will note my results: Estradiol at 447 pg/mL and Testosterone was 23 ng/dL, up and down from 26 pg/mL and 526 ng/dL respectively before treatment. Almost flipped the bit! The doc would like my Estradiol closer to 300 pg/mL, so we'll see what Monday's tests state.   Oh, and I teased the dinner with old soccer teammates and never updated the thread! It went well. There were a couple funny moments. One guy, who I was worried about their response, greeted me with "Hey, you've lost some weight!" 😎 And a friend who lives near me picked me up on the way to dinner exclaimed, after we learned one of the invitees might show up with a date, "Wait! We could have brought women?!" To which I instantly responded, "You kind of did, bringing me!" Everyone got a good laugh out of that. 😁
    • Ashley0616
      To me there isn't that much difference other the measurement, which side the zipper is on and men's pants have bigger pockets. 
    • missyjo
      I hope this is not stupid question..I have yet to start n not sure if doc will approve..but once you start growing buds n such, can you still wear forms to get to the size you were?   I'm a dad, so when I start blossoms they will be smaller for a long time n probably need surgical augmented..that's fine. I don't want to go ddd to aa to ddd..   any ideas?   thank you
    • missyjo
      April sounds fun..I keep some boy jeans to visit mom in..fir now   hugs
    • Ivy
      I like them too.  We had them growing up.  But my father's family were Swedes.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Oh my!  I guess it just goes to show how different tastes can be. Since we don't live near the ocean, Seafood is a rare luxury. We absolutely love pickled herring! Especially my husband and my GF, I guess it's a Ferman/Russian cultural thing.  But most of the kids like it too, and a jar wouldn't last in the pantry for long 😆
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...