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Kamarka

(Disclaimer: I am not out to my family because they are against anything LGBTQ related)

 

So it was a normal family dinner with me and my family sitting down to some dang good soup I'd slaved over today. The topic of conversation? My wedding. Personally, I'd like to get married someday, so I was joking with my brother that because he wasn't being nice to me that he was no longer invited.

 

Then, suddenly, out of the blue, my father chimes in with: "You can't invite any nonbinary people".

 

I'm silent out of shock (Because how does he even know that word!?!?!?)

The rest of my family are silent, but soon start asking questions.

 

Turns out, he'd seen on the news today that Jonathan Van Ness from Queer Eye came out as nonbinary. 

I probably should have found it hurtful, or have been scared, but to be honest, I just laughed. Even if it was an inappropriate moment to do so. 

Because he said that to me, who identifies as a nonbinary gender. Who would be the one of the two people that the wedding is all about.

God, if he knew. 😅 Guess I'm not allowed to be invited to my own wedding anymore! 

 

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VickySGV

Well, if dad is paying for it, I guess he has some say so on the issue, but little does he know how fun some Enby's can be.  If he gets to know a few -------- but I guess he won't.  His loss entirely.  I feel bad, but for now you are having the right attitude about it.   

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Kamarka

best to just laugh it off, i agree.

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Ellora

My mom and dad didn’t go to my wedding because I didn’t finish college first. That set the tone for the rest of of my marriage , with my (ex)wife and kids. They had some regrets later, but it sucks when family isn’t a part of our life choices.

My parents are old old now, so there wouldn’t be much of a discussion about who I am now, nor if and when they find out their granddaughter is a lesbian. If they do feel compelled to say any derogatory about the LGBTQ community, I would probably shut  the comments down with an ultimatum,  that would inform them they have the choice to accept all on my family and friends that may or may not be LGBTQ, or we would not be in contact until they do so. I am at the point in life where I choose not to fall into the oppressive actions of hateful people. I know everyone’s life isn’t there yet, and I hope someday people don’t have to feel threatened by these hateful people. 

Best of luck with your journey.

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Ellora

I forgot to mention , the regret I have for not speaking up a long time ago. At dinner at a Hometown Buffet dinner with my kids and dad, for Father’s Day, my dad made some some comment about gay people, and I didn’t say anything. My kids and I just stopped and stared at each other. I felt bad cause my daughter, who came out to me and her mom, looked at me, and I didn’t say anything at the time. I still feel bad , cause I should have  stuck up for my daughter, and immediately corrected him. Needless to say, the Father’s Day dinners with my dad and my kids became scarce, cause of what was said and not corrected. By not saying anything, it enables others to continue the hate. The haters continue to oppress and the cycle is not broken. 

A couple of months ago my dad asked if my daughter was dating anyone, and I told him yes, a girlfriend of hers, but I don’t think it clicked. He is not both hard of hearing and he is on the verge of dementia, or he is just plain old, old. I’ll make sure he understands when the next opportunity arises. I’m tired of of people like this going on yapping crap and not correcting them. Their loss.

 

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Kamarka

Thanks, Ellora. Maybe one day I'll be able to stick up like that for myself and people I love. I'm still very much dependent upon my family right now and I do worry that everything could fall apart quickly since I'm of legal age to be on my own. 

It's so nice to have people who are able to tell you things WILL change. Because it did for them. 

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Ellora
27 minutes ago, Kamarka said:

Thanks, Ellora. Maybe one day I'll be able to stick up like that for myself and people I love. I'm still very much dependent upon my family right now and I do worry that everything could fall apart quickly since I'm of legal age to be on my own. 

It's so nice to have people who are able to tell you things WILL change. Because it did for them. 

You’re welcome @Kamarka, I understand completely about keeping the peace. I’ve done that in soooo many ways with my parents, my contact with my ex (for the children) work, friends, you name it. We are here for you, as you mentioned, it does get better. Always go at your own pace as long as it is safe to do so. I wish I could’ve had the courage a long time ago, but the present time is what counts. I am doing much better, and baby stepping it when I can. 💜

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