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So I have a question for all you ladies, how would you suggest altering my stance. My problem is I work in the security field and part of my training is standing in the “ready to react” stance. Which is rather masculine, but it’s such an ingrained part that I find myself always standing that way. Feet shoulder width, weight spread and ready to move in any direction. 

Is there any suggestions for how I can mentally change how I stand when I’m not on duty?

Thanks in Advance,


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Carolyn Marie

That's an interesting question, Justine.  I spent years in the police culture and had the same training re. stance and posture.  But by the time I transitioned, I had retired from the police reserves for years.  Since you're still in the environment it will probably be harder to unlearn the techniques and training when you don't need it (off duty).


I think you just need to concentrate on having a more situational approach.  Separate what you need to know and do on duty from what you need to do off duty.  It will take concentration and practice, but I think you can learn to separate the two parts of your life.  When off duty, think about what you are doing with your body and will yourself to move your feet closer together and have a more relaxed posture.  I'm not saying you should slouch, but just don't stand at a ready-position all the time.


Some police training is good to retain; for example, I try to sit with my eyes toward the door in restaurants, and use situational awareness when in other public places, always eyeing people.  Those things don't interfere with being ladylike.  If I were you, I would also try not to bark orders or use a command-presence tone of voice when off duty.  That could engender some strange looks.  😁


Carolyn Marie

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I have nothing to do with police training but I was reading this topic and thought : "what other woman that are police are doing?". It's an old reflex of mine to look at that and get the parameters I can work under by analyzing what other woman can get away with (isn't it what everybody are doing subconsciously?). Sometimes if other woman are not too feminine then maybe you will attract more attention. It's always something that is a subject of question for me : why are we putting so much pressure of being feminine on ourselves? What I would look for in your situation is what "stance" other woman are using on and off duty and try to understand the subtle differences between mine and theirs. 


But hey, then again maybe I'm just crazy to look at it this way 🤣 Maybe it's the old "Mary is an expert at being anything but herself because she consciously been doing that for 30 years." lol Yeah, the more I think about it don't listen to me, I'm kind of a mix between the joker for the chaos and a shapeshifter for the changes. :P 😂😂

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Thank you for the advice Carolyn, I’m just having a hard time adjusting my feet it’s so second nature lol.  I generally have a softer voice, but I can definitely make myself heard if necessary. 


Hi Mary, thanks for the response. That was pretty much why I posted this question was to get others take that have been\are dealing with the same thing. 


Have a fabulous day ladies and gentlemen.

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