Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Holding back


BrendaOlivia

Recommended Posts

 Emotions are running high today. Everything is going along good. I am having a tough time of how to tell the family including my wife that I am transitioning. I want to stand out and shout “I am a woman“.  It’s not fear of what others will think. Frankly, at my age, I don’t care what others outside think about my transitioning. If they can’t accept  it, it is their problem, not mine. My problem is I don’t want to hurt anybody in my family. I have been husband, father and grandfather for so long that I don’t know how they will accept me.  Again I’m at the point where it has to be. I don’t  know the right time to tell each and everyone, but I’m sure I’ll know then. I am so blessed that I found this forum. Everyone on here has been so nice and has given wonderful advice. I will keep you posted as to how my coming out goes.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I think one of the reasons i had for not coming out was the desire to not hurt or upset anyone.  That was certainly one of the issues i discussed with my gender therapist.  Those discussions were crustal for me and i certainly recommend that kind of discussion for everyone who is considering transition.  

My wife and i have survived as have my relations with immediate and most of my more distant family.  For me coming out was a mixture of fear, pain and ecstasy and the fear and pain were to a great extent due to the anticipation of the reactions of others.

Your not alone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

 Thank you Charlize. This is why I love to talk to everyone here. So forthright and genuinely caring. I know soon I will have to take that giant step. I discussed it with my transgender therapist and he said I will know when the time is right and not to blindly rush to it.

Link to comment

 And on a lighter note, when I get all through this transition, if I can look anything like the face that Face Ad made me look,  I will be the happiest girl on the planet! 

Link to comment

I have reached a point where I am not sure I want to transition fully yet or not and I think it is partially fear of what it means. My wife's therapist actually gave her some interesting good advise today. She reminded my wife that I am the one driving, and as I take a step forward, all she will be able to do is be there right behind me. I have gotten great advise here to remember this isn't a short race, take your time and enjoy the experience.

Link to comment

Thank you for your words. And I agree to take my time. For me, I’ve known since around five years old that I was different and had no choice but accept being male. That was years ago and I strongly feel that this is the time for me. I have been a faithful husband for 43 years and father. But I want to go through the rest of my years as who I know I am. Moving forward is where I’m at. No going backwards at all.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I can understand your situation as I was in the same place as you.  I had figured regardless of what happened I needed the peace of being of being who I was.  Despite thinking it wouldn't matter what the others thought, it did to me.  I was at a point of no return so I jumped off and started my journey.  I am all the things you are, long time married, grandparent, etc.  Think carefully as you alone know your family and friends.  With the help of my therapist I moved on and am happy today.  With careful consideration and planning you will be too.

 

Jani 

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

UPDATE! 

 Everything is going along so well. I have many more sessions of electrolysis to go through still. Not one of my favorite things LOL. I had laser done on my legs and arms.  So wonderful to be smooth all over. And I finally came out to my wife. It went much better than I had expected.  She’s known for many years that something was different with me but did not want to push. We have a long road to climb. Little steps to let everybody else know.  I have decided I am going to have voice feminization surgery. I have a consultation set up for September. I will also go through voice therapy. I also have talk to them about female facial surgery.  A blessing for all of this is that most of these are covered by my insurance. It feels so good to have this weight off my shoulders. I am not in a hurry to have the reassignment surgery. I want to get all of the other things done first and then I will get the surgery done to complete this transition.

Edited by Charlize
to fix an issue noted by member
Link to comment
Just now, Charley Price said:

Transition. Crazy phone. Did not realize that it put transformation instead of transition until after I posted.

 Oh yes, and one more thing, we both discussed my new name. I like the one she picked. 

Brenda Olivia

Link to comment

Wow! Congratulations! So much good news! Im very happy for you!! Ive always liked the name Brenda, i have not heard that name in along time! I had a very good childhood friend with the name Brenda. 

Link to comment

Thank you Ellora.  I had a name that I liked, but she brought up Brenda and it just stuck.  The more I said Brenda out loud, the more I liked it. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

You will never get to enjoying electrolysis, except for maybe the results!  

 

Be advised that a huge part of the voice surgery recovery is vocal therapy.  Start by practicing now by moving your voice up into your throat, from your chest.  Its hard at first but then gets easier.  

 

Cheers, Jani

 

Link to comment
12 hours ago, Jani said:

You will never get to enjoying electrolysis, except for maybe the results!  

 

Be advised that a huge part of the voice surgery recovery is vocal therapy.  Start by practicing now by moving your voice up into your throat, from your chest.  Its hard at first but then gets easier.  

 

Cheers, Jani

 

Yes Jani, I know.  Being a professional singer most of my adult life, I know how important it is to train the voice. Once the surgery gets my pitch, then with therapy I will be able to work with it to get it where it should be. 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   7 Members, 0 Anonymous, 126 Guests (See full list)

    • Abigail Genevieve
    • Carolyn Marie
    • Ashley0616
    • EasyE
    • DeeDee
    • Jet McCartney
    • SamC
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.3k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,024
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JamesyGreen
    Newest Member
    JamesyGreen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Dillon
      Dillon
    2. Kaylee888
      Kaylee888
    3. lily100
      lily100
      (39 years old)
    4. Luce
      Luce
      (44 years old)
    5. Luke.S
      Luke.S
  • Posts

    • Abigail Genevieve
      Them's fighting words, but I intend to discuss this respectfully, calmly and so forth, in accordance with the forum rules.   Considering the one issue below in isolation:   There is a political calculus that trans folk may be better off under Trump than under Biden.  The argument goes that Biden has created such a backlash by moving so far to the left that red states, in particular, are reacting with a swarm of laws that negatively impact trans folk.  Some of his actions strike many people as clumsily forcing unwanted regulation on people, and some of his appointments, such as the luggage stealing bigender individual, have not helped advance trans folk but rather the reverse.  In a second term Biden would make things worse for trans folk because of the backlash and resentment his policies would create.    Trump likely would have negative impacts to trans folk, as he did in his first term with respect to the military, so it is a set of tradeoffs as to which is worse.   Thoughts?
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Can you dress androgynously? 
    • Ashley0616
    • Abigail Genevieve
      There are trans folk who pass better than some cis people.  People usually aren't on the lookout for those who are cross dressed.  As long as there are no multiple screaming signals and you don't draw attention to yourself you can probably pass better than you think. For example, if you walk into a bank in heels, however, and you DON'T know how to walk in heels, you will attract the attention of a security guard, especially if you are acting nervous. If you wear flats and just go to the bank and do your business like anyone else, it is likely no one will notice, except that there was a customer who was taller than most women are, but then there are tall women, and tall, broad shouldered woman.  I made the mistake years ago of thinking I had outed such, and knew she was a he.  Later I learned she had five kids, and her husband was bigger than she was.  Ooops.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I don't know much about CNAs.  They report to an RN, right?  Can you somehow bring this up to the RN in a way that does not get your CNA mad at you? I'm not saying you should, but maybe that is a good course of action.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      This is the thing.  A month ago tomorrow is when I stopped wearing m clothing.  Today I feel great.  I do not have dysphoria when I am dressed as and I move as a woman.  I was just thinking about that because I was wondering if I would or will get hit with a wave of "you don't have dysphoria so you might as well dress like a guy. Less hassle with your wife."  Not that she is aware, to my knowledge, that these androgynous clothes are women's.  No desire to "flip", no feeling of need to, just happy identifying as female.  Speaking, in my deep guy voice, with female voice patterns, doing the feminine gestures that come naturally and without exaggeration and at peace.
    • Birdie
      Yes, my brother was born lactating due to absorbing hormones from my mum.    Of course she isn't a nurse, she is a CNA. She should however still have general medical knowledge.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I agree.  But sometimes unethical conduct must still be legal, because the cure would be worse than the disease.  One problem we have today with the internet is the trolls can gang up on someone and destroy them - we see the with school bullying as well.   He was in the Southern Baptist Convention, and maybe he should have moved his church over to say the American Baptists, who might have been able to help him. A Southern Baptist pastor is king in his church, peerless, which means he could not have gone for help in his church.  And he could not have gone for help from any other pastor in the SBC because they likely affirm the SBC statements on these matters.  I think he was stuck.    I read this when it came out in the news.  Very sad situation.  
    • Carolyn Marie
      One organization that I know of that is dedicated to assisting LGBT seniors is SAGE.  They advocate for, and have services for, all LGBT folks, not just trans folk.  You can find their website Here.  I am not sure what, if anything, they have in terms of financial assistance.  I'll let you know if I find anything else.   Carolyn Marie
    • Davie
    • VickySGV
      This was an angle that I was very suspicious of as well, and may be the hook on which the settlement was hung.      Not at all strange especially if they had former patients who moved there that still owed money on their bills or they were buying hospital supplies from a Texas corporation. They may have business licenses in other states as well.  Small loss, but saxeT shot itself in the foot there since the license was a source of income to the state. 
    • RaineOnYourParade
      Nah it's fine, I'm past the point of really blaming them most of the time. I've gotten used to it, and they could be a whole lot worse.   I'm glad you have a good place, though <3
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I wonder about the professional knowledge level here.  Men have milk ducts.  She, as a nurse, should know this.  This is interesting  https://www.livescience.com/45732-can-men-lactate.html  Yes, men can lactate and have lactated, trans or cis.  The idea that Birdie does not have milk ducts or tissue is just plain wrong.  Her statement indicates that she has not looked at the medical record, which she should be familiar with to treat the patient. 
    • Ivy
      Trans women can lactate under the right conditions. But that's not even the case in your situation.  It's so stupid how they simply refuse to accept your reality.
    • missyjo
      I used to include going ti worship but no longer    awkward good fir you. enjoy. :)   raine  sorry. my family is pretty lousy at support too. my part time job helps alot. hope it gets better fir you n all
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...