Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

I finally booked some therapy


reyindium

Recommended Posts

Like others on here, I'm sharing that I've finally gone and made an appointment with a counselor. His title is "Counselor, LMHC-T" and he specializes in LGBTQ issues, particularly transgender. His introduction page on his webpage specifically mentioned how he takes pride in being open and affirming to everyone that enters his office. That really resonated with me, gave me hope, and I dwelled over him for a couple weeks debating whether or not to make an appointment. I struggled a lot because making an appointment felt like a point of no return for me; an official acknowledgement that I need help.

Well, I caved in and called...and I get to see him next Monday! (Wasn't expecting to be seen until August or something). I also wasn't anticipating an emotional reaction to making the appointment but I had one, right there in my car. My eyes welled up and my throat got all tight and I was so stunned by the sense of relief and excitement I had because I was finally doing it. I've put off getting therapy about my gender for years thinking I could just handle it on my own; that it would go away or I could bury it deep enough it wouldn't be a daily issue. But my dysphoria only grows along with my discontent. 
And now, I officially have a therapist to help me work through my baggage. Reading about so much success with gender therapy on here only gives me hope for a good outcome for myself.

Thanks for reading!

Link to comment

I have so much lv for you right now...Advice..Be yr self ,open yr mind to all possibilities and never fear truth,,, Step one Therapy, step two( there's is no step two), step three profit...your on yr away...

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I am glad to hear you've made this step!  Regardless of the path we take opening up to a nonjudgemental person can help.  I can speak to the truth of that from my own experience.  After hiding in shame and fear for a lifetime i was able to open up.  Experiences and feelings just poured out.  Like you i cried but also started to feel a new energy i hadn't expected.  

Thank you for sharing here.  Enjoy your journey!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Therapy is such an awesome tool! Really reach inside and share the hard things. They may be scary but they are the things that really make the difference. It truly takes a little practice to get good at therapy. 

Good luck!! Such a great step forward!! 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Yes to Charlize's and Kirsten's posts.  I was so relieved after my first appointment that a weight had been removed from my shoulders I had shared my secret and I was starting on the road to peace within.   Thank you for sharing your story and I wish you well at your upcoming appointment.  

 

Cheers, Jani

Link to comment
20 hours ago, Alex C said:

I have so much lv for you right now...Advice..Be yr self ,open yr mind to all possibilities and never fear truth,,, Step one Therapy, step two( there's is no step two), step three profit...your on yr away...

omg....did you just quote southpark at me? lol epic

#underpantsgnomesftw

310?cb=20100829133317

Link to comment
13 hours ago, Charlize said:

I am glad to hear you've made this step!  Regardless of the path we take opening up to a nonjudgemental person can help.  I can speak to the truth of that from my own experience.  After hiding in shame and fear for a lifetime i was able to open up.  Experiences and feelings just poured out.  Like you i cried but also started to feel a new energy i hadn't expected.  

Thank you for sharing here.  Enjoy your journey!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

I really relate to the feelings you convey on many of your posts on here. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us...I certainly appreciate reading about them. I don't want to spend my life hiding or being ashamed of myself. I'm glad that you were able to move past that and live your best life as your honest self.

Link to comment
12 hours ago, Kirsten said:

Therapy is such an awesome tool! Really reach inside and share the hard things. They may be scary but they are the things that really make the difference. It truly takes a little practice to get good at therapy. 

Good luck!! Such a great step forward!! 

Thank you, Kristen. I have a lot of fear. Right now, all my baggage is cooped up and hidden and frequently neglected or ignored. 

Once I start saying all this out loud to a therapist, I feel like it's going to be Pandora's box. Maybe I'm being melodramatic, but it felt like a life changing moment to make an appointment for gender therapy. It feels like there's no going back; I've hit the point of no return. It's terrifying because I have so much good I could lose and I don't want to ruin my life. But I can't stay as I am either.

iStock_35807926_XLARGE-e1474463368227.jpg

Link to comment
11 hours ago, Jani said:

Yes to Charlize's and Kirsten's posts.  I was so relieved after my first appointment that a weight had been removed from my shoulders I had shared my secret and I was starting on the road to peace within.   Thank you for sharing your story and I wish you well at your upcoming appointment.  

 

Cheers, Jani

Thank you for your well wishes, I appreciate them. I long for inner peace and I know it won't be a brief or easy journey...but I'm proud of myself for taking the first step. What's funny is that making the appointment felt a little like coming out. When I've chosen to share my sexuality or gender identity with someone important, it always seemed to ease a weight I never knew I was dragging around. 

Link to comment
22 hours ago, reyindium said:

and I get to see him next Monday!

Yay!! Congratulations!! I know exactly how you feel. After I decided to make the call, everything else started to fall into place. Then the other appointments came one right after the other. It was scary at first, but it felt soooooo good. 

Im very happy for you! 

Link to comment
2 hours ago, reyindium said:

omg....did you just quote southpark at me? lol epic

#underpantsgnomesftw

310?cb=20100829133317

yup lol

Link to comment

Congratulations, that's good news.

incidentally, we all need help sooner or later.

That first session can be a real wringer, too.

In mine, I opened up and blurted out all this stuff I'd squelched for so long, including feeling insecure that I would be unattractive.

Since then things are going better, I'll get there. You will too.

It just takes time. And we're all running on our own internal clock, doing things when we're ready.

Link to comment
20 hours ago, Ellora said:

Yay!! Congratulations!! I know exactly how you feel. After I decided to make the call, everything else started to fall into place. Then the other appointments came one right after the other. It was scary at first, but it felt soooooo good. 

Im very happy for you! 

Thank you so much. I hope to take things at a slower pace than what you described, but I am so happy to be progressing forward with this. But nervous too. I also hope to feel as good after I've had the appointment. 

6 hours ago, TammyAnne said:

Congratulations, that's good news.

incidentally, we all need help sooner or later.

That first session can be a real wringer, too.

In mine, I opened up and blurted out all this stuff I'd squelched for so long, including feeling insecure that I would be unattractive.

Since then things are going better, I'll get there. You will too.

It just takes time. And we're all running on our own internal clock, doing things when we're ready.

Admitting I needed help was difficult. I tried so hard to manage this on my own.

I'm worried about crying my way through my entire first session. All my repression and high emotions...

 

I don't like crying in front of others. I get really embarrassed by it. And although I know I won't be the first to do it in therapy, I hope it's not going to be the first impression I make.

Link to comment
1 hour ago, reyindium said:

. I hope to take things at a slower pace than what you described,

always go at a pace that works best for you.

Link to comment
On 7/11/2019 at 8:56 PM, reyindium said:

Thank you so much. I hope to take things at a slower pace than what you described, but I am so happy to be progressing forward with this. But nervous too. I also hope to feel as good after I've had the appointment. 

Admitting I needed help was difficult. I tried so hard to manage this on my own.

I'm worried about crying my way through my entire first session. All my repression and high emotions...

 

I don't like crying in front of others. I get really embarrassed by it. And although I know I won't be the first to do it in therapy, I hope it's not going to be the first impression I make.

I have always cried when I got really upset.

But I cry in therapy a lot. I don't think it's bad to do.

Letting go of things is painful sometimes, and many of us have suffered emotionally trying repress or hide our true selves.

Your therapist isn't there for you to make a good impression - just let it all hang out so you can sort through these things.

And don't give up.

Link to comment
10 hours ago, TammyAnne said:

Your therapist isn't there for you to make a good impression

You make an extremely valid point with this and I appreciate you sharing it with me. Thank you!

Link to comment
On 7/14/2019 at 10:48 PM, reyindium said:

You make an extremely valid point with this and I appreciate you sharing it with me. Thank you!

I had to chew on this for a couple of days, forgive me.

I know for myself that I have always been anxious to please others. To a fault. While I suspect that many of us are in that same boat, I won't paper over others' experience.

In trying to sort this stuff out, I/we have to relook/relearn how we relate to others, how we present ourselves, plus get honest feedback about ourselves.

It's hard work. Painful. A real struggle.

A magic wand would solve a lot of things, but I'm all out of those, so the hard slog is what's left to work with.

Link to comment
On 7/20/2019 at 9:50 AM, TammyAnne said:

I had to chew on this for a couple of days, forgive me.

I know for myself that I have always been anxious to please others. To a fault. While I suspect that many of us are in that same boat, I won't paper over others' experience.

In trying to sort this stuff out, I/we have to relook/relearn how we relate to others, how we present ourselves, plus get honest feedback about ourselves.

It's hard work. Painful. A real struggle.

A magic wand would solve a lot of things, but I'm all out of those, so the hard slog is what's left to work with.

I agree with you that we need to be our honest selves to receive the best help and feedback. I was programmed by an abusive stepfather to please others. If I was unsuccessful in doing what was expected of me, my life was hell. So wearing a mask and muting my feelings have become an automatic and ingrained response of mine to social situations. I've struggled for years to break free from this behavior. It's a difficult flaw to overcome. It is also a prime contributor to why I've fluctuated terribly with my gender presentation despite my (closeted) confidence in my identity. Swung from one extreme to another over and over for years because I am perpetually expecting punishment from my parents and others for being myself.

 

So, I took your advice and was simply myself at my appointment. And I ended up appreciating sharing my authenticity, even if that came packaged with some shed tears in front of a stranger.

Link to comment

That's really good news.

I wish you continued success in your path forward.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   5 Members, 0 Anonymous, 116 Guests (See full list)

    • Abigail Genevieve
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • KathyLauren
    • SamC
    • April Marie
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,014
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. l.demiurge
      l.demiurge
  • Posts

    • KathyLauren
      One of our cats is polydactyl.  He has 7 toes on each front paw and 5 on each back paw, for 24 toes total.   Another one, an ex-feral who, at the time, was free to roam, climbed 50 feet up a tree without having any thought about how he was going to get down.  His pal climed down backwards, but he couldn't.  He ended up coming down by leaping from branch to branch.  Which nearly gave us heart attacks, because he only has one eye and therefore has no depth perception.   The other ex-feral (both are now indoor cats) obviously does not have those soft pads on his feet.  At night, when we are in bed, we can hear him stomping around the house.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      The two o'clock Onshoring meeting was going well.  Taylor was leading, inviting other people up to speak on their specialties. Aerial photogrammetry and surveying, including the exact boundary, were out for contract signature  Gibson had handled that - Manufacturing was supposed to, but somehow hadn't happened.  Legal issues from Legal. Accounting reported on current costs, including all upkeep, guard salaries, etc.  Manufacturing was supposed to give those numbers, but they hadn't.   The downside was the VP of Manufacturing.  He had arrived at the meeting red-faced, his tie askew, clutching a bottle. It smelled strongly of vodka. He had never done anything in his twenty years of being VP of Manufacturing, and he did not like being asked now.   "Mr. ----, do you have the inventory we asked for?" Taylor asked politely.  VP Gibson had asked him to have his people go through the plant and not only inventory but assess the operational status of every piece of equipment.  They needed to know what they had. "I'm not going to take any f---- orders from a g-d- tra---," he snarled. "God knows what kind of perverts it has dragged into our fair city and bangs every night." "That is completely out of line." That was Gibson.  Taylor controlled herself.  That was a shot at Bob, not just at Taylor.  She was glad Bob was not there to do something stupid.  Had Mrs. McCarthy been talking? What had she said?  Was she given to embellishment?  Taylor took a deep breath. "I'm not sorry.  You f--- can take this stupid onshoring --- and shove it up your -" "That is quite enough."  This was the head of HR. "You can take your sissy ways and sashay -" "You are fired." "You can't fire me." "Oh, yes I can," said the office manager.  The VP took another swig from his bottle. "Try it."  He looked uncertain. "I will have you removed.  Are you going to leave on your own?  I am calling the police to help you leave." And he dialed the number. He stomped out cursing. They heard him noisily go down the hall.  This was the front conference room.  He actually went through security and out the door, throwing his badge on the ground on his way.  The guard picked it up. They could see this through the glass wall. "Can you fire a VP?" "The Board told me that if anyone gives me problems they should be shown the door. Even a VP.  I can fire everyone here. I won't, of course. Those were problems." "Are you alright, Taylor?" She nodded.  "I've heard worse.  Shall we continue?" And they did.   The last item was that certain business people in China had been arrested, and the corporation that had been supporting them all these years had been dissolved.  They were on their own, and the Board was dead serious on straightening things out.  After this meeting, Taylor believed it.  She did not attend the meeting to discuss how to distribute the few duties the VP of Manufacturing had done.  That was ultimately up to the Board.    
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Lunch was at Cabaret, still free.  The place was quiet: it was the sort of place you took a business client to impress them, and the few other people were in business suits.  Most of the legal profession was there.   She told him of the morning's frustrations, breaking her own rule about confidentiality.  She asked Karen how the branding was going, and Karen had snapped back that she had not started on it yet - they had all these proposals.  Taylor had explained that it was important, for the two o'clock meeting, and Karen told her to do it herself.  Karen pointed out that Taylor could not touch her - her uncle was on the Board and her brother was VP of Manufacturing.  Nor would the two computer guys go out to the plant - they were playing some kind of MMORPG and simply not available. If she wanted the pictures, she should go.  Mary prayed an Ave Maria, but both she and Brenda were racing to get the proposal out. The client wanted it Friday for review.   She didn't bring up what Mrs. McCarthy had told her.  She wasn't sure how to approach it.  She thought of telling her of a 'something more comfortable' she had bought in case he ever DID show up at her door. It was in the bottom drawer of her dresser, ready to go.  Instead she talked about moving to a place with a garage.  Several of the abandoned houses had one, and they had been maintained well with China cash.   Bob had finally realized that when he was introduced as Bob, Taylor's boyfriend, that was just how things were done here. Other people had introduced each other in terms of family relationships, which were strong.  Long before you found out anything else about someone, you knew how they were related.  Family kept people from leaving Millville.    "What is the real name of this town, anyway?"   She laughed.  "I am trying to find that out.  It's 'Welcome to Millvale' when you come into town from the north, and 'Welcome to Millville' on the south.  I have counted two other variants."   "What a town. Roosevelt is like that, with the families, but there is only one spelling."  
    • Ashley0616
      Nothing wrong with that. I'm glad that you found what makes you happy! Just curious what does your wife think? If it's too personal I understand.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      – According to a recent survey, the most popular name for a dog is Max. Other popular names include Molly, Sam, Zach, and Maggie.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      Either new environment/ not potty trained
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Bob was on his way home from the dojo and he "just happened" to driver by her place. It was 10:30.  Her light was still on.  He knew exactly where she was sitting.  He saw her in his mind.   A fierce wave of desire that took his breath away suddenly showed up. All he had to do was stop, get out of the car, walk to the door and knock.  She would answer, glad to see him.  She would know why he was there and what he wanted. She would invite him in, maybe get him something to drink, disappear for a moment and return in "something more comfortable."  She would lead him back. Oh, joy.   And never, ever speak to him again afterwards.  Or she would not let him in but be angry about it.  In no way, emotionally, physically, mentally or spiritually, was she ready for this, and he knew it, if he was honest with himself, and she knew he knew it.  She would look upon it as another assault and their relationship would be irretrievably broken.  He would have to leave town. It would devastate her. It would devastate him.    He fought himself.  He was frozen to his seat as his reason and his body fought. He was twenty four years old, a full-blooded male with normal desires; he had just worked out and he was ready.  All he had to do now was open the car door. No one would know. He held his hands, one in the other, to keep one from moving, against his reason and will, to open that door.  He did not want to be a slave of his desires.   He looked across the street.  Mrs. McCarthy, sister of his landlord, was peeking though her window.  She knew his car.  Everyone in town would know by noon the next day if he got out of the car.  Taylor did not need that, either, and she would know, if he came to the door now, what a selfish thing it would be: in his own eyes, in the eyes of Taylor, in the eyes of the town, and worst of all, in the eyes of God.   He sat there a moment longer.  He was, as he reflected, entering into her sufferings in a small way that she would be made whole, healthy and happy: what he wanted more than anything.  But this hurt.  Why had all this come on her?  He asked God again, but there was only silence. He drove home in that silence. He chided himself for even going on her street and for driving on it other nights.  He would stop that, he told himself.   ------------------------------------------   The next morning Taylor went out to her car to go to work.  Mrs. McCarthy met her before she got to it. "I thought you were going to get lucky last night, dearie," she said. Taylor was puzzled. "Why, what do you mean?" "That young fellow - you know, Bob - he's been driving around here, going up and down the street some nights, not stopping.  Well, last night he parked and sat in his car for a while.   I think he was staring at your window.  I think he was trying to get up the courage to knock on the door. I was rooting for him.   But then he drove away.  Faint heart never won fair lady, as they say. What a shame. You two are a lovely couple.  Well, have a good day!" "Thank you, Mrs. McCarthy."  Taylor knew Bob extremely well and knew what had been going through his mind.  She was more than grateful he had not gotten out of the car. Better for him, better for her, better for everybody.  Surgery "down there" sooner than later.  This was driving the poor boy crazy. It was driving her crazy, too.  But she had a lot to work through. Surgery "up here" she said, pointing to her head.  She woke up her therapist on the way to work.  They were still talking when she pulled into her designated parking spot.  That was a perk that had happened yesterday.  She took a deep breath and headed into work. It would be another wild day.
    • Ashley0616
      bittersweet: especially : pleasure accompanied by suffering or regret
    • Abigail Genevieve
      I'm thinking about some interactions yesterday I did, while presenting as male but acting as female, that were far better than I did when I was presenting as male and acting as male.  #girlunderhood. I do a crappy job at acting as male and I am giving it up.  I am not talking about feminine gestures or presentation but just relating as a woman.  People don't realize I am doing it but it is a whole lot easier to do.   You don't just put on a dress and BOOM you are a girl.  You are a girl and you put on a dress.  Or not. Whether I am in jeans or a skirt (I wish, wife would have lots to say) I am a girl.  I don't need $250 in makeup and heels and hose and all that.  I don't need surgery. Honey, I have arrived.  Now I have to work out how that best works in my life, causing the minimal damage and creating the maximum good, but I have more working room.   Oh, and I am still pissed off at everyone and everything. #Contradictory.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      @Willow it is certainly possible that my husband planned it. Placing me in the path of an opportunity....he certainly does things like that. GF has done some work for the company as an outside consultant, so I'm sure the company owner knows what potential resources are around.    It could also have just happened randomly. He has taken me to work with him before, just because he likes to have me around. I remember one time that I fell asleep with my head in his lap, and he held a meeting with his subordinates without waking me and making me move.  The company culture is family oriented and relaxed.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      The photo is great.  Software is phenomenal but it also is sort of a promise of things to come. Years ago this sort of thing took a photographer and Photoshop and all sorts of things and you would say, "I can look like THIS??"   Me, I am a duck.  That's from my driver's license.  Just kidding.
    • MaeBe
      I lucked into that picture. I took like 10 before that, which appropriately make me look like a donkey. ;)   Thank you so much for the compliment!
    • Mmindy
      You're welcome Sally,   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...