Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Remote worker. How do I talk to my boss?


Krisvm

Recommended Posts

Hey all, 

 

I work remotely in general but occasionally travel out to meet clients. I would like to talk to my boss about my gender identity and the issues of presentation but I honestly don't know where to start? 

 

Does anyone have any advice on how to approach this? 

Link to comment
  • Admin

Kris, I would start by finding out if the company has any policies or guidelines on workplace transition.  Before talking with your boss, its important to find out what your rights are.  You don't need to smack him/her in the face with it, but if there are policies, it will be important to know them.

 

Does your company have an HR, or are you dealing only with the boss?  How has your relationship been with him/her?  If good, then I would just be up front about it and let him/her know what's on your mind, and maybe provide a timeline on when you plan to transition, if you haven't already?  It's hard to make a lot of suggestions when I don't know any details about your work situation.

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment

Okay thanks. I am on good terms with my boss and we do have a HR department. Do you think then it is best to contact HR to ask about policies first? 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

The answer may depend on the size of your employer.  If your boss and HR are in the same office then perhaps you should speak to the boss first.  Otherwise i would speak to HR as they may be better informed of company policies.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

They are in the same building although on different floors. It's medium sized employer, about 100-150 people across different offices.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

In that case if i were talking to someone i would talk to HR first simply because they know company policy and you will need to speak to them anyway if you change your legal name.  That being said you know your situation far better than i do.  Regardless of your decision best wishes for the results,].

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

One point I can think of is that the type of boss you have is somewhat relevant. I know where I worked my boss was the 'keep things close and in the department type'. He did not like things going elsewhere without he was fully aware first. It proved no problem at all as far as I went (very feminine looks with medium, very obvious, makeup) and I never spoke to HR as I was not transitioning fully and worked in a very accepting workplace, but I think things would have been more strained if I had gone elsewhere first.  Our policies were easily accessible online though so less of a problem. Managers like to think they have control!

 

Tracy

Link to comment

Thank you all. I spoke to my direct manager, not this specifically but asked if I had a personal question I wanted to understand company policy on who is best to speak to, and they told me to contact HR and set up an appointment so have emailed them and see how it goes.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

That sounds like a perfect solution!

A big step.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I agree, keeping everyone in the loop.

 

Tracy

Link to comment

To update, I have a call with HR on this later today. A bit nervous but will let you all know how it goes.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Good luck!  Hopefully you will have a reason to like your employer even more.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Just came off the call. They said they are happy to support me in anyway they can but they don't have any specific policy built in. As such they are going away to do some research and reach out to other colleagues to see if they can work out the best way forward.

On my side, does anyone have any links to good resources on transitioning to work at all? Would be good to read what other companies or people have as best practice so I know what might need to be discussed if anything is missing?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Very good Kris.  Hopefully they will follow through and all will be well! 

 

Cheers, Jani

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Good luck! I don't know how well it will relate to your job but I have a general link here which gives a flavour of things in the NHS.  It, and the links from it, may be a help.

https://www.nhsemployers.org/retention-and-staff-experience/diversity-and-inclusion/policy-and-guidance/sexual-orientation

 

Private companies do not usually publish their policies online (as far as I know) but NHS trust and probably local government documents are likely to be available. A quick look found this for Newcastle:

http://www.newcastle-hospitals.org.uk/downloads/policies/Personnel/GenderTransitionatWorkPolicy201808.pdf

 

I had a little look and found some info which private companies give but it would take a bit of searching to find details specific to gender, but may exist although maybe only in large companies. I did come across a council document though:

 

https://wolverhampton.moderngov.co.uk/documents/s36286/Appendix - Transgender Guidance Notes.pdf

 

Tracy

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

Thank you all for all this, I passed it on and some other stuff I got from other people.

 

I had my meeting now with my manager which was supportive but they are going to go away to have a think about this as they don't have much experience on how to approach this either.

 

One thing they keep asking me is how I want to approach this. Which is fine in some areas and I am glad, but also in others I have no idea how to approach it so I hope they can come up with some ideas.

Link to comment
  • Admin

That's good news, Kris.  Is there something in particular that is worrying them or has them confused?  Maybe we can be of assistance to you and them.

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment

The main issue is how to tell people about it. Inside the company I am fine with whatever, sending out an email to say I am called Kris and use "they\them" pronouns is good. It is how to approach it with clients outside the agency I work with. Should they be told or do I just keep transitioning and deal with any fall out afterwards as I become more and more feminine? 

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

So after talking all the options over with my boss here is the plan:

1. After I go on holiday next week in the first team meeting my boss will be announced I am transitioning, I will go by Kris now and use they/them from now on

2. IT will during this time change my email alias and display name to match

3. Clients will be informed of the change in a short formal email from the client managers

4. If there are any issues from anyone these will dealt with by HR

 

So will all be happening soon. Very excited to finally have it all out in the open. 

Link to comment

It sounds like that you have a solid plan with your boss and HR Team. I would be excited too.

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Just wanted to update everything seems to have gone great. Everyone at work has been really supportive and supercareful to start calling me Kris and using my correct pronouns. Made me very happy!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

It sounds like you're working with a great, accepting group of fellow employees.  Wonderful news.  Enjoy.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   1 Member, 0 Anonymous, 124 Guests (See full list)

    • Karen Carey
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,942
    • Most Online
      8,356

    taxicab
    Newest Member
    taxicab
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Susan R
      Love it! This is great news. We need more of this to combat the excessive hate-filled rhetoric and misinformation. 👍
    • Susan R
      The experience was the same for me @April Marie. I slept much deeper and I woke up each morning feeling so much more restful sleeping with forms solidly in place. For me, wearing breast forms at night started when before I was a teenager. I had no access up to modern breast forms and certainly no way to buy mastectomy bras back then. I wore a basic bra my mom had put in a donation box and two pairs of soft cotton socks. I have some crazy memories of things I did in my youth to combat my GD but regardless, these makeshift concoctions helped me work through it all.   All My Best, Susan R🌷
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Colorado isn't exactly a Republican place, and won't become one anytime soon.  I think those folks might be better off not spending their time playing Don Quixote.    We certainly have our share of California "refugees" moving into where I live, so I wouldn't be surprised to start seeing Coloradans too.  I suspect the trend over the next few years will see the blue areas getting more blue and the red areas getting more red as anybody who can relocate tries to find a place where they fit better.   
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Well, at least it'll be a place some folks could choose.  Options are a good thing.
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      My family would have gobbled that jar up in a minute or two.  When we do have pickled herring, its usually for Christmas.  I didn't grow up with that particular dish, but I grew up in a Greek family so I like just about any kind of fish if I can get it.  However, ocean fish and freshwater fish taste so different.  We usually have more catfish and tilapia to eat than anything else.    What I can't quite get used to is the tons of cabbage my GF insists on eating.  When you live with a Russian, there is always cabbage soup.  Always.  When I first moved in with her, breakfast was "shchi" for soup and either bread or "kasha" which is a bowl of boiled buckwheat with butter and salt.  Those dishes can be made in any number of ways, some are better than others.  In the winter, it can even be salty and sour like kraut.  Not exactly sauerkraut, but packed in tubs with vinegar and salt so it keeps partially for the winter.  But I drew the line when the cabbage soup included pieces of fried snake one day.  😆
    • Ashley0616
      Good evening to you as well @Mmindy   That is awesome that you have support from her side. My dad has communicated with me once and that was because he was forced to. His new wife wanted to spend time with my kids. He hated me so much he was in the process of taking my rights away as a parent to my two boys. He was talking to a lawyer and I called him out on it. I don't love him at all. I'll respect him because I wouldn't be here without him but I wished I had another father. My uncles don't talk to me and unfriended me on Facebook. Almost all cousins except for two are still Facebook friends but they don't give me any support. My mom said she won't support me with that but she has said that she loves me. I have nieces and nephews that are still Facebook friends but they have yet to talk to me. I have one sister that supports me out of three. The other's disrespect me by deadnaming me. They have never called me their sister. I think for them they think it's still a phase. They don't ask questions about me being trans. I have to bring it up and on the look of their faces they don't look comfortable about it. 
    • Mmindy
      Good evening @Ashley0616,   I just got offline with HP tech support trying to get my printer tool box icon locked to my tool bar. This is one of the most important features of my printer that I like because it keeps track of ink, paper, and scanned documents. I'm diffidently not a computer geek.   I'll catch up with the other bookmarks next week. We leave to go home for the Easter Holiday with our families. Saturday with her side, and Sunday with my side. What's odd about that is I'm out to more of her side and they're reluctantly supportive. My side on the other hand are less supportive, and my sister just under me in age will not acknowledge my being there. She will be constantly moving to keep from dealing with me. I'm dead to her.   Hugs,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋  
    • Ashley0616
      I used to follow baseball and the team I would cheer for is Boston Red Sox. My favorite player was Papi. He was an awesome guy and even held a child during the National Anthem. I haven't watched baseball for a long time. It just died off to me. 
    • Ashley0616
      That stinks that nothing transferred, and no bookmarks were saved! 
    • Ashley0616
      I'm doing patches for now but I think soon I'll go to shots because it's hard to alternate when you are doing two xx patches at once. Unless she gives me Estradiol and progesterone
    • Sally Stone
      Go Cleveland Guardians!  I love baseball and I loved playing it when I was younger.  
    • Sally Stone
      My view is we are "dependent" on government, because as a society, we are too lazy to stay actively involved. So, we let politicians do our bidding for us.  I think we'd be in a better place government wise if we policed the actions of our politicians.  We elected them; they work for us.  Sadly, we are allowing them to run amok.  We are where we are because we have chosen to let politicians make all decisions without us.  Remember "by the people, for the people?" That was the intent of our democracy.  Today, however, it is "by the politicians, for the politicians," the people be damned. 
    • Mmindy
      "Play Ball! Batter Up!" is the closing line of the National Anthem as far as I'm concerned. It's the call of the Home Plate Umpire and signals the start of the game. I grew up in the TV and Radio broadcast of the St. Louis Cardinals. Harry Caray, Jack Buck, Tim McCarver, and Mike Shannon, were the voices on my transistor radio. KMOX 1120 AM pushing 50,000 watts of Class A clear-channel non-directional signal. It could be picked up all across MO, IL, IN to the East. KS, OK, CO to the West. IA, MN to the North, and KY, TN, AR to the South. There has always been a rivalry against the Chicago Cubs, in the National League. As for the American League, I have to pull for the Kansas City Royals. I've also been a Little League Umpire, and fan of everything the Little League stands for. Going to Williamsport, PA and seeing the Little League World Series is in my top 10 things to do on my bucket list.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Good evening everyone,   I don't think my mother ever cooked a meal that I didn't like. We also had a kitchen where mom fixed the food, dad filled your plate, and you eat it. It wasn't until our baby brother was born that we could have Pop-Tarts for snacks. Before that all snacks had to meet mom's approval, and in her opinion wouldn't prevent you from eating supper.   Well my day started off on a good note, but has become frustrating because my IT person didn't transfer my saved videos I use for teaching. Then I found out that they didn't save any of my book marks for websites I use frequently.   Best wishes, stay motivated,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • MaeBe
      The number is relative to method of deliver, the time of the dose, and when the blood is drawn. However, I do want to keep away from DVT and other potential issues. I assume I may be getting backed down from my current dose, but my doc told me to stick with the higher dose, so? I also wonder if this has anything to do the my breast growth and mental changes that have been happening over the past few years, like I have some estrogen sensitivity so a little goes a long way or something? I don't have enough data to postulate, but who knows!   With weekly, subcutaneous, shots you expect to see big swings of serum level estradiol from shot to peak to trough. My doctor is interested in mid-week testing (for E and T levels only), which would be post-peak blood serum levels but they will be higher than trough. Most, if not all, resources I've seen online is to measure at trough (which I might do just to do it next time) along with a SHBG, LH, and other metrics.   This is from transfemscience.org for Estradiol valerate in oil, which is very spiky compared to some other estradiol combinations. It's also for intramuscular, which will have a slower uptake and is usually dosed in higher volume due to the slower absorption rate from muscles. They don't have subcutaneous numbers, which I would expect to see similar spikes but higher levels at similar doses due to the relatively higher absorption rate direct from fat.   Are you doing pills, shots, or patches? And when you do get your levels checked are you getting that done when your levels are lowest or some other time?
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...