Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

benzenemess

Nervous to start university

Recommended Posts

benzenemess

I'm going to start studying in university next month. I'm excited to meet new friends but also nervous. As a closeted trans, all I can do is wear neutral dark colored clothing and avoid gendered things.

 

I'm afraid that I will not be able to gain friends because I'm so different with them. I don't enjoy the things they do, I don't even have instagram. People my age here likes to joke about love, relationship, being alone, one day marrying, but that's not me. I don't like romance stuff and I plan not to marry and just dedicate myself to a certain job in the future.

 

I'm also scared if the orientation will have gendered activities. Or if they will divide us to groups based on sex, but I hope not. I don't mind having to sleep with my same sex friends but I can't really do it in social life.

 

How can I cope with this?

Share this post


Link to post
Krisvm

Does the university you are going to have an LGBTQ+ society or equality representatives at all? I know some you can email before hand and ask these kind of things and for advice.

Share this post


Link to post
benzenemess

No, I don't think this university (or any university in my country) has any LGBT+ groups. I'm not sure I can know if there is any secret group until I start studying there.

Share this post


Link to post
Charlize

It sounds like you will need to stay closeted for some time.  Hopefully you will find others who feel as you do.  In the meantime simply concentrating on studies more than the social issues may help.  In today's climate i would hope you will not be alone for long but i don't know how open your society is at this point.  Even if things are very conservative universities often contain those with a more liberal attitude.

Keep in touch.  Even if we are far away....you're not alone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Share this post


Link to post
tracy_j

Yes I agree to staying online. At least you have friends you can relate to here which is good, epecially if things get tough.

 

Tracy

Share this post


Link to post
benzenemess

Thank you, yes I shouldn't be open about my identity there. But I wish there's something that I can do that people won't notice. Like... I don't know.

I'm thinking of joining an extracurricular activity that will have nothing to do with gender but what could it be? 🤔

Share this post


Link to post
Charlize

Sports of some kind often seem to be a place for gender expression as do activities like chess which are too often seen as masculine pursuits.  If you will be in a large city there is also the possibility of meeting others at a club but if you go that route please be careful!

I went through my education early mentioning my issues to anyone.  At that point that was necessary in the US.  Coming out in any way was dangerous.  By concentrating on my studies and then becoming independent i increased my chances of being myself and comfortably safe as well.

Perhaps the best thing one can do is to enjoy what comes as much as one can.  Life has a way of giving us surprises.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Share this post


Link to post
benzenemess

Thank you Charlize, Tracy, and Krisvm.

Share this post


Link to post
reyindium

I have attended three colleges altogether but only one of them did gendered activities during orientation, where they divided the room into a boys versus girls thing. It was asinine. If that happens to you, quietly excuse yourself and don't come back for a while. Maybe you can miss most of the activity by "going to the bathroom".

 

As for extra curricular classes or clubs....you could consider the creative fields, like art, music, photography, film, theater, creative writing. Those are all relatively gender neutral interests. But as Charlize says, focus on your studies because that will help you build a foundation to stand upon later. On that note,  I did join an academic fraternity on campus during my last stint in college 🤔 that could be an option too, if available?

Share this post


Link to post
benzenemess

reyindium, thanks for the suggestion. If they will have gendered activities, I hope they are not important or only games so I can go away.

Btw, is academic fraternity a religion extracurricular?

Share this post


Link to post
reyindium
On 7/30/2019 at 2:31 PM, benzenemess said:

Btw, is academic fraternity a religion extracurricular?

No..it was a fraternity that required a high gpa (really good class grades) to join. Everyone in it was really driven to perform well in school. We had mixed religions, genders, and sexual orientations throughout our members.

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   9 Members, 0 Anonymous, 25 Guests (See full list)

    • Cyndee
    • Charlize
    • **Angela Charlotte **
    • Mackenzie
    • Jani
    • MaryMary
    • Clara84
    • Jocelyn
    • QuestioningAmber
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      68,698
    • Total Posts
      620,047
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      5,519
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Feeltherain24
    Newest Member
    Feeltherain24
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Gwynivere0819
      Gwynivere0819
      (17 years old)
    2. scress19
      scress19
    3. Uncouthguru22
      Uncouthguru22
  • Posts

    • Cyndee
      Good luck with the appointment, may it go well for you....   C -
    • SaraAW
      I have my first endo appointment today. So nervous.   My wife is hoping they will find something wrong with me and that I won’t be eligible for HRT. She is still very much against anything that even hints I’m a woman. Hoping she comes around eventually, but I can’t keep going on the way I am now.    Have a a great day everyone.    *hugs*
    • Cyndee
      You will always remember your first. It's a great feeling.....   Congrats !
    • Raven1981
      I still wear my breast forms whenever I feel like that I need a little help.  My natural size is a 38B and my breast forms are a B cup so it does help me when I am feeling like I need a little help.  But there are some times I sleep in my breast forms and some times I dont.   But to me it is all about comfort and how realistic you look.   What is the difference between a Trans woman and a Cross Dresser?  The Cross Dresser can't wait to get home to put her bra ON, a Trans woman can't wait to get home and take her bra OFF.            I love Vicky's quote here and I guess that I am a Trans individual cause I will admit that I love wearing a bra but OMG it feels so good to take it off when I get home.
    • Kirsten
      A year in and I still don’t mind wearing a bra. At the start I liked the bralettes best. There still my go to for pjs on super hot nights too. Underwire isn't comfortable, but it sure does a great job of pushing everything where it belongs.  I use the little add a cup chicken cutlets still at times. Usually with something that shows a lot of cleavage cause the rest of the time I just don’t care. 
    • Kirsten
      For me it’s one simple thing. No more being fake. I get to meet people and be myself. I get to dress walk talk act and be myself. That’s it. 
    • Timber Wolf
      Good morning everyone,   Happy Birthday Gwenivere0819!🎂 Happy Birthday scress19!🎂 Happy Birthday Uncouthguru22!🎂 Hope you have lots of fun today!   Lots of love, Timber Wolf 🐾
    • Timber Wolf
      I'm not out to the world, but I am to my family, and to my family I am Carla. It is so nice not to have to hide from them.   Lots of love, Timber Wolf 🐾
    • tracy_j
      I am in a bit of a twighlight zone as I am not really sure if I am out or not. This is maybe partly due to not (at the moment) intending hormones, surgery or legal changes. That said I am pretty much out and relaxed in it. Yesterday I had a chance meeting with one of my partner's sisters (who knows) and her new boyfriend who she has just moved in with. Interestingly it was a good meeting quickly relaxing, although he was obviously initially surprised (actually he was so attractive I think the body language kicked in lol, a good catch for her). It is seldom, if ever, I get embarrassed when I chance meet someone I know when wearing a skirt or dress these days as it is me. A good point to me about coming out is not really having to think much about it any more.   Tracy
    • VickySGV
      luke_b was available.  Done deal.
    • Ellora
    • Debra Michelle
      I am,family and friends are helping out too including my employees.
    • KymmieL
      I forgot to post this yesterday. I got Ma'am d. Or at least I hope it was.   I help out a lady customer with some parts. As she walked away I swore I hear her say, Thanks, Ma'am. It is my first. With my hair in a high pony tail (girl style, to keep it off my neck in the heat) and my fingernails painted + my ladies Minnie Mouse watch.   It felt good.   Kymmie
    • AnnaD
    • AnnaD
      thanks, all 👍
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...