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benzenemess

Nervous to start university

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benzenemess

I'm going to start studying in university next month. I'm excited to meet new friends but also nervous. As a closeted trans, all I can do is wear neutral dark colored clothing and avoid gendered things.

 

I'm afraid that I will not be able to gain friends because I'm so different with them. I don't enjoy the things they do, I don't even have instagram. People my age here likes to joke about love, relationship, being alone, one day marrying, but that's not me. I don't like romance stuff and I plan not to marry and just dedicate myself to a certain job in the future.

 

I'm also scared if the orientation will have gendered activities. Or if they will divide us to groups based on sex, but I hope not. I don't mind having to sleep with my same sex friends but I can't really do it in social life.

 

How can I cope with this?

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Krisvm

Does the university you are going to have an LGBTQ+ society or equality representatives at all? I know some you can email before hand and ask these kind of things and for advice.

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benzenemess

No, I don't think this university (or any university in my country) has any LGBT+ groups. I'm not sure I can know if there is any secret group until I start studying there.

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Charlize

It sounds like you will need to stay closeted for some time.  Hopefully you will find others who feel as you do.  In the meantime simply concentrating on studies more than the social issues may help.  In today's climate i would hope you will not be alone for long but i don't know how open your society is at this point.  Even if things are very conservative universities often contain those with a more liberal attitude.

Keep in touch.  Even if we are far away....you're not alone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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tracy_j

Yes I agree to staying online. At least you have friends you can relate to here which is good, epecially if things get tough.

 

Tracy

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benzenemess

Thank you, yes I shouldn't be open about my identity there. But I wish there's something that I can do that people won't notice. Like... I don't know.

I'm thinking of joining an extracurricular activity that will have nothing to do with gender but what could it be? 🤔

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Charlize

Sports of some kind often seem to be a place for gender expression as do activities like chess which are too often seen as masculine pursuits.  If you will be in a large city there is also the possibility of meeting others at a club but if you go that route please be careful!

I went through my education early mentioning my issues to anyone.  At that point that was necessary in the US.  Coming out in any way was dangerous.  By concentrating on my studies and then becoming independent i increased my chances of being myself and comfortably safe as well.

Perhaps the best thing one can do is to enjoy what comes as much as one can.  Life has a way of giving us surprises.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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benzenemess

Thank you Charlize, Tracy, and Krisvm.

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reyindium

I have attended three colleges altogether but only one of them did gendered activities during orientation, where they divided the room into a boys versus girls thing. It was asinine. If that happens to you, quietly excuse yourself and don't come back for a while. Maybe you can miss most of the activity by "going to the bathroom".

 

As for extra curricular classes or clubs....you could consider the creative fields, like art, music, photography, film, theater, creative writing. Those are all relatively gender neutral interests. But as Charlize says, focus on your studies because that will help you build a foundation to stand upon later. On that note,  I did join an academic fraternity on campus during my last stint in college 🤔 that could be an option too, if available?

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benzenemess

reyindium, thanks for the suggestion. If they will have gendered activities, I hope they are not important or only games so I can go away.

Btw, is academic fraternity a religion extracurricular?

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reyindium
On 7/30/2019 at 2:31 PM, benzenemess said:

Btw, is academic fraternity a religion extracurricular?

No..it was a fraternity that required a high gpa (really good class grades) to join. Everyone in it was really driven to perform well in school. We had mixed religions, genders, and sexual orientations throughout our members.

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