Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Hello


Pixie

Recommended Posts

So I am not sure how to share this... not directly "Trans" but in a similar situation sorta kinda

 

So I am Pixie, part of a system- we have DID... Dissociative Identity Disorder. Several of us are girls, the body (and several of us) are guys. 
Our host is ok with us getting some of OUR identity out a little more and we're working on that, but so much of the disconnect between the body being male and us girls is the gender issue, and we hope to find support and advice here on some ways to kinda figure out how to like live "out" as US but without like totally making the body JUST female, too... cuz like the host and other guys wouldn't want that and we're trying to be respectful, cooperative, etc. 

I hope it's ok I am here... and that I can find some support from ppl in a similar "this body is NOT what _I_ am" kinda position... Even if we're not the typical kinda situation as most ppl (here or anywhere for that matter). 

 

{\Pixie/}

Link to comment
  • Root Admin

Hello Pixie,

 

Welcome to TransPulse.  :)   Yes, you are very welcome here and just know that you are among friends. We do have members with DID although they haven't been active lately.  Perhaps if you were to present androgynous it might appease your male and female persona's.  That's just my thought. 

Have you ever considered counseling with a gender therapist?  That might be an option you could look into.

Anyway, again, welcome. We're happy that you're here. :)

 

MaryEllen

Link to comment

We are seeing a T every other week, mostly for the DID stuff, but I've voiced concerns over how unfair our situation is- if the body was female... problem solved right? There's almost no such thing as "cross dressing" for girls... we can wear ANYTHING and it's cool... a guy being a little too feminine, however... and it's the end of the freakin world. 

 

Thanks for the welcome. We're hoping to, as we begin to get more cooperation and communication (we've had this forever, only like a year ago learned how diff we are and about this- most of us had NO IDEA, and us that did dramatically under estimated how uncommon it is/we are- I mean everyone talks about "part of me wants..." or "the kid in me..." so didn't realize how very very diff we were). But this IS something that we need to figure out going forward, and trying to find a more... IDK... balanced external opportunity for us to exist, us girls mostly, is something we're interested in, too. 

A "gender therapist"- never head of that specifically, but will totally talk to our T about that, and the issue itself, more. Thanks. :)

Link to comment
  • Admin

Hi Pixie and all.  We have had DID "co-ops" here before and some of us can get our heads into what will help you (plural).  Give us some idea of which part of the group your questions or sharing is from and it will help us though. 

Link to comment

So like we've known how diff we are for like a year now... before MOST of us had no idea about our nature, and our host (trying to not use his name cuz he doesn't even know I'm on this forum site)... he didn't know about us at all until like 10 years ago "meeting us" online, made friends, etc. Found out last April we're like part of him/one with him

 

SO like lately, since making progress communicating, he and I (others will follow suit we hope)... It's so weird to feel like _I_ am cross-dressing wearing HIS clothes when out... his wife is "a hard no" to cross dressing... so that's an issue... but like when _I_ am out, I wanna have like MY stuff... a skirt, dress, girls' shorts, IDK... something... and IDK how to feel about this... cuz the body IS male... but I so am not. 

 

So like, given HIS views, and what _I_ was raised with (inside), too... I am like so confused, so don't know what to like think even... so I am just looking for tips, general support, emotional support too... and maybe like tips to be less "manly" like physically without going "full girl mode" on him (and the other boy parts).

Kinda make sense? 

And yes, HE IS OK with letting us have some stuff- he was ok, for example, with like leggings (even if his wife freaked out at the thought) and like the cutesy girlie ankle socks _I'VE_ got and wear sometimes. 

Link to comment
  • Admin

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Trixie.  We'll do everything we can to help with any questions or problems.  Like my friends have said, we've had DID folks here before, and have some familiarity with the issues that presents for you.  Just let us know what you all need.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment

Uh, Pixie... with a P. :)  

Thanks for the warm welcomes and the support everyone! I totally appreciate it! ❤️ 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Pixie.  Glad you've found us.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Welcome Pixie.

 

I was worried I might have DID when I first started this journey, but DID is much more complex than what I am experiencing.  I have a complex very dynamic personality, but I have always been able to say I am just one person.  Since playing table-top role playing games as a kid, I've been a little disappointed that I can't be five or six different people living different lives.  I've got too much of an adventurous spirit to be confined to one person.

 

So, kinda sounds like you need to an outlet for your sprite-ish self.  Since the world seems a little short of groups of nixies, brownies, sylphs and dryads with which to frolic, I am not sure what to suggest.

 

The more elfish side of me greets you warmly, however.

 

Hope you stay and let us get to know you.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Greetings Pixie and welcome to the forum.


Jani

Link to comment
16 hours ago, michelle_kitten said:

Welcome Pixie.

 

I was worried I might have DID when I first started this journey, but DID is much more complex than what I am experiencing.  I have a complex very dynamic personality, but I have always been able to say I am just one person.  Since playing table-top role playing games as a kid, I've been a little disappointed that I can't be five or six different people living different lives.  I've got too much of an adventurous spirit to be confined to one person.

 

So, kinda sounds like you need to an outlet for your sprite-ish self.  Since the world seems a little short of groups of nixies, brownies, sylphs and dryads with which to frolic, I am not sure what to suggest.

 

The more elfish side of me greets you warmly, however.

 

Hope you stay and let us get to know you.

 

So we always knew something was diff.. my "twin sis" and I "inside"... but we kinda didn't realize HOW diff we were. We knew ppl talked about "part of me wants to... " or "part of me likes..." or an "inner child"... and we kinda thought EVERYONE was like us, and we didn't know HOW diff we were. Not until last year when our host was confronted by friends who knew us online as HE did... they'd figured out we were all like one person. And THIS freakout that happened totally shocked all of us- him cuz he didn't know at all, and us cuz we like realized, "wait. we are a TON diff"... 

 

so for gaming, that's so our host, gonna call him Zor (an internet screen name he uses), he LOVES it... and has fun with it- and I think it was a way for US to kinda influence stuff, too... but hard to like tell. 

 

Honestly, it's confusing and super hard work to make sense of several of us sharing one life and body. I totally wouldn't wish this on others. lol ESPECIALLY since it usually comes from trauma early in life- in our case, likely abuse by an uncle- sexual... and then other stuff later after that just added to the mess we became. lol 

Link to comment

Hey Pixie... honestly I am so lost right now, but I  know this:  I have being dealing with other voices in my head that are not helpful to me. If it was not for my Gender Therapist properly would of off myself. So If you feel confused getting a G.T is a great starting point. Good luck be safe and keep us update  this site is a great sounding block and welcome

Link to comment
On 7/16/2019 at 9:18 PM, Alex C said:

Hey Pixie... honestly I am so lost right now, but I  know this:  I have being dealing with other voices in my head that are not helpful to me. If it was not for my Gender Therapist properly would of off myself. So If you feel confused getting a G.T is a great starting point. Good luck be safe and keep us update  this site is a great sounding block and welcome


So like there's a lot more to DID than just voices (our host can hear me inside, but he hasn't learned to talk to me without speaking out loud- and he can't like talk to me when I am out like now- it's a work in progress... )... it's complicated... but it's generally born of early trauma of some sort- often abuse... 

BUT that aside... the various things it causes, like diff parts of identities and all... I can see where ppl even without DID have things like that and it's just as confusing I'm sure. I mean, I've sorta kinda known for most of our life... but didn't REALLY understand it- so it was a shock when I found out how diff we are... 
 

Link to comment

wow...Thanks for clearing up...here hoping you get the best of both worlds..G.B stay strong and be proud

Link to comment

hi. im assuming you'd still get dysphoria when some of you switch into the body (sorry idk any of the terms), so people here can probably help you.

best of luck

-anna

Link to comment
On 7/16/2019 at 4:43 PM, Pixie said:

Honestly, it's confusing and super hard work to make sense of several of us sharing one life and body. I totally wouldn't wish this on others. lol ESPECIALLY since it usually comes from trauma early in life- in our case, likely abuse by an uncle- sexual... and then other stuff later after that just added to the mess we became. lol 

 

I can only begin to imagine what it is like.   I am so sorry to hear about the abuse as well.  I've had my own journey with that.  It helps me to think of myself as a survivor.  I am not the person I would have been had I not been abused, and that is sad.  At the same time, I am strong and resilient for having come through it.  It never ceases to amaze me the lengths human beings will go to survive.  While your situation is complicated, and I would imagine frustrating, it is also a testament to your will to keep going, even when life put you in a horrifying situation or situations.

Link to comment

@AnnaD Yes, we DO have that problem. More and more as we've been working to get more connected, more cooperative, and more "out" than just in the inner world. The more we are out in the body, the outside world, the more it feels alien to us, despite feeling the outside world kinda being more "real" than inside... it's all confusing and tough to make sense of - and that body diff thingy is even harder. :(

 

 

@michelle_kitten  Yeah, the abuse thing was sporadic, mostly some when we were a toddler then at like 11'ish - by two diff people... and misc hard times between that we kinda interpreted as "trauma" cuz that's just how the brain worked after the first as a toddler. 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 94 Guests (See full list)

    • Shorelinesex
    • Avra
    • Jamey-Heather
    • Ashley0616
    • Carolyn Marie
    • Petra Jane
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,013
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. 777fleetleader777
      777fleetleader777
      (21 years old)
    2. ArinHallm3
      ArinHallm3
      (18 years old)
    3. ITakMyTime
      ITakMyTime
      (70 years old)
    4. Jess31
      Jess31
      (40 years old)
    5. Natalie71645
      Natalie71645
      (39 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      Good listener, respect them, and show sympathy/empathy, even just being there
    • Ashley0616
      Getting dog today he's potty trained
    • Sally Stone
      Think positively, Ashley.  I have no doubt you'll find your king or queen at some point.   Hugs,   Sally
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Bob had the night off from teaching kara-tay and they planned to spend a lot of it at Cabaret.   Once in, Taylor waited for her man to park and looked around.  There was a sign "Mary, Paul and Peter LIVE tonight" and, sure enough, three microphones were standing in the open area.  A new hostess came up to her. "Are you alone?" "Oh, no.  He's coming." Taylor was led to a table. Bob was there in a minute and managed to get in there and seat her.  She smiled. "The act will be along in a few minutes. And Congratulations! I am SO EXCITED!!" Taylor responded to his look. "I got promoted." "To what?" "Head of Marketing." "You're kidding." "Nope.  It seems the Board finally woke up to the fact that the China cash cow may come to an end and they need to do something. Did you know that the VPs on up all get over a million dollars in compensation without really doing anything?" "No." "I am supposed to figure out how to re-energize over thirty acres of factory that have laid idle for forty years or more." "Why don't they do it?" She whispered,"the head of production is the son of the previous head of production. He has never produced anything."  She explained that everything was made in China and exported back to the US and sold under different brand names. "How am I going to find someone?" He smiled. "Congratulations. Sounds like a problem.  Hey, today we were talking about problems at our Philly plant.  One, it was built before World War 2. Second the city and state are tightening regulations and the tax structure is adverse.  Third, we get protestors every day, some of whom break into the factory.  People are talking about relocating." "We are forty miles from an interstate." "That is a plus.  Makes it harder for protestors to find us if we moved here." "You are really thinking that?" "I am, right now. I can't speak for the company.  I know there is a rail line." "Spur, actually, with several sidings.  The buildings are in good shape." "Do you have about five acres we could look at? How about if I take some pictures and send them off?" "Great.  And protestors would not be tolerated in Millville.  The factory area once upon a time was the main employer and people are very protective." Two weeks later she was in Philadelphia with Gibson and a few others.  The deal was signed and by end of summer ten acres, with an option on another ten, were being upgraded and equipment was coming in by rail. Not five, but ten.  She got a $20,000 bonus out of the blue.  The company was flush with Chinese cash that they didn't know what to do with. She was developing plans. But back to dinner.  "Did I tell you what they are paying me?" "No." She told him. "That is more than I am making." "You don't sound happy." "It takes some getting used to.  You are Management and Croesus combined." "Yeah. Is this a problem?" "No.  As I said, it takes some getting used to."  The musicians arrived and were introduced: three local teenagers in Peter Paul and Mary clothing and wigs like it was the 60s.  They began singing. "They are good," she said. "They are lip-synching." "They are good at lip-synching." They listened for a while. "Work is going to be intense for a while." "I'll bet." "I won't be able to talk to you about some of it." "I bet." They had a good evening.   The high point for Bob was that she let him put his hand on hers.  The high point for her was Bob did not seem threatened by her now being Management and making more than he did with a Masters. She didn't tell him she was likely to be in on the distribution of money the Chinese sent every year to keep them fat and happy.  But she had to finish up that report, so the evening ended early.  He drove her home, checked her apartment for people and again walked away hearing her lock the door three times.  She didn't say it, but he knew she was going to have a long talk with her therapist as well.   Her therapist was a night owl.  
    • Ashley0616
      envy: painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage obsolete : MALICE : an object of envious notice or feeling
    • MaeBe
      I sit back and think, am I this person? I definitely argue, but with the willingness to alter my opinion if I find that my information is lacking. So, no? I also don't go pointing fingers in faces like a crazed person, usually I am the one to argue with that kind of person; typically because they can't see past emotion and have little concern for actual facts. Sometimes it's sport that I do this (ENTP, baby!), but usually it comes from a place of trying to inform and shift opinion--or at least get them to actually obtain facts or get their facts from objective sources.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
    • MaeBe
      How exciting! Have a glorious evening!
    • Adrianna Danielle
      I will be meeting her wife tonight
    • Betty K
      Thank you Vidanjali that is so great to hear. I'm glad the joy comes across even though the subjects are dark, and especially that my voice is pretty! This was really a breakthrough for me, and I revelled in the entire process. Never had creating music been so effortless from start to finish.
    • Charlize
      The thoughts and suggestions above are certainly excellent!  I might also suggest that you continue to reach out to the trans community where your feelings are understood through experience.  I have found that helpful.  The is especially true when i try to help another in distress, not to look for a fellow sufferer but to help another find a path to self acceptance and peace.  Funny how helping another can pull me out of my own funk. We are here to help as we can.  Remember you are not alone in your feelings.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Vidanjali
      This is great, Betty. Your voice is so pretty and soothing. I listened to both tracks on your channel. The messages are clear and there is a very effective tone for the content you are portraying as it neither sounds antagonistic nor overtly facetious, but rather empowered and joyful. 
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...