Hormone Doubt

[TiaMaria]

Hey everyone, 

 

Thanks for all the advice from my last post. 

 

Today, I went to an endo doctor, and they say I might be able to hopefully start hormones in the next couple of weeks. When they told me that, I was excited but still hesitant. I always keep thinking that I'm going to have regrets or something. Is that normal? Did any of you have this feeling when starting hormones? 

 

Thanks in advance!! 

[Carolyn Marie]

Many of us have doubts about virtually every aspect of our transition.  Having doubts and questions about HRT is not only normal, it is logical and sensible.  That's because HRT carries risks, as does any prescription medication, and those risks can be significant, especially if you have some types of pre-existing conditions.

 

My advice is to read as much as you can from reputable sites and publications, starting with the WPATH Standards of Care.  There is a whole lot of good information about it, including on this web site.  Being informed and knowledgeable is important.  I've had to educate some of my own doctors, which is not an unusual thing.

 

If you have specific questions, we'll try to answer them, but we aren't medical professionals, so be guided by your doctors and by your own informed mind.

 

Carolyn Marie

[ToniTone]

I'm sure as Carolyn Marie said, most of us had doubts. 

 

Me personally, I had a lot of doubts the months before I got on hrt. But by the time I got it, I reasoned that I'd never be happy to keep going on as a man. So I took the plunge, and so far transition has been pretty gentle to me. I'm very content with my choice and where I see transition taking me now. 

 

Really at the end of the day, it's your decision though. If you aren't already, maybe consider talking with a gender therapist, or find a community meeting local to you. Some ways to get some perspective. 

[Mickey]

By the time I came out as Trans, I had spent most of my life, up till that point, knowing that I was really a girl. When I was finally able to start HRT I had known for a while that it was what I wanted and needed. I wasn't the least bit hesitant. I had no doubts at that point.

[Kirsten]

I was scared to lose my family but I had no doubts about starting it. Because I knew if I didn’t I wouldn’t be alive long. And I’d never be happy. 

[TiaMaria]

Hey Everyone, 

 

Thank you for all the support and advice!

 

So, I found out that my endo was gone for vacation so I have to wait an extra week. I told my parents about what is going on, and they had a lot of questions about it. The main one they kept asking was that I did not show anything growing up that I was transgender, like I didn't dress around them or anything, even though I've had some clothes for a while. 

 

Anyway, the main thing I wanted to ask is whether or not it is common to not want to dress as your preferred gender until you've been on hormones for a while ( 1year +)? 

 

Thank you in advance  

[Ellora]

Just now, TiaMaria said:

Anyway, the main thing I wanted to ask is whether or not it is common to not want to dress as your preferred gender until you've been on hormones for a while ( 1year +)?

Hi! Are you not wanting to dress because of your concern how your parents or others would react, or because you just don’t want to until you are further along in your journey? 

Just now, TiaMaria said:

I didn't dress around them or anything, even though I've had some clothes for a while.

Sounds like you did dress at some point in your life, but not in front of anyone.

 

When I was a child, I would try my mothers lipstick, hair clips, heels, dresses, and blouses, but never in front of them. I kept that desire hidden for Many years, just because I didn’t want to be caught. It wasn’t until I lived a lone and was single, did I feel comfortable enough to start trying on clothes and makeup.

 

If you were given the opportunity to “dress up,” Would you? 

[Charlize]

TiaMaria,

In both of the posts you made in this thread you express a hesitancy to move forward into transition.  That is certainly similar to feelings i remember.  Fears of the unknown are normal.  Have you been to a gender therapist to discuss your path.  If not i would certainly recommend that path.

As to dressing, i dressed and went into public places well before starting hormones or even coming out to my family.  i was dressed the first time i went to my gender therapist.

For me it was a way of discovering, amongst other things, whether  i could live as myself and find any comfort.  I was unable to express myself in any way as a child as when i even tried it was met with severe disapproval.  That was the 50's and 60's.  When i dressed and went out it was in secret and i was filled with fear, guilt and shame.  hormones wouldn't have helped that.  Experience eased the difficulty over time.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

 

[Kirsten]

In my experience not dressing until well into hrt at all is not common. Waiting to come out and dressing publicly until after a while on hrt is perfectly normal. I’m not sure which you were eluding to. 

Either way none of that matters. All you need to worry about is being okay with who you are and what you are doing. If you are okay with what you’re doing, then it’s all good. If you aren’t sure, that’s when some trial and error or therapy could come in. And if you’re not happy, well then you’ll need to change something up. Do what you need to do to be happy. That’s all. The rest will all work out how it’s supposed to. 

[KymmieL]

Kirsten is correct. None of that matters. It is normal I have read about many of us thinking the same thing. Having the debate:

Am I doing the right thing. Is this the way I want to live the rest of my life.

Am I afraid of X (coming out, people knowing, presenting as female)

 

I know I have, asked those same questions myself, several times a day. I have the inner turmoil wanting to present more but being afraid of doing just that. 

 

Kymmie

Edited July 31, 2019 by Jani
correct spacing.

[TiaMaria]

On ‎7‎/‎31‎/‎2019 at 9:11 AM, Ellora said:

Are you not wanting to dress because of your concern how your parents or others would react, or because you just don’t want to until you are further along in your journey? 

It seems like a really strong mix of both of them. More so for the concern on how others would react. 

 

On ‎7‎/‎31‎/‎2019 at 9:11 AM, Ellora said:

If you were given the opportunity to “dress up,” Would you? 

Absolutely! 

 

On ‎7‎/‎31‎/‎2019 at 12:48 PM, Kirsten said:

In my experience not dressing until well into hrt at all is not common. Waiting to come out and dressing publicly until after a while on hrt is perfectly normal. I’m not sure which you were eluding to. 

It's more like the second one.