Confused and lost about where to begin and conflicting thoughts

[ConfusingThoughts]

Hello, I'm a mid twenty year old male living in New Jersey that's currently confused and conflicted about how to proceed with either starting the process and essentially gathering my thoughts. I am fairly certain that I would be much happier either as a female or between male and female (For clairty, bigender/-crossdresser-) but I'm still conflicted on this matter. And while still confident that I want to do this, I'm not 100% sure and still have this very small inkling in the back of mind against proceeding forward. (I'm at least 80% there) I currently don't have health insurance *please don't bash this too much* and currently live with my father as my parents are split, however I still have contact with both of them. The reason for lack of health insurance is it's impossible in my current living situation as I'm asked to watch over my aunt and grandmother who both have health concerns during the day. I also have no means of relaible transportation as I don't have access to a vehicle and no city metro exists. I'm currently freaking out on the topic and haven't been able to sleep or calm my thoughts about it. I've felt this way longer than I can admit. 

 

But I need to know what should my first steps be on at least clearing my thoughts and deciding 100% that I want to do this, and what my first steps should be after I'm entirely confident. I've told one person about my currently dilema and he's been extremely supportive and trying to help how he can so I'm not going into this completely by myself. Below is a list of questions that I have and others' opinions on as I don't know who to reach out to for advice. I'll attempt to put these in order of priority and I apologize if I'm not clear on some matters.

 

List of questions including some duplicates for those who TL;DR:
1) What are things I can do to make this 100% in my mind? 
2) Did you have doubts during your transitional phase? 
3) How do you go about bringing up a topic like this to immediate family and even friends? 
4) If I decide to with bigender/inbetween is it possible to later decide to go full female? 
5) If I did have health insurance, what would be covered during this process (Things like surgery, therapy, Estrogen(?))? 
 

[VickySGV]

Ok here goes -- Oh welcome to the Forums

Just now, ConfusingThoughts said:

1) What are things I can do to make this 100% in my mind? 

 

Nothing really about the best any of us can do is a bare 85% to 90% if we are lucky.  I have been out and full time for 8 years and I have days it is not up to those levels, but I have accepted this to be me!

Just now, ConfusingThoughts said:

2) Did you have doubts during your transitional phase?

 

Daily and much more often, and after 8 years full time and 6.5 post GCS they are still there at times.

 

Just now, ConfusingThoughts said:

3) How do you go about bringing up a topic like this to immediate family and even friends? 

Our Coming Out Forum has a lot of ideas on this.  Go on over and read them.  Not all of them work for all people though.  It will be necessary to get a Gender Therapist IRL to help you with this.

 

Just now, ConfusingThoughts said:

4) If I decide to with bigender/inbetween is it possible to later decide to go full female? 

 

Absolutely possible, and no worse than going right to that end is for anyone.

 

1 minute ago, ConfusingThoughts said:

5) If I did have health insurance, what would be covered during this process (Things like surgery, therapy, Estrogen(?))? 

 

If become a member of a health insurance group that covers those things, well, that is your answer.  Pick your insurance carrier based on what they will cover.   You can go to a health insurance broker who can work with you on getting insurance that will handle all of it, but it may cost a little more.  You do not show your state, but some states require coverage of that , others do not, go out and see what you can get.