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Mia1982

MTF Passing late 30s

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Mia1982

Just curious about girls mid to late 30 that started transitioning how much they "pass"? 

 

I know it's subjective but I am trying to look at things from a realistic perspective. So with that my stats are 145lbs, 5'10" slender in great shape, but still have short hair I need to grow out. Most people guess me around 30 or so when they guess my age but I am 37. I checked with my insurance and lucky for me with proper documentation they do offer coverage for hormones, FFS, SRS, and a few other trans services so theoretically if I had procedures along with HRT at my age can I pass? I have spent hours and hours watching make-up tutorials and dressing tips and honestly I am nothing like them because they transitioned at like 18-20 years of age or sooner and I very disappointed at how I look when I try. I'm just a "man" in makeup or "man" in a dress in my eyes. At my age can modern procedures like FFS and HRT get me passing or is looking at all these 20 somethings on youtube just setting me up for disappointment? 

 

Also I know there's more to it like voice training, gestures/body language, walking, confidence etc (I've done my homework) but just looking for a general physical appearance answer because I am starting to feel like I'll never be as pretty as the girls in the tutorials I am watching because of my age regardless of surgeries. 

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MaryMary

I started transition at 32 and now i'm 38. For the passing part I think it's ok. I pass 90% of the time I'd say but I'm openly trans so the fact that people can see that I'm trans is ok with me.

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MaryMary

once you are trully proud to be trans and open about it people "clocking" you start to lose of it's negative power. I think that's were confidence comes into play.

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Mia1982
Just now, MaryMary said:

once you are trully proud to be trans and open about it people "clocking" you start to lose of it's negative power. I think that's were confidence comes into play.

 

I think it's awesome that you are so open. For me I am still doing everything privately and from what I have read it's pretty normal to question my ability to "pass" regardless how I feel when I dressed. I am really worried that I will start going down this road and then never feel comfortable from a physical perspective. For some, it was never about passing which I respect and for others it is and for me I am wondering what I can loosely expect from a physical stand point given my age. I am kinda assuming with appropriate surgical procedures I can expect some pretty good results but everywhere I look for those results it's usually early aged 20s or later in life 50+ but nothing in our age group. Btw, you look great! 

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MaryMary

the thing about passing is that it's never ending. There will always be someone to mistake you for a man and then your dysphoria throws you into a spin. But maybe he would have made this mistake for anybody? maybe not? And what if you engage in FFS and after it people still "clock" you? Another surgery? I have a lot of dysphoria myself, do I chase after the end of dysphoria and do 10 surgury or do I try to do just what is necessary and learn to live with it? Because at some point it can become a case of the cat chasing it's tail and going round and round. I good way to go IMO is to take it one step at a time and try to strike that balance where you feel good, maybe still have dysphoria but none the less live a fullfilling life.

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QuestioningAmber

I in my early thirties, and I also think about the ability to pass as I move forward. Right now, I am also trying to take it one step at a time. I know my dysphoria is not managed by simply cross dressing, I crave to have a more female image of myself more consistently. So I am heading down the path of feminizing my image and preparing the idea of starting hormones in a year. This is a self imposed time frame in some aspects, so that I can get other things ready, like getting out in public en femme, also growing out my hair.

 

I know it is hard, but I am going to try to take the wisdom here that I need to enjoy each step that puts me closer to the real me.

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Mia1982
On 7/20/2019 at 8:50 PM, MaryMary said:

I have a lot of dysphoria myself, do I chase after the end of dysphoria and do 10 surgury or do I try to do just what is necessary and learn to live with it? Because at some point it can become a case of the cat chasing it's tail and going round and round. I good way to go IMO is to take it one step at a time and try to strike that balance where you feel good, maybe still have dysphoria but none the less live a fullfilling life.

 

So true about a cat chasing its tail. I'm just like a lot of others wanting to pass and right now my passing rate is 0 so of course I m looking at everything trying to find ways to improve on that. I've watched so many videos and tried so many different makeup looks etc but it's just not working as of now but also have read hormones do help and I am not on those so maybe that's my first "step" and go from there. 

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Mia1982
On 7/20/2019 at 10:25 PM, QuestioningAmber said:

I in my early thirties, and I also think about the ability to pass as I move forward. Right now, I am also trying to take it one step at a time. I know my dysphoria is not managed by simply cross dressing, I crave to have a more female image of myself more consistently. So I am heading down the path of feminizing my image and preparing the idea of starting hormones in a year. This is a self imposed time frame in some aspects, so that I can get other things ready, like getting out in public en femme, also growing out my hair.

 

I know it is hard, but I am going to try to take the wisdom here that I need to enjoy each step that puts me closer to the real me.

 

It is hard! I totally understand where you are and I really look up to the others that are much further along but I always tell myself they have been at it far longer and started at similar spots a we are now so keep on keeping on girl! :) 

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MaryMary

yeah, that's also why we say once step at a time. Especially with HRT, YMMV so maybe you'll be surprised? If you saw me before transition... hrt alone can help. That and epilation ;)

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Mia1982

At the end of the day I know it all comes down to you and how you feel not what others think.  My hangup is for me it is important to pass for ME not so much for others. It terrifies me bc when I do really try all I still see in the mirror is "man" and I just need to break through and get a little win which will boost my confidence. Anyway, you do epilation over other procedures? You like it? 

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MaryMary

I think that earlier you start thinking about epilation and planning it the better it is because once hrt really kick in then you can do makeup and get somewhere (without 5o clock shadow and stuff like that). I'm red haired so it was hard for me but it's a good thing to do earlier so that transition is less akward. Because if you do hrt and start passing and have to let your beard grow for epilation then you look really akward. If you can avoid this, it's for the better.

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QuestioningAmber
Just now, Mia1982 said:

 My hangup is for me it is important to pass for ME not so much for others. It terrifies me bc when I do really try all I still see in the mirror is "man" and I just need to break through and get a little win which will boost my confidence.

 

Have you tried using a female name yet or saying out loud things like "I am a beautiful woman"? I am wondering if little things like this may help both of us. I have a desire to pass my own test as well. Maybe driving it home will help beat the mental filter.

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MaryMary

besides it can be a good little win to stealthily do that while waiting for other things to keep the ball rolling

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Mia1982
Just now, MaryMary said:

I think that earlier you start thinking about epilation and planning it the better it is because once hrt really kick in then you can do makeup and get somewhere (without 5o clock shadow and stuff like that). I'm red haired so it was hard for me but it's a good thing to do earlier so that transition is less akward. Because if you do hrt and start passing and have to let your beard grow for epilation then you look really akward. If you can avoid this, it's for the better.

 

That's a really good point that I have read before as well. How did you go about that? Just book appointments here and there to start thinning out the hair until eventually it got less and less? Or? I have rad how a lot of girls did laser removing far before coming out by doing a little at a time etc. finding good deals etc. 

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Mia1982
Just now, QuestioningAmber said:

 

Have you tried using a female name yet or saying out loud things like "I am a beautiful woman"? I am wondering if little things like this may help both of us. I have a desire to pass my own test as well. Maybe driving it home will help beat the mental filter.

 

I personally don't do that but I can see how that can help some. For me I know how I feel inside and it's more about just physically bringing it to the surface more to match it and that's my struggle. 

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MaryMary

yeah it can cost a lot  and I know that over here there's often things like 50% rebate... so be on the lookout for that. It all depends on the color of your hair and of your skin. You can start and see how easy it will be. Maybe you have an ideal combination (with the highest contrast basically) and it will all be easy. It can cost a lot so there's that also. It can give you a chance to spread the cost on a longer period of time potentially.

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Alex C

Hey Mia..Maybe I am not the sound board you want..but I hate the word passing..That a craigslist word or used in social dating service..Truth is Mary is right. If you truly belive that you want to be a woman or trans person then go for it..Why do we have to worry  about passing...Dose a guy who wants to be a guy worried abou it, or vice-vers girl who wants to be a girl..No..Because they just assume there normal..just like I assume I am normal, just like you should embrace that there is nothing wrong with you....You have a great body, its seems like you done your research, so accept that your just as normal. It's not easy hell am 55 but I wish to god I had the strength and pride to come forward at yr age. I would off been a much happy person..Good Luck  

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Charlize

   I'm certain that a young person in their early thirties can pass as well as anyone in their 20's.  Age isn't as much an issue as you think unless you haven't gone through puberty yet.  

   I often feel we mistake being attractive with passing.  Some of us can be lovely despite our ages while others don't fit societies ideals of beauty.

   I'm happy to pass(started HRT while 63).  Hopefully i look ok for a woman in my 70's.

In my experience worrying about passing vs. not passing is less of an issue than one thinks.  I've met very tall strong women.  Some are trans. some are cis, some pretty, some homely.

  Relax and enjoy the water if you decide to make the plunge.  The passing issue is less important than i thought it would be.  After all unless i move across the country, where no-one knows me, folks will know i'm trans whether i pass or not.  I live my life in the small town where i grew up and am accepted here as myself.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

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Kirsten

Passing is tricky. Passing doesn’t really mean that everyone thinks you’re a female. It only means you are treated as one. Ma’am and she/her pronouns. Acceptance. And I have that already. Started at 39 and am 14 months in. And most of that was low dose hrt. 

 

Looking how you imagine yourself as a female is another story. I see myself as a 5-5 120 pound hippie chick with tattoos and long thick hair. But in reality I’m 5-11 175 pounds with thin hair and am still regrowing my male pattern baldness head hair as well. So my image is slowly changing. I see limits. And I know I will be perceived as female 99% of the time eventually. And I may not look how I wish I did, but I’ll be very happy with how I end up for sure. Transitioning is so much more about being happy with you vs what people see when they look at you. Sure that’s important sometimes, but it’s not the most important part. 

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Mia1982

Thanks everyone for sharing what you have learned along the way and your thoughts on the subject. For the ones that say it's not about passing I respect your thoughts and opinions, but let's please remember that this sub category is specifically titled "Passing as your Target Gender". In some ways that's subjective as it can mean different things for different people but for me it was more about the physical appearance side of things and in my opinion that's pretty normal for many to think about. It's important to me. For others it's not as big of an issue for them and that's fine too. We all have similarities and differences and that's a good thing. Thanks again! 

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Jani

Mia, it was (is) important for me also.  I want to be seen as the person I present as.  A lot of it has to do with how you react to situations and the such.  Guys and girls are so different in this.  Take the time to study and learn.  Its not too hard although it can seem silly at first.   I don't know how you look but I can tell you hormones will make a world of difference once it gets into your system and has time to work.  At your age you have a distinct advantage so don't write it off, you may be surprised how well you do.  Have fun and enjoy the ride as best you can. 

 

Cheers, Jani

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Raven1981

Hello Mia:

 

So passing is very tricky.  Much like you, I have looked at the YouTubers like Maya, Sophia, Ava, Casey Blake and they do all look very beautiful, but they did all transition at a very young age and it does get to me.  I started HRT 1 month before I turned 37 and I am currently 38 right now and I feel that I pass about 80% of the time.  I do want and see that I need FFS on my nose and chin, but the biggest part of my dysphoria is my birth defect and needing GCS.  Like how everyone has said that it is all in how you preseve yourself and how confidence.  I find with myself that when I start feeling dysphoric about my looks that with 3 hours on doing my makeup and getting every touch just right that I can pass very well without any misgendering.  Then there are times that I get misgendered.

 

Here is a picture of me from last week with taking time on my makeup and I feel that I pass.  In fact, I had a guy buy me a drink when I looked like this

IMG_20190719_152233.jpg

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Mia1982

Hey Raven, 

 

Thanks for sharing your photo! I think it's great that you are feeling good about yourself and I like your perspective when watching some of the popular youtubers who transitioned at a much younger age. You go girl!

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Mia1982

Jani, 

 

Thanks for the kind words and sharing your experiences and suggestions. I hope you are having a wonderful week! 

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