Hello!

[Kaltia_Atlas]

Hi everyone! I am a 27 yr old mtf cd . I hope to one day go full transition, but with my wife and kids and job at their current place, it's not a good time.

I have come out to my wife, her sister and mother and my sister. All four of those women fully support and are understanding about my feelings and wants and my wife's sister even trades clothes with me! I'm so grateful to have such an amazing support team and loving family!!! It has been one of the best things during this time.

I have always known I was different and always knew that I wasn't completely myself. At some level my body and mind knew it but they didn't come to a conclusion together until recently. When I came out to my wife, she finally pieced the puzzles together and told me she had a feeling at some level, but never expected me to want to go full transition. She does support my decision, but is not completely ready for it. Which makes some things difficult to do and a little stressful, but we are working together and communicating with each other about our feelings and everything! 

I'm not sure if I'll come out to the rest of my family, but some of my worries include my job and kids, and the area I live in. Though the LGBTQ community is growing, there are still plenty of those who don't understand or believe in any of that. 

 

So a little more about me: I know... This goes on and on and I bet some of you are relating on such a deep level! 

I am a bit of an adrenaline junkie, though not to super extremes. I am a fire fighter who works for a foundry that melts and produces parts from aluminum and magnesium. My job is the hot job! And the most dangerous of course! I clean and maintain all furnaces. I love to rock climb, hike and bike, though I haven't had a bike in years. I love working on vehicles and have played with some audio systems as well. I enjoy computer games, Eve online, world of tanks, Sims 4 *the naughty version* and I used to be an avid World of Warcraft player. And I'm a parent to two of the most beautiful little boys! They take up more of my time than anything and probably will for ever!

So that's me. I have not figured out my transition name, so I got by Atlas because that has been my pen name and game name for MANY years.

 

SSSOOO... To conclude my time consuming rant of my current point in life... I hope to grow with this forum and the beautiful people here that I have met already! Thank you to those who have helped me thus far and I hope to make many more friends here in my time before and after my transition!

[tracy_j]

Hi Atlas, welcome to TransPulse

 

You will find us a friendly group of people here. Please don't hesitate to read around, ask questions and join in as you feel. Things do take a bit of getting around but it sounds like to have started off well. It's never easy but, with understanding all round, things stand good chance of working well.Thank you for your introduction.

 

I look forward to your posts.

 

Tracy

[Janae]

Welcome Atlas, 

 

Janae

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Atlas,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

I've worked at a factory which had a foundry. Those vats of molten aluminum produce searing heat.

 

Lots of love and a big welcome hug,

Timber Wolf ?

[Charlize]

Welcome Atlas.  I do hope you will continue to read and post here.  Doing that helped me find a path that mixed all parts of my life so i can be out of the closet and still live as myself.  Today i'll drive the farms dump truck out and get a load of hay.  

I always get great looks climbing out of the cab.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Kaltia_Atlas]

Thanks everyone! Makes me feel really good about myself to read and see peoples situations that are so close to my own. 

Timber wolf, yeah... Our aluminum stays around 700°C and our magnesium will be about the same. It will be interesting to see how my transition will go with this company and the job I have in particular. 

Charlize, I can't wait to be able to have those kinds of reactions! I know when I do transition, I'm going to be the best I can be! And if that turns a few heads, then even better! 

Janae and Tracy_J, thanks for the support and welcomes! I hope to get around to seeing some of your posts and learn more about y'all.

 

?

[reyindium]

Welcome to the forums Atlas! How great to have the support of your immediate loved ones. Sounds like you have an active lifestyle. When you say rock climb, you mean the kind one does with rope and pick axe? (Sorry that is probably not an accurate way for me to describe it but I'm obviously no expert). 

[Kaltia_Atlas]

Just now, reyindium said:

Welcome to the forums Atlas! How great to have the support of your immediate loved ones. Sounds like you have an active lifestyle. When you say rock climb, you mean the kind one does with rope and pick axe? (Sorry that is probably not an accurate way for me to describe it but I'm obviously no expert). 

So yes and no to the rock climbing. There are a few different ways to get to the top of a rock, bouldering, which is free climbing. No ropes or anything to hold you if you fall. Top rope, which is where a climber has gone to the top of a rock face and placed a contact point for a rope the be threaded for safety. And I can't remember the name of the last one, but it's essentially the same as top rope, but where the rope is below you instead of above. So if you fall, there is still a catch to save you, but it won't be as quick and is a bit more dangerous.

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Atlas.  I'm looking forward to reading your contributions to the forums.  You may be the first foundry worker I've run into here.  If and when you transition, you may also be one of the first female foundry workers around.  Nice!

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[Kaltia_Atlas]

58 minutes ago, Carolyn Marie said:

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Atlas.  I'm looking forward to reading your contributions to the forums.  You may be the first foundry worker I've run into here.  If and when you transition, you may also be one of the first female foundry workers around.  Nice!

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

Thank you Carolyn! The work is really amazing and I really enjoy it! I can say I've worked with one other, though she didn't last long in the work. It's very hard work for sure! I'm interested to see what my work will do or say when I do transition. Though this will be a few years from now. So much going on in life to be able to stop for that. Which has its own issues to deal with. Lol! Slow and steady!!! Just gotta remember that.

[Kaltia_Atlas]

So it's been a really long time since I've posted and I've been kinda of busy. I've grown a lot in my transition phase and I am getting closer to taking the next big step every day!

What's this big step you ask? That would be finding a therapist and expressing my true nature outside of my closest friends and family. Even possibly finding doctors to start some of the process of transition. Laser or electrolysis hair removal to start and maybe HRT not long after. 

So the steps I've taken recently... I have quite a nice collection of feminine clothing and have started to wear it out and about in my days off work. My wife is slowly accepting my desire to move forward, and it's a little frustrating to have to take things so slowly. But I am working with her at her pace. And I really think this is bonding us that much closer together.

Something I have noticed recently becoming a bit more, distressing, scary? No... Those words don't quite describe it. Anyways... I've been having what I believe is anxiety attacks. Sudden shortness of breath, fast heart rate, and feeling like I have tons of pressure on my whole body! *Know that I am not asking for medical advice as I will be speaking with my doctor about these issues soon* I am curious how some of y'all have delt with these feelings though. If anyone has. It happens at the most random of times too, and mostly when I'm not 'transformed' to my true self.  

Lastly, MAKEUP!!!!! My wife helped me with mascara, eye shadow and lipgloss! We will eventually work up to foundation and the other stuff. Lol... I'm not up to date on what in all goes into putting on makeup.

Below I'm posting some pictures, so please let me know what you think! I want to get a chocker to make my neck look a little smaller, and I need to train my body not to be so tense when taking a pic! Lol.

 

Thank you to all you beautiful people!!! Y'all have a good night! ???

[Charlize]

Welcome back Atlas.  This isn't an easy journey and most or perhaps all of us have dealt with fear.  I know i have.  I learned in Yoga the power of concentration on my breathing and i find some relief if i concentrate on that rather than the situation i'm worried about.  I'm glad you plan to talk to a doctor about you symptoms.  You might also want to discuss your issues with gender.  My doctor was one of the first outside of my family who i told about my journey.  I'll see her for my annual physical on Monday.  Therapy helped me as well. 

As to appearance, here are a couple of suggestions:  Try to thin you eyebrows to work them up to a higher slightly thinner line.  I did that slowly and none really noticed but it makes eyes bigger.  I would also suggest bringing your hair forward a bit and playing with styling it.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[SaraAW]

Welcome back. Charlize has provided lots of excellent advice above. I hope with the help of your doc, you can control the attacks, they can be scary. Hang in there hon and get to your doc. 
 

*hugs*

[Kaltia_Atlas]

Thanks y'all! I found a friend I work with who makes wigs and sells hair products for our community. He is getting me a sample of some stuff to try on my hair to make it grow faster. I will work on the eye brows... But I'm not sure where to start! ??? Guess with the hair closest to the eyes? Lol. And as far as bringing my hair forward, it's a little short and I'm trying to grow it out. Hints the above mentioned. But I'll try moving it forward with what I have. I also bought some chokers to help make my neck look smaller and hide any Adams apple that shows.

 

Thank you for the support!!! Hugs!

Juelie

[Kaltia_Atlas]

So I told came out to my mom tonight... 6 months since I fully admitted it to myself and my wife. And of course she reacted exactly how I knew she would, but with a twist. The worst question to try and answer is why. Why do you feel like that? Why do you want to be what you're not? What makes you think like that? Exactly how I expected that conversation to go. What was the twist though Juelie? Well, she wanted to know those answers because she wanted to understand. A long time ago, I told my mother how I felt. When I was still a teenager and absolutely knew I wasn't what I was supposed to be. She crushed that feeling then because she was scared of what it meant. Now she says she wants to understand, and I feel like she does. But the condescending way she tried the "boys have boy parts and girls have girl parts" is exactly what I expected and got.... I don't think she will disown me or never talk to me again, but I did tell her to do some research. And maybe I can find some resources for her to read and try to see things from a different point of view. Idk.

I'm just going to cuddle my wife and boys and try not to think about it. 

 

-Huggs-

Juelie

[Jani]

Hello @Juelie_Atlas, 

I missed your introduction so I'll start with saying hello and that I'm glad you found us and came back after a time away.  

 

As to you mother, this will be hard despite her saying she wants to learn.  There is a lot of water under that bridge.  You might help by pointing her to some information.  Here are some resources that you might want to review before passing along to her.

 

There are a number of really good TED talks.  Here are a few.   

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOmstbKVebM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9LTaBGDrw4M

 

 

 

You can go to the TED website and search on "transgender" and find a nice list of talks (like this).

https://www.ted.com/search?q=transgender

 

If religion is her issue try this, although you may want to cut and paste the information to a separate document less she find you here and start reading your posts.  https://www.transgenderpulse.com/2017/10/30/countering-religious-arguments-against-the-lgbt-community/

 

Or listen to this TED Talk by a Baptist Minister. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugl5hDuaVwQ

 

This article is science!  https://scienceblogs.com/notrocketscience/2009/12/16/one-gene-stops-ovaries-from-turning-into-testes

 

So you get my point that there is a lot of good data available, but beware there is a lot of bad data too, junk science and fringe thoughts based upon who knows what.   Make sure you mother doesn't connect with some bad information.  Remember "in our society Gender isn't about how you feel, its how you look."

 

All my best, 
Jani

 

[Kaltia_Atlas]

@Jani thanks a ton for the info! I'll make sure to find some information that helped me and send it her way.

 

Just wanted to come on and post an update/vent for a minute... Went out to pick up a family friend today and left my breast forms in my room where they always go. While I was gone, my toddler decided he wanted to chew on them and destroyed them. Now I'm devastated because I was planning on doing my usual thing and sleeping with them. They comfort me in a way. And now they are ruined. They have always been in the same place and he has never messed with them before... So my dysphoria has really got me down. But I'm going to order another set next paycheck and just go without for now. 

 

-luvs-

Juelie

[Jani]

Oh thats too bad.  I suppose you'll need a better place to store them.  Until you replace them you'll be fine.

 

Jani