Came out to my wife

[Charlize]

I feel for everyone facing this issue.  It was certainly traumatic for both my wife and myself.  We cried, talked and slowly found acceptance.  Many relationships don't find a path.  Therapy, patience, holding my tongue when frustration and anger came up and time helped.  I wish the best to all.  

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Rachel76]

I struggled with this for years, ultimately trying to suppress the real me during that time. Doing so did nothing more than make us both miserable. I denied the fact I am trans to myself a lot during that time, but knew deep down that it was a lie. This year I lost my brother to a horrible motorcycle collision that killed 7 people, and it made me finally address what has been wrong with me all these years, and I realized the fact of who I am and then decided I would transition. Expecting my wife to not accept me, she has said so in the past during times when I had stopped suppressing it, even telling me “ if I wanted to be with a woman I would have”, I prepped for the worst and actually started to sabotage my marriage. I realized I HAD to be the real me, at any cost as life is too short to be miserable. I came out to her, have started seeing a therapist and will begin HRT in the near future. My advice to anyone thinking that trying to suppress the true you is a good idea for the sake of a relationship is, don’t, just don’t. Remember, other people choose to live with you, but you don’t have that same choice, you are forced to live with you, and at the end of the day deserve happiness too. By the way, my wife reacted completely differently than anticipated and our marriage has vastly improved.

[ShawnaLeigh]

52 minutes ago, Rachel76 said:

By the way, my wife reacted completely differently than anticipated and our marriage has vastly improved.

First off welcome to TransPulse Rachel76!

Your story is vey close to mine or at least what I have been going through lately.

I was told the same things by my wife and it was scary and emotional and I was a wreck.  But over time I adopted the same philosophy that you have.  I have the right to be who I am.  I have the right to be happy too.  I am still living at home with her and our relationship seems better in many ways.  I still have that grey cloud over the marriage but for now the stress of it all seems way less and I am moving forward in my transition being on HRT now for almost a month.  She knows and supports it.  I can not speak for her feeling for the future now but earlier she was insistent that once I am fully a women then we will not be married.  I am hoping this changes for her.

[Beverly]

Congrats re taking a brave albeit difficult step. I shared books, articles and trans-themed movies with my spouse to help her become more comfortable with my transition, which was gradual. She was uncomfortable the first time we went out together, but she got to see that I was confident in who I am and that people treated me like any other woman. All of my family and most friends were and are supportive, which helped, but even though her family freaked tfo she remained supportive until her untimely death six months after I disclosed. I'll never know how things would have played out long term, but we had a beautiful life together for a brief period, with me finally happy and not depressed. Hang in there. It will be hard work, but being true to yourself is most important. Best wishes!

[Susan R]

5 hours ago, Rachel76 said:

This year I lost my brother to a horrible motorcycle collision that killed 7 people, and it made me finally address what has been wrong with me all these years, and I realized the fact of who I am and then decided I would transition.

Rachel, This hit me like a brick wall...eerily similar to what I stated in my “Life Changes” email I sent to my family as I was coming out.  It was the trigger.  sometimes it takes something like this to wake us up and really acknowledge our reality. Kudos to you for recognizing your truth.  I‘m sure it was as difficult for you as it was for me.
 

Here is a the way I stated it to my family from my email.

 

”I started doing more and more soul searching and when I 
found out that [our brother] had died, it really hit me hard. I realized life is 
short and we aren't going to be around much longer. If we want to 
share our lives with those we love, now is the best time to do it.”

 

6 hours ago, Rachel76 said:

...my wife reacted completely differently than anticipated and our marriage has vastly improved.

My wife too!  Your story and mine are very similar.

 

Susan R?

[Rachel76]

It’s amazing to see how many stories are similar, and I loved the way you started your email to your family. We will definitely have to talk more.