Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

New member


Kriss

Recommended Posts

Hello everyone, 

I'm new and wanted to say Hi.  I'm mostly here to get advice and find like minded support. 

I'm 44. Born male. Been married and divorced twice. Crossdressed on and off my whole life. 

I've gone through pretty intense periods of questioning my gender. The crossdressing is definitely more than a fetish, though there's an element of that tied in.  In between these periods of time I would be completely comfortable being male. The back and forth of feeling feminine and masculine seems to increase as I get older. 

Now at 44 I'm engaged again and decided to come completely clean with my fiance.  She's been amazingly supportive,  and even surprised me with some clothes. She says it helps that she's bisexual and has some gender issues as well.  Its given us  both a chance to explore. 

I think I've settled on genderfluid as a description of what I am. The back and forth is sometimes daily at this point. Today for instance, I'm in my office at work looking like any other guy but feel completely disconnected from my body. As if it wasn't even mine.  Yesterday , no such problems. 

In exploring all of this I recently started clean shaving everything neck down and have been experimenting with cloths.  I have no desire to transition as I have as many comfortably masculine days as fem. I guess my plan, such as it is will be to dress at home on days that I feel that desire. A desire that gets pretty overwhelming sometimes. 

I wish I had found language for all of this earlier in life.  I guess what I'm looking for here is guidance and support.  This is all pretty confusing to be dealing with at 44. Lol

Thanks in advance, and I'll see you I'm the forums. 

Link to comment

Welcome to the forums first of all. It’s nice to meet ya. ?

it sounds like you have a pretty good hold on your gender which is ahead of a lot of us when we came here so congrats on that! 

Beyond that all I’d say is be true to yourself. There are no rules with gender sexuality or any of it. Whatever helps you be happy and proud of who you are is what’s right for you. That’s really all that matters. 

?

Link to comment
  • Admin

Hi Kris, welcome to the Forums.  It sounds wonderful that your fiance is accepting and this is not a deal breaker.  I am going to recommend that you look for a Behavioral Health Therapist who is skilled in talking to people with gender issues and book a few sessions with them and maybe a few with your Fiance as well so both of you are on the same page so to speak.  It is not at all unusual here that the gender feelings become more intense and long lasting as we age.  The language issue too is one that has affected many of us older ones, I am 71 and two of my kids are older than you and I only got things fully figured out 11 years ago so in there you are right on track as well.  Join in and enjoy the place.

Link to comment

Thanks for the replies! 

Kirsten- Thank you,  but there are definitely days where I don't feel like my hold on gender is very good. Lol  This can be a confusing mess. 

 

Vicky- Thank you for the kind words and advice about a therapist.  That's something I've been giving a lot of thought to. My one fear is that a therapist will reccomend transitioning and I don't think that would be the right thing to do. 

Link to comment
  • Admin
Just now, Kriss said:

My one fear is that a therapist will recommend transitioning and I don't think that would be the right thing to do.

 

The therapist will not recommend full transitioning unless you say you are considering it to them, and then they will ask you why you think it is right for you to do and what you expect to get from it.  Surprise!  They may ask you over time if your personal thoughts have changed, but that would be the extent.  What the Therapist's job is, is to make you comfortable with your own choices and desires and get you to consciously think how those choices will fit in to your life to make it as comfortable as it can be with your gender diversity feelings. 

Link to comment
Just now, VickySGV said:

make it as comfortable as it can be with your gender diversity feelings. 

That alone would be amazing.  I grew up in a pretty "normal" family.  My own desires run pretty contrary to that life. I feel more comfortable in my skin since talking to my fiance and making some minor changes. Which has had a great impact. Being more comfortable with the gender feelings would go a long way towards easing my anxiety around all of this. Thank you! 

Link to comment
Just now, VickySGV said:

The therapist will not recommend full transitioning unless you say you are considering it to them, and then they will ask you why you think it is right for you to do and what you expect to get from it.

Really? I must have the worst luck ever then. I have had no less than 4 therapists tell me this exact thing previous to deciding myself to transition. I went to all of these therapists asking for ways to stop desiring transition. And they all recommended forgetting all about that and starting transition. I used to have anger over it but now all I can say is guess they were right. 

 

But yes yes I agree that no therapist should tell you to do anything at all not just that. It’s not their job to do so. But just like everyone else, they have opinions too. And they do pop out. 

But if they did, you still get to choose what you want regardless. Heck my current therapist told me I should get a divorce just last month. I told her she was nuts and moved on. And all is good now. ?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Kriss.

   There is no reason to decide about transition.  Many here live part time  or dress occasionally if at all.  We have different paths which may change at times. M<y time here with others helped me find my path.  Therapy was a good part of that journey as well.  

Hope you find the same support.

   Kirsten could those 4 therapists have interpreted what you said and how you were presenting yourself as wanting to transition despite your not seeing it or wanting it.

I know it took me time to even think i might consider transition despite spending as much times i could without being out as myself.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
Just now, Charlize said:

 Kirsten could those 4 therapists have interpreted what you said and how you were presenting yourself as wanting to transition despite your not seeing it or wanting it.

 

Im not sure. Back in those days I was not dressing. I was extremely anti trans and believed 100% that there was something wrong with me that needed to be fixed. This was in my early to mid+ 20s after 4 years of conversion therapy and regular physical abuse as a child. At that point it was working on me. I am sure that I didn’t want to transition at that time. At all. I think I was very clear about how I felt and about believing it was only ptsd related due to being molested by my father and his friends when I was very young. Although I was very honest about my cross dressing as well. Back then I was literally a hot mess incapable of looking at this part of myself in any sort of reasonable way. Thanks mom. ? god I hate my family. Sorry off topic. 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Sorry you went through that therapy and abuse.  That being said we are responding to a post in the forum for welcoming new members.  Perhaps you might want to start a new thread?

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment
Just now, Charlize said:

Sorry you went through that therapy and abuse.  That being said we are responding to a post in the forum for welcoming new members.  Perhaps you might want to start a new thread?

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Sorry just answering your question. ??‍♀️

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Kirsten, there is no need to apologize at all.  The nature of our conversations here, as I'm sure you have noticed, is that they do wander at times.  This is fine to a point, as it allows us to write about something that may have been brought to the fore by another's comment.   As Charlize notes another new thread is always an option if it is something we want to explore.  But in this case we do want to respect Kriss and their introduction.  ?

 

Welcome Kriss!  I'm glad you found us.  It sounds like you've found a place of peace and happiness with your fiancé.  As you say it does get a bit overwhelming at times, so speaking with a good gender therapist would be helpful IMO.

 

Please join in the conversation.  I'm sure you have lots to offer.

 

Cheers,

Jani

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Hi Kriss,

Welcome to Transpulse. I'm glad you're here!

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf ?

Link to comment

Thanks for the warm welcome everyone! Even recognizing this part if me is a huge step. Finding a group of people to talk to about it means so much! 

Link to comment

Just welcome , get comfortable, find someone you can talk to and do things that help reduce everyday stress .  You get someone who is good or it may take several attempts . Its about the relationship and how both of you interact .  

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   3 Members, 0 Anonymous, 125 Guests (See full list)

    • Ashley0616
    • MirandaB
    • Ivy
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.7k
    • Total Posts
      768.4k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,024
    • Most Online
      8,356

    JamesyGreen
    Newest Member
    JamesyGreen
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Alscully
      Alscully
      (35 years old)
    2. floruisse
      floruisse
      (40 years old)
    3. Jasmine25
      Jasmine25
      (22 years old)
    4. Trev0rK
      Trev0rK
      (26 years old)
  • Posts

    • Ivy
      As has been said many times, this is not a black and white issue. Sure.  I get it that a MtF person that has gone through full male puberty and "transitioned" 6 months ago probably has an advantage in some sports.  But these bans affect elementary school kids too. I mean, banning trans women from Darts?  Chess?
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Do you have achievements you make to mark your progress to becoming the true you?
    • Heather Shay
      believing forward movement is just ahead.
    • Heather Shay
      Worry refers to the thoughts, images, emotions, and actions of a negative nature in a repetitive, uncontrollable manner that results from a proactive cognitive risk analysis made to avoid or solve anticipated potential threats and their potential consequences.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Willow
      Good morning    Now @Abigail Genevieve and @Mmindy what makes you so certain I didn’t mean it to say bee itch certificate?  lol. Thanks Mindy. I was asleep when you saw this and fixed it, and yes Abigail, as a moderator I could have fixed it myself, or weren’t you pointing out the irony of that?   I use Alexis as my alarm to get up.  And I set the ringer to be two guys telling me to get up.  I was so sound asleep when they started telling me to get up that it scared me and my first thought were I had over slept.  Since I have a difficult time getting to sleep as early as I have to in order to get enough sleep I at least cut back my normal awake time to get ready.  But now I have to do my hair and get going.   enjoyed my coffee and a little time catching up   see you all later, for its hi ho hi ho it’s off to work I go.   Willow
    • EasyE
      Republicans have long committed grave errors by emphasizing their social agenda and moral issues instead of just focusing on the economy, lowering taxes, keeping the public safe, building a strong national defense, promoting business, touting reasonable immigration policies, etc.   The country would thrive economically under Trump's tax and business policies. That's a fact. Another four years of Biden will run this country into the ground financially (including all of our 401Ks and IRAs). But the GOP continues to play right into the Dems' hands by leading with their moral crusades instead of staying the course and trusting their fiscal policies to win the day... 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-news/hundreds-athletes-urge-ncaa-not-ban-trans-athletes-womens-sports-rcna149033     Carolyn Marie
    • KymmieL
      Well first day is over and now getting ready for bed soon. Work was OK.   Don't know why but I am feeling down. I am heading to bed. Good Night.   Kymmie
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Boyfriend and I our time at my place.Both admit our sex life is good,got intimate for the 2nd time and he is good at it
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Thanks.  I will look those up in the document, hopefully tomorrow.   I always look at the source on stuff like this, not what someone, particularly those adversarial, have to say. 
    • MaeBe
      LGBTQ rights Project 2025 takes extreme positions against LGBTQ rights, seeking to eliminate federal protections for queer people and pursue research into conversion therapies in order to encourage gender and sexuality conformity. The policy book also lays out plans to criminalize being transgender and prohibit federal programs from supporting queer people through various policies. The project partnered with anti-LGBTQ groups the Family Policy Alliance, the Center for Family and Human Rights, and the Family Research Council. Project 2025 calls for the next secretary of Health and Human Services to “immediately put an end to the department’s foray into woke transgender activism,” which includes removing terms related to gender and sexual identity from “every federal rule, agency regulation, contract, grant, regulation, and piece of legislation that exists.” The Trump administration proposed a similar idea in 2018 that would have resulted in trans people losing protections under anti-discrimination laws. [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; The New Republic, 2/8/24] Similarly, the policy book calls for HHS to stop all research related to gender identity unless the purpose is conformity to one's sex assigned at birth. The New Republic explains: “That is, research on gender-nonconforming children and teenagers should be funded by the government, but only for the purpose of studying what will make them conform, such as denying them gender-affirming care and instead trying to change their identities through ‘counseling,’ which is a form of conversion therapy.” [The New Republic, 2/8/24] The policy book’s foreword by Kevin Roberts describes “the omnipresent propagation of transgender ideology and sexualization of children” as “pornography” that “should be outlawed,” adding, “The people who produce and distribute it should be imprisoned.” Roberts also says that “educators and public librarians who purvey it should be classed as registered sex offenders. And telecommunications and technology firms that facilitate its spread should be shuttered.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Roberts’ foreword states that “allowing parents or physicians to ‘reassign’ the sex of a minor is child abuse and must end.” Echoing ongoing right-wing attacks on trans athletes, Roberts also claims, “Bureaucrats at the Department of Justice force school districts to undermine girls’ sports and parents’ rights to satisfy transgender extremists.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023; TIME magazine, 5/16/22] Dame Magazine reports that Project 2025 plans to use the Department of Justice to crack down on states that “do not charge LGBTQ people and their allies with crimes under the pretense that they are breaking federal and state laws against exposing minors to pornography.” [Dame Magazine, 8/14/23] Project 2025 also calls for the Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services to repeat “its 2016 decision that CMS could not issue a National Coverage Determination (NCD) regarding ‘gender reassignment surgery’ for Medicare beneficiaries.” The policy book’s HHS chapter continues: “In doing so, CMS should acknowledge the growing body of evidence that such interventions are dangerous and acknowledge that there is insufficient scientific evidence to support such coverage in state plans.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023] Going further, Project 2025 also demands that the next GOP administration “reverse policies that allow transgender individuals to serve in the military.” The policy book’s chapter on the Defense Department claims: “Gender dysphoria is incompatible with the demands of military service, and the use of public monies for transgender surgeries … for servicemembers should be ended.” [Project 2025, Mandate for Leadership, 2023]   …summaries of what’s within the rest of the document re: LGBTQ+ concerns. A person can believe their gender is fixed but incongruent with their physiology, but the authors and Trump (by his own words) just see the incongruity of an “expressed gender” that conflicts with what was/is in a person’s pants.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...