cancer

[Regn]

My psychologist says I’m alcohol dependent. She says it as if it’s meant to be significant. I was like, isn’t everyone? So I came home and googled it. It means you’re a drinker. 

 

She told me I’m trashing my body and could get cancer. I could still get cancer if I didn’t drink though. Better to drink and have cancer than not drink and have cancer. Right?

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Regn,

 

It sounds like you're not ready to quit drinking at this point. If you ever feel you want to quit but can't, give AA a try.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf ?

[Susan R]

32 minutes ago, Regn said:

Better to drink and have cancer than not drink and have cancer. Right?

Hello Regn,  You may have missed your psychologists point.  Her diagnosis might be valid and one of several significant factors for why you need her expertise.  I think that's what she may be trying to tell you in a nice polite professional manner.

 

My best to you on your journey,

Susan R?

[Jani]

55 minutes ago, Regn said:

Better to drink and have cancer than not drink and have cancer. Right?

Well, no actually.  Why increase your odds?   I had an uncle that had kidney cancer and another with lung cancer.  One drank and they both smoked.  Their lives at the end were sad and painful, and they had terrible deaths.  

 

56 minutes ago, Regn said:

I could still get cancer if I didn’t drink though.

Yes, but this isn't the point.  You could get hit by a car in the parking lot walking into a store.  But you take precautions by looking around as you walk.  I've had cancer and it is not a cakewalk.

 

You need to find a reason to make the change in your life.  There are many good ones such as being happy and healthy.  There is so much more than drinking.  Sobriety would be an awakening.  

 

Hugs, Jani

[MiraM]

I was 4 months sober when I was diagnosed with cancer.  I don't want to think about how I would have handled that if I had still been drinking.  If I had still been drinking, I believe that it would have been another excuse to continue on the same path of waiting to die, and probably drinking more to help speed it along.  It is possible that I also would have gone from constantly thinking about suicide to making yet another attempt.

 

As Jani said, being diagnosed with cancer is not a cakewalk.  Being sober allowed me to deal with the situation in a healthy manner.  When drinking, I would not have cared, and would have isolated myself even more than I already had.  As a result of being sober and working the 12 steps of AA, I was able to get through the initial shock, and understand my treatment options, as well as trust my doctors to make the right decisions on how to proceed.  I was also no longer isolated and had sober people in my life that I could go to when things seemed overwhelming and hopeless.  My doctors will still not say I am cancer free, as there are several cervical lymph nodes that may have metastatic disease, and they have decided to take a watch and see approach as they don't seem to be a high risk at this time, and further surgery would likely cause more harm than any benefit of removing them.  If I was still drinking, I would never be able to accept the fact that there is something they suspect to be cancerous, but my doctors have chosen to not remove it, regardless of whether it posed a risk or not.  So for me, it is better to NOT be drinking and have cancer than to be drinking and have cancer.

 

And as TiberWolf said, you may not be ready to quit drinking at this point.  Only you can ultimately make the decision if you are an alcoholic/problem drinker, and you have to be ready to quit for yourself, and only for yourself.  Just know, that when and if you decide it is time, you don't have to do it alone.  There are people that care, and are more than happy to help you find a life without alcohol.

[Jani]

Thank you for sharing @MiraM.  You're correct in that it was hard, and you never know how you will react to this news.  

 

Hugs, Jani

[Regn]

Sorry ai didn’t mean to make light of the experience of having cancer. It was just one example  of the reasons she thought I should care about. I forget now what my point was though LOL 

 

To the people who said I might not be ready to stop, yeah. I don’t know that I ever will. There are plenty of things I really dislike about it but I don’t want to even imagine how -toasted- life would be if it didn’t exist.

[Jani]

@Regn you will find the power to stop when you are ready.  There are plenty reasons out there.  You just need to latch to one, whether it be heath, love, fear, or whatever.   All my best.

Jani

[Charlize]

Regn it is good to see you again.  I’m sorry that you are still drinking heavily but glad you are being honest about it.  I know that much like you I thought everyone drank.  I had made alcohol such a part of my life that I couldn’t see a life without it.  It took me forever to even mention it as a problem.  Not me.  Maybe I knew but unfortunately refused to face it.  When I finally did it was a big step.  I unfortunately knew I couldn’t quit. I was powerless and remain so today.

 Last night I ate dinner by myself at a table next to a bar miles from home and anyone I knew.   The thought of a drink came.  So did the thought that one would not be enough.  My life would return to that never ending need.  I had left an AA meeting an hour before and had another one on Zoom that night.  Today I’m still sober.  If you want that, it is possible.  I know I couldn’t do it alone and I’m so glad I reached out for help!

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jani]

Just now, Charlize said:

So did the thought that one would not be enough.  My life would return to that never ending need.

This is obviously sooo true.  I have heard from many others.  Sobriety is a gift to cherish.   

[Regn]

On 9/7/2019 at 1:40 PM, Charlize said:

The thought of a drink came.

 

You’re saying you still want one after all this time? That doesn’t fill me with hope.

[Timber Wolf]

5 hours ago, Regn said:

 

You’re saying you still want one after all this time? That doesn’t fill me with hope.

I'm afraid you've missed the point. Of course we don't forget about drinking like it never happened. We (those of us who do) have the disease of alcoholism. We are in recovery and have found a way to live without drinking. The point is not that she thought about drinking, it's that she found a way to live without needing to drink. That's what AA offers you should you ever decide you need help.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf ?

[DeeDee]

On 9/3/2019 at 1:02 PM, Regn said:

My psychologist says I’m alcohol dependent. She says it as if it’s meant to be significant. I was like, isn’t everyone?

It is the dependent part that is really important, my dad was a functioning alcoholic, he would come home from work and have a couple of tins and then some nights (read many nights) would down a bottle of whisky too. He was always up, shaved and off to work the next morning, sometimes he was funny but other times he was vile and hurtful and could get physical.

 

I live and grew up in a culture where binge drinking is totally socially normal and at the time licensing laws meant you only had a few hours to get wrecked, I started drinking regularly by the time I was 14 and I was a couple of years behind the curve in my town. At 17 I had a major scare and woke up in a hospital corridor on a bed wearing only a gown, I was given an injection to stop myself throwing up and a nurse let me borrow his clothes as mine were covered in my own vomit, I left the hospital before the police came back (they were told I would not be conscious until the morning.) 

 

When I left home at 18 and moved into my own place I was going out most nights to the pub to meet and socialise with my friends and then we would go back to mine until everyone rolled home. I put an end to it when I found out that the lovely old couple across the street had moved their bedroom from the front to the back of the house because of the noise we made coming and going and I did not want to turn into another version of my dad.

 

I still drink occasionally at social events but never drink on my own and I learnt my personal limits the hard way, I am not dependent on alcohol at all. I have a cupboard full of drink that rarely gets touched. The same cannot be said for caffeine or sugar, but because they are more socially acceptable and for the most part considered less harmful I can get away with it.

 

Addiction will consume you - as others have said you have to know what is driving you to stop. I have seen plenty of lives ruined through alcohol and smoking addictions, but you will have as well.  Find your reason. ?

 

 

[Charlize]

I had crossed a line to dependance.  Funny how so many others i know know about that time when we realize we simply can't stop.  It was hard to admit but knowing that i also felt relied for a bit as it no longer mattered.  Having no power to stop became a green light to delude myself into thinking everyone else drank like me as well as giving me a green light to drink as much as i wanted.  Soon the alcohol didn't make me feel better despite how much i drank.  For me stopping completely for one day at a time was the only option.  

Earlier this week i was on a business trip and had dinner in a restaurant with a bar across from my table.  I looked over and remembered how good that first drink felt.  Then i remembered how that feeling could never be found again no matter how much i consumed in the search.  A woman came in and settled at the bar.  In some ways i envied her but i abused that privilege and for me to drink is to die.

 Sobriety has given me 12 years of life i would have never experienced.  Sure alcohol is still out there and i'm attracted but the compulsion is gone for today and i'll be here tonight at the chatroom having a meeting with others who have a desire to live without having to use even though the joy of consumption is long gone.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Regn]

I’m going to quit tomorrow. Wish me luck?

 

I can’t decide on rehab options. keep going round in circles so I’m just going to do it myself. I have a list of supports, stuff to do etc, which are similar to what I’d be doing in rehab, it’s just not supervised. I think I have enough motivation now though. 

 

Here’s hoping.

[Maid In Bedlam]

For what its worth from a stranger from the Internet.

 

Good Luck Regn

 

Im sure it will have its uphill stuggles but The journey will be worth it in the end.

 

The Gains from going dry far out weigh the risks of not.

 

See if strangers are even sending there wishes  then you mit shows you everyone wants to see you succeed in your conquest.

[Charlize]

I detoxed myself but it is lucky i didn't have a seizure.  There is a difference between rehab and a medically supported detox.  In my sobriety i've had the opportunity to drive several fellow alcoholics to the hospital where they can safely lower their blood alcohol levels.  Please consider getting medical assistance.  

I am certainly glad you are reaching out here.  Please do use all the supports you have.  

We are here for you and don't forget if you need it AA is always there for anyone with a desire to stop drinking.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jani]

All my best to you Regn.  We're here supporting you.

 

Jani

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Regn,

I agree with Charlize, detoxing should be done with medical supervision. They even have medicine that can ease the discomfort. You don't have to use rehab services, but please do seek help detoxing.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf ?

[TommieAnne]

Let me also chime in as both a cancer survivor and someone who self-detoxxed from alcohol. I survived it, but was very lucky (on both counts).

But the alcohol withdrawal was a nightmare. Once I was into it, I had the shakes and hallucinations - I knew enough to contact a family member in the medical profession to get some help.

Don't go trying to walk that road by yourself. Even if you survive it, it is not pretty.

[Regn]

I’m going to see a doctor tomorrow.

[Charlize]

I'm glad you are getting help Regn.   Please keep in touch.  I know what your going through having been there.  It's far from easy.   Early sobriety was very difficult.  I can say that once you get through the detox and some time goes by life gets better.  The other choice for me was a life i could no longer live.  Alcohol had taken me to hell where it controlled me but gave no comfort.  I was starting to know days of nasty hallucinations and terrible shakes.  I needed help.  Fortunately others had been through the process and were there for me.

We are here for you with love.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Regn]

Thanks Charlize and everyone. I’ve done two days. The medication helps a lot.

[Timber Wolf]

That's great! One day at a time.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf ?

[Jani]

Wonderful!  Keep going!!