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Maid In Bedlam

Why all the Hate? My Observation.

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Maid In Bedlam

I read a thread on here about 6 months ago regarding dealing with hateful comments I’ve had much time to ponder this. These are my conclusions for those of an academic leaning.

 

 

There are a lot of people that get hate in this world.

Politicians

Parking Wardens

Refuse collectors when they leave the contents of your bin on the floor. (Dumpster if you’re American)

People that just do not care about anyone else other than themselves

 

 

But another group who get hate thrown at them a lot is Gay, Trans, and most of the others in that spectrum.

I really don’t get it.  How can a normal heterosexual man dislike those who are Gay or Trans.

 

When you got the likes of Trump and other self centred politicians out there why on earth world the focus of attention be on those of us who are as we are and in reality not harming anyone?

 

It seems to me there’s a certain element of the community every straight man should be hating instead.that is  OTHER STRAIGHT MEN.

 

Let me explain: when I was at school. Every single crush I had on a girl never happened to blossom. You know why?

Because of another Straight Man.

Every  female  personality.   And nearly all females I have met and had a secret little like for I never got them. You know why?

Straight Men have already got there first.

 

You know who never took any of the girls and women over the years before my transition never took a single one?

Gay or Tran’s people.

 

Laverne Cox never ever beat me to it.

Masha Gessen Again did not come anywhere near anyone who I liked.

Stephen Fry. Nope didn’t even have an inclining.

In fact no Gay Lesbian or trans person has ever beaten me to my desire.

 

The list could go on But Trans or Gay people never ever give any competition in that regard.

So why hate so much. Being honest Gay or trans People Never get in the way of  Straight men getting their Goal.

 

Could straight men imagine how awesome there life would be if every other male on the planet was Gay or trans except them? Could they imagine life if they was the only straight hetro man on earth?

No competition at all. Any woman they wanted.

You could say Ohhh but what if the some of the woman were into other woman exclusively?

Well putting that into perspective as it is now in the UK only 1.1% claim they are lesbian So in reality considering the size of the UK populations that’s just maybe one in thousands. I still think there’s plenty of choice. Even for those  ladies that would only date a trans woman. Still a very small number. I fact if i had to put a figure on it i would say less than 0.1% it would seem from the dating threads i have looked at and the issues some trans girls face when looking for a partner.

To think the only thing from stopping there utopia of being the only straight guy on earth is

OTHER STRAIGHT MEN

 

Haters could go onto say well its religious reasons.

Well if god created straight guys then he also created gay and Tran’s people. We are led to believe after all he is the all powerful and all mighty and would never make a mistake. To say god has made a mistake surely that would be blasphemy. This god  made up 10 commandments last time I looked at the scriptures I didn’t see any that said Thou shall hate the tranners and gays.

Do not see this either: Thou shall go round and correct all the great messy splodges I made. At the end of the day he made the world in Seven days. Do you really think that if it was so wrong that he would not be able to sort it out for himself and with great haste? Do you really think he needs humans to go around correcting his mistakes really if he did make any which he did not. as i said.

 

To be quite honest. Every time someone somewhere comes out of the closet  then all those straight guys should be celebrating. That’s one less they have to concern themselves about.

Being completely honest again. If it wasn’t for gay and Tran’s people just think what the world would be like?

Just Gay actors and producers for a start make up quite a number in their art form

 

In science. Alan Turin who himself was gay Invented the computer. Therefore if it wasn’t for a gay man you wouldn’t even be able to disrespect others with your computer keyboard as you wouldn’t even have one.

 

If someone says they do not like Gay or Trans people your technically saying you prefer straight men. Bit hypocritical really do you not think? All that really does is lower your chances of getting that girl of your dreams because in reality  One less trans or gay person is just more competition defeatest to say the least.

 

So really if you want to show people what kind of a man they are then stop hating trans and gay people. Because of the points I made above. Its  a pretty gay thing to do.

 

What do you think? A decent observation of hating?

 

If nothing else just remember this little post from maid in Bedlam when someone has a little dig at you online and smile as you think. "He has no clue what a favor im doing him"  and if you want show them the error of there ways.

 Then feel free with part or all of my words.

 

All i can say is im so glad i found a soul mate. So looks like im not in the race anymore But then Straight men really never had much to fear from me from the off.

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TammyAnne

Very nice observation.

I have thought some of those things over the years.

I don't understand why people feel the need to hate others.

It seems like a waste of energy to me.

How insecure is someone that feels threatened by my very existence?

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Ellora

The hate usually can be linked to nurture. Children are not born with hate. They learn hate from their parents/ family upbringing. Why do their parents hate the LGBTQ? Usually due to religious reasons. The haters will lash out in many different ways. Others lash out to draw attention away from themselves. Some people just hate, to hate. 

The human species seems to be the only one that has issues with LGBTQ community. 

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SaraAW

I think a lot of the hate stems from the “other” or Those outside their social group/community. The further someone or something strays from social group, the more it is perceived as something other.  The otherness is different, less easy to predict and this creates unease and with the right circumstances, can lead to fear and with enough fear, hate.  

 

Look at your own social groups and i’ll bet that those closest to you share the most similar experiences, likes or dislikes, politics, etc.  The less close, the less similarities. 

 

It requires a lot of trust to allow people into a group, as the person will be taking from the limited resources of the group. Those resources can be anything, possible reproductive partners, food, shelter, social capital and time with other group members, the list, unlike the resources on the list, is infinite. The more otherness, the less trust that the other will take their fair share, contribute their share and in times of crisis, be counted on to protect the group.

 

Groups are only sustainable up to a certain size, once the resources are exceeded, groups will either perish or they will reduce in size to below the resource limit. If they do reduce in size, it is those others that differ the most from the groups core that tend to get cut first. Who would you rather you had to let die if a stranger was tied to one fork in the train tracks and a close family member or friend to another and you only had time to direct the train down one path or the other?

 

So while we may not be competing with cis-men for reproductive partners, we do compete for many other resources, like attention from policy makers, which could limit their ability to get laws passed that make it easier for their social groups to get resources. There is likely a perception that by having laws that require equal employment representation and requires quotas of various minority groups, we are taking away jobs and by extension, access to resources. 

 

Until enough time passes without a lot of resource competition, perceived or real, or another more other other comes along, I think we can expect to be marginalized.  

 

The good news is, through education, we can move the needle on the perceived threats front. We see this happening with the cis youth today, being more accepting as they are exposed to our otherness more and realizing that we aren’t really that much different, if at all. 

 

*hugs*

 

Sara

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Ellora
1 hour ago, SaraAW said:

Those outside their social group/community.

I totally forgot to mention this part. The old cave/ survival instincts. On a larger scale, nationalism.

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Josie Beth

Yes people panic about dwindling resources, but truthfully it’s an artificial shortage these days. If resources were so scarce then there wouldn’t be anyone who has more than they need. The trouble is that there is no balance in the world and everyone is caught up in the struggle to be on the side of the scale that keeps feeding this imbalance. It’s insanity. So when nature attempts to restore the balance without the interference of humanity keeping it imbalanced, people panic because this ridiculous struggle is threatened. It’s all they know. There has to be rich and poor, so the only way to be successful in life is to gain the advantage by abusing others. It’s a vicious cycle we all feed into one way or another. It’s not enough to live and let live, humans have to destroy others to feel secure. Unless their group is on top, dominating all others, telling everyone else how it’s going to be and keeping all the best goodies for themselves even if they had to destroy others to do it, people don’t feel safe or satisfied. Humanity is a seriously misguided and self destructive species. Short of some higher species descending on earth and showing us how mistaken we are, I doubt anything will really change for the better any time soon. Civilizations seem to always gain progress and technology to a certain level, including the normalcy of trans people to a certain ratio, and then suddenly humanity wipes everything out and starts over again, less enlightened than before and reduced to the mentality of cave dwellers with ptsd. Just look at every great civilization and see the repeated patterns. They advance, gain wealth, corruption and infighting settle in, and then queer people of all kinds are allowed to flourish, and then the civilization is destroyed by someone else who repeats the cycle. It’s madness. It’s a real mental illness. On earth there is no other species that is so hell bent on throwing away everything that has been achieved including a higher level of thinking. They only hang on to the technology that has the potential to offer higher levels of destruction. Just look at how even after we have supposedly moved past the Cold War suddenly all these outdated caricatures of former enemies are dredged up from the abyss to create new pandemonium. It’s silly. The progress in new philosophical ideas threatens to end the old status quo of rinse-repeat self destruction. But we can’t have that can we? 

 

When it’s really deeply examined, humanity values all the wrong things for all the wrong reasons, and any culture that values the right things for the right reasons is subjugated or eliminated. Maybe it’s time to do something different for a change instead.

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Maid In Bedlam
On 9/14/2019 at 10:13 PM, Josie Beth said:

 The progress in new philosophical ideas threatens to end the old status quo of rinse-repeat self destruction. But we can’t have that can we? 

 

When it’s really deeply examined, humanity values all the wrong things for all the wrong reasons, and any culture that values the right things for the right reasons is subjugated or eliminated. Maybe it’s time to do something different for a change instead.

 

 

Yes its the same in anything.  people fear what they dont understand. 

However it would generally be  straight men making all there same old record type put downs. However if they actually look deeper To be a Transsexual or gay actually gives them a clearer path to achieving there utopia. So in reality coming out the closet should be praised if they had a think as its just one less obsticle for them to concern themselves over.

 

Is it a threat to there manhood? No its just one more step up there ladder

 

Until they relise this then things will never change.

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Josie Beth

It’s much deeper than that. I highly recommend viewing the latest series of videos on philosophy tube channel at YouTube. In two of the videos, climate grief & sex work, the host makes it very clear that many of the problems we face in every day life are attributed to an abuse of power and criminalizing the wrong people to “fix” the problems. It’s a gross mishandling of power, not just a silly mistake. But often times the perpetrators get off and redirect the blame or punishment to the victims. As a result the bad example is set and people fight the wrong battles because their philosophy is totally whack job in mimicry of the people in power. Nobody seems to think with honest ethics in mind or with critical thinking. They just parrot their heroes no matter how insane the logic. So until they learn to be intellectually honest, nothing will change. 

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michelle_kitten

If you corner an animal, sometimes they lash out at you.  You may not have hurt the animal, nor even touched it, but it goes on the attack.  Why?  Fear.  I think a lot of what we see as hate, is actually lashing out which comes from being afraid.  I think there are a lot of real and perceived things to be afraid of, when talking about sexuality and gender identity.

 

First, when we (the LGBTQIA+) community makes the world aware of us, there are people who don't want to deal with having to sort out such issues in their minds.  It takes brain power, time and energy to understand and accept that which is new and different.  Some people want easy, black-and-white answers.  Cults thrive on people who want easy, simple answers to otherwise tough questions.  Other people are busy with their own issues and find it quite an intrusion when someone throws a new issue at them.  There is a tendency to try to make snap judgments and move on.  Recently, people who have made the news for rather extreme transgender lifestyles have raised questions people often don't have easy answers for, and are afraid of getting it wrong.  Do we accept these trans-people even though they seem like predators?  Do we make allowances,  or hold them to a universal standard, or....?  Where are the limits?  Where does this all end?  "why can't they go away and leave me alone?"

 

Second, there are those who are afraid of being deceived.  "I don't want some evil sinner tricking me."  "I don't want to get some gal home and find out she's got something in her underwear I wasn't expecting."  "What if these people have some ulterior motive I can't see."  "Maybe all these trans people are all really pedophiles trying to trick me into letting my guard down so it can get to my children?"  There is a tendency to draw hard lines and erect fences around danger, whether actual or potential, whether real or perceived.  People do this to protect themselves.  "No gay will ever go to this church."  "I won't even go into that part of town."  "When I found out it was a gay club, and got out of there as fast as I could."  The unspoken part of this is, "So, there is no danger I will ever get tricked into doing or saying or..."

 

Next is something with which we are all familiar.  The stress of coming out is about how others will respond, react, and whether we will still have a valuable place in the hearts and minds of people we love.  Straight people worry about what others might think if they are seen talking to a gay, dating a trans-woman, accepting bisexual people.  "Will they treat me as a looser/sub-standard Christian/sissy/sinner/etc?."  "Will my family and friends think I am gay?" "Will others think I've lost my mind?"  Don't under-estimate the power of culture and the threat of embarrassment.  Statistically, the majority of people are less afraid of dying than speaking in public.  The power of having lots of eyes on you is a incredible motivator.  It isn't easy to take risks where acceptance is at stake.

 

Finally, there is control.  People are afraid of losing control.  People like certain ideal environments which they are striving to create, or have.  Some people don't like change, and others have some 1950's suburban, wholesome ideal, while others think everyone should wear sweater vests, carry Bibles and speak in subdued tones.  There are many more of these perceived cultures people are trying to achieve and they don't want anyone messing with that.  They want you to be like them.  They wouldn't hang around with any gay people and therefore you shouldn't either.  For all the good they do, Christian book stores are filled with works saying, "This is what worked for me, and it will work for you."  A constant source of tension between human beings is we want others to be just like us, and we are trying to control others so they will be.  Never mind we can't get along with anyone too much like us, and opposites tend to attract in many ways.

 

Any time someone arouses the fear in others a variety of predictable reactions can be expected:

 

- "These gays should be stoned, like the Bible says!" - fear of loss of control.

- "These trans people are just sick" <implied - "but, I'm not. See what a good person I am.  I can be loved, because I am not like them"> - fear of what people think

- "We can't have no men in the women's restroom, what if they do something unseemly?" - fear of being deceived

- "I don't care what people do, as long as they do it in the privacy of their own homes." - fear of complication.

 

The more desperate people get the stronger these predictable reactions will become.  Modern Christianity feels threatened and even attacked by the very existence of LGBTQIA+ people, and the acceptance they have gained lately.  They feel we are trying to erase their existence from the world, and not without reason.  I've heard of gay people who supported gay marriage as a means by which to attack Christianity, though I think these folks are rare.  Conservatives feel threatened, regardless of their religious beliefs.  The irony here is the LGBTQIA+ community often feels just as attacked.  I think if we could sit down, put our differences aside and eat a good meal together, we'd all have a great time and no one would feel attacked.  Imagine what could happen if we stopped attacking each other!!!

 

It isn't always hate. Sure, sometimes it is one human being despising another.  A lot of it is ignorance, fear, and really a kind of awkwardness that goes with being in a situation where  you don't know the rules, and are afraid you're going to do the wrong thing.  Some of it isn't meant as hate.  Some of it is just trying to get through an unfamiliar situation or trying to grasp radically new concepts.

 

I can't speak for anyone else, but as an LGBTQIA+ Christian, I'd love to see bridges built.  They won't be easy to build, but I am not going to let that deter me.  I have a few rants of facebook to my Christian friends to call out the church-goer behavior which is so damaging in these cases.  Every time I hear of a pastor going on an anti-gay rant from the pulpit, I reach out and offer to buy him lunch if he's ever in Atlanta.  I am hoping some of you will also give some of them a break, and take the moral high ground, showing kindness, patience, and respect, even if you don't get those things in return.  Don't let the hurt they cause you define you, but be the survivor who has gotten through the tough times, and is stronger for it.

 

<Michelle gets down from her soap box.>

 

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Josie Beth

@michelle_kitten you make a lot of good points about people trying to control what they can’t possibly control, even though they attempt to. I think that if people would honestly meditate on the depth of meaning in the serenity prayer and what it really means then maybe they could grasp how to respect others. Knowing where to draw the line is difficult unless people really understand certain principles of human conduct and don’t try to violate the rights of others. What disturbs me most about people is how easy it is for them to be intellectually dishonest on a whim. I’ve heard conservative people say things like “my rights end where yours begin” but then turn right around and spit murderous venom at anyone different than them, unprovoked. Equally appalling to me is the militant and subversive gays because it’s as if they are not just trying to punish all straight people for mistreatments they have been subjected to, but it’s as if they want to provoke people into violence and that’s equally as bad. I think unfortunately it’s human nature to be fearful of anything different, and perhaps the only way to grow past that is if we as a species are confronted with something even more different than LGBTQIA+, that it seems rather normal at that point. Unfortunately humanity is not mature enough for something that jarring and we would just start a losing war. It’s bad enough that historically, we are self destructive. It’s an indictment of the sickness of insanity that our culture is subject to across all spectrums. Until we examine the root cause of this issue I feel that humanity won’t finally get over this hurdle. Quite frankly we are the descendants of people who had some severe ptsd that we can’t even begin to imagine. Emmanuel Velikovsky tells us what caused this in several of his works and the resulting coping mechanisms that different tribes used. It became a literal arms race where my god is better than yours and we will wipe you out just like our god did to millions of people. So this is genetically ingrained in humanity and we have to do intensive work just to heal from it. That means everyone. Instead of pointing the finger we all have to recognize that we are all responsible for growing up. Unfortunately, because this is not taught in school, it’s apparent that the system has been rigged to keep us indoctrinated with the same old lies, basically two diametrically opposed lies, that keep us all tribed up and in a constant mental state of anxiety and hyper vigilance. It’s been drummed into the public by various YouTube personalities and politicians.Planet x, climate change, the brown men in caves, the commies, the fascists, the gays, the straights, the boogeymen, etc. they are all coming to get us all and we have to tribe up and fight to survive. If you look up the symptoms of ptsd, these are very clearly defined traits of the rhetoric spouted by people of different leanings on a daily basis. It’s even fed by such seemingly trivial things as competitive sports. And while there’s nothing wrong with healthy competition, there’s something laughable to me about people willing to beat each other silly over their football teams while wearing full body makeup. It’s a ridiculous over exaggeration. If we all start to recognize the little ways we play into this nonsense, then try to deliberately add mindfully change, then maybe this unhealthy behavior will eventually be a thing of the past.  

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michelle_kitten
10 hours ago, Josie Beth said:

What disturbs me most about people is how easy it is for them to be intellectually dishonest on a whim.

Mmmm.  I see it all the time.  Christians feel attacked by Atheists.  Atheists feel attacked by Christians.  Gays feel attacked by straights.  Straights feel attacked by gays.  Trans-people feel attacked by cis people and vice-a-versa.  The tendency to tribe is natural, and I am not sure it is entirely driven by some ancient arms race, but it is certainly there.

 

I used to work in a game store.  People would come in to use our tables for their D&D games.  I've seen tons of different types of D&D games.  If you're not familiar with Dungeons and Dragons, it is part game and part story telling.  In the game, the players are faced with all sorts of moral dilemmas.  Do we attack the big ugly ogre guarding the imprisoned princess, trick him into going away, or bargain with him.  As part of the game, you decide whether your character is good or evil, and you are expected to play your character accordingly.   What I discovered was two things:

 

1) the groups which were most successful were the one's who shared the same overall world view.  These were the groups who stayed together the longest, played most often together, and were most harmonious in their play.

 

2) Different people have very different definitions or concepts of what is good and evil.

 

This lead me to observe other types of social groups.  Lots of social groups are arranged around common interests, like sports, coin collecting, Amish bluegrass music translated into Japanese, or whatever.  More importantly, groups are places where people practice and affirm a shared world-view in each other.  The more they are aligned with each other's world-view, the more successful and harmonious the group.  Throw a person in, who shares the same base interests, but has a different world-view and conflict will arise, ending in the odd person being forced out or leaving on their own accord.

 

The problem comes when groups are so attached to their shared world-view, or individual identities are so connected to their world-view that people participate in confirmation bias.  One of the biggest problems in American politics is all sides have their source of information carefully filtered for them, where they see only the stories which reinforce their world-view and are often not exposed to information which would challenge their world-view.  People will deliberately remain ignorant to hold to their 'side.'  Leftists like the stories of gun-toting hicks saying stupid things on the news, while the right likes the see the liberal who is so out of touch with reality they don't know north from south, and both side are saying "See! See! My side is better!!!"  When you go to either side, and say "No, you misunderstand. Let me clarify," the response is akin to children plugging their ears and chanting "La La La La!" to drown out a contrary view.  This is intellectual dishonesty in its deepest form and reprehensible in most cases.

 

This is the threat to the LGBTQIA+ community, not those who are just ignorant or afraid, but those willfully and dishonestly ignorant and afraid, and just as much to the extent we are also willfully ignorant and afraid.

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Josie Beth

Yes confirmation bias is a very real thing. That’s why there’s less and less dialogue going on. But I would say this if it didn’t also happen on YouTube, that most of the channels I have watched are settling down a bit and there is quite a lot of more rational discussion than there used to be. And the trolls are more obviously so disconnected in their commentary it’s easy to ignore them and make them go away. But there’s still quite a bit of echo chambering going on too, and this is particularly popular among the older generations, they just don’t want to read or hear anything but things that validate them. I suppose it’s also part of the younger generations too but either way it’s about something that none of us can really effect much change about and it’s usually carried around like a battle cry, but the silliest part of it is all this emotional energy is wasted on an issue that is not even remotely as important as something much closer to home and more attainable, and these far flung issues are the ones I keep getting bombarded with by family from all different kinds of groups. Some liberal, some conservative. It’s like this addiction to artificially inflated controversy. Either that or they latch on to these ready made meal versions of the story that totally ignore any and all the real points of a story and focus on false theories or use redirection to steer the narrative away from the real issue. I finally just have to tell them to stop flooding my emails with these things and keep it on Facebook. And usually the controversy has commentary attached by a family member of some sort like “the audacity!”. Yes mom, dad, auntie, this horrible person has the audacity to exercise their rights and you don’t approve. Whoopdy flipping do. It’s earth shattering. I guess we’re all going to die if this trend of self determination keeps happening. What’ll happen next, people will start actually thinking for themselves? Oh I’m cowering in my tennies. 

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DeeDee

As an aside though Michelle - I love D&D! 💖😁💜 

I am heading off to play a game this evening - though I am unsure if I will remain in the group once I come out to them as it is a group of workers of a friend from college and since I moved I mainly play online with them around a table IRL, it was established a few years ago and we play fortnightly.

 

It was a Halloween party one shot last year where we came to the table as our randomly assigned characters (mine was a female human paladin) that got me to start looking at myself properly as it was the first time I ever dressed in front of others and I loved being spoken to and perceived as a woman for the whole evening.

 

The exploration of how characters face different situations is always fascinating, though I think that being able to play out scenarios in a way that is different to your world view is a part of the game. It is not so much the matching world views as being able to listen and communicate - living with difference is a dying art form thanks to social media allowing us to block anyone who disagrees with us.

 

I have a gnome illusionist wizard who is the epitomy of my cheeky fun loving side but takes it beyond socially accepted boundaries because he is so socially inept he cannot read a room and a halfling fighter who believes he is the gods gift to everyone and does not want the world to live without his considerable talents - he is not the sharpest tool in the box and frequently misses the sarcasm levelled at him, and I still have my dwarven cleric from our first few games who would do anything to protect his group or innocent bystanders but was quick to switch to intimidation if he thought someone was a fool or just rotten to the core.

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Josie Beth

My characters are rarely identical to myself. I’ve played a street samurai in Shadowrun. Assasins, thieves, even a gnomish mage in D&D, and a few elvish characters (always archers) in various other games. Not until I started playing computer RPGs did I even attempt to make characters that are more like myself ideologically than physically. Once only have I ever successfully made a character look so close to myself that I was a little weirded out about it but it actually fit. 

 

Perhaps some of the most memorable role playing I’ve ever encountered is in the form of a choose your own adventure book. One was about a thief/mage who finds an amulet containing the soul of a godlet who only he can hear. This godlet proceeds to play pranks on the hero right in the middle of life or death situations for her own amusement. Sometimes casting spells of slippery ground where everyone is scrambling over imaginary ice. Sometimes converting everyone into goblins. Even the main character was transformed into a beautiful woman until the spell wore of and he was stuck in a dress when it wore off. He was embarrassed to encounter a witch that he had a crush on but in spite of her poking fun at him she still helped him get to safety before the guards arrested him for public indecency, in that world. So comedic situations and moral questions can be explored in various ridiculous ways without harming anyone. 

 

The beauty of RPGs is they allow us the fantasy realm to explore many moral dilemmas that we otherwise wouldn’t have the opportunity to encounter. We also get to be someone or something else if we wish that isn’t fettered by our current situation in real life. So if I want to be a chaotic neutral jester with a wobajack that transforms people into bananas, I can do that. And I can even formulate my own moral code surrounding this character with his or her own reasons as to why this seems like a perfectly rational and good calling in life while I draw cartoon eyes on my new banana friends and carry them around in my satchel. 

 

It’s all in good fun. 

 

However, life itself is a much different canvas and I would definitely not be able to force people into bananahood without some major objections. 

 

There’s all sorts of different ideas about different kinds of role playing and what is acceptable. Recently I have read several articles about criminal cases where role playing got out of hand and these cases can result in murder and even attempted murder and coverup. It’s disturbing to me because I really am a strong advocate for personal agency. I don’t agree that even if someone were to write up a contract or statement absolving anyone who did them bodily harm even up to the point of death, is valid consent. It might seem legal to some, but it’s highly immoral to me and I question the validity of such “contracts”. Just because someone puts it in writing doesn’t mean it’s right. More often than not the person who is the victim is under duress or severely manipulated into believing that it’s only a game. And when to their horror they discover it’s very real they are lucky if they can escape. 

 

But the question is why is there so much hatred in the world? And is it really just hatred? Or is it that people have largely ignored any moral compass because they want to be in control? I think it’s rather presumptuous to think that it’s ok to force anyone to be just like me, adopt my lifestyle, engage in the activities that I choose or deem acceptable. It’s not my place. It’s arrogant, foolish, and short sighted. But this is exactly where we find the foundations of most cults in human history. The desire to make everyone clones is the lazy persons solution to all the worlds problems, and flies in the face of the endless diversity in nature. Hating others is usually not even really a valid expression. We can dislike what they do or don’t do. We can be offended by their intrusion into our personal space or be injured by the harm they inflict on us or others, but hatred is often a misplaced response to the things we dislike. We conflate personal choice with choosing for others, and this is where we begin to misunderstand where our real power lies, and that’s what most people hate, the fact that they can’t choose for others with any kind of long term success. So we get angry at them for something that is beyond our control because we assume it should be. The answer to this obvious puzzle is to allow the true heirs of that control to exercise agency over themselves, without interference. It seems counterintuitive, but if we respect that right, eventually it begets the measured self restraint of others. 

 

Fear, is a rational emotional response to immediate danger, which lasts only a few seconds at a time. This is where most people confuse fear with anxiety, they forget that the qualifying phrase is immediate danger, not perceived or theoretical, but immediate. Anxiety is the act of dwelling on a perceived or theoretical threat, which can be plausible but is usually irrational. A threat truly only becomes a threat when it is physically present. It’s the choice given between capitulation or physical harm. A dangerous person is one who has demonstrated that they are in fact capable of doing harm to others, because they have done so historically. These are not concepts that should be misrepresented. They are often conflated by self help groups or books into nice neat little slogans that mislead others into false beliefs about reality. 

 

So is it really true that hatred is the child of fear? Or is it a truer statement that people become anxious because they realize that they cannot truly control the actions of others and hatred is nothing more than a childish temper tantrum because they can’t truly control the actions of people who don’t do or say exactly what they believe? I think this last statement is a much more honest definition of the expression. When we put it in this perspective, every act against another person or group that attempts to erase any opposition to the strict views of a group of people is seen for exactly what it is. Adolescent. 

 

But are any of us willing to turn this spotlight introspectively on ourselves and really see if we are engaging in the same unhealthy behavior? 

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