Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Who will want me


Tessa

Recommended Posts

I have come to the bridge of myself and I feel I need to jump off and let whatever happens happen. What I mean is I have all the desires to be a woman but I feel no one will want me. Why do I feel this way? I just can’t be a man. I feel weird around them like I don’t belong. I love dressing up and looking pretty and I get a lot of compliments on my style but it’s mainly men’s clothes. I do wear woman’s underwear and I try to choose bright colors to represent a woman. Today I wore pink tight frayed pants, a black shirt with bright colors saying hustle and cowboy boots. Every time I go to a store I want to shop for woman clothing but I’m to embarrassed to do so. I love shaving my legs and for some reason I love baths and showers. I guess their relaxing. I love to write. I currently am on this app Chapters and publish my stories for others to read. When I’m in my apartment I wear dresses and skirts and sometimes pretend I have a boyfriend. Crazy I know. It just feels good to be a woman but in my state of loneliness I can’t seem to find anyone who will love me. Why do I want that so bad? I want to be told I’m pretty and even sexy. Why? I just wish I could go outside and show the world who I really am but I can’t and that’s why I’m trapped. I hold myself hostage. Good to vent. Haven’t been on this site for s long time. 

 

Tessa?‍?

 

Link to comment

The question is will you want you? 

Its easy to say now be who you want to be, dress as you want, and do not worry about what others think. I can still remember when I was scared to go outside dressed as myself. Scared what others would think. But I like myself and I am the person who matters. 

May you find happiness in all that you do. 

 

Link to comment

Thanks for that. For now it’s just bright colors. I won’t do the dresses or skirts in pubIic. Your right I have to want me. I have to see myself as beautiful and then others will see me that way as well. I need to give myself space and time. I’ve told myself that we are the judges of ourselves. Also people only have the power over you that you give them. Life is all about prospective and how you see things. No one can look through your eyes and see what you see. The real person that is staring back at you is yourself not people. I can say these things to myself but do I believe them? I was hurt badly by my ex and ridiculed most of my life. Now I’m looking for that person that is confident and strong and I find that in a woman’s personality for me. I do my best when I feel good about what I’m wearing regardless if it’s mens or woman’s clothes. I guess what I’m looking for is someone to love me like I love myself and if I must be honest I need to work on that. I will say since I’ve opened up Tessa no one has really judged me. At work I’ve found some really nice girlfriends to hang with during lunch. I also have 2 good guy friends and a girl that I like but she won’t return the favor. I want to be cuddled and told I’m pretty. Is that wrong? I want what’s in my mind to match what’s in my heart. I love deeply so I get hurt deeply. That’s just who I am. Beautiful me! That’s the attitudes I need to adopt. Wow! I said a mouthful! 

 

Tessa

 

Link to comment

Tessa, I've been thinking some of those same things. I want to be held, cuddled and loved. I want someone who sees me for the tender woman I am, who will love and cherish me.

And believe me, the question "who will want me?" floats around in the back of my thoughts. I wish I had an answer, but it seems like a question that goes to the dawn of our existence.

In the end it seems like we have to love and cherish ourselves, to value ourselves before whatever kind of magic happens that makes others see us in that special way.

At least being happy with ourselves makes our existence more pleasant.

Link to comment

I was writing in my journal this afternoon and something came to my mind. I’ll quite it from my journal. “We accept the love we think we deserve.” If this holds true than no wonder so many people stay in broken relationships! I was in one for 13 years until I found a way out. It took losing my house and my children and my financial worth to do it though. I got my kids back only under visitation because with child support I can barley afford my one bedroom apartment. I have very little to offer my children but the love in my heart. That’s straight from a story I’m writing on Chapters App (Christmas Puppy) check it out! My writing is all I have right now. I live through my characters. I feel I have a lot of their personalities in me but I have not gone through the trials I put them through. They always come out on top though. My life will have a happy ending but what will this end be like? Single living in a man’s body having all or almost all woman’s qualities but knowing who I am and living as my true self regardless of what anyone else thinks? Or In a relationship where the person loves and respects me and wants me and desires me and we are inseparable! What does God want for me? I do believe He loves me and He is a loving and understanding God. These feelings He gave me and I just want to know how to express them!  Yes I’m broken! Yes I hurt! But don’t we all? I write a lot. I’ve ignored this site and I’m glad I’m back on it. I want to connect with like minded people who want to see a better them. Who are not afraid to step out and let the world see the beauty that is them! Our beauty is what makes us. Our heart is where we hold our inner self. Our minds are our imagination platform where we can build a better us! That is what I’m trying to do. 

 

Tessa 

 

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   6 Members, 0 Anonymous, 137 Guests (See full list)

    • Ivy
    • Elisheva
    • KathyLauren
    • MaeBe
    • Susie
    • Birdie
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      767.9k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,012
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. 777fleetleader777
      777fleetleader777
      (21 years old)
    2. ArinHallm3
      ArinHallm3
      (18 years old)
    3. ITakMyTime
      ITakMyTime
      (70 years old)
    4. Jess31
      Jess31
      (40 years old)
    5. Natalie71645
      Natalie71645
      (39 years old)
  • Posts

    • Sally Stone
      Think positively, Ashley.  I have no doubt you'll find your king or queen at some point.   Hugs,   Sally
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Bob had the night off from teaching kara-tay and they planned to spend a lot of it at Cabaret.   Once in, Taylor waited for her man to park and looked around.  There was a sign "Mary, Paul and Peter LIVE tonight" and, sure enough, three microphones were standing in the open area.  A new hostess came up to her. "Are you alone?" "Oh, no.  He's coming." Taylor was led to a table. Bob was there in a minute and managed to get in there and seat her.  She smiled. "The act will be along in a few minutes. And Congratulations! I am SO EXCITED!!" Taylor responded to his look. "I got promoted." "To what?" "Head of Marketing." "You're kidding." "Nope.  It seems the Board finally woke up to the fact that the China cash cow may come to an end and they need to do something. Did you know that the VPs on up all get over a million dollars in compensation without really doing anything?" "No." "I am supposed to figure out how to re-energize over thirty acres of factory that have laid idle for forty years or more." "Why don't they do it?" She whispered,"the head of production is the son of the previous head of production. He has never produced anything."  She explained that everything was made in China and exported back to the US and sold under different brand names. "How am I going to find someone?" He smiled. "Congratulations. Sounds like a problem.  Hey, today we were talking about problems at our Philly plant.  One, it was built before World War 2. Second the city and state are tightening regulations and the tax structure is adverse.  Third, we get protestors every day, some of whom break into the factory.  People are talking about relocating." "We are forty miles from an interstate." "That is a plus.  Makes it harder for protestors to find us if we moved here." "You are really thinking that?" "I am, right now. I can't speak for the company.  I know there is a rail line." "Spur, actually, with several sidings.  The buildings are in good shape." "Do you have about five acres we could look at? How about if I take some pictures and send them off?" "Great.  And protestors would not be tolerated in Millville.  The factory area once upon a time was the main employer and people are very protective." Two weeks later she was in Philadelphia with Gibson and a few others.  The deal was signed and by end of summer ten acres, with an option on another ten, were being upgraded and equipment was coming in by rail. Not five, but ten.  She got a $20,000 bonus out of the blue.  The company was flush with Chinese cash that they didn't know what to do with. She was developing plans. But back to dinner.  "Did I tell you what they are paying me?" "No." She told him. "That is more than I am making." "You don't sound happy." "It takes some getting used to.  You are Management and Croesus combined." "Yeah. Is this a problem?" "No.  As I said, it takes some getting used to."  The musicians arrived and were introduced: three local teenagers in Peter Paul and Mary clothing and wigs like it was the 60s.  They began singing. "They are good," she said. "They are lip-synching." "They are good at lip-synching." They listened for a while. "Work is going to be intense for a while." "I'll bet." "I won't be able to talk to you about some of it." "I bet." They had a good evening.   The high point for Bob was that she let him put his hand on hers.  The high point for her was Bob did not seem threatened by her now being Management and making more than he did with a Masters. She didn't tell him she was likely to be in on the distribution of money the Chinese sent every year to keep them fat and happy.  But she had to finish up that report, so the evening ended early.  He drove her home, checked her apartment for people and again walked away hearing her lock the door three times.  She didn't say it, but he knew she was going to have a long talk with her therapist as well.   Her therapist was a night owl.  
    • Ashley0616
      envy: painful or resentful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another joined with a desire to possess the same advantage obsolete : MALICE : an object of envious notice or feeling
    • MaeBe
      I sit back and think, am I this person? I definitely argue, but with the willingness to alter my opinion if I find that my information is lacking. So, no? I also don't go pointing fingers in faces like a crazed person, usually I am the one to argue with that kind of person; typically because they can't see past emotion and have little concern for actual facts. Sometimes it's sport that I do this (ENTP, baby!), but usually it comes from a place of trying to inform and shift opinion--or at least get them to actually obtain facts or get their facts from objective sources.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
    • MaeBe
      How exciting! Have a glorious evening!
    • Adrianna Danielle
      I will be meeting her wife tonight
    • Betty K
      Thank you Vidanjali that is so great to hear. I'm glad the joy comes across even though the subjects are dark, and especially that my voice is pretty! This was really a breakthrough for me, and I revelled in the entire process. Never had creating music been so effortless from start to finish.
    • Charlize
      The thoughts and suggestions above are certainly excellent!  I might also suggest that you continue to reach out to the trans community where your feelings are understood through experience.  I have found that helpful.  The is especially true when i try to help another in distress, not to look for a fellow sufferer but to help another find a path to self acceptance and peace.  Funny how helping another can pull me out of my own funk. We are here to help as we can.  Remember you are not alone in your feelings.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Vidanjali
      This is great, Betty. Your voice is so pretty and soothing. I listened to both tracks on your channel. The messages are clear and there is a very effective tone for the content you are portraying as it neither sounds antagonistic nor overtly facetious, but rather empowered and joyful. 
    • Vidanjali
      @FinnyFinsterHH I am sorry to hear you're struggling so much. I'll start by saying I understand how this feels because I too have had episodes where I've gotten very upset about my chest to the point of panic or depression. So, I will offer what advice I can, but understand I know it's not easily done, though there are ways through it. Gradually think about whether someone you know can help get you a binder. Until then, because you feel this way when you realize your chest is there, you can work on developing mental techniques to get your mind off dwelling on your chest. You'll realize your chest is there throughout the day, of course, because the chest is a prominent part of the body.   First, think about addressing the physical reaction. Drink a glass of water and take several deep breaths. This can help to calm your body.   I strongly recommend mindfulness and meditation practices. You can practice techniques throughout the day, wherever you are. For example, say you catch a glimpse of yourself in a reflective surface and begin to feel sick, seeing the chest. Take a moment and instead cast your glance on anything around you, preferably something in nature like looking up at the sky or at a tree. Describe the object you're viewing in neutral terms meaning describe the color, texture, shape, borders, patterns, etc.; but avoid personal or emotional description such as, "It makes me feel..." or "It reminds me of...". This will redirect your mind away from dwelling on your body shape and calm the nervous system. There are many more mindfulness practices you can find online.   You can also try using a CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) journal app. In such an app will guide you to describe what upset you, the feelings, thoughts, and beliefs involved, analyzing and reframing them.    Finally, consider developing a regular meditation practice. This will strengthen your mind and gradually you will find yourself less prone to feeling consumed by upsetting events.    I should also mention, if you are artistic, consider channeling your experience into artistic expression. This has worked for me before - I've created a few art pieces addressing my experience of gender dysphoria. in such a way that felt empowering - like I owned it instead of it owning me.   None of these things is a quick fix. Nor should they be because what you're dealing with is a deep issue. But will sustained effort you can find your way to living with more peace and comfort.
    • VickySGV
      I am a little different in my angle of approach on this one, but my skepticism on the "Phishing Trips" the AG's are taking is that they have gone into these investigations with the idea that illegal actions are occurring regularly.  They are going in on the information of unharmed third parties who have imagined fantastic "theories and plots of harm".  What is going to happen when the institutions turn over information that has NONE of this fantasy outcome in it.  Proof of a negative is impossible under standard logic and even most Laws of Evidence.  Just because the records do not show it happened will not in their minds equate to harm not having happened, just that someone is lying to them or covering up something that they know from their personal fantasies.  The problem is that they have made a public face of wisdom and social courage against the fantastic, they have their "glorious Quest"" and like Don Quixote will be tearing up windmills looking to justify their private images.
    • Ivy
      This sounds really good.  Good luck with it.
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...