I think I'm an alcoholic *possible trigger Warning for people in early recovery)

[hmillerrr]

Guys I think I'm a borderline alcoholic. I'm not sure I'm only 18 yrs old but my sister is a meth addict and because of my hidden trauma from it all I stole alcohol for the first time since I've gone to therapy, but now every time I drink I get this freeling that makes me want to drink the bottle dry and it scares me. If anyone is comfortable talking about it, what were some early signs that led u to know u were an alcohol? Bc I've done online tests but they're all about signs of alcoholism in th later on stages. I do deeply apologize to anyone who may have felt triggers by this post

[Charlize]

I've heard it said that non alcoholics (and many alcoholics as well) rarely consider whether they might be an alcoholic.  It is a disease that is very often self diagnosed.  I alone know that hell of need that one drink will bring back.  

Early in my life i realized i always wanted more.  That want eventually consumed me. I had gotten to a point where i simply could not stop.  Shaking and hallucinating had for some time eased when i drank  but even that stopped and while i had to drink it did nothing to help the pain it had caused.

The fact that you realize that need for more is a step.  

Alcoholism is kinda like an elevator.  As we go down we can get off at any floor or we can ride to the basement where insanity, institutions or death awaits.

You are welcome to join us at TGAA.  You won't be the only young person there.

The link and information is posted in another topic in this forum.

Thank you for sharing.  I see myself many years ago.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

 

[Timber Wolf]

Hi hmillerrr,

The first thing you should realise is that alcoholism is a disease of the mind that generates some degree of unquenchable desire for alcohol. The shakes, DT's, hallucinations, etc...  are all symtoms of advanced alcoholism. Even drinking is a symptom of alcoholism rather than the disease itself.

 

Alcoholism is a disorder in our thinking process which creates a driving desire for the consumption of alcohol which disrupts our lives. The longer we go without recovery, the more disruptive to our lives it becomes.

 

One of the tests that is often recommended for those who are worried is to try some controlled drinking for a while. For example, plan to drink only one 12 oz. beer each day for a couple weeks or so. Of course you can substitute 1 shot of liquor, or 1 glass of wine. If you are unable to restrict yourself ridgedly to your limit, odds are greater that you may be suffering some stage of alcoholism .

 

In the end, you're the one who will have to determine whether or not you are an alcoholic. But the fact that you are worried probably indicates that there is a danger.

 

If you do feel you have a problem, there is help. Programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous are very affective. There is an online AA group called TGAA which is for transgender alcoholics that I attend. There are a couple of young members there.

 

I hope this was of some help.

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf ?

 

[Ellora]

8 minutes ago, Timber Wolf said:

In the end, you're the one who will have to determine whether or not you are an alcoholic. But the fact that you are worried probably indicates that there is a danger.

 

If you do feel you have a problem, there is help. Programs such as Alcoholics Anonymous are very affective. There is an online AA group called TGAA which is for transgender alcoholics that I attend. There are a couple of young members there.

Try going to ( or trying the TGAA meeting) an AA meeting, and or a Al-Anon meeting, and listening to a group speak. You could even try speaking to one of the Sponsors for suggestions. Asking here is a good step since you are asking questions and looking for help. If you have a gender therapist, try talking to them too, they might have suggestions too. There are always AA meetings 24/7 in most cities, if you feel you need to talk or just listen, stop by. 

 

[VickySGV]

I am very much an Alcoholic who is coming up on 11 years sober.  I recently had a young person ask me "But what if I say I am an Alcoholic but I am not?"  I actually have quite a list of things that are great about having realized  that I am one, and for the life of me now I cannot find any benefits from being able to use alcohol responsibly even if I could.  There are truths about yourself that are valuable to learn from an AA program and steps to understanding your own life.  I too was the victim of abuse as a child and I have learned to see it in ways that no longer cripple me emotionally.  There is no harm to you or others if you do decide you are alcoholic even if you are not.  There is harm in abuse of alcohol even if you are not an alcoholic as most people consider it.  There is no shame in being clean and no shame to being a recovering alcoholic either. 

[Lexi C]

Wow thank you everyone for the insight. I too been battle with this grabbing though. I really like Wolf Advice and I will try it. My question however is : what if I tried this AA meets and their  not me. Its always comes down to religious undertone and I am not comfortable with any kinda of church crap or religious teachings. Are there any meeting that don't have that aspect ? Thank you I didn't mean to highjack Hmiller tread sorry

[VickySGV]

42 minutes ago, Alex C said:

Its always comes down to religious undertone and I am not comfortable with any kinda of church crap or religious teachings

 

In the 12 step groups, your Higher Power does not have to be anything or any being involved in churches we talk about.  One friend of mine uses her own hardwood floor as a Higher Power, it takes some head shaking to get it but it makes sense.  The floor wants her to stay sober, and she will if it lets her put her feet on it. (Simple but she is up to 96 days sober.) For others, it can simply be the group they hang with and they can call 24/7.  I am a church goer, but the Higher Power in the church building is different that my HP in the AA Meeting Room across the Church patio.  If one AA meeting is not for you, go to a different one.

[Timber Wolf]

Hi Alex C,

I don't like the religious stuff either. When I here someone in a meeting start talking about God or religion, I tune that out, because it doesn't mean anything to me. Some people are very religious, and their religious beliefs become part of their recovery. That's fine, it works for them. But you don't have to believe as they believe. 

 

Something I remember is that I want to recover and stay in recovery. I'm not going to allow what someone else believes get in the way of that. Our higher power is up to us. My sponsor says g.o.d. = good orderly direction.

 

Lots of love,

Timber Wolf ?

[Lexi C]

wow I totally love this TW..THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

[Charlize]

Alex i studied religion in college but had pretty much given up.  After all it seemed drugs and alcohol provided the peace and joy i searched for in life.  That stopped for me and my addiction became a living hell.  When i went to AA and saw the God word with a big G i was desperate enough to drop my old doubts and try to understand.  Fortunately i'm not the only one with that issue.  There are groups who claim to be agnostic.  I don't attend them.  I have my own higher power now.  I've come to believe that i'm not in control and that alone gives me a great deal of peace.  I guess what helped me most was to think to  myself that while the god word upset me i would do the steps and see how i felt.  At the end i was sober and while i'm not religious i have spiritual feelings.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Lexi C]

Thank you Vicki and Charlize

[Rowan.]

Hi hmillerrr,

 

Thank you for reaching out and asking this question. I'll do my best to answer from my own personal experience.

 

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If anyone is comfortable talking about it, what were some early signs that led u to know u were an alcohol?

 

I started drinking very early. Maybe around 11-12. One of my parents was an alcoholic and whenever I went to visit them and there was a BBQ the whole family would be there - lots of booze. After a while, the adults would be too drunk to guard the booze from the children and my cousins and I would start to sneak beers. It wasn't until this parent died (when I was about 15) that drinking became dangerous for me. I started to polish off full 80-proof bottles. I started blacking out. When I look back, I know that this was the turning point from me. It's when drinking stoped being social and fun. It's when the switch flipped from getting "buzzed" and having fun hangin' out with friends to getting "hammered" and having a hard time walking.

 

To break this down. The early signs for me were:

1. Easy access to alcohol.
2. A "positive" history with alcohol. Ya know drinking felt fun and safe in the beginning.
3. A traumatic event happening.

Please understand that only later in life did I understand that this was a recipe for disaster.

 

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...I get this freeling that makes me want to drink the bottle dry and it scares me

 

I too am scared of finishing a bottle. I've done it too many times to count and the results have never been positive. Drinking a large quantity of any type of alcohol is a very scary thing for me.

 

I wish you the best of luck with all of this.

[Teri Anne]

I am a recovered alcoholic and drug user.

When I was 18 it was cool to drink but as I got older I drank every night at home as well as did drugs.

Around 20 I had a construction job and drank beer all day at work along with the older guys.

Most of the time I would stop at the liquor store on the way home and get a case of beer and a pint of whiskey.

The case was for work the next day and the pint was to drink that evening.

My Mom was an alcoholic and I guess I got the addictive personality from her.

By the time I was 26 I was deep into having problems due to drinking excessively, Black outs, headaches, the shakes etc.

I quit cold turkey and it was hard but like they say if you want to quit bad enough you will find a way.

Its great that you are asking the question and that you realize something is wrong.  I wish you all the best .

 

 

[Charlize]

Thank you for sharing Teri.  I had trouble admitting i had a problem even though i was shaking and hallucinating.

I also quit cold turkey after attending my first AA meeting.  Just being with other open and honest alcoholics has helped me.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Teri Anne]

Glad you got out of that situation. Charlize

[VickySGV]

8 days and counting down to 12 years NOW, post above was from about a year ago, life keeps moving on.