Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

TammyAnne

Thoughts About My Therapy Experience

Recommended Posts

TammyAnne

The topic regarding dating sites caused a lot of thoughts to bounce around in my head.

Over the past 4 decades I have tried therapy with mixed success. My first therapist announced that we were going to talk about anything sexual after I broached the topic trying to sort things out. I imagine Freud would not have been proud.

Over the next 2 decades I tried several different therapists but I could never really get to the heart of my own issues, because it seemed as if it was to be 8 weeks of therapy then stick a band-aid over everything.

Finally anxious and stressed, exhibiting symptoms of PTSD  (a rape trauma buried in there with everything else) I started receiving individual and group therapy through the Veterans Administration. Finding that I really had some issues with my sexuality, I decided I was asexual, since I was not really sexually attracted to women. But I finally admitted to my desire to be with a man. One therapist suggested I might be bisexual. Another suggested I must be gay, that I should learn to accept that and be comfortable with it.

The road finally led me to a real gender therapist! Because the more I tried to be comfortable with being gay, the less I felt comfortable and the more my desire to be with a man as a woman emerged from the quiet closet I had it buried in since I first hit puberty.

My gender therapist is beyond doubt awesome and understanding. Instead of misplaced suggestions or refusal to address certain topics, I get thoughtful questions that take weeks of soul-searching to answer, suggested reading material, and never a hint of being judgemental.

So if you're not certain about getting help, or help has not been helpful, as I encountered, finding the right therapist to address the issue makes a world of difference.

I'm in a much better place than I've ever been: the things that haunted my sleep are no longer clawing away at me, I'm not hiding myself from myself, and I'm learning to face the world as me, instead of hiding behind a kabuki mask.

Thanks for being here, everyone!

 

Mods if this should go into a different forum, please feel free to move it.

Share this post


Link to post
Jani

Thanks for the post Tammy.  Yes it is important to find a good gender therapist.  They should be there for YOU and it seems you have some good discussions and are on a path to success.  

Share this post


Link to post
Sabine

I am sure this idea has been shared numerous times, and on other places on the internet, however, it still seems to be very important to uderstand. My experiences, while different, echo the same sentiment as TammyAnne's.

I waited, maybe way too long, to finally get help from a therapist for my inability to cope alone with being in the closet as a transgender. My first two therapists were not gender specialists and although kind and compassionate, did not "help" me in any effective way. They heard my story, which seemed, in retrospect, to be a plead for acceptance or validation, which neither gave, or didn't (!). But the second therapist thought that I should see a "sexual health" therapist, which I was suspicious about, but accepted her referral to. I was suspicious because my being transgender isn't about sex. None the less, I went to this specialist, and it changed everything.

I, like TammyAnne, felt the understanding in my therapy shift, from some kind of general disconnect, to a super deep validation of my feelings. Night and Day!

I guess what I am getting at, is what TammyAnne (and Jani) are saying: It is hard to quantify the difference between a general therapist, no matter how well meaning, with one who is practiced in gender care. So if you are discouraged or feel that whomever you are seeing is not connecting in some way, then there really is no shame (in them, or you) to seeking a different (and gender health specialist) therapist!

It could change your life!

Share this post


Link to post
Jani

Well written Sabine!!

Share this post


Link to post
TammyAnne

Thank you Sabine for expressing that so well.

It has been a struggle to find myself, so it's very nice to know I'm not alone in my experience.

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 113 Guests (See full list)

    • NB Adult
    • SaraAW
    • MaryMary
    • ShawnaLeigh
  • Topics With Zero Replies

  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      69,268
    • Total Posts
      625,636
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      5,838
    • Most Online
      8,356

    theocecil
    Newest Member
    theocecil
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Angie.Dee
      Angie.Dee
      (28 years old)
    2. Charlie8
      Charlie8
      (16 years old)
    3. jade2003bs
      jade2003bs
    4. wolfsirens
      wolfsirens
      (22 years old)
  • Posts

    • ShawnaLeigh
      Now that's when you can say you are NB.  When no one knows and has to ask.  LOL  
    • ShawnaLeigh
      Monday morning Blaaa.  Coffee is gone.  Now I suppose I have to get somethings done at work. Some of which mean heading out to go do inspection at remote clinics around the hospital campus.  Its so cold out too.  Sigh. Oh well.  Its money...    
    • NB Adult
      This is not a unique thing Ronan, I started HRT back in 94 and have never officially "Came Out" to anyone. As the changes took place everyone just assumed that I have become different. I've even been asked by nervy people who don't even know me if I'm MtF or FtM and I think it's hilarious, and I usually respond with, "I dunno, take your pick!" 
    • TammyAnne
      Not to make light of your situation, but I moved during the winter, once. My washing machine slipped off the dolly, fell on its side then slide down the hill a block away. I'm not wishing a winter move on anyone!
    • KymmieL
      TammyAnn, That is my strategy on the move. Getting away starting a new. I guess that I am just waiting for the right position to open up at the home office. There is one that I have put in for in the past in another location. That is one option but something keeps me here. that "L" word. Or maybe it is not wanting to move in the winter. My mind is in such turmoil right now it isn't funny. But I put on a male face and do what is expected of me.    Kymmie
    • Krisvm
      Update: I finally managed to get in touch with one of her assistants. They haven't provided me with much information so far but I sent them the emails and discussions we had and will see if I can hear more.
    • Charlize
      Welcome Adrian.  Glad you're here.     Hugs,   Charlize
    • Timber Wolf
      Good morning everyone, 🐿   Happy Birthday Charlie8!🎂 Happy Birthday jade2003bs!🎂 Happy Birthday Angie.Dee!🎂 Happy Birthday wolfsirens!🎂 Hope you have a great day!   Lots of love,  Timber Wolf 🐾
    • ShawnaLeigh
      Well I clearly have a lot more to work with my therapist to understand myself and what my life is and what it is turning into.  Unfortunately my life effects others which makes it difficult to just pick a "road" and travel down it at Mach2.  I do not want to throw anything away, especially if its worth saving.  But I'm at a point where I am questioning this.  I've been her before and have lived through very hard divorces.  I know once you cross a point your mind starts to make itself up before you are ready.  A defense mechanism of sorts.  However, coming to common ground with her does seem possible to me.  I am still not sure if it ever will be that way for her.  Yes she has changed a LOT since I came out to her and our original statements don't seem to be holding firm like they seemed that night.  I know this will all take time but she still remains firm about this one thing, "once I start presenting full female in public.  That is the point where our relationship will start on different paths".  She said this to me just last night after a wonderful weekend together. I understand her point of view and feelings on this.  I do.  She is who she is and she respects me for the same.  I truly believe this.  However it does give me that little bit of a pinch in my heart knowing she can have this limit to where she can discard me as a spouse and just start being my friend only.  I have a hard time wrapping me head and heart around this one point she keeps saying.  However nice she is being now, accepting, kind, and even using the proper pronoun's she still has this limit she will not cross.  That hurts.  It makes me want to pull away before it gets any further.  We are both not getting any younger.. But I am waiting to see what develops and see what my therapist has to say.   I'm in no hurry to move out by no means, ruin what seems to be "working" for now but I definitely do not want to keep her life on hold either. 
    • TammyAnne
      I can relate to trying to sleep but the brain's little engine running and running... Sometimes we try to find solutions for things that only time will cure. My own situation - and it seems quite a few others - is similarly complex. If I'm away from her house for many days, she gets desperately lonely. So it may just be that the convenience shoe fits on more than one foot! Is my circumstance, in which I have a female "partner" but remain unmarried, one of convenience? Absolutely. But when feelings become intertwined, things seldom come down to simple transactions. It wouldn't surprise me to find that your wife stared into the abyss of being alone and thought "wait a minute!"
    • TammyAnne
      So I got a new CD on a whim. "Postcard" by Mary Hopkin. Have been enjoying listening to her clear, sweet voice singing "Those Were the Days" and thinking it odd that I never noticed that I identified with female singers as a child, singing in first person as a she and never giving it a thought. Does that make me smile? Yes. It even makes me chuckle. Singing has been out of my life since being in the Army wrecked my voice. But my voice is back, and the sense of euphoria that voicing happy songs gives me.
    • TammyAnne
      Good morning! Sipping my coffee, cool weather with clearish skies. KymmieL hopefully things won't have to devolve into further difficulties for you.  But sometimes a change of place - starting over - all there is to do. Whichever way things go, I certainly wish you the best, smooth sailing, fair winds and following seas as the sailors say. I'm sure you know the VA is very transferrable. They will not only take your case in a new location, but I find that at every appointment I get asked "are you able to eat, are you in fear for your safety, do you have a place to live, is anyone hitting/abusing you?" As well as "have you fallen recently?" I feel really blessed to have my own home/studio away from my female partner, who has displayed some very negative reactions towards me in my feminine side. Getting away to another town has its advantages.
    • ShawnaLeigh
      I thought about it all a lot last night.  Laying awake not able to let my brain shut down and let me sleep.  This has me up all night many nights running every little thing through my mind trying to figure out what to do or think.  I think maybe she is trying to see a new alternative to her original statement of  "if your going to be women, a lesbian, I can not stay married to you".  Perhaps.  I'm not sure yet.  I will just see how things go and take them day by day. My friend here NB Adult, gave me some tough love in Toni post. (sorry Toni for hijacking your thread).  Her advice to look at myself before blaming her is quite spot on.  I am getting caught up in what it is for me and loosing sight on how it effects her too.  What the entire marriage is to me now vs when we first starting living together.  Time definitely has changed the way I think and feel.  NB Adult is correct in saying the things she said to me in Toni's post.  I may even look at marriage is a convenience to being able to live like I want to.  To not being alone.  Security. Im not saying that I do not love my wife but I also have never been able to truly be my self and I don't know what that means still.  I don't know exactly what I want or don't want still.   Now I will say I do not post everything about myself and my marriage.  Like some may think.  There is a lot that happens, or had happened, behind closed doors in our marriage well beyond my current coming out to her that effects us both.  Effects how we both think and feel about our marriage.  I can say I was trying to get past the shock and awe early in my reveal of loosing her and everything in my life, at her request, and now it seems she may be having a change of heart.  Time will tell.
    • SaraAW
      Such a lovely name Evelyn. Glad you found another part of yourself.    In addition to what Jackie has said, you’ll be surprised how many people read all or most of the topics on the forums. I read most, whether I have something to contribute and post or not. There are lots of times I have nothing else to add, as the many folks on here are amazing at sharing and offering advice or words of comfort. 
    • SaraAW
      I totally get how confusing this can be. This may have been an attempt on her part to explore possibilities. As much as she says she won’t enter into a lesbian relationship, this could have been a trial run to see if indeed she could make it work.  It could also be many other things, maybe trying to tempt you to stay in the closet or maybe she was feeling very lonely and needed some comfort.   I can’t imagine the current times being any less confusing for her, than it is for you.  I would suggest continuing to talk with her, ask her about this and what it meant for her and you.    Maybe it will soon be time for couples therapy to help work through some of this together.    I wish I had some other advice, but I’m pretty much in the same boat and am just trying to let time soften some of the raw emotion. Not reading into everything that happens in the meantime is so hard.    *hugs*
  • Upcoming Events

×
×
  • Create New...