How do i come out as non-binary???

[thiccnicc]

 ok so I haven't told anyone that i am non binary yet and I don't know how to!. i've been browsing websites and they all say to come out to your friends first as they may be more accepting, and yeah i know that a lot of my friends would be accepting. but i know for certain that my best friend will not. she often expresses that non binary people are stupid and that they should just 'pick one or the other'. 

I fully disagree with this (obviously lmao) but i never say anything about it to her because we are really good friends and i don't want to jeopardise our relationship! but i have a strong feeling that if i came out to her she would act differently around me and that we'd drift apart. which may be for the better but i still don't want it to happen. 

 

 

My family is a completely different story. me and my mum aren't close really that close. I hardly tell her anything about my life, also she's the type of person who is woke but only to make herself look good (if that makes sense). She's the type of mum who is desperate to be the "cool mum" and idk i feel like she just wouldn't take me seriously at all. 

my sisters are too young to understand except for my older sister who i think would actually be kinda cool about it but we don't see each other much...

 

I also don't know how to go about asking people to refer to me as they/them and also to my new name. 

 

ahhh so much thoughts

 

help would be advised and greatly appreciated. 

[Jackie C.]

I actually came out to the person closest to me first. I opened with a joke. Don't do that. It went over like a lead duck.

 

I took her aside. We were in private in a safe space. I told her I had something serious I needed to talk about. Then I tried the joke (one more time, bad idea) and just told her. Then we sat there for a few minutes while she processed what I'd told her. I stayed quiet until she was ready to talk. When she did, she said that no matter what, I was still the person she loved. Also that she was a fan of breasts which was nice to know.

My therapist had suggested I ease her into the idea and start with cross dressing. That's actually funny: The first question she asked me was, "Have you been wearing my underwear?" Obviously ridiculous. I used to steal my mother's underwear. As my wife, Susan's underthings are off-limits.

 

So my advice here is to get her alone and just tell her. Explain the whys of how you feel if you can. Keep your voice steady and calm. There's no need for raised voices. She might need space and a little time to process but at the end of the day, you're still the same person, she just knows a little more about you. There's no reason you can't still be friends. There are quite a few people that I'm closer to now that I'm out.

There's a chance she'll reject you, sure. You never can tell how people will react. She might even avoid you for a little while, but most people, once they already know someone in the "Other" group (that would be you), settle down a bit and realize, "Well my friend is my friend," and change their attitude.

 

My friends were easy after that. Comparatively easy. I was still nervous, but they took the news very well. I gave them plenty of opportunities and made sure they were comfortable while I transitioned. I didn't hit them all at once and I warned them every time I was going to change up my look while I was coming out.

My dual-gendered friend was super-easy. That was just, "Hey, welcome to the club."

 

I did family the same way I came out to my wife. Personal, intimate setting and just calmly explained what was going on with my life. I didn't get confrontational (that's important, don't let it become an argument) and explained my circumstance with a calm, rational voice (boy voice, my girl voice wasn't so good then). That went poorly, but my parents are terrible and we were never really close.

 

That's it. I probably should have had a plan B in place when I came out to my wife. I have no idea what I would have done if she rejected me. The joke was a bad idea. So yeah, a couple bumps and bruises because that's just how life is, but no matter what, I came out the other side in one piece and I can be my authentic self. Now I'm just struggling with getting my documentation to match my identity. ?

 

I wish you all the best of luck: Sympathetic friends, stronger relationships and a helping of your favorite pie.

 

Hugs!