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Sandra6sandy9sand

Why do I like to wear woman’s cloths?

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Sandra6sandy9sand

My wife asked me this question a few days ago.  She has known for some time that I like wearing panties, bras and outerwear. The day before this question came up I had warn a 38B Bali bra with matching panties. My breasts showed like little bumps on my chest and that was a surprise and unintended.

 

The next morning she she told me that I should not wear that bra in public. She also mentioned that she couldn’t wrap her head around why I would want to wear a bra when I don’t need one. She told me that she wouldn’t wear if she didn’t need to. To top it all off, she couldn’t understand why I wore panty briefs like her grandmother wore.

 

This has sent me on a quest to be able to answer these questions for myself and my wife. After all the reading I’ve done here and other research, I feel I must be transgender.  At this point in my life HRT and surgery will not happen. I am fearful that I will loose my wife and family.

 

I know that communication is very important but I have kept my desire to be feminine buried my entire life and it is very hard for me to talk about.

 

Thanks for listening.

 

Sandra

 

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Jani

Unfortunately I believe there is no "good" explanation other than it feels right.  This is something your wife will most likely never understand, even though she can wear male type clothing and not feel its odd.  Its nothing but stereotyping but guys aren't suppose to like soft, comfortable or colorful clothing.  Women can wear slacks/trousers, button down shirts, and things made in denim and coarser materials and no one blinks an eye.  Can you say dual standard? 

 

48 minutes ago, Sandra6sandy9sand said:

To top it all off, she couldn’t understand why I wore panty briefs like her grandmother wore.

OK, so switch to briefs or bikinis!

 

Jani 

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Maid In Bedlam

I think Jani got it right.

However i would like to add.

 

It all comes down to what our social hireachy .

 

Men have always been seen as the dominant species of the two You can argue that point but in modern western  society thats how its been since we came out of the caves. grant you there are some obscure tribes that see it diffrently but thats the few.

 

For a woman to wear mens clothes is all ok as you are actually dressing up your social level. Where for a man to dress in womens clothes has a stigma attached that the man in question is lowering his seen social status. Therefore people see it that it is demeaning to those around him to allow this. Almost embrassing at times. Hense why she asked you not to as perhaps it embrasses her that you are trying to be less than you standing..

 

Now we all know especially those of us who have done transition that we accepted that perhaps we would be a step down the ladder of social climbing. Ie the man in our life would be the Hunter gatherer and we the home maker. Men enjoy that social standing that they are being depended on. Its not so much the case now as women can theoretically do anything men can. Well except have babys etc which is exclusive to the female of the species.  But we was willing to accept that as our dysphoria was more overwhemling then being concerned about any social status. Pesonally if anything in my sense i feel i have actually taken a step up the ladder. Because i am now more happy and content in my role. More than i ever felt as a male anyway.

 

Women have only felt more comftable in Trousers etc because of doing mens work while men are away fighting a war  and woman stepping into the roles. Therefore trousers are far more easier to work in for those jobs that was designated male roles. Look pre WW1. You wont find many ladies in trousers. More dresses etc. Clothing suited to being accepted female attire for the time

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Jackie C.
2 hours ago, Sandra6sandy9sand said:

To top it all off, she couldn’t understand why I wore panty briefs like her grandmother wore.

 

I can't figure it out either. I have MUCH sexier panties in my drawer. Also, I only wear a bra if I'm going out or expect to be doing something where I'll want the support. Running without one on is unpleasant and I only have A-Cups.

 

I have a friend who considers themselves dual-gendered. They prefer the pronouns for whomever they're presenting as. They've been raiding their mother's (and sister's) closets their entire life. Sometimes she goes out as a woman. Sometimes he goes out in his birth gender. Presenting like that makes him happy. He's not considering transitioning, that's enough for him and that's fine. Don't think you need to do anything you're not comfortable with.

It's great that you're expressing your feminine side. Some of us do it for comfort (it made me feel more girly and that calmed my brain down). There are people who it excites sexually. I'm sure there are dozens of reasons that I can't even conceive of. They're all perfectly OK. If it bothers you, talk it out with a therapist. Preferably one with experience in gender issues. I know that men in western society are conditioned to never seek help (especially for mental issues), but that's honestly self-destructive. If you're concerned, find someone qualified to help you.

 

That said, women's clothing is objectively better for wearing. The softer fabrics feel nicer on sensitive skin. Since I've been transitioning, my sense of touch improved a lot. I still have some boy-jeans, but I hate wearing them. They feel heavy and coarse. Not better long-term though. The fabric tends to fall apart faster and costs more to replace.

 

Right. So off topic there for a second. You're OK. Explore these feelings and find out where you're comfortable. There are as many ways to be trans as there are trans people. Find help if you feel lost. Relax. Welcome to the club.

 

Hugs!

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Sandra6sandy9sand

Hi Jani, thank you for the reply. My wife and I were both born during 1944.  We’ve both grown up with specific social standards and expectations thrust upon us. Her parents were conservative and could not understand how a person could feel that they were a different sex or wanted a same sex partner.

 

I’ve played the male role to the best of my ability but there has always been the strong pull be feminine. I have accepted that there is a woman inside me. My underdressing and outerwear help me feel right.

 

I hope I can convey this to my wife, who I love deeply.

 

Sandra

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NB Adult

I wear women's jeans because they can accommodate my full round rear end. They have a certain amount of spandex that allows them to move more freely with the body especially when I have to squat down, I prefer a mid-rise fit. Besides that, they look good on my body unlike men's jeans that are usually low-rise with little to no butt room.

 

I wear women's sandals and shoes, Easy Spirit casual shoes, Propay dress shoes, and BearPaw boots because I have narrow feet and they are more comfortable than men's clumpy clod hoppers.

 

I wear men's medium crew cut T's, large in women's tops depending on manufacturers that don't seem to adhere to standardized sizing. 

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MaryMary

With HRT man's clothes fits me very badly so it's better to wear woman clothing.

The other thing is self expression for me. I spent 32 years being depressive and saying that clothes, self care and presentation is not important to me but when I came out I discovered the good that taking care of myself, finding beautifull cothes can do for me. Now it has become a way to take care of my self esteem and just put the real me foward. I don't care if I look crazy or ugly to others as long as I look me.

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NB Adult

That's the spirit Mary! I was always so underwhelmed by the totally boring choice of color and style in Men's clothing lines. Not much has changed in 100 years. 

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Jackie C.
3 hours ago, MaryMary said:

With HRT man's clothes fits me very badly so it's better to wear woman clothing.

The other thing is self expression for me. I spent 32 years being depressive and saying that clothes, self care and presentation is not important to me but when I came out I discovered the good that taking care of myself, finding beautifull cothes can do for me. Now it has become a way to take care of my self esteem and just put the real me foward. I don't care if I look crazy or ugly to others as long as I look me.

 

OMG, this. This here. I put together a lovely outfit for the outing I just came back from. I looked fantastic and felt sexy as hell.

In the Before Time, i didn't care even a little. Jeans. Black T-Shirt. Done.

Today my wife and I spent an hour at the thrift store picking out pretties.

 

Hugs!

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NB Adult

Most men other than business professionals have really very minimal wardrobes consisting of a few pairs of jeans which they wear too long and don't have more than a couple pairs of shoes and maybe a set of sweats and sweatshirts mostly because they don't care. It's a grim reality that the women in their lives have to deal with.

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MaryMary
1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

 

OMG, this. This here. I put together a lovely outfit for the outing I just came back from. I looked fantastic and felt sexy as hell.

In the Before Time, i didn't care even a little. Jeans. Black T-Shirt. Done.

Today my wife and I spent an hour at the thrift store picking out pretties.

 

Hugs!

 

I met my ex I was wearing a used and dirty white t-shirt from a tv show and army pants made for someone who's 6' and I'm 5'7''. That was my definition of date clothes... I was really not caring AT ALL... lol that seems like 2 lifetime ago now.

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NB Adult
2 hours ago, MaryMary said:

 

I met my ex I was wearing a used and dirty white t-shirt from a tv show and army pants made for someone who's 6' and I'm 5'7''. That was my definition of date clothes... I was really not caring AT ALL... lol that seems like 2 lifetime ago now.

 

MaryMary so true to form, it's the way we all were in our former life! 

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Janae
21 hours ago, Sandra6sandy9sand said:

My wife asked me this question a few days ago.  She has known for some time that I like wearing panties, bras and outerwear. The day before this question came up I had warn a 38B Bali bra with matching panties. My breasts showed like little bumps on my chest and that was a surprise and unintended.

 

The next morning she she told me that I should not wear that bra in public. She also mentioned that she couldn’t wrap her head around why I would want to wear a bra when I don’t need one. She told me that she wouldn’t wear if she didn’t need to. To top it all off, she couldn’t understand why I wore panty briefs like her grandmother wore.

 

My wife had a very similar discussion with me. I need to wear a bra because I wear breastforms. She had a similar comment as to why I want to have breasts and a bra since she would rather not. I told her that it feels right, it feels good, and it feels the natural thing to do. She accepts that, but is uncomfortable for me to do this in public.  It is give and take, so I respect her wishes. But for the odd time I need to wear a coat, sometimes I will wear an A cup bra and then it won’t embarrass her when we are in public. 

As for panties, years ago my wife introduced me to a light control shaping panty, and I have worn that style ever since. I think that is an appropriate style for me. You might want to show your wife what you look like in something with less coverage and see what she thinks. 

Since I don’t want to lose my best friend of nearly 40 years, we keep things as they are.  I have resigned myself that physically transitioning is not in the picture.  

I hope you are able to work things out with your wife.

 

Janae

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Sandra6sandy9sand

Hi Janae,  thank you for the reply. My wife and I will celebrate 40 years of marriage in February 2020.  Most of that time my secret was held deeply inside me. Slowly over the past few years I have reveled my desire to wear woman’s cloths.  My wife has been tolerant of my feminine expression and that continues.

 

It’s easy for me to say to myself “I’m a woman” but I haven’t said that to my wife yet. I probably never will since I fear loosing her. Like you Janae, I have resigned myself to live as I am, no HRT or surgery, but I’m ok with that.

 

My wife has told me she loves me and will for the rest of her life. I feel the same way. We need more conversation and I hope she can reach some level of understanding.

 

Thanks for support and comments.

 

Sandra

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Jackie C.

Dysphoria can be hard to grasp if you've never had to deal with it yourself. Give her some time. It sounds like she loves you and in the end, that's enough.

 

Hugs!

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NB Adult

I can totally relate Sandra and I concur with Jackie's comment!

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KayC
On 10/12/2019 at 10:17 PM, Sandra6sandy9sand said:

I know that communication is very important but I have kept my desire to be feminine buried my entire life and it is very hard for me to talk about.

Hi Sandra
I just saw your recent post so I had to backtrack to this older post since I am fairly new here and had not met you yet.  So, nice to meet you!🙂
I have a similar life experience as you as knowing I was "different" for most of my life (and crossdressing at a young age) but was never really able to put my finger on it until just recently ... and as "our generation" knows, we not did not talk about transgender, and we didn't even know something like this actually existed.  At least I didn't

My wife also keeps restrictions on what I can/cannot do (I can basically dress in private at home) and I know she just absolutely cannot come to grips with my issues on dressing and gender identity.  I don't really expect she ever will.

I am getting ready to start therapy.  Got my first referral and just waiting for first appointment.  I feel like at some point I will want to start HRT but not sure I will ever go much beyond that (surgically that is) and somehow have to figure out if my wife and I will be able to make it though this together. 
Don't know if you've tried therapy or not .. but to me, it can only help.

That is my hope, and from what I can tell, you love your wife and hope the same thing.  Wishing you all the best and hugs❣️

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KymmieL

My answer would be. It just feels more comfortable. I have some male jeans as well as female jeans. However the female jeans just fit and feel better. It is hard to really describe.  It is like your old worn out broken in boots feel better than a brand new pair.all stiff.

 

In one of our arguments I had with my youngest and my wife. They said, If you are going to stop, get rid of your female clothes. point blank I told them. That is not going to happen, period. end of story. plus I'm just slowing down my transition not fully stopping. fully stopping would be hazardous to my existence.

 

Kymmie 

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Willow

@KayC @KymmieL like others have all agreed here, I was never really a mans man. Never outspoken. I always hung back.  I used to think it was when at an adult gathering as a child we were expected to be seen but not heard.  
 

born in the late 40s we did know about or talk about anything related to “sexual deviance” and it was stay away from this person or that.  We had no chance to understand what we felt or why.  My education about the birds and the bees was a library book my mother brought home.  My father wanted no part in explaining things to me.
 

Yes, I fought with myself most of my life.  Refused to seek a therapist even though I knew I needed one, but I didn’t want my dysphoria to come out.  I didn’t know it wasn’t a deviant behavior.  Now that I am out to my family I do dress in women’s clothing at times, not every day and not outside in my neighborhood.  When I see certain doctors, go to a group meeting or take a trip specially for Willow to be herself.
 

I wear a 38B bra with breastforms as my natural breasts aren’t doing much at least not yet.  I prefer high Leg cut or bikini panties.  Pa ties are actually much more comfortable than any underpants I ever wore. I enjoy the feel of my women’s clothes, I find them more comfortable.  Willow is far more apt to pick colorful things than my male personality.

 

Willow

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Emily michelle

I found women’s clothing much more comfortable than my old clothes ever was, but then I never was comfortable as a man. I have since found out that I’m not a man at all I just want to be myself.

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KayC
19 hours ago, Willow said:

My education about the birds and the bees was a library book my mother brought home.

My sex ed was school yard rumors (that was some crazy stuff) .. and then finally when I got my hands on my brother's Playboy/Penthouse.
How did we ever learn? ... no wonder my first sexual encounters were so painful and awkward (and not until my early 20's) 😇

I don't know how my life might've been different though, if I had grown up in today's society ... I guess everything has a right time and right place.

@Willow this is our time and place ❤️

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