Genderfluid/Agender/Trans? So lost!

[RainyDays]

Hi there folks, thanks already if you read this. 

So, I’m AFAB. (And autistic, diagnosed with autism just a year ago, so I didn’t try and truly know myself before that.)
Since a few months, I’m really questioning my gender because cis doesn’t seem to be quite right. I’ve been reading a lot to try and sort it out. I’m REALLY LOST. So far, I’ve resonated with Genderfluid, agender and maybe trans.
That is because sometimes I feel OK with being a female but sometimes I really want to be a guy. The fluctuation is why I resonated with genderfluid. But I don’t want those female secondary traits (boobs etc) like, never, but I would like some of the male ones (beard, muscle structure, …) most of the time. That’s why I sometime think I could be trans, but too afraid to admit it and that’s what would make me not “being a guy sometimes”. I also don’t want a bottom surgery so… And I tend to dress quite neutral and am not sure if I really understand the concept of gender, which would lead to agender. (But sometimes I want to dress real girly –without boobs etc… - and sometimes real boyish so…. Genderfluid?)

In addition, I REALLY dislike being treated like a girl: being given pet names, having to kiss hello when guys get a handshake, etc... (that might also enter in consideration) 

Can anyone help me with all this? 
Thanks again ^-^

[Charlize]

First welcome to Trans Pulse. You might want to post in the introduction forum.

As in read your post i saw that you have a good understanding of your likes and dislikes.  I would suggest that labels often don't fit.  I know ,from my own experience,  the variable nature of my feelings towards gender.  I've found self acceptance to be more important than a definition.

That being said, i might suggest that you speak to a gender therapist.  Mine helped me find myself.

Spending time here with other folks ,who by the sole fact that they consider such issues are not cis gender, can help as well.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[Jackie C.]

@Charlize speaks the truth. Talk to a therapist, get to know people in the community... be careful, some transgender people recruit... and figure out what's right for you.

 

Labels cover a broad spectrum of people. There are as many ways to be trans, genderfluid, bi-gendered, whatever... as there are people who put claim to those labels. I often think English needs better words. It could express itself better. Anyway, express yourself however feels right. Nobody can tell you how to be you.

 

Also, you should never, ever have to kiss someone hello. Ugh, you don't know where they've been. That's probably a cultural difference though. In the US, I've never put my lips on anyone I didn't want to.

 

Hugs!