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Gender vs Sexual attraction in the dating world


Moira Arista

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Hi there.  Being Transgender or non binary or anything other then what is sadly considered "normal" is hard when it comes to who you are and who you like.  I've always thought of myself as a female who was attracted to Women exclusively. However now the best I can figure out I'm more Trans female Pansexual/ Bi sexual. I tend to love anyone whom is nice and friendly, no matter what is between their legs. This is causing an issue in my life at the moment. I'm attracted to mostly Women, but there is also a few men in there as well. 1 man in preticular who doesn't know I'm a She. He is my co worker which is even worse. I don't dare tell him either. I figure I'll tell him once I quit and find a new job. I figure this best plan. I find it fun to "window Shop". I look at all makes and models. However I feel I could never find someone and settle down. I'm getting on in years so finding someone within the age spectrum is hard. So many people need clarification on 2 things. 1 if I'm transgender female, and I like women it makes me straight right because they have a Vagina and you have a penis....Um No. 2 If you have a penis and you like men, that makes you gay right.....Um No. I've had to go over this with so many people who look at me blankly. Even after being given the explanation of who I am and who I like they still seem confused. My one female co worker whom I told and knows for sure, keeps calling me or a man who would find me attractive Gay.  I'm like ARRGH! NO nither of us is gay sweetie. I'm getting tired of explaining it to people.

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We probably spend too much time trying to label other people and ourselves. You're attracted to who you're attracted to. I identify as lesbian, but my wife does not. Even so she's still attracted to me and the sex has been better since I started transitioning. 

 

The road is going to be a bit rockier for us as trans women and I fully advocate being honest with potential partners, whomever they might be. I'm sure there's someone out there who can give you the relationship you want.

 

Your coworker needs to be taken aside though. You're just as much a woman as she is and she should treat you accordingly. 

 

Hugs!

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I definitely agree that dating when transgender takes a lot of explanation. Especially if you aren't fully transitioned (whatever that means)....

As someone who is transgender (probably), but not transitioned, it's tough because guys are twisted by porn...

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9 hours ago, MaryMary said:

I've never been in your situation but being transgender means a lot of explanation when it comes to dating. If you take into account the explanation and proving yourself it becomes very tiresome to me. At this point I don't even care anymore so I totally get what you feel. Everyone knows I'm trans (or I think so?) and I have no libido so I'm ok. My love life is dead and burried, lol :D

My hope for you and every other trans person is that by talking about it more as a society maybe someday everybody will know what's up and it will flow more naturally.

 

 

I'm at the point to where I almost say to hell with it. Anything a man or women could do for me, I can do myself, to my liking. No suprises.

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16 hours ago, Mahaney said:

I'm at the point to where I almost say to hell with it. Anything a man or women could do for me, I can do myself, to my liking. No suprises.

 

I'm imagining that you're very flexible right now. ?

 

You're absolutely right though. Your need for companionship can be met with good friends and maybe a cat. You don't need a romantic relationship to be complete.

 

I still think that if you want one though, you'll be able to find one. You deserve to live the life you want to live.

 

... but I'm a romantic and something of a Pollyanna so take that with a grain of salt. Still, all the best.

 

Hugs!

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6 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

I'm imagining that you're very flexible right now. ?

OMG I’m dying over this.  Lmao.  
 

I have only ever dated or married ciswomen.  I am on way way to transition mtf.  I admit to curiosity in both but over all I am into girls and/or trans women.  
The range of possible likes a dislikes and even changing your mind ever so often must be a trial.  Good Luck in living the way you want with who you want.  

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