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ShawnaLeigh

How or why did your choose your new name?

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ShawnaLeigh

I think I might be missing something.  
My birth name is Shawn.  
Shawn is considered a multi-sex name as far as I know.  I think I may plan to just keep it as is.  (Ok yes I am a little lazy about future forms and documents. Lol)

But I heard that changing your name completely has psychological Benefits when taking on your new Identiy.   I don’t understand why exactly.  
I plan to a  sad k this tomorrow at the therapist.  
 

Did you just pick a name out of a hat?  Or modeled after someone? Or you just think it’s pretty and it’s you?

i honestly have not considered myself anyone else but Shawn.  But I sorta feel I could go a little more female if you know what I mean. 
I thought of adding an “a” making it Shawna.  But that my best friends wife name.  Nope.  To weird.  
There are so many pretty names that I just don’t know what suits me.   I’m not all that pretty in real life.  Or better said I don’t feel so quite yet.  I still just see that guy in the mirror.  🤮

 

My nick name at my last job was Sally.  It stems from my initials being SAL which is how we signed off our work orders.  They guys turned it into calling me Sal or Sally as to pick on me calling a guy a girl name.  Little did they know...

However, Sally doesn’t really cover me either.  Plus I’d always attribute it to being picked on by ignorant guys.  No thanks.  
I admit keeping my name as is would be easy.  But so was playing a guy all these years.  I was very good at being a guy however hurtful it was.  Honestly now that I think about it that is who the name belongs to.  That guy.  Not the women I am trying to bring out of the dark.  It would be an injustice to keep it right?
So I am interested on how you girls choose your name.  

Am I over thinking this?  Maybe.  
I’m having a weird brain week so just go with it.  🥰

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Jackie C.

My therapist put me on the spot in one of our sessions. I hadn't considered my name at that point, but by the end of the session I'd named myself after a fictional character I admire who went by "Jack." I'm not quite that hard, so I softened it to Jackie. That lasted a couple of months, but while I LIKE Jackie it didn't fit quite right, so I kept exploring.

 

Eventually, I settled on Robyn. It's fun and it fits. However Jackie was still very close to my heart and I didn't want to let her go. When I changed my name legally, I became Robyn Jacqueline C.

 

My birth name is... ugh... Robert Bruce. We'll be blowing that out of the water when I correct my birth certificate next year. It's a cutesy name if your dad is a history geek. It never fit. That's important for you to know because yesterday my doctor had forgotten my new name (it wasn't on my chart yet because of reasons involving new computer systems, procedures and insurance coverage) and called me "Roberta?" I laughed at him and explained that, "No, Roberta is the name you end up with if you're on the wrong end of a gypsy curse."

We fixed it after that. Then he wrote the letter to get my gender marker changed on my passport. Once THAT's out of the way I can go back to the Secretary of State and get it changed on my driver's license. Michigan laws for transgender people are messed up.

 

Hugs!

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ToniTone

My "deadname" is Tony (Anthony, legally). Now it's Toni. I loved my name, and I love the i spelled variation even more. The full feminine name would be either Antonia or Antoinette. I love all these names, historically they are the names of nobility and royalty, which nods to my narcissism. 

 

I considered other names (people hear Toni and think Tony). But I love Toni and can't bring myself to change it. 

 

When I first signed my name 7 months ago, I dotted the "i" with a heart. This simple act gave me so much joy! 

 

~Toni 💖

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Carolyn Marie

My dead name is very old fashioned, and I wanted something completely unlike it.  My middle name was easy; it's my fraternal grandmother's name.  I settled on my first name because it has three syllables, went well with Marie, is pretty, seemed age-appropriate, and the initials were the same as my old initials (first and last).

 

Carolyn Marie

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ToniTone
9 hours ago, ToniTone said:

My "deadname" is Tony (Anthony, legally). Now it's Toni...

 

Interesting story about my birth name: I was my ma's first child. She wanted to name me Tony after her life love, but she had a hard time coming up with a middle name for me. Anthony Michael Hall was a pretty popular and cute actor back in 1986, so she decided on Anthony Michael *lastname*

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SaraAW

I chose Sara for a bunch of reasons. I really like the name, I’ve known some of the years and they all seemed like nice people, it’s short like my birth name so the flow of my full name is still the same. I plan on keeping my birth name with a slight feminization and using it as my middle name. I also plan on feminizing my birth middle name and having that as my second middle name. The reason for keeping those is that that they are both family names and I want to continue to honour my family. Also, by keeping my birth name as my middle name, I can use that as a crutch for those that have a hard time making the change. I liked the name, I just like Sara better. 

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QuestioningAmber

The name I chose actually came from something my mom told me a decent amount of time ago. She wanted a girl, and to her knowledge still didn’t get one (planning on coming out soon-ish to her). The name she would have selected as Amber Marie, so I plan on using that name. A nod to her, and I also love the name for some reason too.

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ShawnaLeigh

These are all beautiful names for beautiful reasons.  I was also hoping to choose one for the reasons you have listed.  In "memory of" or "to honor" family.  Even one that just fits would be ok but I have so many hang ups and small snags with this.

I can see there is a pile of things that would have to be done to get whatever name you choose to change legal documents.  Things I had not even considered.  (Great-another thing to stress over).  Originally this is why I was just going the easy route and keeping my birth name as is.

 

I am searching my past family and the only name that really has a ring to it is Victoria.  My mothers middle name.  Settled?  Not so much.  This name is hard for me since my mother and I have no real relationship anymore as I was told I was dead to her a couple years ago for reasons not related to transition.  When my wife wrote to her to tell her how hurt I was over this she attacked her verbally and unnecessarily which then just pissed me off to no end.  Hurt me? Ok.  I will live.   Hurt my wife?  No freakin' WAY!

Using her middle name may bridge that gap when she learns of my transition but that may not go over well either.  Its sticky and not sure if I want to deal with all that with all I have to deal with already.

Also I'm never super interested in a name that can shorten or lengthen by others at random so I can see this morphing into Vicky.  I am very particular on certain things I know.  I suppose I can see me myself as a Vicky too but the name does have a small source of pain associated with it. 

 

On my fathers side of the family the middle name has been pasted down from Father to Son for 5 generations now. Probably further back, not sure.  Andrew.  I feel terrible eliminating it in all their memories.  It was pasted to my only son who I have not seen since he was a baby.  (Long sad story)  So that one has definite meaning to me but it is far from feminine in my opinion.  Id change it to Ann or Drew but just about all the girls in my family have Ann and Drew by itself does not flow with my last name and frankly I don't like it.  LOL  I may be I just keep the middle name in honor of my fathers family who has always been super supportive.  Even if questioned about it I could pass it off like my dad had to have it boy or girl.  LOL  (Small fib but not really.)

So yes I am still searching and still leaning towards easy but I can feel a need to make the change to move to my real gender personality one day.

Also another bit of me being naïve.  I have not heard past names being referred to as "Dead Names" until this post.  So I learned something.  LOL

 

 

 

 

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SaraAW

@Nivegnal I  recommend going to baby name sites and trying a whole bunch out. See what feels to fit for you. Try them out with your therapist, get them to call you by different names and see if any ring true from someone else’s mouth. 

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ShawnaLeigh
1 hour ago, SaraAW said:

@Nivegnal I  recommend going to baby name sites and trying a whole bunch out. See what feels to fit for you. Try them out with your therapist, get them to call you by different names and see if any ring true from someone else’s mouth. 

This is good advice.  I may try this.  I am going to focus on the bigger issues this first time though.  Getting past the first "Contact" with a live person.  Then the questions he may ask.

I don't know what to expect.  But Im doing it!

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Jackie C.
4 hours ago, Nivegnal said:

On my fathers side of the family the middle name has been pasted down from Father to Son for 5 generations now. Probably further back, not sure.  Andrew.  I feel terrible eliminating it in all their memories. 

 

Oh please, I know a lovely woman named Andi. Short for Andrea. That's only a letter off.

 

I like Victoria. One of my favorite fictional vampires is named Victoria. It's not a good fit if it causes you pain and/or discomfort though.

 

I've also seen people recommend looking at a list of names that were popular in the year you were born and picking one of the top five. The idea is that it will make it easier to pass because you'll stand out less.

 

Hugs!

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Michelle F

Mine was easy. My mother chose my name. Michael for a boy...

Michelle for girl...

 

So I just dropped my birth first name (Kevin) and just changed my middle name to my first name - feminized of course. So my initials didn't change. It just became shorter... LoL

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Sarah Elizabeth

I have two intentions, my first being Catherine (That was my grandmother’s middle name). Turns out to be my Wife’s Sister’s name.... too creepy.. Sarah has always been a favorite name... So was just natural for me to go forward this way..

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ShawnaLeigh

I’m still at a loss.  I feel a need to find a name for “her”. Shawn still seems to feel normal to me but perhaps because I’ve heard it for 52 years.  
im still trying to figure it out 

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NB Adult  (Inactive)

Shawn works!

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ShawnaLeigh
54 minutes ago, NB Adult said:

Shawn works!

It’s easier.  But belongs to “him”.  I see that now.
Im not ready for a name change yet anyways.  I’m still trying to figure things out.   Once I’m ready to come out I will be ready to declare a name.  I hope.  Until then I am going to look for one that is me.  

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Jackie C.

Seanan? Shauna? Other S words? There's a reason I keep a book of names beside the computer. 

 

This isn't it of course, but see how handy it is!

 

You'll find something that fits. Though you will need something for when you go out. 

 

Hugs!

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Michelle F

Shawna is nice...

 

I could be biased since my partner's name is Shawn... LoL

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QuestioningAmber

It is something very personal and will take time to think of a name that fits you. I agree with the suggestion of looking at baby name sites or something along those lines. It isn't a race, take your time and try them out with your therapist.

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ShawnaLeigh
8 hours ago, Michelle F said:

Shawna is nice...

 

I could be biased since my partner's name is Shawn... LoL

I had seriously considered using Shawna.  
My “payroll signature”( for us veterans and military folks) looks like that’s my name.  Since my middle initial is A.  It flows together in my signature.  

See.
It would be an easy conversation to just keep it as is.  
it may take time for me to just look at my name in a feminine light.  For now though I look at it as my male name.  Something I want to shed.  
 

But damn it.  It is easier.  Lol
 

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Jani

You really could keep it as is, depending what your middle name is.  I never changed my name.  Life is easier since I just needed to update my gender marker. 

 

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ShawnaLeigh

Yea It all comes back to it being easy to just go with it for me.  Though I admit the name Shawna is growing on me over Shawn. There are two Shawna’s in my life but only loosely.  My wife’s cousin that we rarely associate with and one of my best friends wife.  Which I suppose could end up being weird for my wife and could be his hang up not mine.  It may be a moot point as I have no idea if he will remain my friend afterwards so not going to focus on that now.  
 

I said I would not want to dishonor my fathers name sake of middle names being Andrew.  Honestly I doubt that going over well with any of of my extremely male ancestors being ok for there trans offspring to keep it.  
Leigh is something I choose for my first daughters middle name and I like the idea of that. 
So I am considering Shawna Leigh. My last name begins with L so the flow is there too.  

i have time to decide but it does feel right.  

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MetaLicious
On 10/26/2019 at 6:20 AM, ShawnaLeigh said:

it may take time for me to just look at my name in a feminine light.  For now though I look at it as my male name.  Something I want to shed.

I know what you mean. For the last 25 years, I thought of my feminine side as a "Michelle" but she only got a couple of chances to make an entrance into the wide world.  Now that I've decided to come out, I realized I would probably need a name that didn't also belong to my cousin.  The only names that felt right were variants of Michael, possibly that 51 years of using it biasing my thinking.  I have (for now) settled on Michaela, although I prefer the spelling "Mikhaila". Ultimately, I'd rather my name be easy to spell... 

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KathyLauren

I wanted a name that was unmistakeably feminine.  I definitely wanted to avoid anything that could be seen as androgynous.  And, weird as it sounds, I wanted one that didn't mean learning a new signature.  My old names were Keith Lawrence, so I went with Kathy Lauren.

 

It took all of two seconds to re-learn my signature, and even an amateur can tell that it is the same person signing.  I like the connection to my old name: there's a continuity there that grounds me.  And I like the fact that no one is ever going to think that Kathy might be a man's name.

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YharnamDreamDaddy

There are many reasons for my names; but mostly I just adored how they sounded. 
I also picked a name that was far less tied to my family line (though I did thumb on the line a middle name being Henryk, which is a variation of a common name for the males in my family but choose against it.) 
The one that is most clear to me is Konstandin, which is one of my middle names: I fell in love with this spelling that is mostly common from Albania (and tied into a wonderful Albanian legend) and is a spin on the European Konstantin :) 

I was nervous picking my three names (tradition where I come from) but the thing that drove me forward was: I'm an adult, I should pick names that spark joy in me not names that others deem the best. 
After all, I'm the one who gets to carry it about :3 

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