Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

How do I know a name is right for me?


NotSamuel

Recommended Posts

I’ve known I was trans for nearly three years now, yet I am still to fully decide upon a new name for myself. For context I’m 17, MtF, mostly out to my friends and family and my birth name is Samuel. I’ve switched between a ton of different names including Samantha, Chloe, Hazel, Holly, Erin, and more. Each time I recognise them as being ‘good names’, but it never feels as though they ‘click’ if that makes sense. I’ve never tried a name which I thought would 100% suit me. 
 

im wondering if any other trans people out there, FtM and MtF, might’ve encountered a similar problem. I feel like having a proper name would help solidify my identity, like having something to call my own. But it feels like I’ve read every name in the dictionary and I’m more lost than ever. What are you’re experiences with this kind of thing?

any replies would be really great, thank you.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

No, you're right. While some people just pick something out of a book you really want something that feels like "you." A couple of strategies might be:

 

  • Looking at baby name books
  • Checking for common names in your birth year (they're recorded, you might as well use them)
  • Names of fictional characters you like
  • Feminized version of your given name (personally, I don't like this one but it would be Roberta in my case. Nobody wants to be Roberta. People should be ashamed for even suggesting it.

 

Unfortunately, you don't really know that a name fits until it clicks. The only way to find the One True Name is to sniff around and see what feels right.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

It's not at all uncommon to struggle with finding a name that 'clicks'.  Over the years, I have tried many different names, and none of them seemed to feel right.  The name that finally felt right found me.  I used to be very active in MMORPGs and was having trouble coming up with a name for a new Avatar.  I went to the name generator and the name Ilmira came up so I used that.  I began using that in all the games I played, and eventually people just began calling me Mira.  When I began moving forward with my transition, and was thinking about names, The only one that seemed to be me was Ilmira, as I had been going by that for many years online.  As far as a middle name goes, I have always been a huge LOTR fan, and my favorite character from the movie trilogy was the she-elf Tauriele.  That character embodied the qualities I wished I could find in myself, so I chose that.  So, my chosen name became Ilmira Tauriele (insert last name).  Sometimes it seems that it is not us that finds our name, but the name that finds us.

Link to comment

I used to play and still frequent online games and second life etc. I picked a name for my (female) avatar that was not gender specific - Sam or Sammy. I've been using that name forever. I'm now going by Samantha, which I like, but doesn't feel right. If I could do it all over again, and I guess I can (an advantage of being Trans :) ) I'm not sure what I would pick. I actually like Mira - maybe I need to rethink my chosen name before I get too entrenched in Samantha (my Endocrinologist and Therapist are the only two who use Samantha now, so I don't think it's too late). Thanks for sharing Mira!

 

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I was lucky. It took me less than an hour to find my name. I just started going through the alphabet trying every name I could think of for each letter. When I got to Carla, it "clicked".  Other names sounded nice and all, but Carla was me. No, my birth name is not Carl. I decided right away I didn't want a feminized version of my birth name. I wanted to get a way from that man.

 

Lots of love, 

Timber Wolf ?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

MY name just kind of came to by accident really. It was the name of a employee of a suppler where I once worked. I just liked it. Kymmbrill is just a more formal name I came up with. Kimberly is just to common. While it is closely to my birth name Timothy. I didn't pick it for that reason. My chosen middle name just flows, Lorain. I like when a name flows. We made a point that All three of my boys names do.

 

Kymmbrill Lorain

Link to comment

Oh I have a goood story about how I selected mine! 

So before I decided on Clara, I called myself "Myrra" as a placeholder. Myrra was originally the name of my first dungeons and dragons character (female Tabaxi ranger for those curious). Myrra eventually became my fursona when I joined the furry fandom, the fandom actually helped me realize my identity so I adopted Myrra as my temporary name. Eventually though I wanted to find a real name not something I just made up (although you're totally valid if you made your own name and stuck with it), so while I was looking for names I was watching a twitch stream, (shout out to Moczy on twitch btw,)when Moczy brought up an incident on twitch involving a CS:GO streamer, MissQGemini, who was caught cheating on stream, and I'll let the video speak for itself (Warning, video includes: swearing, and video game violence)

watch?v=eEstuj7NLww

Link to comment

I’m still not sure about my new name. But I have noticed that people often feminize my name for me sometimes. Like my current supervisor just abbreviated it to Jo, which I don’t mind. I guess even she can kinda see that I’m more GF than strictly binary at this point. 

 

While i was looking into a new name I didn’t really focus on the name as much as I did the meaning. I was looking for something that said I am forging my destiny, something that had positive connotations instead of the name being a portent of bad luck. (Sometimes I really wonder why parents pick certain names even though they know what they mean. And to add insult to injury my father even said once that I wasn’t ever going to find anyone because it wasn’t meant for me?!?! How can someone just be so flippant and basically just condemn their child to being unhappy?) 

 

Anyway, my given name basically means that I won’t really progress much in life, that I’ll have limited success but always fall short, (because of course, in the eyes of my father, that’s God’s will for me) and I want to change that. I don’t want to be stuck in a perpetual state of struggle. I’m also willing to shed my last name entirely because it means a clean break from my past. Since I really want to detach myself from all the bad memories associated with it all.

 

So while I currently go by the name I have here on the forum, that’s subject to change. The beauty of it is that I get to choose it. I get to make it significant. I get to choose something empowering instead of something that is a self fulfilling negative prophecy.

Link to comment

I did.  I did not understand that the name has to just "feel" like you.  I tried to keep my birth name as it is multi gendered anyways.  Figured it would just be easier.  I then started to understand it was about putting one life away and living a new one.  Still just being who you are.

Now knowing my birth name is Shawn, then going to Shawna Leigh seems a tad weak.  But it felt right.

I knew it was me because I said it to myself like 100000 times in my head smiling the whole time the weekend I figured it out.  Like I found a piece of the women I have been trying to get out there for so long.  A baby step but huge for me.

Link to comment

Thank you for all the kind replies! It’s so great to hear stories from people all over the community who’ve been through similar stuff. Every name has a story behind it and they’re all beautiful in their own ways!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Unfortunately you parents are not accepting otherwise you could ask what names they might have used had you been born the other gender.   Although this may be a way to reel them in to the conversation. 

 

Otherwise google "Names of Girls born in 19XX" and you'll get a good number of ideas.

 

Jani

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I was born in the time before ultrasound machines so my parents never knew whether i was a girl or a boy. My name would have been Patricia if I was a girl. However that name never came to my mind as one to choose when I discovered I was actually a girl inside.

 

Kymmie

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...
  • Forum Moderator

I'd expect everybody that posted here to read that. The system notifies us when a thread we've posted on gets updates.

 

Also, congratulations!

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

Such a lovely name Evelyn. Glad you found another part of yourself. 
 

In addition to what Jackie has said, you’ll be surprised how many people read all or most of the topics on the forums. I read most, whether I have something to contribute and post or not. There are lots of times I have nothing else to add, as the many folks on here are amazing at sharing and offering advice or words of comfort. 

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

My chosen name really found me. In university I lived in a shared house with 3 girls and I'd frequently dress up in their clothes. Of course they thought it was fir a laugh. However one of them always called me Libby whenever I did this. I didn't completely like the sound of it so it was just a matter of changing Libby to Lilly.

Link to comment

I picked my future name by paying attention to my family history. My last name was changed when my great-grandparents immigrated to the US in the late 1890's. My first name will be my family name from before their immigration, while keeping my current last name. My middle name will be the shortened and neutral version of my current first name (which also happens to be the name of an anime character I identify strongly with). While I'm transitioning I'm using my long-time nickname, Ronin, as a filler for many reasons. The good news is it's gender-neutral and my parents have heard me being referred to as Ronin so often they don't mind (I'm not out to them, they don't accept LGBTQ people). I have really good memories associated with the name Ronin, although I do get eyebrows sometimes from high-ranking Aikido instructors. While I'm not entirely convinced I'll STICK with Reuben Lee, I'm really liking it and the connection to a long-lost family history. We'll see how things turn out.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Oh, I like the way that sounds. Never underestimate mouth feel. That's nice though, rolls right off the tongue and sounds very cool. Very masculine too. Good choice. 

Link to comment

I have gone through two name changes in the past two years. At first, I called myself Luc, because I am a Star Wars and Star Trek TNG fan. When I was little, I always wanted to be named Luke. I am a Gryffindor at heart, so I decided to just change my Facebook name to Luc and come out to the world in general. Nobody said anything mean about it, which was nice. The problem was that, after a while, “Luc” didn’t seemto be the right fit. 
 

Even though I was very scared of people’s reaction to me changing my name again, I went back to the drawing board, and I thought of the time when my mom told me that if I had been born a boy, I would have been named after my father and grandfather and called Trey. I have a complicated history with my father, but I liked the idea of being the “third” in a family line (Trey means “the third”). Ultimately, I do love my father, and I like the name Trey. So I decided that I would change it to that. 
Back to Facebook with my new name, and nobody had anything bad to say this time around either, which was a huge relief. I was concerned that people wouldn’t take my transition seriously if I kept changing my name, but that doesn’t seem to be the case. Either way, I like Trey.

When I get my name legally changed it will be my dad and grandfather’s name. 
 

The moral of the story is that you can always change your name if it doesn’t seem right. 

Link to comment

For me, as soon as I heard the name "Dylan," I knew that I wanted it. This is not the case for everyone clearly, but it just fit me so well. However, there was still something off about it. I liked it, but it didn't have any exact meaning to me. That is, until I found the other spelling, Dillon. It means fierce like a lion, and gives me more confidence. If you aren't really sure what you are looking for, I would suggest going for what you want it to say and work backwards. It really narrows down the field.

Link to comment

Part of my transition was randomly blurting out "My name is Robin!" to a cis girlfriend online. I'm not sure why I picked it, but I know where it came from, because I had a best friend years ago with the name, and I really liked it. So my online friend called me Robin while I was working through some stuff. But it occurred to me that the friend I was taking the name from, that I was trying to honor by using it.... well, I'm fairly certain once I tell her she won't be my friend anymore. At least not in a way that's supportive of me being me, and not some weird evangelical christian idea of me.  And on the off chance that she does want to be supportive, I think using her name is a bridge too far. Also, I don't think it flows well with my last name.

 

So back to the drawing board, this time with the support of my mom and a stack of baby books. I've always liked the name Emily, but I had already decided not to share names with friends, so that went out. But for some reason Milly stuck with me. Except my mom doesn't like it. We argued back and forth for a while. She knows it's not her place to pick my name (she had her chance) but it's important to me that she be involved so I wanted her help. Eventually she remembered that Emma Thompson named her daughter Gaia Romilly, and suggested Romilly as a compromise. I get to use the nickname Milly, which I like, she gets to call me Ro or Rom, which I'm okay with, and I like the look and sound of it. I've been using it for 5 weeks now, and I'm really starting to feel like it's my name.

 

Now if only I can properly sign it. Cures you wasted childhood and not taking penmanship seriously.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

See, now if I was shortening Romilly, I'd go with Romi (ROM-ey). Not that there's anything wrong with Milly. Or Robin (well, Robyn) for that matter. It works fine for me.

 

Friends can surprise you though. When I came out to the gang of people I hung around with, they basically answered back, "Well, duh." Total non-event. Including the guy I was sure was homophobic. Still, if she can't accept you, well that's her loss.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Years ago, long before I seriously considered that I might be trans, I wondered what name I would use if I was a woman.  (Hello, can you say "head in the sand" or what?)  I decided that transitioning my signature was important to me, so I wanted something that would look similar to my old signature.  My boy name was Keith, so I decided that Kathy was the obvious choice.

 

When it came time to pick a new name for real, that seemed as good a name as any.  I picked Lauren as my middle name for similar reasons: it was a feminine version of my male middle name.  When I announced my transition and my name choice to my brothers, they had no trouble figuring out where the names came from.

 

My wife suggested several names to me, but her choices were terrible! ;)  I just couldn't see myself using them.  Anyway, my legal name change is done, and I feel like a Kathy.

Link to comment
  • 2 months later...

When I changed my name I chose Erikka. A nice Norwegian name. I am approximately 70% Norwegian. Mostly from my mother. I liked Erikka as it was the feminine of Erik a name I had previously used in a blog. My middle is the Norwegian equivalent of Rachel which is the name my mother picked for me if I had been born female to begin with and since my paternal family name has many bad memories I took my mother’s maiden name of Ingebretsen. I traded a five letter one syllable name for an eleven letter four syllable name. It feels right. It also matches my blond hair and blue eyes and my very Viking physique. Names are, in my opinion, one of the harder decisions in the process of transition. So personal and such a statement of transitioning.

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

I went through quite a few names myself. Kian was actually one of the first names I was considering years ago, but I wasn’t completely sold on it at the time. I couldn’t tell you how many names I ended up trying, and I ended up making a list of pros and cons for each name. Even though there still are quite a few names I really like, Kian seems to fit the best. Also, the Persian meaning of the name is ‘King’ or ‘symbol of pride’ which isn’t very well known since most sites use the Gaelic/Irish meaning.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 105 Guests (See full list)

    • MaryEllen
    • Mmindy
    • Maddee
    • Charlize
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,944
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Melissa_J
    Newest Member
    Melissa_J
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Amyjay
      Amyjay
      (58 years old)
    2. bettyjean
      bettyjean
    3. Breanna
      Breanna
      (52 years old)
    4. Emily Ayla
      Emily Ayla
    5. JET182
      JET182
  • Posts

    • Mmindy
      Good morning everyone,   @KymmieLI hope you're misreading your bosses communications. As you say keep plugging a long. Don't give them signs that you're slow quitting, just to collect unemployment.   I have a few things to do business wise, and will be driving to the St. Louis, MO area for two family gatherings.   Have a great day,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • KymmieL
      Good morning everyone, TGIFF   It seems like I am the one keeping or shop from being the best. According to the boss. I don't know if my days are numbered or not. But anymore I am waiting for the axe to fall. Time will tell.   I keep plugging a long.   Kymmie
    • KymmieL
      In the warmer weather, Mine is hitting the road on the bike. Just me, the bike, and the road. Other is it music or working on one of my many projects.   Kymmie
    • LC
      That is wonderful. Congratulations!
    • Heather Shay
      What is relaxation to you? Nature? Movie? Reading? Cuddling with a pet? Music?
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
      Having just a normal emotional day.
    • Heather Shay
      AMUSEMENT The feeling when you encounter something silly, ironic, witty, or absurd, which makes you laugh. You have the urge to be playful and share the joke with others. Similar words: Mirth Amusement is the emotional reaction to humor. This can be something that is intended to be humorous, like when someone tells a good joke or when a friend dresses up in a ridiculous costume. But it can also be something that you find funny that was not intended to be humorous, like when you read a sign with a spelling error that turns it into an ironic pun. For millennia, philosophers and scholars have been attempting to explain what exactly it is that makes something funny. This has led to several different theories. Nowadays, the most widely accepted one is the Incongruity Theory, which states that something is amusing if it violates our standards of how things are supposed to be. For example, Charlie Chaplin-style slapstick is funny because it violates our norms of competence and proper conduct, while Monty Python-style absurdity is funny because it violates reason and logic. However, not every standard or norm violation is necessarily funny. Violations can also evoke confusion, indignation, or shock. An important condition for amusement is that there is a certain psychological distance to the violation. One of the ways to achieve this is captured by the statement ‘comedy is tragedy plus time’. A dreadful mistake today may become a funny story a year from now. But it can also be distant in other ways, for instance, because it happened to someone you do not know, or because it happens in fiction instead of in real life. Amusement also needs a safe and relaxed environment: people who are relaxed and among friends are much more likely to feel amused by something. A violation and sufficient psychological distance are the basic ingredients for amusement, but what any one person find funny will depend on their taste and sense of humor. There are dozens of ‘humor genres’, such as observational comedy, deadpan, toilet humor, and black comedy. Amusement is contagious: in groups, people are more prone to be amused and express their amusement more overtly. People are more likely to share amusement when they are with friends or like-minded people. For these reasons, amusement is often considered a social emotion. It encourages people to engage in social interactions and it promotes social bonding. Many people consider amusement to be good for the body and the soul. By the end of the 20th century, humor and laughter were considered important for mental and physical health, even by psychoneuroimmunology researchers who suggested that emotions influenced immunity. This precipitated the ‘humor and health movement’ among health care providers who believed that humor and laughter help speed recovery, including in patients suffering from cancer1). However, the evidence for health benefits of humor and laughter is less conclusive than commonly believed2. Amusement is a frequent target of regulation: we down-regulate it by shifting our attention to avoid inappropriate laughter, or up-regulate it by focusing on a humorous aspect of a negative situation. Interestingly, amusement that is purposefully up-regulated has been found to have the same beneficial physical and psychological effects as the naturally experienced emotion. Amusement has a few clear expressions that emerge depending on the intensity of the emotion. When people are mildly amused, they tend to smile or chuckle. When amusement intensifies, people laugh out loud and tilt or bob their head. The most extreme bouts of amusement may be accompanied by uncontrollable laughter, tears, and rolling on the floor. Most cultures welcome and endorse amusement. Many people even consider a ‘good sense of humor’ as one of the most desirable characteristics in a partner. At the same time, most cultures have (implicit) rules about what is the right time and place for amusement. For example, displays of amusement may be deemed inappropriate in situations that demand seriousness or solemness, such as at work or during religious rituals.
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • Heather Shay
    • April Marie
      Good morning, everyone!!! Two cups of coffee in the books and I am just feeling so wonderful this morning. Not sure why, but I'm happy and smiling.   Enjoy this beautiful day!!!
    • Heather Shay
      A U.S. dollar bill can be folded approximately 4,000 times in the same place before it will tear. -You cannot snore and dream at the same time. -The average person walks the equivalent of three times around the world in a lifetime. -A hippo’s wide open mouth is big enough to fit a 4-foot-tall child in. -Chewing gum while you cut an onion will help keep you from crying.
    • Susan R
      Love it! This is great news. We need more of this to combat the excessive hate-filled rhetoric and misinformation. 👍
    • Susan R
      The experience was the same for me @April Marie. I slept much deeper and I woke up each morning feeling so much more restful sleeping with forms solidly in place. For me, wearing breast forms at night started when before I was a teenager. I had no access up to modern breast forms and certainly no way to buy mastectomy bras back then. I wore a basic bra my mom had put in a donation box and two pairs of soft cotton socks. I have some crazy memories of things I did in my youth to combat my GD but regardless, these makeshift concoctions helped me work through it all.   All My Best, Susan R🌷
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...