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BrandenLeon

I need to stop

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BrandenLeon

I need to stop doubting myself about my gender. I know what i am. Am i scared to finally take the step to transition yes. I keep doubting that it not for me and i'll just mess up my body. Yes i am going to give myself time to save money to see if i can go on hormones. So that may take a bit, but i think i need to stop saying no. And say yes i want to be happy. Yes i want to stop feeling miserable being in my body. And expect for what i am. I tried gender fulid and for some reason i keep bouncing back to trans gender alot of the time. Cuz when tried gender fulid i felt lost and made it made me question more about myself. 

I tired cis gender girl and i down right feel uncomferable. 

 

When i was little i was made to be put in dresses and i cry cuz they made me feel weird and not myself. I like them now, but form 5-20. I hated them.

And when i started to get a chest i hated that. And even would lay on my stomch at night and hope they went away. 

And i questioned about my genitals at a young age to. 

 

So i need to stop doubting the fact i am this and start being myself. And let myself be happy. 

My family doesn't approve though, but they can't tell me how to be happy cuz i am moved out. and i live with my roommate. 

 

For for over 10 years i questioned why don't i like parts of my body and i finally starting to expect that.

 

 

P.s.

I plan to try to blog more offend about how i feel about myself. 

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Wrightful

Brandon, 

Reading this I was reminded a lot about how I came to recognize my own trans identity and my experience with that. I had a lot of those same thoughts-- I was afraid of taking steps that distanced me from what I felt was "safe," namely being a cis girl. I identified as genderfluid for just under a year while I played with what I was feeling.

 

Of course, I don't think anyone has the same experience, and I know there are divergences between ours, but I think it can be affirming to hear others have had similar paths and thoughts!

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Jani

Its ok to stop the self doubt.  You've tried GF and it didn't solve the puzzle.  Be you.  Its ok.  Will you lose family?  Quite possibly but will you be happy with them as they want you to be?  

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reyindium
On 11/5/2019 at 1:05 AM, Wrightful said:

I was afraid of taking steps that distanced me from what I felt was "safe," namely being a cis girl. I identified as genderfluid for just under a year while I played with what I was feeling.

I did this too, because I wanted to make 100% sure I couldn't survive as a cis girl first. And my thoughts and feelings didn't go away, they just seemed to implode. Then I tried genderfluid to "scratch the itch" so to speak without taking a jump into the deep end and that just bit me in the butt too, because my spouse doesn't understand why I identify as male "now" when I was genderfluid before. And I don't know how to justify it other than that I was male the whole time and not ready to own it. My cowardice got me into a bind and drug people I care about into my mess too  = (

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