Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

A year's worth of T


reyindium

Recommended Posts

Well it is finally happening. I changed doctors to one at the lgbt clinic in the capital and she gave me an Rx for T my very first appointment. There was no fuss, no redtape, no gatekeeping, no anything. She just asked if I wanted to start right away. Then she sent in the pharmacist to review the medication and injection process with me.

I am so overwhelmingly excited and happy to finally be at this point. At times, I still question why it has taken me so long to get here, to do this, to accept myself. I have actively wanted to medically transition since before I met my husband but fear always held me back.

 

I'm 29 and I've been with my spouse 10 years. We chose to have a child together in that time. We are such a happy little family. He doesn't understand how I can be so happy with him and our life, but unhappy with myself. To be fair, it's hard to describe being happy and loving your life while simultaneously wanting to crawl out of the meat sack your trapped in. He's given his blessings for me to start T but bluntly admitted that he believes he will fall out of love with me when my voice drops, I grow facial hair, etc. In the same breath he says he wants me to be happy but he doesn't like guys and doesn't want to be with one. I remind him that he's been with one the entire time and his reply is "I didn't know that. We didn't walk down the aisle in tuxes together"--and that hurt. 

He says again and again he thinks he's holding me back and he doesn't want to do that.

Ironically, I'm walking the path of change and completion I've always yearned for, but I'm still facing a long-term conundrum; sacrificing my life to save my life, if that makes sense. 

 

I don't want to divorce, I don't want to split assets, I don't want one or both of us to move out, I don't want to break up our family, I don't want to lose what I have. But I don't want to live a lie.

 

I'm starting T. 
And I have no idea what's going to happen to my life now.

But if and when things start crashing and burning around me, at least I'll go down authentically.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

First congratulations on the doctor change and getting T.  I can see you are excited.  

 

As to your spouse, he loves you and the life you have together and doesn't want it to end but he's afraid.  The best thing now it to continue talking.  I think it is harder for men to come to terms with this as society is so masculine-centric.  I don't know what the answer is other than it will work out one way or another.  Possibly if you lived in a different state (or locality) that was more open and accepting things would be different.  Keep talking.

Jani  

Link to comment

My wife has said similar things regarding us. How she married a man, she doesn’t want a lesbian relationship. We are still currently together. I am hoping by slowing things down a bit and giving her time to accept and understand I’m still me, we will remain together. Only time will tell. I hope the best for you. 
 

*hugs*

Link to comment
21 hours ago, Jani said:

First congratulations on the doctor change and getting T.  I can see you are excited.  

 

As to your spouse, he loves you and the life you have together and doesn't want it to end but he's afraid.  The best thing now it to continue talking.  I think it is harder for men to come to terms with this as society is so masculine-centric.  I don't know what the answer is other than it will work out one way or another.  Possibly if you lived in a different state (or locality) that was more open and accepting things would be different.  Keep talking.

Jani  

Thank you for your response. We are both doing our best to compromise during this process so we can preserve the relationship.

Link to comment
15 hours ago, SaraAW said:

My wife has said similar things regarding us. How she married a man, she doesn’t want a lesbian relationship. We are still currently together. I am hoping by slowing things down a bit and giving her time to accept and understand I’m still me, we will remain together. Only time will tell. I hope the best for you. 
 

*hugs*

Wow, you sound like you have the exact same thing going on. I'm also trying not to overwhelm my partner. It is a very slow process but I can see a little improvement since this summer. He backtracks a lot though.

I'm hoping the hormones don't do anything crazily immediate and that the changes happen gradually, as to allow him to adjust. But I realize there is no guarantee of that. Best wishes to you and yours.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   9 Members, 0 Anonymous, 112 Guests (See full list)

    • Ivy
    • Charlize
    • Maddee
    • Hannah Renee
    • awkward-yet-sweet
    • MaryEllen
    • Betty K
    • Adrianna Danielle
    • Petra Jane
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.5k
    • Total Posts
      767.2k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      11,939
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Chaidoesart
    Newest Member
    Chaidoesart
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. **Angela Charlotte **
      **Angela Charlotte **
    2. Carlie
      Carlie
      (63 years old)
    3. Cbxshawn
      Cbxshawn
      (49 years old)
    4. HannahO
      HannahO
      (31 years old)
    5. JustKatie
      JustKatie
      (40 years old)
  • Posts

    • Maddee
      ❤️   He deserved truth.    I told him.     🌈🌈    
    • Ivy
      Bean burritos are still popular in my family.   Black eyed peas are the one legume I'm not fond of.  I need to add lots of onions. And of course always cook your pintoes with fat-meat.  And for y'all yankees, navy beans with a big ol' ham bone are hard to beat.
    • Betty K
      Seek out community, not just online but in person if possible. Making trans friends is a pretty quick and easy way to gauge if you have much in common with them.
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Glad to be home and did go out for a walk this morning.Good thing is that went good.Still taking it easy
    • Charlize
      It certainly could be classed as dark humor.  Unfortunately the sentiments alone must hurt young trans folks.  Decency and reality doesn't seem to be in the GOP's vocabulary.   Hugs,   Charlize
    • Mmindy
      Good morning all,    It’s a frosty morning here the lawn looks silvery, and the uncovered spring flowers have icy edges on their leaves. The only flower bed I covered was my tulips. As nice as it is here during the day, our clear wind free nights allow the temperatures to drop into the mid twenties. Here in our growing zone it’s recommended that you not plant delicate plants until Mother’s Day. Central Indiana can have snow as late as the third week of May. The birds are active at the feeders, I’ve had my cup of yoghurt and morning meds. So I’ll sit here, drink coffee and watch the as the sunrise chases the frost from the yard.    @awkward-yet-sweet I could eat black eyed peas as a side for every meal. Boil them plain or with fatback. Served as a leftover, just add in a little Rotel Original Diced Tomatoes & Green Chilies.  Make the best of your day,   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋    
    • Mirrabooka
      I hope y'all look at this one. A catchy tune released at the end of Covid lockdown. Scarlett is so cute!!!     
    • Heather Shay
    • Mirrabooka
    • Mirrabooka
      Had a weird dream last night.
    • Mirrabooka
      Morning, y'all. Evening here; we had the regulation three mugs full today. Now it's time to drink something else.     No big plans here either, eldest daughter and granddaughter will be arriving on Saturday, and we will have our granddaughter to ourselves for a week after that. We still have plans though. Tuesday we'll go to the swim center, Wednesday we'll take a road trip to visit my mom, Thursday we'll get some mulch delivered to top up the gardens.   I still make other small plans on a daily basis though. The things I do plan nowadays, which is a bit new for me, is that after pinching a nerve and ending up in a bit of pain and getting some treatment from the physio, I am more motivated than ever to exercise more regularly. Tuesday for example, I went for a short (15 minute) early morning walk, went to the pool for some hydrotherapy, and mowed the lawns. Yesterday I did my exercise reps and spent some time on the exercise bike. Today, I went for a 45-minute walk, tomorrow I will do my reps again and go for a long bike ride. As long as I do at least one thing every day, right? The pleasing thing is that I'm losing weight! I blew out to above 95kg early in the year and I'm just under 91kg now. Yay me!
    • Heather Shay
      What one piece of advice would you give to beginning transitioners or considering transition?
    • Heather Shay
      Positive side of the mixed bag.
    • Heather Shay
      Boredom is an emotional state that comes when a person has nothing to do, and is not interested in anything. To stop boredom, most people do something to occupy or amuse themselves. The first known use of the word boredom is in the novel Bleak House by Charles Dickens, written in 1852, but the saying to be a bore had been used to mean "to be tiresome or dull" since 1768. When referring to the mind, boredom is a bad state in which the person feels a deep lack of interest in what is going on around them, and where it is hard to focus.
    • Heather Shay
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...