Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Finally going to see a gender therapist


lauraincolumbia

Recommended Posts

Hi All.

After decades of seeing different therapists, and being in weekly therapy with a regular therapist, i'm finally being referred to see a gender therapist.   I'm so excited.  Hopefully,  they'll help me figure out where I fit.

Anyone have advice?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Congratulations!

 

Really the only advice I have is relax and be truthful. I've found my time with a gender therapist relaxing, comfortable and affirming. You've been in therapy before, so you know the basics. They don't really change.

 

Best of luck! Lean back and enjoy the experience!

 

Hugs!

Link to comment

Congratulations.

My experience was mind blowing: no more "we can't talk about that" games, more opening up and being myself - finding myself. As to deciding what you are, I see it now more as discovering who you are and making a place for yourself in the world. I'm still planning to transition towards a woman, but cannot say how far I will get, or even if I could ever pass. But I can find a path for myself through all this, with the help of a therapist who understands and the help of the wonderful people on this forum.

Once you become comfortable with yourself, wearing a label is less important. I hope. Because I still don't quite know what I am, either - aside from me and becoming happier with me.

Link to comment

Congrats I love going to my therapist she is my rock Just be truthful and you will figure out what is right for you

Link to comment

I can only echo what others have said Laura - any therapist can only reflect on the information you give them, so be brutally blunt about your feelings and why you are there, and don't expect too much after your first session ? I talked for over 2 hours and the only comment I got was an assurance that this was not a mental health issue and that they would support me as best as they could. I had to stop myself from hugging her as I left lol.

Link to comment

I would say in the longer term try to be patient with yourself. One thing I have struggled with is that I want to keep moving faster and faster but some things do take a long time to work through.

Also try to take care of yourself afterwards. Therapy may not seem like it but often you are doing a lot of mental work so a bit of selfcare after can do you the world of good.

Link to comment

Thank you all for the wonderful experiences and information! I truly appreciate it!

I love this group!

 

Link to comment

Well I had all this wonderful sage advice to give but these ladies beat me to it. LOL

I can say it has been a life altering experience for me.  Literally.  I feel so much better after seeing my gender therapist.  Like my life is on track finally and I am excited for my future even with all the drama I am experiencing with others.  I look forward to my days now.

Of course coming here too.  LOL

Link to comment
  • 4 weeks later...

So unfortunately, my couples therapist pulled a bait and switch (or something like it), after weeks of promising to be setting up an appointment with a gender therapist, she came back with a printout of the DSM V regarding, Transvestic Disorder, even though there are so many signs that my "issues" aren't sexual in nature.  

I'm extremely disapointed.    I think it's time to dump her, give up on couples therapy, and search for a gender therapist on my own.

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

Oh, I'm so sorry. The one couples counselor I've seen (years ago, while I was still self-destructing) was a manipulator too. I see you drew the short straw as well. That's shameful for a counselor of ANY specialty and you should absolutely dump her and find somebody willing to actually help you. That sort of behavior is just unacceptable. Also leave her a poor review. Other people shouldn't have to suffer either.

 

Best of luck with your shiny new gender therapist. I've got no idea what the landscape where you are is like, but I found mine through the transgender program at UofM. If you have a local university, they might have something similar. They've been very helpful when I need to find resources.

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator

I can only say that if you get a good gender therapist they will also wish to help you and yours as a counselor.  It sounds like your couples counselor has no idea of what she is about in your situation.  What a pity.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

Link to comment

Sadly I'm afraid it's human nature for 3 people to split into a pair (us) and an outcast (them). It seems to work like that at a very deep level.

Couples therapy for me, regardless of the therapist's gender, always turned into me being the isolated target.

My gender therapist has already suggested having some sessions including my female partner to help explain - and to get the wording right, if that makes sense.

If your gender therapist can help you and wants to explain things to your wife, it may be very useful in getting through the rough spots.

Link to comment

 

1 hour ago, TammyAnne said:

My gender therapist has already suggested having some sessions including my female partner to help explain - and to get the wording right, if that makes sense.

 

I am sorry this has happened to you Tammy.  It goes to prove once again to me that you need to find a therapist specialized in the issues you are wanting to learn and correct or move on with.  This includes couples therapy.  Most couples do not have a transgender aspect to their marital/couples issues.  A gender therapist can help with this much better with a complete understanding of trans issues but they too may not be so good with couples.  

I was recommended a trans couples therapist for use in this matter sometime soon.  We have yet to do this as we really have no real issue between us other then her "line" she will not cross eventually.  Its my hope that with time and love and more education on transgender she will blur that line.

He has also offered to have my wife attend my sessions if she wants to.  To ask what she about wants to learn about or to get a better understanding of.  How to deal with certain things and to learn that what she feels is not wrong or bad.  Maybe slip some trans education in there too from a source other then me.  I told him to not have her attend to just sit there and watch him shrink my head.  LOL

Link to comment

"A source other than me..."

I think this is a key point. If we say it, our partners hear something entirely different coming out of our mouths: "you're not enough for me. You're a failure. I don't love you anymore. You're not enough (partner) for me, etc."

The therapist can be heard from a more detached place 

Link to comment
1 hour ago, TammyAnne said:

"A source other than me..."

I think this is a key point. If we say it, our partners hear something entirely different coming out of our mouths: "you're not enough for me. You're a failure. I don't love you anymore. You're not enough (partner) for me, etc."

The therapist can be heard from a more detached place 

Well I'm not getting this feeling from my wife but more that she is "not a lesbian".  Once I am not a man anymore we will not be married.  Who knows what exactly this means to her?  Physically?  Mentally?  Both?

So maybe the "not enough for me" one.

But she definitely has told me she still loves me still.  That she understands what and why I am doing this and is supporting me in certains ways with my transition.  Though she did tell me last weekend, starting with a, "I don't mean this to hurt your feelings but..." Then she told me she is not as attracted to me the more feminine I get.  Which I can understand if she is attracted only to men.  Which she is adamant about.  

I too feel a gender therapist can explain all this better to them then we can.  For me, I am still learning a lot about myself and this community.  How am I suppose to explain it all to someone else?

Link to comment
  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, ShawnaLeigh said:

Well I'm not getting this feeling from my wife but more that she is "not a lesbian".  Once I am not a man anymore we will not be married.  Who knows what exactly this means to her?  Physically?  Mentally?  Both?

So maybe the "not enough for me" one.

But she definitely has told me she still loves me still.  That she understands what and why I am doing this and is supporting me in certains ways with my transition.  Though she did tell me last weekend, starting with a, "I don't mean this to hurt your feelings but..." Then she told me she is not as attracted to me the more feminine I get.  Which I can understand if she is attracted only to men.  Which she is adamant about.  

I too feel a gender therapist can explain all this better to them then we can.  For me, I am still learning a lot about myself and this community.  How am I suppose to explain it all to someone else?

 

Well you aren't a man in any way now except your physicality and some bits of your man-shell you haven't shed yet. You never really were. Of course she fell in love with the man-shell... man-armor? I like the image of hiding inside man-armor while dealing with the world. Man-suit? No, armor is better. We grow it to protect ourselves from the less tolerant parts of society. Kind of like a hairier version of Iron-Man. Only it's Man-Man. So in a way, she fell in love with a superhero, but doesn't feel quite the same way about the mild-mannered Shawna underneath the mask.

 

By the goddess, I am SUCH a geek. Where was I going with this...

 

Oh, right. I still think she protests too much. Sexuality doesn't work like that. It's vanishingly rare to find people that are only ever attracted to the opposite gender. Same with people that are only attracted to the same gender or equally attracted to both genders. It works more on a bell curve with the 0, 3 and 6 values being the outliers. Sorry about getting technical, but I find the science behind psychology absolutely fascinating.

 

So yeah, i get where she's coming from. I'm just sorry her bond with you isn't strong enough to get past her cultural bias. At the end of the day, we're all just people. People are allowed to love people. Once we're edging into middle age, well, very few of us are supermodels anymore. Not that I ever was, I was more "Clearance, 80% off."

 

Hugs!

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

Hi All,

Just wanted to give a followup. 

My couples therapist did finally get me in touch with a gender therapist.  I did an hour and half eval session with her.  While she is very nice, I don't think she is the right person. 

She started out with the assumption that I'm a "regular" crossdresser, who dresses up, then masturbates, when done I feel embarrassed about what  I did...  It took many attempts to explain that it wasn't the case at all.  

I did some homework on her after the fact, and found that she was on the faculty at Johns Hopkins under Dr Paul McHugh, the psychiatrist with very questionable opinions on gender.   (He was actually an expert witness and argued for banning transgendered people from women's bathrooms in Charlotte).

I have one more appointment with her scheduled, but if I don't feel more comfortable, I will be back to looking for a therapist on my own.

Link to comment

Therapist roulette is not a fun game. I've seen 7-8 over the years, and of those two have been excellent, one or two mediocre and the rest terrible. But the excellent ones make the search worth it!

 

Also, it sounds like her idea of what a "regular" crossdresser is is a little dated. Not saying that no one fits that profile, but I'm pretty sure it's not a majority. Sorry to hear that you had to go through the trouble of educating your own therapist, that must've been tough.

Link to comment
On 2/5/2020 at 12:25 PM, lauraincolumbia said:

Hi All,

Just wanted to give a followup. 

My couples therapist did finally get me in touch with a gender therapist.  I did an hour and half eval session with her.  While she is very nice, I don't think she is the right person. 

She started out with the assumption that I'm a "regular" crossdresser, who dresses up, then masturbates, when done I feel embarrassed about what  I did...  It took many attempts to explain that it wasn't the case at all.  

I did some homework on her after the fact, and found that she was on the faculty at Johns Hopkins under Dr Paul McHugh, the psychiatrist with very questionable opinions on gender.   (He was actually an expert witness and argued for banning transgendered people from women's bathrooms in Charlotte).

I have one more appointment with her scheduled, but if I don't feel more comfortable, I will be back to looking for a therapist on my own.

Make certain you correct her mis-labeling you at the start of the next session. It needn't be contentious, but be assertive.

Then if she doesn't come around, find another gender therapist.

TA

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   2 Members, 0 Anonymous, 153 Guests (See full list)

    • Betty K
    • Abigail Genevieve
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.6k
    • Total Posts
      768k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,014
    • Most Online
      8,356

    Quillian
    Newest Member
    Quillian
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. l.demiurge
      l.demiurge
  • Posts

    • Davie
      Except for this thung thwister: Theophilus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter, in sifting a sieve full of unsifted thistles, thrust three-thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb. Now if, Theophilus Thistle, the successful thistle sifter, in sifting a sieve full of of unsifted thistles, thrust three-thousand thistles through the thick of his thumb, how many thistles can'st thou thrust through the thick of thy thumb . . . in sifting a sieve-full of unsifted thistles? Success to the successful thistle sifter!
    • VickySGV
      You have given you and us a big clue right there.  I hope you have shared this observation with your Endocrinologist and are willing to take their advice about changing that behavior.    Non prescribed herbal or animal supplements can have a negative effect on your body's use of your available hormones.  Also, your genetics are going to be controlling what your body is going to do with your hormones, and again, that is for you to consult with your Endocrinologists.  On this site none of us are licensed medical personnel and we cannot give you advice on your health more than what your doctor can.  We have rules that we enforce against our members advising about "Folk Remedies" because we have had members who have gone that route and badly damaged their health and quality of life.  Only thing I can go anywhere on, is that maybe if you change your expectations of what should happen, you will at least not be in danger of harming yourself from anxiety.
    • Timi
      Hi @violet r!    Thank you so much for sharing. I'm so glad you found this place. I hope you find as much comfort and support here as I have.    -Timi    
    • marysssia
      Hi lovely people,   I'm a 25 yo MtF woman, and I've been suffering from low estrogen issues since October 2023. I completely lost my feminine libido, my breast completely stopped growing, my estrogen levels dropped by a lot (despite NOT decreasing my E dosage) and thus my dysphoria drastically increased. I think it is worth mentioning that, for my health issues, I had been taking ----- Lamotrigine for months & had been on ketogenic diet, and these things seem to be a culprit of my current issue. I weaned off Lamotrigine some time ago and gave up on keto diet, but it still doesn't seem to help. My estrogen is still low (44 ng/ml) and my libido hasn't come back yet. In general, I struggle with my dysphoria so much because of that and, to be honest, I don't know what to do. I've tried so many dietary supplements, yet I didn't get any effects from them. My endocrinologist didn't know how to help me. She only suggested to increase my daily estrogen dose (to 3x per day ------sublingual estrogen tablets and 3x per day ------ estrogen gel applied to armpits or thighs), which I did, without any effect.   Please, help me. Prior to keto diet & Lamotrigine treatment, I'd never had experience like that. I'm basically helpless and have no clue what to do. Having to deal with low estrogen is a horrible experience to me and it affects my life severely.   BTW, my T levels are always within female range.   Do you have any clue what exactly I should do?
    • April Marie
      I love wearing a jeans skirt!! That looks like airport carpet. Safe travels if you're flying!!
    • Maddee
      Flight faraway forthcoming Fabulous forum friends 😊😊🎸🦂
    • Maddee
    • KathyLauren
      One of our cats is polydactyl.  He has 7 toes on each front paw and 5 on each back paw, for 24 toes total.   Another one, an ex-feral who, at the time, was free to roam, climbed 50 feet up a tree without having any thought about how he was going to get down.  His pal climed down backwards, but he couldn't.  He ended up coming down by leaping from branch to branch.  Which nearly gave us heart attacks, because he only has one eye and therefore has no depth perception.   The other ex-feral (both are now indoor cats) obviously does not have those soft pads on his feet.  At night, when we are in bed, we can hear him stomping around the house.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      The two o'clock Onshoring meeting was going well.  Taylor was leading, inviting other people up to speak on their specialties. Aerial photogrammetry and surveying, including the exact boundary, were out for contract signature  Gibson had handled that - Manufacturing was supposed to, but somehow hadn't happened.  Legal issues from Legal. Accounting reported on current costs, including all upkeep, guard salaries, etc.  Manufacturing was supposed to give those numbers, but they hadn't.   The downside was the VP of Manufacturing.  He had arrived at the meeting red-faced, his tie askew, clutching a bottle. It smelled strongly of vodka. He had never done anything in his twenty years of being VP of Manufacturing, and he did not like being asked now.   "Mr. ----, do you have the inventory we asked for?" Taylor asked politely.  VP Gibson had asked him to have his people go through the plant and not only inventory but assess the operational status of every piece of equipment.  They needed to know what they had. "I'm not going to take any f---- orders from a g-d- tra---," he snarled. "God knows what kind of perverts it has dragged into our fair city and bangs every night." "That is completely out of line." That was Gibson.  Taylor controlled herself.  That was a shot at Bob, not just at Taylor.  She was glad Bob was not there to do something stupid.  Had Mrs. McCarthy been talking? What had she said?  Was she given to embellishment?  Taylor took a deep breath. "I'm not sorry.  You f--- can take this stupid onshoring --- and shove it up your -" "That is quite enough."  This was the head of HR. "You can take your sissy ways and sashay -" "You are fired." "You can't fire me." "Oh, yes I can," said the office manager.  The VP took another swig from his bottle. "Try it."  He looked uncertain. "I will have you removed.  Are you going to leave on your own?  I am calling the police to help you leave." And he dialed the number. He stomped out cursing. They heard him noisily go down the hall.  This was the front conference room.  He actually went through security and out the door, throwing his badge on the ground on his way.  The guard picked it up. They could see this through the glass wall. "Can you fire a VP?" "The Board told me that if anyone gives me problems they should be shown the door. Even a VP.  I can fire everyone here. I won't, of course. Those were problems." "Are you alright, Taylor?" She nodded.  "I've heard worse.  Shall we continue?" And they did.   The last item was that certain business people in China had been arrested, and the corporation that had been supporting them all these years had been dissolved.  They were on their own, and the Board was dead serious on straightening things out.  After this meeting, Taylor believed it.  She did not attend the meeting to discuss how to distribute the few duties the VP of Manufacturing had done.  That was ultimately up to the Board.    
    • Abigail Genevieve
      Lunch was at Cabaret, still free.  The place was quiet: it was the sort of place you took a business client to impress them, and the few other people were in business suits.  Most of the legal profession was there.   She told him of the morning's frustrations, breaking her own rule about confidentiality.  She asked Karen how the branding was going, and Karen had snapped back that she had not started on it yet - they had all these proposals.  Taylor had explained that it was important, for the two o'clock meeting, and Karen told her to do it herself.  Karen pointed out that Taylor could not touch her - her uncle was on the Board and her brother was VP of Manufacturing.  Nor would the two computer guys go out to the plant - they were playing some kind of MMORPG and simply not available. If she wanted the pictures, she should go.  Mary prayed an Ave Maria, but both she and Brenda were racing to get the proposal out. The client wanted it Friday for review.   She didn't bring up what Mrs. McCarthy had told her.  She wasn't sure how to approach it.  She thought of telling her of a 'something more comfortable' she had bought in case he ever DID show up at her door. It was in the bottom drawer of her dresser, ready to go.  Instead she talked about moving to a place with a garage.  Several of the abandoned houses had one, and they had been maintained well with China cash.   Bob had finally realized that when he was introduced as Bob, Taylor's boyfriend, that was just how things were done here. Other people had introduced each other in terms of family relationships, which were strong.  Long before you found out anything else about someone, you knew how they were related.  Family kept people from leaving Millville.    "What is the real name of this town, anyway?"   She laughed.  "I am trying to find that out.  It's 'Welcome to Millvale' when you come into town from the north, and 'Welcome to Millville' on the south.  I have counted two other variants."   "What a town. Roosevelt is like that, with the families, but there is only one spelling."  
    • Ashley0616
      Nothing wrong with that. I'm glad that you found what makes you happy! Just curious what does your wife think? If it's too personal I understand.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      – According to a recent survey, the most popular name for a dog is Max. Other popular names include Molly, Sam, Zach, and Maggie.
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      Either new environment/ not potty trained
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...