Interesting Question - what does it mean to you to be a woman?

[SamanthaC]

So in my regular therapy session this week, my therapist asked me "What does it mean to you to be a woman?"

I started reeling off - the clothes, nails, hair, shoes, feeling clean (yes that's probably a personal thing), hairless, mindful and being honest with myself... "that's more gender expression than gender identity, " she said, which I get of course.

I was born male. At least born with male sex organs and although I've never felt like I was a woman - I distinctly remember, even at a young age, not feeling like a guy either. As I got older I used to internally cringe when referred to as a man. I've never felt like a man. I hated  the machoism , chest beating culture and found it very difficult even to refer to myself as a man.

I know i'm a trans woman, but I don't know what its means to me personally to be a woman. All I can say is - I want to be me. "Me" happens to like feminine things and yes presenting as female, but more than that, feeling feminine. It just feels right. comfortable.

"What does it mean to be a woman?" I don't know. I only know what it feels like to be the fake me presenting as a guy and feeling very uncomfortable, depressed and very unhappy with myself (actually hating myself) and being the true me, feminine, honest, looking pretty with painted nails and feeling happy, carefree, bonding with my girlfriends discussing clothes, and makeup and those adorable shoes.

My Therapist asked me to think about that - and I thought I'd ask the question here.

 

What does it mean to you to be a woman?

 

[Dannie]

To me it feels right my wife ask me why I CD? This is before I got married. And I thought about it and the answer is I feel right. This is me the hair the dress the makeup the shoes and of course the breast forms. It’s like I walk around in a black and white movie, and when I dress it’s all color. Like the Wizard of Oz and I’m 

Julie Garland off to see the wizard. To get my HRT because I can’t go back to that dark place again 

[DeeDee]

I agree with Mary, this is a really good question Samantha. Once you take sex organs out of the equation, because a mastectomy or hysterectomy do not stop a woman being a woman, all you are left with is the gender stereotypes in society (women like shopping, men like fixing cars) which we also know don't mean anything really or we wouldn't be here, and your personal feelings about where you feel most comfortable. But it is definitely a "what does it mean to you?" ?

[Susan R]

7 hours ago, SamanthaC said:

What does it mean to you to be a woman?

Great question and it seemed a deceptively easy one at first until you really think about it in depth.

 

Speaking only for myself, I believe it has more to do with what I think of myself and what role I have always desired within my circle family, friends, acquaintances and community.

 

When I was four, I had no interest in being like my dad or younger brother.  I liked what my mom did...being the caregiver and glue within our family.  I desired to be like her whether it was in the kitchen, shopping at the store, taking us places, etc... I also wanted to be like my two older sisters.  They were always doing things I enjoyed and when I was eventually included in their "dressing up" activities, it was then I felt like one of the girls.  I felt like myself as others have stated.  It never changed throughout my entire life.  I pretended it did but I always felt fake when presenting as male.  Now I'm living day to day in my natural role as a women along with presenting as one as well.  I'm known by my family, friends, acquaintances and community as Susan which is how it should have been all along.

 

Just my 2¢,

Susan R?

[tracy_j]

I get where you are coming from on this Samantha as my best description is 'I am not a man'. I sometimes think it strange with myself as I have a male body I don't despise, just think it could be better. It works which is the main thing for me.  I agree with Mary in that I am me (Ok a slight twist on her meaning maybe). I am who I am and mentally far more attuned to the set of women than that of men. I did not really ever adapt to male culture either and never understood the 'us and them' thing. I still question myself, but if there has to be a divide I am female. It's not really down to clothes or looks. It is who I am deep inside.

 

Tracy

[SamanthaC]

“What does it mean to you be a woman?”

 

So I had my “Ah ha” moment around 4am this morning. I’m not sure if it’s language, bias, assumptions or all of the above on my part, but I reworded the question slightly and added another and it made much more sense. To me at least.

 

“What does it mean to you be a cis woman?”

It may seem obvious, but that’s the question I was unwitting trying to answer in my mind and failing, unsure why. It retrospect, it can’t answer it – I wasn’t born a cis woman, will never be a cis woman so have nothing to relate to. I can take a guess at what I think it means, but that’s all.

 

“What does it mean to you be a trans woman?”

Ok this makes much more sense to me. I was born a trans woman (even if I didn’t understand that until much, much later) and will always be a trans women no matter what. What does it mean to me – it’s incredibly liberating, being myself and not who others want me to be. It’s confidence, being true, honest, open, feeling empowered. Splashing bright, vibrant colors on what was a dull, grey, monotonous world. I imagine it’s like being able to see after a lifetime of blindness. It means, as someone said, living for the first time.

[Charlize]

That is a good question.  My answer is evolving and i presume that will continue over time.  So many answers to what gender is appear to be based on stereotypes.  That is true for us as well as the  cis gendered population.

I will never have a period, a child or even share the childhood experiences of most women.

I know i feel better as myself.  Much of my life is spent in what is often seen as man's work but i'm doing it as myself.  

As Cyndee mentions: 

55 minutes ago, Cyndee said:

it's the role I live and breath each day socially

It's also how i see myself and it fits.

 

Hugs,

 

Charlize

[ShawnaLeigh]

1 hour ago, SamanthaC said:

“What does it mean to you be a trans woman?”

Ok this makes much more sense to me. I was born a trans woman (even if I didn’t understand that until much, much later) and will always be a trans women no matter what. What does it mean to me – it’s incredibly liberating, being myself and not who others want me to be. It’s confidence, being true, honest, open, feeling empowered. Splashing bright, vibrant colors on what was a dull, grey, monotonous world. I imagine it’s like being able to see after a lifetime of blindness. It means, as someone said, living for the first time.

This I can identify with completely and think and feel  more deeply then the original wide based question.

I have no idea what it means to be a CIS women however.