Struggling with a female body (in the closet, sharing my thoughts)
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By April Marie · Posted
I think we tend to be overly critical of our looks, whether we're trying to express ourselves as masculine, feminine or anywhere along the gender spectrum. For me, I use photos as a way to track my progress, to help me find my style and look and to help me find ways to improve myself in posture, looks, make-up, style...... I didn't really think about our FB avatar being public but then realized that when people search they do see it. Since I'm not out to anyone but my wife, therapist, priest and people here, my FB page remains "that guy." I have created a Bitmoji that is relatively androgynous moving slowly towards the feminine. Long gray hair, earrings, softer features...I'm transitioning it along with myself. :-) -
By April Marie · Posted
I so very much enjoy your posts. This one, though, hit home with me for many reasons. I was commissioned in the Army in '77, as well. Like you, I was not overly masculine in the way that many of our contemporaries were. I (still do) cried at weddings, pictures of puppies and babies, when I talked about bring proud of what my units accomplished and was never the Type A leader. In the end, it worked for me and I had a successful career. This is, of course, your story not mine so I won't detail my struggle. It just took me much longer to understand what the underlying cause of my feelings was and even more to admit it. To act on it. Thank you for sharing your story, Sally. -
By Sally Stone · Posted
Post 6 “The Military Career Years” In 1977 I joined the Army and went to flight school to become a helicopter pilot. To fly for the military had been a childhood dream and when the opportunity arose, I took advantage of it, despite knowing I would have to carefully control my crossdressing activity. At the time, military aviation was male dominated and a haven for Type A personalities and excessive testosterone. I had always been competitive but my personality was not typically Type A. And while I could never be considered effeminate, I wasn’t overtly masculine either. Consequently, I had little trouble hiding the part of my personality that leaned towards the feminine side. However, serving in the Army limited my opportunities for feminine self-expression. During this period, I learned that being unable to express my feminine nature regularly, led to frustration and unhappiness. I managed these feelings by crossdressing and underdressing whenever I could. Underdressing has never been very fulfilling for me, but while I was in the Army it was a coping mechanism. I only cross-dressed in private and occasionally my wife would take me out for a late-night drive. Those drives were still quite private, but being out of the house was clearly therapeutic. I told myself I was coping, but when it became apparent the Army was going to be a career, the occasional and closeted feminine expression was clearly inadequate. I needed more girl time and I wanted to share my feminine side with the rest of the world, so the frustration and unhappiness grew. Despite my feelings regarding feminine self-expression, I loved flying, so I wasn’t willing to give up my military career. Consequently, I resigned myself to the fact that the female half of my personality needed to take a back seat, and what helped me through, was dreaming of military retirement, and finally having the ability to let Sally blossom. About Sally. Ironically, she was born while I was still serving. It was Halloween and my wife and I were hosting a unit party. I looked upon the occasion as the perfect excuse to dress like a girl. After a little trepidation, my wife agreed I should take advantage of the opportunity. Back then, my transformations were not very good, but with my wife’s help, my Halloween costume looked quite authentic. Originally, my wife suggested that my presentation should be caricature to prevent anyone from seeing through my costume. But that didn’t appeal to me at all. I wanted to look as feminine and ladylike as I could. To my wife’s and my amazement, my costume was the hit of the party. In fact, later in the evening, my unit buddies decided they wanted to take me out drinking and before either me or my wife could protest, I was whisked away and taken to one of our favorite watering holes. Terrified at first, I had an amazing time, we all did. But on Monday morning, when I came to work, I learned that I had a new nickname; it was Sally, and for the duration of that tour, that’s what I was called. Well, when it came time for me to choose a feminine name, there weren’t any other choices. Sally it was, and to this day I adore the name, and thank my pilot buddies for choosing it. And this brings me to my last assignment before retiring. I was teaching military science in an Army ROTC program at Mercer University in Macon, Georgia. I had been a member of TRIESS (a nationwide crossdressing support group). I wasn’t really an active participant but when we moved to Georgia, I learned there was a local chapter in Atlanta. I reached out to the membership chair person, and joined. Because the chapter meetings took place in Atlanta, a trans friendly city, and because Atlanta was so far from Macon and any of my military connections, I felt it would be safe to let my feminine hair down. The monthly meetings took place in the Westin Hotel and Conference Center in Buckhead, an upscale northern Atlanta suburb, and the hotel itself was 4-star. The meetings were weekend affairs with lots of great activities that allowed me to express myself in a public setting for the first time. It was during this time, that Sally began to blossom. I have the fondest memories of Sigma Epsilon (the name of our chapter in Atlanta). Because the hotel was also a conference center, there was always some big event, and in many cases, there were several. One weekend there was a nail technician conference that culminated in a contest on Saturday evening. When the organizers learned there was a huge group of crossdressers staying at the hotel, they reached out to us looking for manicure volunteers. I volunteered and got a beautiful set of long red fingernails that I wore for the duration of the weekend. During another of our meeting weekends, there was a huge military wedding taking place, and imagine what we were all thinking when we learned it was a Marine wedding. Our entire group was on edge worrying we might have to keep a low profile. It turned out to be one of the most memorable weekends I would experience there. First off, the Marines were all perfect gentlemen. On Friday night and throughout the day on Saturday before the wedding, we rubbed elbows with most of them and their wives in and around the hotel, and at the hotel bar. In fact, we got along so well the bride invited us to the reception. Somewhere, there is a picture of me with a handsomely dressed Marine draped on each of my arms, standing in the lobby of the hotel. Sadly, I never got a copy of it because the woman who took the picture used a film camera (yes, they actually took picture that way in ancient times). My two-years with Sigma Epsilon was the perfect transition. I went from being fully closeted to being mostly out. I enhanced my feminine presentation and significantly reduced my social anxiety. It also signified the end of one life and the beginning of another. I had a great career and never regretted serving, but I was ready to shed the restrictions 20-years of Army service had imposed on my feminine self-expression. My new life, Sally’s life, was about to begin, and with it I would begin to fully spread a new set of wings, this time feminine wings. Hugs, Sally -
By Sally Stone · Posted
Ashley, for a very long time she clung to the term crossdresser, because for her it was less threatening. Over the years, though, she has come to recognize and acknowledge that I have a strong feminine side. And like me, she now has a much better understanding of where my transgender journey is going, so me being bigender, isn't the threat she might have perceived it as, years ago. -
By Carolyn Marie · Posted
https://apnews.com/article/title-ix-sexual-assault-transgender-sports-d0fc0ab7515de02b8e4403d0481dc1e7 The revised regulations don't touch on trans athletes; which I totally understand, as that's become a third rail issue and this is an election year. But the other changes seem pretty sensible, and will obviously result in immediate right wing lawsuits. Carolyn Marie -
By missyjo · Posted
darling you have wonderful taste..I especially love the red dress n sneaker outfit enjoy missy -
By Carolyn Marie · Posted
Very well said, @Abigail Genevieve, and very true. Thank you. Carolyn Marie -
By Susan R · Posted
Trans Group Zoom Meeting Tomorrow!! Trans Group Zoom Meeting Times: April 20, 2024 6:00 PM Pacific Time April 20, 2024 8:00 PM Central Time April 21, 2024 11:00 AM Australia/Melbourne Message me for the meeting link if you’d like to attend. *Hugs* Susan R🌷 -
By Susan R · Posted
They may win a few battles but not the war! as @Davie pointed out there is little truth if it full of lies, inconsistencies, and ignores evidence to the contrary. I saw this article earlier and have to agree here. Truth will win. This isn’t the first time this tactic has been tried. Always stick with the truth! -
By Susan R · Posted
Welcome @violet r! Glad you joined our forum and got through the hardest part…that first post. As many have mentioned, we are more than accepting here as we affirm your gender identity and hold no judgement, whatsoever. There’s so much here on this forum, I think you’ll find very helpful. If you have trouble finding an answer just reach out, try the search but starting a new thread is usually best to get some quick answers. Many are here for various transgender related issues but many, if not all, are here to help one another if we can. It’s great to have you onboard. Warmest Regards, Susan R🌷 -
By Willow · Posted
good evening good day at work today. I did do some things a little out of normal but everything was completed successfully. As I said earlier, the Asst Mgr was my second today. I don’t think she was too happy about that. Several customers asked her where Richard was her answer was the manager cut his hours. Well that is only part of the story, his hours were cut just like mine were and several others but in his case he made demands about his hours that couldn’t be met. But instead of making some non complaining remark about it she made sure to lay it all on the manager, thus throwing the manager under the bus. Similarly when asked why she hadn’t been at work early mornings, she said she was being punished by the manager. Well that’s partly true, she wouldn’t do what the manager told her to do so she took her off opening. But secondarily she didn’t have a car to drive temporarily. You can’t open the store without a car because who ever opens has tasks that require them to leave the store, so it was at least partly her own fault. But she chose to throw the manager under the bus for that. I think she is asking to be fired for insubordination. And if the manager gets these conversations off the security tape tomorrow she just might get her wish. im pretty close to being ready to take the asst position but there isn’t anyone ready to take over my job, at least not at our store. I suppose the other shift lead could if she is able to work earlier shifts and if the other closers were just a bit more reliable. Ive been wanting some homefried chicken. We found a BBQ place not far away that had such a chicken but I is made fresh when ordered so it has a 30 minute wait. It was worth the wait and the other things we tried were also good. Another restaurant on the list. At least half of what we ordered came home for another meal. i get to sleep in tomorrow, I go to work at 1:30! Willow -
By Abigail Genevieve · Posted
It was nine thirty. Saturday morning had rolled around more quickly than Taylor could believe. She groaned, whined, thought of a million excuses why she should just stay in bed and knock the alarm across the room. But it would still be going on, and so would the promise to Bob: when the gi came in, she would be in. There it was in its nice package, out where she could not miss it. Why didn't she hide it? She shook her head. Up she got. Sometimes you just do. Her hair was a wreck. She patted it down and went to the bathroom. Nine forty five. Shower later. No make up. She hated kara-tay especially at an ungodly early hour on a Saturday morning. Bagel. Instant coffee. She was five minutes away when she realized she had forgotten the gi. Back she went. Into the dojo. She had about five minutes to get the gi on. She attempted to slip in unnoticed and go to the little restroom. Someone barked something out in Japanese or something, and there was a dead silence. She turned to see what was going on. Both classes were getting into their lines, but everyone, including Bob, was bowing slightly. To her. Bob nodded, and she returned the bow. Life started again. She was touched. Bowing three times. Oath. Kata. She was facing off with Judy as her partner. Judy looked worried. "Sometimes you just gotta pick yourself up and try again," Taylor told her. She nodded. "Let's do this." Lunge punch and lower block. They traded off like nothing had happened the last weekend. Lunge punch and middle block. Lunge punch and upper block. It was kind of like dancing. Taylor enjoyed it. She wanted to learn more. Brown-belt Maggie adjusted position of limbs and hips for both Taylor and Judy, telling them when she was about to do something: elbow up a bit". "How'd you do?" Bob asked her later. They had both gone home and showered. Now they were in a booth at a fast food place. "I was kind of disappointed class ended. I was ready for more." "That's my trooper." "I'm not allowing you in my apartment until we are married," she said suddenly. "You think I am a problem?" "No. I think you are safe. You passed the test I am the problem here." "Okay." "What did the doctor tell you?" "It's complicated. More tests coming. Like getting into college. I got a letter back. It seems there is this big fat M on my transcript and my current picture is not an M type picture. I have to write a letter and send them notarized proofs and stuff. Just delays. This is a pain. Nothing cut and dried." "I will say. I'm glad I'm not transgender." "Hah. You are pulled into my world. You are involved in this stuff as much as I am, and, as you put it, of your own free will." "You are worth it." "I hope so." "I know so." -
By Abigail Genevieve · Posted
On the way back to her desk she was interrupted by six short, urgent conversations that had to be attended to. Then she slipped into the women's room and locked the stall door. She took a deep breath, then another, and allowed herself to shake for five minutes, Then deep breathing, ten in and ten out, stretch up, touch the floor, neck rolls and she was fine. She used the toilet and a woman knocked and said, "Taylor, are you okay?" "Ready to conquer the world!" on her way out she found her makeup was fine. Three stalls, two sinks. If she ever designed a women's room with three stalls, there would be four sinks, with plenty of space to plunk your stuff down between them. She met a deferential Karen. "Here is the branding I came up with," she said. And she went back to working as hard as Brenda and Mary, who looked up worriedly and then went back to the proposal. Shortly before 5:00 she received an email with the title Consolidation and Compensation. In it she learned that the position of office manager was eliminated, and the current office manager was to become the chief executive officer. The former CEO, along with the CFO, the chief legal officer, and sundry staff, had been terminated, per the Board of Directors. Effective immediately everyone would receive a base salary of $20,000 with a commission to be set by the individual's supervisor. Each supervisor would be given a certain percentage to distribute. Most functions they had been handled would be outsourced as needed. "The question of what profit was made last year is frequent enough to be answered. The company lost over 500,000 in fiscal 2023. At this point further cuts are not anticipated. We will be strategically adding positions that will enhance our profits. Hard work is expected of everyone." Her two web guys had been complaining because their games had been remotely uninstalled. After the memo came out they were absolutely silent. That gave her an idea, and after an exchange of emails they were reassigned to maintenance out at the plant, effective tomorrow morning. There were lots of weeds that needed pulling, if nothing else. That email went out after they left early, for the day. The maintenance foreman was a no-nonsense type who did not tolerate slacking, and they would learn a thing or two. This also freed up two spaces for her to put new people. -
By MaeBe · Posted
So…I didn’t know your Facebook avatar was public. So, on my birthday, a couple people used a group avatar message to wish me a happy birthday…and now my Facebook friends can see a short video of my female avatar dancing with an old friend’s and another with my uncle’s avatars. So am I “Facebook out” now? 😬 -
By Davie · Posted
No, they are not. Truth wins in the end and this report is full of lies that poison the whole thing: see this: "Dr. Cass Backpedals From Review: HRT, Blockers Should Be Made Available it's said. Dr. Cass's latest statements are likely to cast more doubt on the validity of the study, which has come under fire for disregarding substantial evidence on trans care." https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/dr-cass-backpedals-from-review-hrt?publication_id=994764&post_id=143743897&isFreemail=true&r=rebf4&triedRedirect=true I hope Dr. Cass wins The Mengele Award for it.
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